Rose Tint My World

frankOne of my favorite movies is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. My sister is the person who introduced me to the movie when I was a teenager. I think her main motivation was to freak me out, but it didn’t work. We both love the movie to bits and pieces and I think it’s one of those movies that I can watch 100 times a year. It’s one of my favorites. I know almost every word!

I think one of the parts that confirmed I liked men was a certain scene. I would think about it a lot. Probably too much. I don’t know whether it was Dr. Frank N. Furter’s bisexuality or just the thought of him doing it with another guy. I’d get very turned on! Here it is if you have no idea what I’m talking about. I also don’t want to ruin the story for you either! (You really should watch it, gay, straight, whatever!)

And of course what would this movie be without the music? Oh yes, I can sing to every single song in this movie, but my favorite is near the end of the movie. Surprise, it isn’t “Let’s do the time warp again”! The nipple slips, the sexual part in the pool, it was all very exciting for a teenager like me back then. The Rose Tint My World part is my favorite!

Fox recently remade it and I haven’t seen it. I have seen a few parts but I want to watch the rest of it. I’ve heard that it’s good but I’ve also heard that the remake wasn’t really that great. I don’t think that it’s possible to outdo the originals. I don’t think anybody can ever outdo Tim Curry anyway. I have a major crush on Tim Curry. Even as Pennywise in Stephen King’s It.

I hope to be able to see it but haven’t really seen much about it coming on TV here in Australia. I think eventually it will come here, but I haven’t seen it advertised just yet. Hopefully, soon!

Have you watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

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My Socially Anxious Life

A while back, I mentioned that I was going to join a gym. Believe it or not, I am a little picky when I join a gym. One of the requirements is that it needs to have a swimming pool. I like to do a work out, and then go swim a bit.

anxiety-chartYou know what’s harder for me, though?

Since I’ve been a kid, I have had a really big problem with social anxiety. I asked myself quite a few times whether this is something I wanted to write about, but I guess it’s not such a bad thing to explain a little bit about the way I think.

I have typed this thing up a few times trying to explain it without much success and in fear that if I type it, people will think that I am just one of those bloggers who has 20 different mental problems and 18 of them are self-diagnosed. No, I have been to the doctor knowing exactly what’s wrong and I went there for a solution. Unforunately, that solution was medication that made me gain a lot of weight and sometimes, it made me emotionless and it made me look like I was a heartless bitch. (I’m actually a nice guy but I feel like I’m a bit of a pushover, so I feel when I do want to be assertive, I come across as a total jerk. I finally came off the medication and substituted it for passionflower extract and St. John’s wort and it worked really well. (Those links are the same products I used to use. They work like a charm together, so I wonder why I stopped taking them. It doesn’t cause weight gain either!)

What’s my experience with social anxiety? Well, even now, especially since I stopped taking anything for my anxiety (and depression), I have huge fears just being in public. The butterflies in my stomach meeting new people or going to a job interview are more like wasps. I get really nervous doing something as simple as checking the mail or walking anywhere because I’m always afraid that people aren’t going to like the way I walk. I avoid meeting new people because I feel like they’re silently judging me, whether they are or not. When my group of friends goes beyond a few people, I turn silent. I hate going to crowded restaurants. For some reason, I feel like everybody is looking at me. I miss a lot of work because I make myself physically ill before I go. Once I get there, I am mostly okay, but I’m still a nervous wreck.

social-anxiety.jpgSo, you see, going to a gym or pool is a big deal for me because it pulls me out of my comfort zone of wanting to be alone or with someone I know. My nerves are still incredibly bad, but I make an extra push to go because it’s good for my body, but even when I get there, I am as nervous as hell. A few times I can talk to myself that no one really cares what I am wearing or how weak I am. It helps, but temporarily. The social anxiety always comes back. With my health assessments, my blood pressure is always incredibly high to the point where it shows that I have high blood pressure or I am getting there. When the gym checks it, they usually just send me to the doctor anyway.

It gets in the way a lot and I seem to think that if I can just practice, it will get better. In a few ways, I feel like I am right. I am trying to make it a habit to go out in public every single day if I can so I can enjoy my life at least.

