Arguing Over the Small Stuff

I’m a bit frustrated. I told myself I wouldn’t write the negative aspects of my relationship here, but I feel like I need to get some of it out.

In relationships, I tend to be the one who doesn’t like to argue. I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. I don’t like to argue if I’m not the one who started the argument. Yeah, sounds logical, right? Even if I do start arguments, I tend to cool myself down if left alone. After that, I apologized for being so hot-tempered.

Disposable dishcloth

One of the dishcloths I threw away which lead to me being called lazy. The ones you’re not supposed to use longer than a week. The ones that smell like death if you keep them sitting around for too long.

Some things, I don’t believe need argued about. Little things, like not replacing a bottle of shampoo in the shower, not flushing the toilet (nothing super gross), or throwing away a really, really smelly dishcloth, shouldn’t be something that starts an argument. The dishcloth thing happened yesterday which turned into me being called lazy, ungrateful, and I also got some F words sprinkled in there. Now tell me, when is something like throwing away a stinking, disposable cloth worth all of that? It’s not. (I’m the one that’s told that I have anger issues. It takes a LOT to set me off.)

My response to these things is that “it’s fine” and “I won’t do it again” (though if something stinks that bad, I’m going to trash it). That doesn’t mean that I ignore the problem. It roughly translates to “It’s fine. It’s not worth arguing about. I said ‘OK, I get it’ and let’s leave it at that.” It feels like in my past few relationships, except for the one before this one, it’s like they want to start arguments. I don’t have a temper and certainly don’t have an anger problem but in those cases when I’m being called names, told that I am extremely lazy and wasteful, I just remove myself from the situation. I’ll walk away and go do something I want to do while trying to release whatever resentment I have built up for the moment.

I just don’t understand why some of the smallest things warrant such a high amount of attacking. I really don’t. This isn’t the first time it’s happened and the other things were so small and dumb, that I’ve completely forgotten about them. It seems to always happen after getting back home from somewhere. It’s just getting really old to the point where I have to complain about it here.

A healthy relationship should have arguing, but not in the frequency it’s been happening around here. It’s especially not supposed to be happening over really small things either. Nothing makes me madder than wasting my time over something so stupid. Seriously, why not save that time for something more serious like “Why did you buy a new iMac when you already have 4 other computers without telling me?”. Some things, I admit, are worth getting bitched at. A rank-smelling disposable, paper towel going into the garbage isn’t worth it.

Arguing over dumb stuff is a main reason why I start re-evaluating my relationships. That’s not a good thing. It’s especially not a good thing when it happens so often and when I already have issues with relationships. We will see though.

And yes, dear. I know you read this. Stop getting your panties in a ruffle for every little thing. It’s really stupid.

Some GoFundMe Posters Are So Incredibly Irresponsible and Lazy

People don’t really get to see my mean side very often but today is your very special day! You know, there are a lot of good causes you can donate to on GoFundMe. You can help someone pay for surgeries they wouldn’t normally be able to afford on their own because they were in a horrible car accident. You can help someone travel overseas to see family they haven’t seen in 35 years. You could give your hard-earned cash to someone who just doesn’t want to pay their bills or get things they normally couldn’t afford and have no business having.

On my Facebook wall, I saw a GoFundMe page shared on someone’s wall and I was amazed… in a very bad way. First, let’s have a look:

puppy

“Puppy’s Support: Leon needs his vaccinations, meds, and foods. Help spread the word!” Such a great reason to give to this cause. Doesn’t sound lazy or irresponsible at all.

