99 Things You Don’t Care About

Yes, it’s another one of those questionnaire things. It keeps me from having to post real stuff. You might learn some really useless trivia about me that you can use against me for your own advancement. Who knows?! Well, here we go:

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed.

2: Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotel?
I am more of a coffee and tea thief when it comes to hotels.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
I tuck them in, but do they stay tucked in?

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Maybe a stop sign. I don’t remember.

5: Do you like to use Post-It notes?
Not real ones. Digital ones are okay.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
They don’t really have them here, but I do use some vouchers for restaurants that are buy one, get one free.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bees. No allergies, but it would totally suck. The bear could maul me to death.

8: Do you have freckles?
Not many.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?
Never!

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Idiots.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Strange but I count 8 steps at a time. I don’t know why.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
All the time. It’s one of the perks of living in the country and being a guy.

13: What about pooped in the woods?
Yes, but don’t think I’d try that these days.

14: Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
Nah.

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No.

16: How many people have you slept with this week?
Only one.

17: What size is your bed?
Queen.

18: What is your song of the week?
Because of the 7-year-old, this…

19: Is it OK for guys to wear pink?
Totally.

20: Do you still watch cartoons?
All. The. Time.

21: What’s your least favorite movie?
I don’t like to torture myself by watching bad movies. I usually don’t bother watching movies that have Adam Sandler or Jack Black in them. I’d rather be blind and deaf.

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
It wouldn’t be a treasure if I told you where I hid it, would it? (But if I had to bury treasure because my life depended on it, I’d probably bury it in a cave off the beach. Ready? Go find it!)

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?
I usually hover around the low-30s range… 30 or 32 inch waists.

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Good USA BBQ sauce.

25: What is your favorite food?
Fried chicken breast pieces. Popcorn chicken. Chicken nuggets. Good stuff.

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
IT, the one from 1990. I would also watch the new one a few more times if I could. I also liked watching Fantasia. Heavy Metal.

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
My partner.

28: Were you ever a Boy/Girl Scout?
I was for a few years. The scout leader and his family were a pack of weirdos. Not in a creepy way, they were just strange people.

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Would anybody ever subject their readers to that? Maybe after a year of going to the gym.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
My grandmother on Christmas. She never acknowledged it though.

31: Can you change the oil on a car?
I have a few times. I learned quite quickly that it’s easier to pay someone else to do it though.

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Actually? No! Unbelievable!

33: Ever ran out of gas?
No. I’m surprised with this one too. I’m sure there were a few times I almost did.

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
Roast chicken and lots of fresh veggies (and beetroot!).

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Muffins and/or pancakes.

36: What is your usual bedtime?
10-11 pm.

37: Are you lazy?
I’m one of the laziest people I know. I should work on that.

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
A cat! My last was a compulsive gambler. I threw on a hat my parents got in Las Vegas, wore a fanny pack, and wore shorts and a Hawaiian T-shirt. (Actually, I might be making the shirt up.)

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Sheep/ram…

40: Are you horny?
No. My libido is kinda dying. It’s really sad.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nope.

42: Which are better, Legos or Lincoln Logs?
Legos. I played with them up until I finished high school. I’d pick one day a week to play with them. My favorite day of the week!

43: Are you stubborn?
I can be.

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Never bothered to figure this out.

45: Ever watch soap operas?
Nope. Too boring. I don’t care what happens to fictional characters.

46: Are you afraid of heights?
Not super afraid. It could make me a bit sick though.

47: Do you sing in the car?
Sometimes. Like this:

(Seriously, I used to sing a lot better. Not so good now.)

48: Do you sing in the shower?
I do. (My favorite songs to sing in the shower are by Tori Amos.)

49: Do you dance in the car?
I did.

50: Ever used a gun?
Sure. When you’re from the South, you have to learn.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Long ass time ago. I was a kid.

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Sure I do.

53: Is Christmas stressful?
My Christmases are a lot less stressful in Australia. In fact, I rarely even realise it’s Christmas because it’s so damn hot here at that time of the year.