I hate that there is something like this that prevents me from doing all the cool things that other people take for granted. I wish that I didn’t have that little thought in my head constantly telling me that people are looking at me. I feel like the most boring person for that because I just don’t get out much. I have changed my career just so I wouldn’t have to deal with many people every day. It’s really sad.

I was always really envious of people who could do all these things easily.

I guess that’s a bit about me and my social anxiety. It’s something I truly wish that I didn’t have. Maybe going to exercise regularly will help me get rid of it but who knows. It was always a huge chore to go, but it does get easier, right? I hope so. I hope it gets easier and easier for me.

My Ballot Has Been Sent

voteWell, about a week ago, maybe a little more, I received my ballot to vote in the USA election. I have been stressing about it since I filled it in because I didn’t want it to get back to the USA late. This morning, I mailed it off so I’m confident it will get there before the deadline.

I think this election is probably one of the most important ones because I refuse to let my home country be run by a completely insane monster. If you’ve been reading anything I’ve written, you would have probably noticed how much I despise Donald Trump (especially his running mate, Mike Pence, who is just pure evil and wants to turn the USA into a huge Baptist church [if you’ve heard anything about shitty things Christians do, it’s them]) or any of the Republican nominees. I seriously think they could have done and been better.

The state I am voting in, Texas, I think will go to Donald Trump. That’s just how backwards we Texans are. Slap the word “republican” on anybody and they’ll vote for him/her/it. Sure, I could have not bothered to vote but with Trump and Pence, I can’t sit around and do nothing. If my vote negates  a Trump vote, I’m perfectly okay with that. If somehow Hillary Clinton comes out ahead, then I will know that is because of my contribution. I’m okay with that too.

I just don’t want to go back to a country where it is run by someone with zero experience in politics and someone who has been absolutely disgusting when it comes to certain people. I don’t want to be a country that is being led by someone who makes disgusting comments about women, people with disabilities, transgendered people, Muslims, Mexicans, gays (he doesn’t support us-his choice of Mike Pence shows that), and who knows who else. This guy has been sued thousands of times. He has been accused of sexual assault. I don’t want to be ashamed to be where I am from and outrageously embarrassed to be an American.

I may not live there full-time anymore, but I pay my taxes and I have family there. I care about what happens and I really, really don’t want to see it go down in smoke. I love the USA and it will be heartbreaking to see the highest power go to someone who has no business being president.

The polls are saying that Hillary will win and I really hope she does. I am not saying she’s perfect but from what I have seen, she is a strong, capable leader. I would be so proud having our country led by someone who has earned it.

I’m with her and have no regrets at all.

Meat Handling Like a Drama Queen

I have a lot of fears, I’ve discovered. Some are understandable and some aren’t. After cooking tonight, I have realized that I really do not like dealing with raw meat. In fact, while I have lived in Australia, I avoid cooking it because it makes me a bit sick to do it. I really dislike handling raw meat. It is a little better if I wear gloves or something, but it still makes me physically ill to touch it.

Tonight, I made meatballs because, for some strange reason, I have been craving spaghetti with meat sauce. I decided to do something a little different this time and make meatballs. I had mixed all the dry stuff I needed together and I had dumped the ground beef into a bowl and threw some finely diced onions on it. I had an egg next to the bowl ready to be cracked and some milk to add. I looked at it and thought to myself…


Who knew this would be one of my weaknesses?

“OK. You can do this. People cook meat every day. You can put your hands in it.”

I cracked open the egg in the bowl and started stirring it around with a spoon. That’s when I started retching and gagging. It made the meat look like it was slimy. My mind started thinking about that slime snails make or how slimy slugs are and it got worse. I tried to mix it but J ended up doing it because I would have barfed everywhere.