A little background here. I don’t know the person who posted it. I only know that he exists because he’s the boyfriend of one of my flings from when I was in college the first time. I read some of this guy’s postings and he is a really huge drama queen. You know, like one of those people who posts in profiles that they have mental conditions A, B, C, D, E, F, diabetes, high cholesterol, hives, and so forth, and how they hate things that start with the letter W and how they don’t like cheese fries because their ADD won’t allow it. He also complained that he is flat-out broke. The guy seemed to think that by getting a puppy, every one of those bad things will disappear and life will go from really terrible to mega super awesome. So he got a puppy from somewhere. A few days after that (maybe a week after, I’ll give him that), he posts this.

smart-duckNow, there is a huge problem with that. To me, having a pet is similar to having a child. Yes, children are probably of a higher priority, but my pets are members of the family. I, personally, wouldn’t want to have any kind of pet (or child for that matter) without being able to support it. Just imagine what people would think about me if I got a dachshund and then posted something about not being able to feed him/her. Wouldn’t that be one of the factors of me actually getting one? If I can’t afford to get my dog vaccinated, get him/her health checked, or FED, I wouldn’t get one. Period. If I can’t afford to take care of myself, why in the hell would I want to have another expense?

You know what’s going to happen? Unless something changes and this drama queen of a guy gets a job or some stable income, I’m sure this puppy will be dead in a few months from now (maybe a year), given away, or abandoned somewhere.

It drives me crazy when people get pets without being able to set aside money for their expenses. Pets are not just a way to acquire happiness or nirvana then simply forgotten.

I do know, however, pets can be a very good way to maintain a person’s mental well-being (in most cases) but I would expect someone to do their research before getting a pet they can’t afford.

I expect that the donations will remain at $0 for a while, if not forever. The people who will give are probably going to do it because they were forced into it. Or maybe someone bought in to the “I have Super Apparent Chronic Dramatic Disorder Type 6”, who knows.

Basically, if you’re going to give to good causes, by all means give to them but this is just pure laziness and carelessness. Oh, and I’m not really sure why this previous fling of mine is even attracted to this guy. He’s pretty high maintenance. (No, I’m not jealous. I haven’t seen the guy in like 15 years.)

PS: I love mallard ducks. 🙂

Same-Sex Marriage and Australia: Is an expensive opinion poll necessary?

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It’s surprising that it’s 2016 and Australia hasn’t made same-sex marriage (something I usually like to call marriage equality, but they’re calling it same-sex marriage, or SSM for short) legal. I think that we’re one of the last first world countries to make it happen. Unfortunately, it’s still up in the air while the politicians fight among themselves on the best way to proceed with it.

A Non-Binding Plebiscite

This means that SSM will be voted upon by all registered voters. It’s worth noting that voting in anything like this is mandatory and attracts a fine if you don’t. It will cost the taxpayers over $170 million dollars and $7.5 million will be given towards a “Yes” campaign and the same given to a “No” campaign. “Yes” or “No” to what, you may ask? The question asked at the poll is: “Do you support a change in the law to allow same-sex couples to marry?”

Sounds reasonable, right? Well, actually it isn’t because it is non-binding which means that even if the people in an electorate support changing the law, the MP can still say “I don’t care what people in my electorate say. I don’t think it’s a good idea, so I’m saying no.” So, the hardcore religious squad will ignore their electorate (possibly) and the government thinks it’s fine.

I guess this is what happens when you cuddle up to the right-wing Christians in government to stay in power. Leaders lose their backbone just to make a few crazies happy.

It’s kind of funny because the last time the law was changed to be between a man and a woman, no poll was held. It was just done. Why can’t this be done the same way, like, I don’t know…

Vote for it in Parliament by politicians (who were elected to represent us)

The numbers are already there to pass it but the government (who has a one-seat majority) won’t give their members a free vote which means all of them would have to say no, unless a few people break ranks and say yes. There is also no added cost to the taxpayers doing it this way because the politicians are actually doing their jobs.

Opinion poll after opinion poll has shown that over 2/3 of the people here (and this is a low estimate) support legalizing it and the politicians have heard it. They know that support for it is very high and we want it to happen as soon as possible.

My Thoughts

I’d like for Parliament to be given a free vote, honestly. Not because I am impatient, but because with the amount that will be spent going to the polls again could hire over 440 nurses for 4 years. It is money that could be used to hire more medical staff, feed and home the homeless, give senior pensioners more money to live on, build and improve schools, and the list goes on and on. Basically, the plebiscite is a very expensive opinion poll that is not needed because the result will be what everybody is expecting it to be. So, I’m saying let’s make our politicians vote in Parliament with a free vote and get it done already.