54: Ever eat a pierogi?
No…

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
Cherry pie, yaw.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
I wanted to be a weatherman.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?
Sure.

58: Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
Sometimes

59: Take a vitamin daily?
I did, but it didn’t seem to make a difference, so I stopped.

60: Wear slippers?
Yes. The bottom of my feet are really sensitive.

61: Wear a bath robe?
Yes. They’re quite handy to have around.

62: What do you wear to bed?
Depends how cold it is and it depends how lazy I am.

63: First concert?
Tori Amos.

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Target. They usually have the coolest stuff.

65: Nike or Adidas?
I have only worn Nikes.

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
Flamin’ Hot Cheetos + Coke. Fritos with chili + cheese. (Basically either.)

67: Peanuts or sunflower seeds?
Are the sunflower seeds already cracked open? If not, I’m not interested.

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No.

69: Ever take dance lessons?
Nope.

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
I hope he gets a job doing what he wants to do. (Can’t discuss because we both are in the same field.)

71: Can you curl your tongue?
Yes.

72: Ever won a spelling bee?
I used to win them all the time. I think we all rely on the spelling correction built into browsers now, so no one has to spell well.

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Probably.

74: Own any record albums?
I have one. It was in a deluxe edition of BioShock. I love BioShock.

75: Own a record player?
No…

76: Regularly burn incense?
Not regularly. Partner’s got some serious allergies, so I only burn it about once a week or two.

77: Ever been in love?
A few times, sure.

78: Who would you like to see in concert?
I’d really like to go see Imogen Heap. I’m surprised I haven’t already, actually.

79: What was the last concert you saw?
Tori Amos, I think.

80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Sounds weird coming from a Southerner, but I like it hot… with milk.

81: Tea or coffee?
Coffee gives me the shits, but I still like it.

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
They taste like nothingness. Reminds me when I was a kid and couldn’t taste anything (see #84).

83: Can you swim well?
My swimming abilities are awful. I swim a lot better underwater than above water though.

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Sounds like what I had to do all through my childhood because I had allergies. I was a seriously bad mouth breather. After I got some allergen immunotherapy, it got 50% better. After I moved to Australia, it became a LOT better… better to the point where I don’t think I’d move back if I had to.

85: Are you patient?
SOMETIMES.

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
My wedding? Just give me some Macs and I’ll do it myself!

87: Ever won a contest?
I used to win art contests a lot, but then, I didn’t anymore. Probably something I should continue doing, right?

88: Ever have plastic surgery?
Not really. I got a mole lasered out though.

89: Which are better, black or green olives?
The green ones with the red thing in them.

90: Can you knit or crochet?
Nope.

91: Best room for a fireplace?
Living room, maybe? I don’t really like fireplaces though.

92: Do you want to get married?
Sure I do, I guess.

93: If married, how long have you been married?
One day it will happen.

94: Who was your HS crush?
I tried my luck with a few girls and after a while, I was like “Who are you kidding?”

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Not really. Sometimes you just have to compromise… or get walked all over.

96: Do you have kids?
No.

97: Do you want kids?
I’m not sure yet.

98: What’s your favorite color?
Blue.

99: Do you miss anyone right now?
My dad and my family back home.

Don’t Read the Comments

comments

How to make your day at least 32% better. (You can get this pattern here.)

People leaving comments isn’t really a “thing” here, so I’m not really talking about the comments left here (Thanks by the way, Romo.). I’m more talking about the comments left on news stories at Facebook. You could see a news story about an elderly lady winning the lottery, and someone would have something really shitty to say. This morning, I was reading how the “Yes” vote on our little, tax-wasting survey of the marriage thing is ahead. Boy, does that bring out the crazy people. I’m not talking about the people who vote no, but both sides. People are generally being terrible to each other. I mean, it’s just awful.