He’s been pretty busy lately so I have been attempting to cook for the both of us, but I feel like I have been failing really bad because he has to come and do the meat handling. I was just never really a big meat eater since I lived here and the only time I would eat it is when someone else would prepare it for me. So, naturally, my cholesterol has always been a bit low and unfortunately, it meant that I was simply terrible at cooking anything with meat. I mean, my cooking with vegetables wasn’t any better. I just liked to bake a lot of cakes, cookies, and stuff. I couldn’t, and still can’t, make a lot of real food. I did attempt making real food with the boyfriend before this one, and he always encouraged me a lot, and I have made some really good Mexican food because of it. Just don’t mention caramel to him!

So, here I am, a hopeless cook while the person who loves to cook is busy with his academic work. I totally fail as a partner at times and my hatred for cooking meat products doesn’t help.

A word of advice: To keep your hands and fingernails clean when you do have to touch this stuff, don’t used the powdered ones or the ones for medical use. I recommend getting the kind you get 500 or more in a box. They’re not crazy thick, you throw them away after they’re done and that’s all you have to worry about. Wearing them means you’re going to lower the risk of getting a food-borne illness significantly, so yes, it’s a bit more hygienic. It’s up to you.

Oh, and I guess after going back and reading this the next day, I’ll say that I do cook with meat but it’s usually when I don’t have to manually handle it, so I cook a lot of Mexican food. It makes things a whole lot easier.

Marriage Equality in Australia: When, then?

A while back, I wrote a bit about Australia’s plebiscite to allow same-sex couples to get married and yesterday, legislation to set it up was blocked by the Australian Labor Party (the political party that I support in Australia).

I basically said that spending near $200 million to hold an opinion poll was a complete waste of taxpayer money, and I still believe that. (Personally, I would love to see that money put into aged care.) Poll after poll, though it doesn’t poll every single voter in Australia, has shown that support for same-sex marriage in Australia hovers around 70%. These polls weren’t done once or twice, but regularly. All of them are consistent and show that more and more people support it. Basically, this opinion poll has been done time and time again, and it didn’t cost taxpayers anything.

australia-prideIt’s not even that. You see, I am also a citizen of the USA as well and across my Facebook wall I have seen what happens when there are two sides of something. Someone says something about the candidate I like, so I get mad and type something snarky about it. Then someone sees that, and they type something even meaner. Then, we see it turning into a name calling contest with people leaving friends of over 20 years and such. The same exact thing can happen when it comes to the “yes” or “no” vote on same sex marriage. I do know some people who don’t really agree with it for religious reasons and though I think it’s really silly, I still like them as a person and sometimes, I guess I try to tolerate them as long as I can but at the same time, I like to find out what exactly these people are so scared of.

What I am getting at is that the for and against sides can unleash a tidal wave of ugliness. I’m not going to say that it would be only the opposing view that can cause it, but it could cause some kind of war between citizens and divide people even more. No government (and no one running for President of the United States) should try to divide its people like this. It’s absolutely irresponsible for our Australian leader to do this.

I totally wouldn't wear this (I only do silver-colored rings) but you get my point.

I totally wouldn’t wear this (I only do silver-colored rings) but you get my point. Let’s just get this done already, Australia!

Again, if it was voted on today with a free vote, in Parliament, it would pass and it would be done. The politicians we pay to make decisions for us would be doing their jobs, and the opportunity for me to get married (or have my marriage recognized here) would be open and probably legal very soon.

What’s apparent though is that this plebiscite is just a delaying tactic to drag out the inevitable. It’s the result of the right-wing portion of the government to control the country. Why? Because that’s how the government is in power. A one seat majority. If someone falls off the wagon (like the ultra-religious members of our government), then there is unpredictability in our government. It’s already showing.

I also said that I would go and vote for same-sex marriages in Australia, if I had to. I don’t think it’s the best way to do it, but I would. I’d be a little sad because it’s a seriously big waste of money for a non-binding plebiscite and opinion poll.

I am afraid that this plebiscite block is potentially going to delay things until the next election (2019/2020). I am hoping that the prime minister grows his backbone and will stop pandering to the right-wing members of his party.

I have been wanting to do a poll on this, but due to the fact that mostly gay men visit my site, I can tell how it would go. That’s it for me.

