It’s been a few days, not even a week yet, since my partner flew off to India for a few months and it’s been eerily quiet and boring without him around. The last few days made me realise something though.
My past hasn’t been perfect where my relationships have gone from being monogamous relationships to open relationships and I operated okay like that. I would just re-condition my thinking where the people who I slept with are just ways to pass the time or friends that I could do sexual things with. I didn’t think too much about these people on a relationship-level. I didn’t get attached to them and when it came to the relationship that “mattered”, I found myself feeling a bit disconnected from it.
One of the things I did was while my partners were away, I’d spend a few days before planning to meet guys (and a few girls) when I was alone. I’d usually spend the period that my partner was gone hooking up with people.
What’s funny about this time is that I just don’t have the desire to meet new people. I really don’t. I don’t know if it’s just a result of me “growing up” or not, but I didn’t search for people before my current partner left. I do admit that I looked at people, but didn’t look for people. I find it really hard to do anything or think about doing anything with someone else (even though my partner said it’s okay). There’s just no need. There is no desire there. I think that’s a good thing because this is usually a good sign that I am happy being with someone.
There were moments at first where I thought that being “chained down” to one person is a nightmare, especially after have the freedom to do whatever I wanted with no repercussions. But now I am okay with it now after having it sink in that I’m getting married next year. (That was also hard for me to accept mentally too.)
So, I’m just waiting for him to get back. It’s not really a sex thing, but because I really feel and have felt that this guy cares about me. He takes good care of me and puts up with a whole lot of crap being with me. I really can’t wait until he gets back home but it’s really important that he enjoys his time at home and doesn’t think too much about getting back.
I guess that’s it for now. It’s weird being this reformed person but then again, it’s not so bad, really.