On one side, the “No” voters, you have people saying dumb things like how legalising same sex marriage (SSM) will make everybody gay and no one will want to have sexual intercourse with someone of the opposite sex. Then, you know, no more populating this planet to join religious cults because those people are the pure ones. You have people who are equating SSM to the “end times” when it’s been happening in places since the early 2000s. You have the “Yes” voters saying the most incredibly horrible things to people who are voting no (and they said they’re voting no very politely) that their family is going to be set alight with hand sanitizer and a match. That kind of thing.

After a while, I just decided not to read comments on stuff because there’s a lot of stupidity out there, I’ve noticed. You put a computer connected to the Internet in front of some people, and they have a new way to spread their stupidity. I like to make up statistics, so I’d say most idiots have access to Facebook now. It’s hard to have an educated opinion that isn’t based on fairy tales without getting jumped all over for it now, especially when it comes to my American friends and family.

Not reading comments has made me a little happier though. I’ve been doing it for a while. It’s a bit infuriating though to keep my mouth closed when people say something ridiculously idiotic. It’s hard for me to stay quiet sometimes. I’m not saying people should be completely quiet though, all I’m saying is that a lot of people could have all the education and scientific evidence you’d think they need to prove their point wrong, and they’ll still believe something (world flatness, anyone?).

And this stupid survey? I’m still not confident. People have been voting for some really stupid things and stupid people. You’d think that people had a bit more sense, but they don’t. I’m not getting my hopes up (look what happened when “we” voted for president). I will be really glad once the results for this thing are in next month though.

Claustrophobe!

Oh look, someone’s growing a foot plant!

Something I fear is being in a confined, tight space. I guess you could call it a mild case of claustrophobia. I have recurring dreams of me being stuck in a small space and can’t breathe. If you’ve watched the movie “Buried”, you’ll see what makes me really, really uncomfortable. Actually, this scenario scares me a lot . (PS: I liked the movie but it made me really, really ill watching it.) I have a big fear of being buried alive (called taphophobia). It’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to be buried after I die. Just incinerate me until I turn into corpse dust and scatter me around here and in Texas.

Every so often, like last night, I dream about being in a small space and I feel like I can’t breathe. That’s usually when I can’t wake up, so in my dream, I am gasping for air and there’s no telling what I’m doing while I’m sleeping. I remember being in a car with a really low roof, and the windows and windscreen/windshield was covered. That’s all there was to it. I basically broke out of there (quite easily too) and tried to catch my breath. I woke up a few minutes afterwards, out of breath. It’s kind of weird because this is the first time I’ve dreamed about that, and really, that isn’t such a confined space. My dreams usually involve me in some kind of dark, watery maze where I can’t find a place to get air.

I feel like I’ve mentioned this before, but when I was younger (and thinner), my friends decided that they would put me on a sofa bed, fold it up, and stick it back down inside the couch. Unfortunately, when they did that, the sofa got stuck down in there with me in it, and my face was pressed against the mattress, so I couldn’t breathe. It was probably the most scared I’ve felt before. I came out of it with most of my brain cells still intact, so I guess it wasn’t too bad but that was really scary to me.

I don’t know if this is what brought on my bad dreams. It’s not a nightly occurrence but it happens a little more often that I hoped it would. My sleep quality isn’t that great to begin with. Oh well, it’s just one of those minor things that happens in my life that I thought I would share.

(This was one of those weblog posts that was written in advance, so by the time I post this, it would have been a few days ago.)

I Didn’t Want to Meet You (Again) Anyway

What constitutes masculinity? (PS: This body type will never be me. lol) (I grabbed the pic from Homotrophy but it’s got wieners showing. Interested? Google it instead.)

Something funny happened last night. And by funny, it makes me think how shallow some people can be. It’s not a secret that my partner and I both have profiles at sites that are used to meet guys. We both basically like to look at other guys and sometimes chat. I make it very clear in them that I am partnered and not looking for any kind of relationship other than a friendly one (plus I’m not wanting to lose this special little gem I have).

