Do Overs

Sometimes I think about what my life could have been like in different situations like:

  • What would my life be like if I didn’t move here?
  • What if I didn’t go back to Australia after my last trip?
  • Where would I be if I said “Enough is enough” when I should have when my longest relationship was getting bad?
  • What if things actually worked out with that relationship and I was actually happy and wanted to stay here?
  • What if my last relationships had worked out well?

There are more questions I ask myself every so often but I’ll leave them out because living in the past isn’t something that should be encouraged especially when it comes to mistakes. I feel like sometimes, if I could go back in time to when I am 20 years old (or a little younger), would I do things differently then, knowing what I know now?

I probably would take all the knowledge of what has happened with me and did my best to avoid the messes that I’ve gotten myself into. I would have definitely taken better care of myself as well in all respects. I would have put in a lot more effort into being the best me without relying heavily on my partner. Would I go through dating my partner again? I probably would. He’s not awful, he just pisses me off a bit sometimes. I don’t think I would want to be with him now though, honestly if he didn’t get a do-over as well. I wish he would have done a bit better in the relationship department though and was sensitive enough to know when I was having some serious issues.

That brings me to another point: The last time I went to Texas for a long time, I met someone there who I admit, I fell head over heels for. I really did but I had to return here and sometimes I think back and ask myself “What if I didn’t leave?” Would I still be with this guy near my hometown? My family would have been happier as well. He’s a nice guy and I have tried to stay in contact with him while I’ve been gone on more friendly terms. I sometimes thought about going back and maybe having things work out.

Except, he’s hell-bent at being pissed off at me I think for coming back here and being gone for so long and he’s entitled for that. It feels like if I don’t talk to him, he wouldn’t even bother with me so I think I’ve made that decision just to leave that part of my life in the past. I think that’s best because it was like pouring my heart into something where I get hardly anything back. I’m not really sure whether that’s a cultural thing or not though. Thinking about it, he’s a pretty handsome guy but career-wise, I’m not sure whether we are in the same boat. I worry about that a little bit sometimes.

So I will move forward, chug ahead and live things out for me and flirt with other guys if they’ll let me! Right?

I don’t have a time machine and I’m pretty sure I won’t ever have one so I guess the best thing to do is to live my life now the best I can and hopefully make better changes now to make the future brighter!

Hillary for America!

Today was the day that Hillary Clinton announced that she was running for president. It was also the day that my Facebook feed started filling with sexist things. It’s really sad and it took all my self-control not to say something about it. Of course, I do hail from Texas where people actually voted Ted Cruz in for senator, so…

Some of you may already know that I vote Democrat in US elections and like most voters, I don’t see one candidate as perfect. They’re never perfect. I rooted for Hillary when she ran the first time and was totally heartbroken the she didn’t get the nomination. I still voted for Barack Obama because I do want to see change in the USA and I believe that he brought on that change that a lot of people needed, the LGBT community especially. Not everything about him was or is perfect but I am happy with the major accomplishments he has brought forth in his 8 years in office. At first I was cynical that he would be able to do much, but… wow.

People seem to think that I want to vote for Hillary Clinton because she’s a woman. Yes, she’s a strong woman who I admire and respect very much. Why I want to her to become president is that she has a LOT of experience that ranges in so many different areas. She believes the same way that I do in regards to education and equality whether that is equal pay for equal work (regardless of gender) and how same-sex couples should be allowed to marry.

I am admittedly a little scared of the Republican line-up for presidential nominations right now. Rand Paul? Ted Cruz? Maybe Mike Huckabee? Possibly Rick Perry? Um, Rick Santorum? I don’t see Americans falling head over heels for any of these people. I really hope they’re not dumb enough. I am deathly scared that one of these people are going to do anything in their power to snatch marriage rights from us. That’s something they’ve got to change, especially with the marriage bit being on the table now.

So with all this said, good luck Hillary Clinton! I hope to see you in the White House!

(I get a bit bored typing so my enthusiasm typing these goes down. Sorry for the abrupt ending!)

Wham, Scam, No Thank You Man

It’s really my hope that people who are searching the web for experiences of being scammed by potential partners online find this because if I can, I’d like to stop people from getting their hard earned cash stolen from them.

Have I personally been scammed? I’ll start off by saying no, and that’s true. It has never happened. I also study and work in the information technology field so I know the tricks (and if you read up on how people are getting scammed too, you’ll be much wiser).

As a single, aging, gay guy, I have phone apps to meet men. I try not to use too many because I don’t want to be bothered with messages about meeting for sex in five minutes or spend the time answering questions about my willy size all day and night. Mostly, I’m not interested in the one night stand stuff (which is why I hardly ever include naughty photos). There is certainly more to life than getting laid.