If that’s not an option, and a plebiscite HAS to be done for some stupid reason, I say let that go ahead but make the result binding. No voting on it by politicians.

It’s just really sad that Australians have had to wait this long. I really thought that I would see Australia legalize SSM before the USA. It’s one of the main reasons why I moved to this country, because basic rights for same-sex couples were far more advanced than in the USA.

To me it’s really simple, if you don’t like people of the same sex getting married, just don’t do it. I never really understood why religious people are always wanting/excited to make minorities miserable. I never really understood how SSM has made any other marriage less important. I just don’t really get it.

End notes: I hope this isn’t as incoherent as I think it sounds. Writing hasn’t been easy for me lately. Be gentle!

Election 2016: My Threat Is Real

Something I have obviously been paying attention to lately is the presidential race for the USA. You probably already know that I really don’t like Donald Trump and I am definitely voting for Hillary Clinton. What scares me, and frankly, embarrasses me, is that the race is so close. I have no idea why anybody would want Donald Trump to lead anything. The man is disgusting in every way. I started hating him when I first learned about who he is. He comes across as a high-tempered, sexist, piece of garbage. The fact that he has absolutely no experience in politics really scares me a lot. What scares me more is what exactly this man stands for and what he wants to do to my home country.

uspassportflag

I have told people that I am not returning to the USA while or if there is a Trump presidency. I won’t do it. I originally said that I would definitely put in an application to have my US citizenship dropped if he becomes president, but I think that is going way too far. I hear people say “Oh, I’m going to move to <insert a country here> if Trump/Clinton become president.” Well, I already have an advantage because I’m free to live in Australia while I feel 100% embarrassed for the people of the USA being run by bigots and racists. I wouldn’t necessarily throw my US passport into the paper shredder but I will NOT move back to the United States if Trump becomes president*. I will simply stay in Australia and just visit the USA when I need to.

*EDIT: Sorry, I mean to say that I will not move to the USA while Trump is president, IF that happens.

I don’t like to be one of those people who makes threats to people if they don’t vote for Hillary Clinton. My problem is that the best the Republicans could come up with is a man who has the vocabulary of a five-year old (which says a lot about his supporters), the temper of a toddler, and less political experience than the Mayor of Townsville. Not to mention, he’s got a whole team behind him who would be more than happy, and even eager, to take away my right to marry a guy I love if given a chance.

I am just really disappointed and I’m gearing up for the possibility of staying in Australia for four more years if this happens. This is a race, really, between two people and I honestly would triple love if others were given an equal chance to run, but this is a two-party system. It’s either Hillary or Trump and I cannot for the life of me think of any reason why I would want a man like Trump running this country. I just can’t and won’t do it.

I’m still waiting for my ballots in the mail. Hopefully they’ll get here soon. I always fear that they won’t send them to me because I am a registered Democrat since Texas (minus Austin) is a Republican stronghold.

Let’s Try This Again: Gym

I’ve never been one of those people who start going to the gym in January. I’m also one of those people who don’t really like paying joining fees to go to the gym either. The last opportunity to join one of the local gyms here was missed because I had just moved and had about 3 or 4 days to do it. Unfortunately, those days were spent buying all the stuff that I needed so I had to pass on it.

Now, I have another opportunity to go, so I am going to take it and hopefully make the most out of it. I’m basically not doing it to lose any weight, but I feel a lot better when I am getting regular exercise, physically and mentally.

Now, I just have to figure out how to stay motivated to go but I have a few ideas from when I did go years ago.

Location, Location, Location

location

This is probably one of the biggest problems with the last gym I went to. It was a bit out-of-the-way. I believe that if you pick a gym close to where you live or work, you’ll go more often. It’s especially good if you have to regularly pass by if you don’t go!