A guy who I chatted with on and off during the day, decided he really wanted to meet me. He asked me what I was doing on Tuesday and I said that I was working in the afternoon in Melbourne. So we were planning to meet then (but I don’t think I would have–you know, anxiety gets the best of me sometimes). He chatted with me a bit longer, called me a “really nice guy”. His messages though were just really stale. Not very exciting. He didn’t want to reveal much about himself but he wanted to know all about me. Fun stuff, I guess because I do like talking about myself. I found him a bit boring and uninteresting. He then asked me to meet him today at noon. I said “ok” though I wasn’t really interested. (This is a really bad personality trait about me.) He asked to chat with me on the phone, so I talked to him about five minutes. Boring conversation. Oh, and he lacked a little thing called chat and/or phone etiquette.

Then he said that he had to go to bed and that was okay. No problem. It was a blessing. Then, he said that he had met me before. I don’t really remember him but he said that I wasn’t masculine enough for him when he met me last time and how I’m not his type (same from this side). Anybody who has heard me knows that I don’t have a deep voice. I’m not muscular. I’m just hairy and bald (and damn it, we’re hot!).

I very, very barely remember meeting someone a few years ago who I didn’t feel any kind of connection with. I didn’t really feel that connection then either. I remember him just being really boring, how we seemed not to be into each other, and how much I wished the meeting would end. That day, I had removed his contact number from my phone. (Same thing happened this time, though I didn’t bother making him a contact in my contacts. I just added him to WeChat (which I hate). I removed him and hopefully I won’t run into him anymore.

This is going to sound a bit funny, but before, I’d let something like this really bother me. Maybe I’ve matured since then. Maybe I can’t be bothered to meet new people who are totally ignorant that I am partnered. Maybe I just don’t like uninteresting people. Maybe I shouldn’t even be on these websites (other than just perving). I am happy with who I have at the moment though I give him a hard time sometimes.

It made me realise something though. Gay men can be a little shallow (and boring and a wee bit dumb too). Yeah, we have our preferences but I’m not looking to impress anybody and even if people were looking friendship, why would something like “masculinity” matter? (By the way, he is the only guy who has complained that I’m not “masculine” enough.) This also made me realise that I really don’t like to meet people and probably shouldn’t be on those stupid sites.

Cards of Life and CBT

The cards I’m dealt with… (Disney’s Alice in Wonderland is one of my favourite cartoons…)

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Call it laziness. I haven’t been sitting idly though. Over the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about life in general and tried to find some way to explain it to people and finally came up with an explanation. Life’s like a never-ending game of cards.

Sometimes people get good hands, and sometimes people get bad hands. The good thing about the bad hand is that I think it’s possible to discard some of the “cards” and hopefully get better ones. For example, one of my “cards” has been that I am getting weaker, strength-wise. Well, should I hold on to that card? No. I should replace it with another that will make me stronger and that’s what I’ve done (or rather, in the process of doing). Instead of holding on to the more negative “cards” in my life, I have tried to replace them so that I am a better “me” in future.

What seems like a terrible card or hand, doesn’t really have to be so terrible. I really believe in finding the good from the bad (and sometimes, I go in the opposite direction). I think that it’s good to come up with something positive to replace a negative. If that’s not possible, I try to replace a negative with a neutral. Focusing on negative aspects in my life won’t do any good, and sometimes that’s easier said than done. I am one of my own harshest critics. Sometimes I am absolutely brutal, but as long as I develop that kind of thinking where I am replacing bad thoughts with good thoughts about myself, I think I will be all right.

I think that my life is as miserable as I allow it to be and this kind of thinking has saved me many times getting myself really down. My depressive episodes have gone down a lot and generally, I am a happier person from it. I’m not insanely happy or anything, but I am much, much better. It’s a huge improvement from where I was ten years ago.