Not Getting It Done

Don’t you hate it when you work really hard on something and decide that it doesn’t meet your expectations (sometimes at the END of it), so you start over? I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to change the look of this weblog only to change it back to what it used to be? The big example right now is a big project I am working on. I start designing it, get a lot of it coded, then decide that I don’t like it, so I start back at the beginning again. Okay, when I say beginning, I end up reusing or recycling some of the stuff I’ve already coded because some of it works very well.

Computer Rage ani

Programming makes me feel this way sometimes. It really shouldn’t.

My biggest problem is that I have to like stuff visually. If something isn’t visually appealing (such as web applications), then I just want to start all over again. So many times I have tried to work on the back-end first (This is the code that makes something run and doesn’t include any of the ‘visual’ stuff) and not mess with the front-end design (the colors, layouts, etc). I can’t work that way. I spend more time making it look nice than I do with the actual functionality. When I can’t get it to look right, I throw in the towel.

I’ve noticed that this endless cycle isn’t doing me any favors at all. It’s just wasting my time and it’s also wasting money, if you think about it. Projects that I work on end up taking about 5 times longer than they really should. That’s frustrating. Very frustrating!

You’d think that I would have my project management down already, but it is something I am really, really bad at. I mean, super bad. I’m probably going to be one of those professionals who has to do a day class in how to get his crap together!

That’s basically what’s keeping me busy at the moment. I don’t really post the technical details of what I’m working on here, and probably never will but let’s just say that I am getting pretty grouchy!

Cool Down and Gas Ass

peanutbuttercandyIt’s October again. It’s one of my favorite months of the year and I’m not really sure why. I like it a little more in the USA because the leaves are changing colors, the air is getting cooler, and bowls of Halloween candy are being put on people’s coffee tables. I won’t go into detail about my Halloween memories, but I wrote about them before, so you can read them here. Looking back, it’s a popular month for me to also get back to the gym too. In a few days (or week, tops), I will be heading to a new gym in the area where I live and right now, I have intentions of going around 2-4 times per week. Two gym days, and then two swimming days.

I guess the end of September made me a little on edge and I started getting a bit more moody. I’m still not super happy over the past few days, but I think I will get over it. I also forget sometimes that my partner gets a bit moody when he’s swamped with stuff to do. When I’m the only person around, I get a lot of that moodiness. I get the same way, I guess. I get really bitchy when I am running into deadlines that I need to meet.

fart-squeezeI get a little frustrated because when he gets mad, he doesn’t listen. That goes for anybody, it seems. I am constantly having to tell the guy to sit back and think about whether making some small thing into a really big deal. Maybe my “It’s fine” or “It’s okay” doesn’t always make things better because it comes off as dismissive and I don’t want to apologize or something. What it translates to is basically “It is okay. The world isn’t going to end and pressing on arguing over this is just going to make us resent each other.”

Does that always make me right? Not really. It might seem like I really don’t care if I’m the one that caused a screw-up but I get mad when someone else screws up in the same way. Kinda like how we must be totally comfortable with each other because we are always farting as loud as we can (and it’s a lot; we’re both really gassy). It’s a bit gross and we both do it but not when we’re around other people. I do complain sometimes, especially when it’s too close for comfort. (When he sleeps, and I’m awake, he’s always farting on me. I eventually just get out of bed.)

Who thought I would be blogging about farts? Originally I wrote this as another one of my “I love October” posts, but yeah, we see how that turned out.

Arguing Over the Small Stuff

I’m a bit frustrated. I told myself I wouldn’t write the negative aspects of my relationship here, but I feel like I need to get some of it out.

In relationships, I tend to be the one who doesn’t like to argue. I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. I don’t like to argue if I’m not the one who started the argument. Yeah, sounds logical, right? Even if I do start arguments, I tend to cool myself down if left alone. After that, I apologized for being so hot-tempered.

Disposable dishcloth

One of the dishcloths I threw away which lead to me being called lazy. The ones you’re not supposed to use longer than a week. The ones that smell like death if you keep them sitting around for too long.