In my case, I had to move far away so I had to leave my favorite gym and find another. I’m in the process of finding another, but found a place that’s about a 7 minute bike ride or 7 minute bus ride away.

Ask Yourself Why You Want to Go

What’s the main purpose of you wanting to go to the gym? Is it to tone your body, get physically fit, or just to look hot? My main motivation was to go because my father passed away before I was 30 years old and the reason is that he didn’t really take that good care of himself. He had an injury when he was a teenager that probably stopped him from moving around as much as he wanted though, so I can sympathize with him there. I just used the fact that he sat around eating whatever he wanted to motivate me to go. (He was overweight, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and a few other things. I think a lot of that could have been avoided, regardless of the injury he had to his leg.)

Go During Quiet Times

Around here, it was around 10 am to 11 am when it was quietest at my gym. Late in the morning was when all the older ladies and gentlemen would come so it was nice seeing these people keeping in shape. To me, seeing the older generation go to the gym and see them regularly was enough to keep me motivated.

old-man-gym

Did you know that older adults who lift weights live longer?

Go For Yourself and Start Small

Go for yourself and not to impress anybody else!

It’s easy for gay men to be totally motivated to go to the gym with the sole purpose of looking hot to other men so they tend to overdo it when they start and end up paying for it later. I can’t tell you how sore I was after a day because I did way too much. I am one of those people who love to have really sore legs but I couldn’t physically go to the gym for a few days.

Form a Habit and  Stick With It

A few things that I’ve read online said to go every day to form the habit but I don’t think that is really possible for me. It sounds like a cop-out, really. During the first two weeks, I start by going for two days per week (and more if I feel like swimming), then I start going three days per week for a few month, then after that, I go four days per week. I don’t go more than four days per week because I genuinely believe that giving your body regular rest is crucial to meeting the goals you want to reach.

Too Tired is Not a Good Excuse

tootired

NEVER EVER make “I’m too tired” an acceptable excuse to skip the gym. That’s not a good excuse. That’s laziness and once you skip one day, you’ll be tempted to take another lazy day. Then, before you know it, you aren’t going at all.  THIS is the reason why I didn’t go very often!!! This is why I have weak muscles now.

Eat Reasonably

It helps if you eat things that are good for you, but I think cheating sometimes is acceptable. The next time I exercise, I just go harder at it a little bit, or exercise a little longer. I think that a cookie or two isn’t going to totally screw things up. You just have to remember to eat better and not drive yourself crazy in the process. KFC is my weakness so I could probably eat it once a week or two and be fine. I just don’t want to go overboard! (People will want to kill me for saying that, but weight loss and getting fit isn’t about pure torture.)

Take a Before Picture

Some people are reluctant to take that first picture of themselves before they start and I can totally understand that. It’s what I will do – and just take a regular picture every few weeks. That way, you can look back at the first picture and see how far you’ve come and see that your exercise is making you more fit. It’s easy to look at yourself day-to-day and not feel like you’ve accomplished much, but if you have that first picture (which you can share, or keep it to yourself), I think you’ll see just how far you’ve come!

beforeafter1

Impressive. Joe has lost 128 pounds (58 kilograms). Read his story here.

Nerd Fitness has a lot of good before and after pictures and success stories. (And there are a lot of cute people there too.)

Drag Someone Along

Bring a friend. I usually didn’t have anybody to go with so I had to rely on motivating myself to go regularly. If you have someone to go with, I hear that it works wonders! I guess that’s the case if the other person nags you constantly to go but remember, the other person will only nag you so much until they give up “begging”.

Sorry, September

uhuct02Sorry for the lack of posts. I am having a really hard time concentrating for some reason lately. I’m not really sure whether it’s health-related or not, but I can’t seem to think on my feet as easily as I used to, so I am not able to type a lot here. In fact, I have 37 unpublished posts and I would say about 90% of those aren’t even done. I can’t seem to finish them or contain my thoughts long enough to write something meaningful. It’s difficult. Maybe I’m just getting old or something.