It’s still close to impossible for me to take compliments or really understand that I am appreciated in people’s lives though. I’m getting a little better though. I do feel like I mean something to many people and when you get to that point, it’s a really good feeling. Even when I thought no one really cared about me, I know that people do care. It might not come from the direction you want or expect it to, but I really think it’s there floating around or something.

What I have been talking about is actually called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT – don’t giggle). For me, it’s worked like a charm. If you’re interested, there’s a little program I have done a while back that helped. It made me sit back and think: “Yeah, I could try to stop thinking so negatively about myself. It’s not doing any good.” It’s called Moodgym.

I’ve been pretty big on mental health lately because I’ve seen what being in poor mental health can be like and looking back, I really wouldn’t want someone to suffer the same way that I have. I think that it’s really important to nip this stuff in the bud as quickly as possible so it doesn’t become a huge problem later.

The process of feeling better about yourself isn’t an easy one, but I really feel like it’s important to start as soon as possible. If you’re feeling miserable, try out the CBT stuff. It really helped me out.

Goodbye, Yellow Running Man

AOL-Instant-Messenger.gif

It has been fun, running man. See you in the afterlife (or Hell)!

Another part of my childhood destroyed by AOL. AIM will be shutting down on 15 December 2017. It’s actually okay though because I haven’t sent anybody a message using AIM in over 5 years (if not longer). It was actually the first messenger I used to chat with people on the Internet (including the AOL chat rooms).

Chatting back then was so much fun but I met some really weird people on there. I didn’t dare meet them in person though. At the time when I was around 15 or 16, I would chat with a lot of people. I was pretty popular because I’d pop into the gay chatrooms that were basically for older guys and they’d see me as fresh meat (and some of it was really creepy, thinking back). Of course, back then I don’t think that I had any sexuality at all. I was probably more into myself than I was in anybody else. I guess you could call that curious or questioning or something.

Years later, I met some really nice people. Some I am still connected with on Facebook. Some, I’ve lost contact with. I guess that’s okay. Not everybody is supposed to stay in your life forever, I guess.

So, goodbye AIM. It was great having you in my life for a while. Thanks for the memories.

Twitter Changes: Follow @IdiologicDotCom to get weblog updates

Hi folks! Just a note that I am going to stop posting every weblog post as a tweet on my @idiologic account. Notice how I said every weblog post? There are some that I will still post, but they’ll be important posts only.

Instead, I am going to post them to the @IdiologicDotCom account so feel free to follow me on that account. (You can go ahead and follow because I have started tweeting from that account now and you won’t have to get approval to follow.)

The really mean thing to do would be to do this immediately, so I’m going to end posting these posts to my private account starting 7 November–about a month from now.

My “Lonely” Childhood

The other day, I wrote something about how ageing (spelled correctly, btw. It’s a British/Australian English thing.) is starting to scare me a little bit. I also started thinking about my birthdays growing up.

When I was a kid, a lot of my friends/classmates would have these parties at restaurants and skating rinks. I’d get invited to go, but I wouldn’t actually go. My parents never (except once or twice) let me go anyway, but you know something? That was okay for me. I never really liked big gatherings of people and that’s true up to now. I never really liked being the centre of attention or have that feeling that everybody’s looking at me.

At the same time, my birthday parties were usually family only. There were only a few times when my friends would come by and that was when I was an adult. I just didn’t really see a need because as I said, I hated the attention.

You’d think that I would be mad, upset, or regretful that I didn’t do any of that. My childhood was quite lonely except I had a sister and we’d basically just hang out with each other. What bothered me though is when she grew up and moved on from wanting to hang around her little brother. After that, I was a bit alone, but as I’ve said, that was okay. Now this is going to sound pretty shitty, but I wished that my dad had done more with me. He was always too busy hanging out with his best friend. He’d go over there after work, drink, then come back home (usually drunk). I think that he knew more about his best friend’s son than me, which is sad. He did more with his best friend’s son than me which yeah, didn’t feel that great. That’s why I was more of a momma’s boy. My mom seemed to stay in this depression. I’m not really sure how you describe it, but I’m sure she felt the same way where she was tired of my dad being away all the time and more or less, being unsupportive. Looking back at it now and the way she is today, no wonder I am not more social than I am. I just thought that being by yourself and doing your own thing all the time was normal behaviour. It’s come to haunt me a lot in my adult life. (And I don’t want to paint my dad as a monster either. He actually got a LOT better when I was in my late teens, but the damage had already been done.)