Some things, I don’t believe need argued about. Little things, like not replacing a bottle of shampoo in the shower, not flushing the toilet (nothing super gross), or throwing away a really, really smelly dishcloth, shouldn’t be something that starts an argument. The dishcloth thing happened yesterday which turned into me being called lazy, ungrateful, and I also got some F words sprinkled in there. Now tell me, when is something like throwing away a stinking, disposable cloth worth all of that? It’s not. (I’m the one that’s told that I have anger issues. It takes a LOT to set me off.)

My response to these things is that “it’s fine” and “I won’t do it again” (though if something stinks that bad, I’m going to trash it). That doesn’t mean that I ignore the problem. It roughly translates to “It’s fine. It’s not worth arguing about. I said ‘OK, I get it’ and let’s leave it at that.” It feels like in my past few relationships, except for the one before this one, it’s like they want to start arguments. I don’t have a temper and certainly don’t have an anger problem but in those cases when I’m being called names, told that I am extremely lazy and wasteful, I just remove myself from the situation. I’ll walk away and go do something I want to do while trying to release whatever resentment I have built up for the moment.

I just don’t understand why some of the smallest things warrant such a high amount of attacking. I really don’t. This isn’t the first time it’s happened and the other things were so small and dumb, that I’ve completely forgotten about them. It seems to always happen after getting back home from somewhere. It’s just getting really old to the point where I have to complain about it here.

A healthy relationship should have arguing, but not in the frequency it’s been happening around here. It’s especially not supposed to be happening over really small things either. Nothing makes me madder than wasting my time over something so stupid. Seriously, why not save that time for something more serious like “Why did you buy a new iMac when you already have 4 other computers without telling me?”. Some things, I admit, are worth getting bitched at. A rank-smelling disposable, paper towel going into the garbage isn’t worth it.

Arguing over dumb stuff is a main reason why I start re-evaluating my relationships. That’s not a good thing. It’s especially not a good thing when it happens so often and when I already have issues with relationships. We will see though.

And yes, dear. I know you read this. Stop getting your panties in a ruffle for every little thing. It’s really stupid.

Some GoFundMe Posters Are So Incredibly Irresponsible and Lazy

People don’t really get to see my mean side very often but today is your very special day! You know, there are a lot of good causes you can donate to on GoFundMe. You can help someone pay for surgeries they wouldn’t normally be able to afford on their own because they were in a horrible car accident. You can help someone travel overseas to see family they haven’t seen in 35 years. You could give your hard-earned cash to someone who just doesn’t want to pay their bills or get things they normally couldn’t afford and have no business having.

On my Facebook wall, I saw a GoFundMe page shared on someone’s wall and I was amazed… in a very bad way. First, let’s have a look:


“Puppy’s Support: Leon needs his vaccinations, meds, and foods. Help spread the word!” Such a great reason to give to this cause. Doesn’t sound lazy or irresponsible at all.

A little background here. I don’t know the person who posted it. I only know that he exists because he’s the boyfriend of one of my flings from when I was in college the first time. I read some of this guy’s postings and he is a really huge drama queen. You know, like one of those people who posts in profiles that they have mental conditions A, B, C, D, E, F, diabetes, high cholesterol, hives, and so forth, and how they hate things that start with the letter W and how they don’t like cheese fries because their ADD won’t allow it. He also complained that he is flat-out broke. The guy seemed to think that by getting a puppy, every one of those bad things will disappear and life will go from really terrible to mega super awesome. So he got a puppy from somewhere. A few days after that (maybe a week after, I’ll give him that), he posts this.

smart-duckNow, there is a huge problem with that. To me, having a pet is similar to having a child. Yes, children are probably of a higher priority, but my pets are members of the family. I, personally, wouldn’t want to have any kind of pet (or child for that matter) without being able to support it. Just imagine what people would think about me if I got a dachshund and then posted something about not being able to feed him/her. Wouldn’t that be one of the factors of me actually getting one? If I can’t afford to get my dog vaccinated, get him/her health checked, or FED, I wouldn’t get one. Period. If I can’t afford to take care of myself, why in the hell would I want to have another expense?

You know what’s going to happen? Unless something changes and this drama queen of a guy gets a job or some stable income, I’m sure this puppy will be dead in a few months from now (maybe a year), given away, or abandoned somewhere.