I will be back soon. See you later. (This isn’t because September sucks. It’s just because my brain needs to be fixed.)

The Significance of September and Why It Sucks

September has been one of the hardest months for me for as long as I can remember. Usually it’s the month that drains the money that I have saved for one reason or another, or it is just a really trying month for me emotionally and mentally. You see, it’s been about 7 years ago that my father passed away suddenly. 7 years ago from right about now, I was just about to head back to Texas to be with my family and to possibly move back to the USA for good. A week after I arrived, I ventured off to Houston and started looking for places to live and set up some job interviews. I knew that it was important for me to get all of this lined up as soon as possible so for my first or second weekend back home, I planned to stay in Houston on the weekends to make it all happen.

My version of the afterlife is kind of like never-ending winter. Cold, but comfortable.

My version of the afterlife is kind of like never-ending winter. Cold, but comfortable. (This is a wallpaper that’s shrunk. You can get the full-sized wallpaper from here.)

If I wasn’t successful finding a place or a job, I would have returned to Australia in about 6 weeks from my arrival. A week later, my life changed. My father passed away suddenly and that 6 week trip turned into about 8 months. During that time, I moved in with my mom and stayed at home because I knew my family needed me. I was taking medication for anxiety and depression by the time I arrived in Texas, so I guess you could say that I was a little numb to everything. It meant that emotionally, I just couldn’t process what had happened. It wasn’t because I am an uncaring asshole who didn’t get along with my dad. I mean, we weren’t as close during my childhood, but the older I got, the more I appreciated him. He apologized for not being the best dad he could have been and I really feel like he was sincere about that. I felt like he loved me and I loved him and appreciated who he was. I didn’t see it at the time, but he was full of great advice, something my sister and I miss to this very day. Back to the medication, yes, it made grieving a little difficult for me. At the time, I decided that I would try not to be sad that he had died, and to keep that at bay, I would remember the good things about him. I still make fun of him for eating so much butter or just eating whatever the hell he wanted regardless of his health problems. (That did inspire me to get fit and to take better care of myself. I probably should try a little harder today.)

So, long story short, my dad died a week after I arrived to Texas from Australia. I miss the guy a whole lot. I’m not crying while I am typing this, because I think of all the good memories of him and I know that no matter what, these memories will stay with me no matter how old and demented I may be in the future. I know that after I pass away, I will have a chance to see him again wherever that may be. (My religious thinking is interesting but I’ll keep that for an inappropriate time like Christmas.) I still wish that he would have been able to make the trip over here like he was going to (he had told me that he would come back the next year). Getting my mom to come here has been difficult. I hope that one day she will be able to come here and see why I love Australia so much!

But yeah, I don’t really try to focus on the time my dad passed away because I’d much rather still celebrate his life instead of acknowledge and dwell on his death. I know I haven’t really done that with this post but when September rolls around, the rest of my family go into a sad stage and I have to make some calls to cheer them up. I don’t mind being that person.

Months like this remind me how important my family is to me and how I wish I could just move them all over here but I know that can’t happen. The longer I stay over here, the more I feel like I am missing out on being a part of their lives. The older I get, the more I realize that life is precious and can be cut short at any time. I have always been a mommy’s boy mostly, so I do get quite upset thinking about what will happen if my mom passes away and I haven’t been around to nag her into eating more vegetables and fruits.

I can’t say how long I will be over here in Australia but have been thinking about it for a long time. I do love living here but I want to spend more time with family, especially after my last trip back. I’d love to go at the end of this year, but I accept that it won’t happen. Next year? Possibly. I hope so!

Anyway, thanks for reading this. I know that it’s like a ghost town around here from the statistics but wanted to thank you for reading what you read. At least I know that someone is reading these little things sometimes. I know the quality isn’t really that great but I try. Also, if I can help someone with their grieving process when it comes to a family member, I am happy to do that. Lots of love, lovelies.

Gay Dating and Scams

scamzA while back, I posted something about a guy I chatted to who tried really hard to get me to do some really extraordinary things for him and I also gave some advice on how not to fall victim to those scams.