I think that’s why I am contemplating my age right now because I think that if I had been more social, outgoing, and all, life would be so much different. My jobs require me to be extremely social and it’s extremely hard for me. I have to really struggle to not let my stunted social upbringing bother me. It takes a huge amount of energy just to get through some days because it’s hard for me to actually TALK to people. Does that make sense?

I find myself getting jealous that people can be so social with other people. I really wish that I could somehow be them and be less shy, closed, and quiet.

But you know something else? I am quite a caring guy. I’m nice and kind (mostly). I do actually care about people’s feelings. I like to see the good in all people (until they severely fuck that up). I don’t hate any person, people in general, or hate being around people. I do need some social interaction. But… it’s hard sometimes. Hopefully, this makes a bit of sense.

I know lately I have been talking a lot about this sort of thing, but I do use this weblog as a type of therapy. I think it’s a good thing for me to do. I had started this as a post about my childhood and not going to or having parties and how I’m okay with that, but it kinda morphed into something else. Oops! Reflecting on bits and pieces of my childhood and adult life is really helping me understand who I am and why I am. I think that’s a really good result!

NOW! I need to go out and do something for myself which consist of me getting off my rump, going to the gym, and then going shopping for food. Gotta utilise these days off to their full potential!

Growing Up

Another start of the week and a new month. Exciting stuff, isn’t it?

In a few more months, I will turn another year older. For some reason lately, that’s been bothering me a little bit. I know that it’s going to happen and no amount of skin cream, magic pills, diets, or anything can stop it. So, like with my baldness, I have no choice but to let it happen as gracefully or ungracefully as it wants. What I can do though is to take better care of myself in the meantime. (You know, like cut out more KFC from my life.)

 

There are times that I think about my life if I didn’t take the risks that I took. What if I never left Texas and was happy living in my hometown? What if I found love there instead of somewhere else? What if I never moved to New York and NYC? Where would I be if I never moved to Australia? Would any of this make me a better person? How about a worse person?

It’s really hard to say and I guess it’s not very healthy to think about it. One of the things that I think about is how my relationship improved with my parents when I moved away. I don’t think either one of them thought that I would move across the world. Hell, I didn’t think I would either, but I did.

But having moved, I’ve missed out on a lot of things. I have missed being around my family as they got older and I’ve missed out on a lot of major life-changing events for them (like the last hurricane). Not only that, I feel like I’ve abandoned my best friend that I’ve had since I was 13 or 14. I miss her a lot and miss the late nights we’ve had playing games and stuff. I still need that sometimes because as far as games go, here, I’m doing on my own. It’s not fun when everybody around you sees gaming as a colossal waste of time and money. (And yes, I’m this old and still love playing video games.)

Also, I think about my refusal to grow up. I still think like someone who’s 20 years younger. I still want to hide in the clothes racks in clothing stores. I still run from place to place while people who are younger than me probably think “what a weirdo”. I still don’t like paying bills, having most of my day taken up by working, and just being responsible. I think out of my weaknesses, that has to be the worse. I can be responsible though. I can save money. I can work 3 jobs at one time. There’s a lot that I have done and can do.

There are things that I feel like I’m missing out on, but that’s a completely different post. I probably make myself look a little crazy here. I probably am though. Anyway, if I stikc around I will just ramble more–so I’m outta here!

Noise Pollution

I’m pretty sure this is what my neighbour does on every day off he has (or with 100% of his free time)… for like 18 hours… outside my front door. Exactly like the GIF above… non-stop. I get so fucking tired of listening to it.