It drives me crazy when people get pets without being able to set aside money for their expenses. Pets are not just a way to acquire happiness or nirvana then simply forgotten.

I do know, however, pets can be a very good way to maintain a person’s mental well-being (in most cases) but I would expect someone to do their research before getting a pet they can’t afford.

I expect that the donations will remain at $0 for a while, if not forever. The people who will give are probably going to do it because they were forced into it. Or maybe someone bought in to the “I have Super Apparent Chronic Dramatic Disorder Type 6”, who knows.

Basically, if you’re going to give to good causes, by all means give to them but this is just pure laziness and carelessness. Oh, and I’m not really sure why this previous fling of mine is even attracted to this guy. He’s pretty high maintenance. (No, I’m not jealous. I haven’t seen the guy in like 15 years.)

PS: I love mallard ducks. 🙂

Same-Sex Marriage and Australia: Is an expensive opinion poll necessary?


It’s surprising that it’s 2016 and Australia hasn’t made same-sex marriage (something I usually like to call marriage equality, but they’re calling it same-sex marriage, or SSM for short) legal. I think that we’re one of the last first world countries to make it happen. Unfortunately, it’s still up in the air while the politicians fight among themselves on the best way to proceed with it.

A Non-Binding Plebiscite

This means that SSM will be voted upon by all registered voters. It’s worth noting that voting in anything like this is mandatory and attracts a fine if you don’t. It will cost the taxpayers over $170 million dollars and $7.5 million will be given towards a “Yes” campaign and the same given to a “No” campaign. “Yes” or “No” to what, you may ask? The question asked at the poll is: “Do you support a change in the law to allow same-sex couples to marry?”

Sounds reasonable, right? Well, actually it isn’t because it is non-binding which means that even if the people in an electorate support changing the law, the MP can still say “I don’t care what people in my electorate say. I don’t think it’s a good idea, so I’m saying no.” So, the hardcore religious squad will ignore their electorate (possibly) and the government thinks it’s fine.

I guess this is what happens when you cuddle up to the right-wing Christians in government to stay in power. Leaders lose their backbone just to make a few crazies happy.

It’s kind of funny because the last time the law was changed to be between a man and a woman, no poll was held. It was just done. Why can’t this be done the same way, like, I don’t know…

Vote for it in Parliament by politicians (who were elected to represent us)

The numbers are already there to pass it but the government (who has a one-seat majority) won’t give their members a free vote which means all of them would have to say no, unless a few people break ranks and say yes. There is also no added cost to the taxpayers doing it this way because the politicians are actually doing their jobs.

Opinion poll after opinion poll has shown that over 2/3 of the people here (and this is a low estimate) support legalizing it and the politicians have heard it. They know that support for it is very high and we want it to happen as soon as possible.

My Thoughts

I’d like for Parliament to be given a free vote, honestly. Not because I am impatient, but because with the amount that will be spent going to the polls again could hire over 440 nurses for 4 years. It is money that could be used to hire more medical staff, feed and home the homeless, give senior pensioners more money to live on, build and improve schools, and the list goes on and on. Basically, the plebiscite is a very expensive opinion poll that is not needed because the result will be what everybody is expecting it to be. So, I’m saying let’s make our politicians vote in Parliament with a free vote and get it done already.

If that’s not an option, and a plebiscite HAS to be done for some stupid reason, I say let that go ahead but make the result binding. No voting on it by politicians.

It’s just really sad that Australians have had to wait this long. I really thought that I would see Australia legalize SSM before the USA. It’s one of the main reasons why I moved to this country, because basic rights for same-sex couples were far more advanced than in the USA.

To me it’s really simple, if you don’t like people of the same sex getting married, just don’t do it. I never really understood why religious people are always wanting/excited to make minorities miserable. I never really understood how SSM has made any other marriage less important. I just don’t really get it.

End notes: I hope this isn’t as incoherent as I think it sounds. Writing hasn’t been easy for me lately. Be gentle!

Edit: Not going to happen, at least not right now.