Under the Tree

Totally not my tree… or presents…

Tonight, my partner’s working late, so I left the Christmas tree on for him to be able to see his way around. But you know something? It took me about 10 minutes to decide that I was going to do that. It was either the Christmas tree or a floor lamp in the corner. I kept going back and forth between the two.

I noticed something though. When the Christmas tree’s lights are turned on, it makes me think back when I was a kid and I’d fall asleep under the tree (and believe it or not, I never once knocked it over). I’d build houses out of the presents (never opened any, even on accident) and play with my toys. Those were some simpler times then. Now, I think about my mom, being back at her house, and just the general sadness I feel because I am not there spending the holidays with her.

I do miss her at this time of the year a lot and on my birthday, it hit me really hard. I was quite the depressed one so I slept for most of it. My partner was irritated with me because I didn’t decide where I wanted to go to eat during the day, so I just stayed home and slept. I was a sad guy and just hid from everybody for the night. The weather was garbage and I just wasn’t feeling it.

I’ve never been big on the Christmas holidays here. It hardly feels like Christmas to me. I remember one year, I just boiled some sausages/weenies and made hotdogs then played games. It wasn’t too bad. Other years, I just went to work.

In the USA, it’s always a really nice feeling on Christmas Eve and Christmas. I get sad when it’s over though, but it’s still nice. Then, New Year’s Eve comes and it’s like a party all over again! Even now, I’m getting homesick so I probably should stop. This is probably why I am always thinking of going back home to stay for good at this time of the year.