One of the things I hate to see, especially now that I am getting older, is older men who are mislead to think that the guy they’re chatting to really loves them and wants to be with them.

There are a few signs that the guy is trying to scam you:

  • Focus: They tend to focus on older men because they assume older men are lonely and lack the confidence to find someone to date.
  • Age Difference: In most cases, there is quite a gap in age of 20 years or more. (Now, some guys do genuinely like older men and that is fine.)
  • Location: They’ll tell you (or list in their profile) that they’re living in a country such as Australia, the UK, or the USA then suddenly say they need to go to another country for one reason or another. (A new job offer, sick family member, etc). If they may say they’re in the USA but their English and grammar is awful. (They might genuinely be terrible in English but if they grew up there or was born there, they shouldn’t be horrid with their grammar and spelling.)
  • Quick to Love: They will tell you that they love you really, really fast. I’m not talking weeks, but in the matter of days or even hours.
  • Profile Contents: They’ll talk a lot about trust and honesty – and of course, they’ll claim to be really trustworthy and honest (which is a lie).
  • Contact Offsite: They’ll want to bring the conversation off site where you can’t report them for trying to scam you. They’ll want to only chat via email or text messaging. (This way, they won’t be blocked from the site that they’re probably scamming other people as well.)
  • Eager for Personal Details: They’ll want to know things about your full name, address, phone number, your occupation, birth date, email address, and such very quickly.
  • Model Quality Photos: They’ve been airbrushed or he’ll look really hot. His pics are all studio-quality. He will be unwilling to show his picture on webcam as well. Webcams are everywhere now and there shouldn’t be any excuse to be able to do that.
  • Money Request: He’ll make up some excuse why he needs money. For example, he will need to buy a webcam, take care of a sick family member or his parents died, he’s been robbed, he wants to come and visit you but needs cash for a visa and travel. Of course, the requests for money won’t stop and they’ll probably request more and more. They’ll want you to send it by wired transfer from Western Union or Money Gram.
  • And if you don’t send the money: He’ll guilt trip you really bad. In case you’re not sure what that means, he’ll say what a heart breaker you are and that he trusted you, so why don’t you trust him?

One of my favorite things to do is to tell the scammer that I am thinking about getting a much lower paid job or that I have lost my job. He probably will disappear.

Talk to your friends about what’s happening. Good friends will tell you if it sounds like a scam or not. Listen to them.

These scams take a lot of different forms. Be careful of men who say that they’re in the USA military. I can probably confidently say that 90% of the time (if not more), this is going to have scam written all in it.

If you find that someone is trying to scam you (or they have scammed you), report it to the dating site, to the messaging service, or to the police. Don’t be shy. If you do something about this, you are potentially stopping the scams happening to other people in your situation.

I read this post at Gay Life After 40 and based a lot of the information I spoke about from there. I really don’t like people getting scammed from people who pretend like they’re gay and especially hate older guys getting taken advantage of like this.

If you’re searching the internet to see whether the person you’ve been talking to is a scammer, you’ve already had some thoughts about it. I hope this helps you. If they fit the description that I typed earlier, then be careful. Be very careful!

Security Get! (and some possible problems)

This probably isn’t worth mentioning, but sometimes when I make changes to the code that runs this website, things can mess up. Yes, I use WordPress but I don’t use it “as-is”. I need to make some tweaks so that some things work and keep working.

Security Improvement

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The biggest change I’ve made is that the whole site has been moved to secure hosting meaning that the data sent from you to the server is now encrypted. That means that the data you enter in here such as passwords will be encrypted and only my server has the key to read it. This doesn’t mean that much to anybody right now.

Why Is This Worth Mentioning?

These changes sometimes don’t come without problems. Some links and images may be broken (but they shouldn’t be). I’m not sure if the feeds are broken but if they are, someone please let me know.

Keep your eyes open for me, and I would really appreciate it. Report them if you see them. 🙂