My Experience with Blued

Blued app

Blued app

Something interesting appeared on my phone though and I’m not quite sure when or why I downloaded it. I’m not sure whether I was just in a hypnotic daze due to the sleeping medication I was taking or what, but it’s here and I have been using it. It’s called Blued (and the application icon is around here somewhere). Apparently it is for gay Asian (Chinese) men so they can meet each other. I made a profile there and I get tons of messages every day. My profile has my picture and age, and nothing else. I get messages from local guys around here but some of them, okay, a lot of them are from/in China.

So this is where things get a little interesting. A day or two ago, I was messaged by this Chinese guy from China who is around 28 years old. I chatted with him for no reason, really. I thought maybe some of these people could use some friendly English help/practice. (I don’t mean that to be nasty or mean, but it’s true. Some people want to practice having conversations with people in another language and that’s okay by me.) So he chatted with me for a while and I noticed a few little problems:

  • He was obviously using a Chinese to English and English to Chinese translator the whole time because mixed in with his English was Chinese writing. This told me that he will be very difficult to communicate with, so I tried to keep my slang at a minimum and use straight-to-the-point sentences. My ex here did use a translator sometimes which is fine and that’s understandable. That’s okay, but I have a feeling this guy’s English was awful. Lesson: If it will be this difficult for you to communicate with someone, think about what difficulties this can cause in the future if things were to work out.
  • He didn’t know that I was American until I brought it up and the conversation began to shift from general friendliness to him telling me that he loves me, not even 1 hour after we chatted. Stating the obvious: Love doesn’t happen in less than 1 hour.
  • Continuing with him knowing that I’m American, he began to plan our wedding and for me to marry him and let him stay in the USA with (or soon you’ll see, without) me.
  • Next he told me that he comes from a poor family and he’s poor himself. At this point, I realised that he was just looking for a way to get out of China and, okay, I can see why people want to move away and make a better life. But as we can all see, I even struggle to take care of myself so I started to lie. I said that I made a lot of money to see what he had to say. At this point, he was really interested in marrying me.
  • Next, he asked me to buy him… get ready for this one… a house. Yes, a house. But I would have to be the one to pay for it and I’d also have to give him money to send to his family in China. Since I made so much money I said that was fine. He also said that he would live in that house without me and here I was laughing about it and thinking well, this sounds exactly like something I want to go through. More stating the obvious from the last three points: If they’re more interested in what you make, what you get them, or what YOU can provide them (not the other way around), it’s not going to be pretty.

Over the course a few days, he’s already asked me a few times about the house I’m going to buy for him. He asked me to go to China to go see him (but we couldn’t have sex). He seems really interested in me giving him a date for marriage.

I’ve also told him that marriage, migration, and housing purchases are a serious thing and I would never, ever do that for somebody I didn’t believe was genuine (and this isn’t). He still tries to talk to me so I am going to blame it on a translator malfunction or something. I assume that if I stop talking to him, he’ll move on but that’s the problem. There are going to be men somewhere that will fall for this kind of thing. Having done the migration for a partner, I would never do that for someone I didn’t love. Hell, it took me over 6 years to come here to be with my partner (at the time) permanently. (I told this guy that too…)

Obviously, I’m not interested in this little “thing”. I also don’t have to tell you what direction it is going to go. I do want to see how far he’ll go with his demands with little or nothing to offer.

It is also worth noting that everybody using Blued isn’t bad. I haven’t gotten many proposals like this except this one.

Other Apps/Sites/Etc

Since this post is about scams and that really wasn’t a scam (it could have been a migration scam), I’ll give you a few more tips:

  • Are they in a country that’s across the world? If they’re from the USA or UK and they say they’re in the military, there’s a good chance they’ll try to scam you. (Most likely they’ll ask you to pay some kind of fee for a clearance so they can get tickets, etc.)
  • Did they chat with you out of the blue? If the site lets you see who has looked at your profile, have they actually looked at you before they chatted? Did they totally ignore that you said you’re looking locally?
  • Have they told you that they’re poor, had a natural disaster, need donations, or someone needs an operation? They’re most likely looking for cash to line their pockets. It’s possible this is just a way to take your money. While this might be true and they have gone through some hard times, consider making a donation with a reputable non-profit. (This, for me, has usually been the case with people from Southeast Asian countries.)
  • Are they half your age (or more)? There are guys out there who genuinely interested in older men. I get that. I am sometimes as well. Ask yourself whether that could ever work out. Have they mentioned any of the other points as well?
  • Are they unbelievably cute/hot? I know it’s hard for some people to understand that they aren’t wanted by all the insanely cute guys. If you believe they’re out of your league (and if you can combine any of these other points), they probably are. Be very careful.
  • Did they ask for you to talk to them through email or a link only? This is probably a way to get around being reported on the site. Don’t follow random links–it’s possible that you’re going to pick up a PC virus. If you insist talking to them, make sure that you keep your emails in case you need to report them later. You shouldn’t have to follow a link just to chat with them. I think this could apply to Skype too.
  • Did they tell you that they are a Nigerian prince or princess who has a whole lot of money or did they tell you won a lottery you never played? They don’t. They’ll ask for a fee to release the funds and you will NEVER see that money again!!! (If you want to waste money, you can just donate to me!) This also includes the USA visa lottery–there is NO FEE from the US government up-front for applying for this.)
  • Is it all too good to be true? It probably is. Are they telling you everything you want to hear? If you decide to meet these people, be careful. You shouldn’t have to pay major bucks just to be with someone. Always remember that when it comes to online dating, there is always a risk involved unless you’re really careful.

Use common sense, basically. That is my advice. It shouldn’t cost you tens of thousands of dollars to be with someone. You also shouldn’t be contributing to a toxic lifestyle of scammers.

If I managed to piss someone off which I tend to do sometimes, I am sorry. I don’t like making enemies. :)

What I Think I Need and Want

Right now, I have some really weird wants and needs. I usually put everything on a want versus need basis but sometimes my brain gets a little confused. Here is a little list of the stuff that I have thought of acquiring this year:

Thing My Reasoning Classification
Nespresso Machine “I’m not a big coffee drinker, but I could be, if I bought one of these!”

Ah yes, the good ol’ Nespresso machine. You know, one of those that makes the coffee for you? I think it’s the one that comes with the capsules but I don’t want the $195 AUD one, I seem to only want one that costs about 2-3 times more than that. I have convinced myself that it makes far superior coffee without really tasting it.

Don’t need, unnecessary want
XBox One or PS4 “I make games and should have the latest gaming systems to be cutting edge.”

True, actually. I actually feel pretty bad for still having an XBox 360 and PS3. That’s a huge first world problem, right? Academically and professionally, I feel like I need this so I can start getting games out and sold and to show people I am serious. Unfortunately, it is easily a $1,000+ investment (not including the kits). I may update one at a time, but not sure which one will come first. I also need more work before I hand over over $400 smackers for it.

I also came extremely close at getting an XBox One for $424.15 but remembered that I have a LOT of house repairs to do.

Want and Need, but can wait
Windows Phone (or Android) “My phone sucks. I want a new one.”

I am just about through with my iPhone. Sure, I’d love to just retain all my stuff with my iPhone 5, but I am getting pretty bored with it. I’ve owned iPhones for a long time and yeah, I am ready for a change. What phone do I want? I actually want a Windows Phone (mid-range) or an Android phone (Sony Xperia Z3). Will that happen though? Probably not now since the iPhone is still working. It’s ugly and I have a few problems with it, but… it works.

Want, badly but do not need.
More fresh fruit and vegetables “I just don’t have time to cook real food.”

Shitty excuse, I know. What’s so hard going to the grocery store and grabbing food that’s better for me? Well, I know this is going to sound horrible but my ex drilled it into my head that I needed to buy them from the fruit and vegetable shops. Those stores, unlike the big grocery store, aren’t walking distance away. There’s something I don’t like about $4 avocados but yeah, the laziness tells me that canned soups, bread with no nutrition, and candy are better for me.

I am also very constricted with time so, I just don’t do it. I do make some bad-ass pasta salad though. I actually make it very healthy too!

Need but I don’t get them
Gym Membership “I would go at least 3 times per week!!!”

I, like millions of other people, have a gym membership at a pretty good gym–one with 3 pools and a small gym. I don’t go though. I can’t seem to find the time. I was hoping that I would but I don’t. I stupidly agreed to pay them about $800 for a year (over installments) but hardly go. I should fix that, right? I guess it’s a good opportunity to get some fruits and vegetables, right? I need the motivation or just some direction in my life!

Have and want, but don’t use

New years resolutions? Didn’t make them. We can see what would happen if I did, eh? I still have most of the year to accomplish this, right? I can do it, at least the gym is good enough since I’m already shelling out money for that until November.

McDonald’s Makes Me Sad

Mcdonalds eat your own shit

It’s becoming pretty rare that I come on here and post anything of meaning. Why should today be any different?

Today was a bit weird because I woke up and started doing an assignment that was due yesterday. It was supposed to be pretty easy but since I started the day that it was due, I found myself screaming and cussing at everything. I also had to be at a lecture and class today. So, most of the day I was fueled on and high on coffee.

I actually felt really dizzy after a while and I was shaking a little more than usual while I was in my lab. I had to leave so that I could get something in my belly. Then I realised that I still needed to submit that assignment! So my options were limited. My initial idea was to buy a few things and whip together something edible. I quickly realised that if I did this, I would lose very valuable time that I could be working on my assignment.

So, like any good American import, I went to McDonald’s because it’s terribly close to my house. That’s probably the only reason I went (and why I go). When I eat there, I’m usually not very happy eating their food and it’s not because I know how unhealthy they can be but because it’s just sad food. I hardly ate the stuff in the USA but once I got here, I eat it once a month or so. (The Grand Angus tastes very similar to the burgers I make at home.)

As I sat there, eating those extremely salty fries, I was like – why did I do this again? Oh, because I’m starving. I need to plan for this stuff better. I need to learn to make some meals in advance for situations like this because the whole “going out to eat all the time” thing has never suited me very well. I’d much rather cook myself but since I’ve been single, I hardly do that because cooking for one person sucks. I also don’t enjoy eating the same thing for 5 days in a row (unless it’s something REALLY good like chicken and sausage gumbo).

Eating there made me question myself: is this going to be my life ten years from now? I feel like I struggle so much and hate it. I think McDonald’s food reminds me of how lonely I am and how much I struggle. I think that’s it.

At the end of the day though, I’d rather eat at McDonald’s than be dead, so they have that going for them.

I Was Down in Tasmania

So much for updating this thing regularly, right? Unfortunately, for the past few weeks I’ve either been pretty busy or sick. I have spent the last two weeks feeling terrible with a cold. I’m still hacking my guts up in the morning.

I’m posting this about 2 weeks after my trip, so a little of it has left my brain!

My friend and I went to Hobart, Tasmania for our first time in early March. I was feeling pretty good when we went but started getting sick halfway through our trip. I’m not sure whether it was the 0ºC/32ºF temperature I was in for a while or not, but I am pretty sure it’s something I picked up from my housemate before I left. I think that I blamed my friend for this because he was sick too, but have a feeling that it was probably my housemate.

So anyway, on our first full day we headed up to Mount Wellington/kunanyi which was really foggy and the views are supposed to be really nice when it was clear but for some reason, I still loved being up there in all the cloudiness. It was also wet, windy, and freezing up there. There was an option to hike down the mountain after the tour bus went up there, but I don’t think I would have made it. You see, when you travel and there is a baggage limit, you have to be pretty choosy what you bring. I didn’t have the right foot gear for it plus it was a long way.

Mount Wellington

Up on Mount Wellington

Is this a huge waterfall or a small one? Can you tell?

Is this a huge waterfall or a small one? Can you tell?

I took a few videos. I was one of the few people who braved the awful weather. Unfortunately, those videos are a little shaky so I will leave them off (actually, I think I should post them to my YouTube account. If I remember, I’ll post it here.)

The next day (I think it was the next day), we went to Port Arthur, an old penal colony dating from the 1800s. I had been looking forward to going there for a very, very long time so it was exciting to go. It was kind of creepy being there because of the fact it’s a very old (but ruined) prison. Also, the massacre that happened there in 1996 only added to my uneasiness. Then, if all of that wasn’t enough, there was an island with a lot of tombstones and unmarked graves close by.

They run ghost tours and stuff like that, but decided not to do that. I didn’t even get off at the island. I was feeling pretty crappy that day so it was good that I took it a bit easy but…

It was a lot bigger than I thought. I didn’t realise that the place took up so much land area and that it was really hilly. It was exhausting for the both of us. The tickets we got were for two days but we didn’t really plan to go for two days.

Port Arthur

Port Arthur – Old Prison

Prison?!

Prison Rooms

There was an orby photo that was taken of me, but I can’t locate it on here so… I’ll leave it off for now.

The last day we were there, we headed to MONA, an art museum with some of the strangest pieces of art I have ever seen. I can’t possibly post everything here, but I’ll post some of the more interesting pieces I saw. While I was there, I was thinking how funny it would be to have my latest ex there.

Cloaca: Click on pic for video.

Cloaca: Click on pic for video.

What is this thing, you may ask? Why, it’s more or less, a shit machine. No, I’m not making that up. It really shits. And it smells like shit. The air in that room tastes like shit. I couldn’t handle being in there and definitely didn’t have much of an appetite after it. I think that if a piece of art has people talking, then it probably did its job well. This has me talking and it’s been one of those things that, every so often, even now, has me thinking: Wow, that was really shitty but in a very interesting way. (The video of it, I didn’t make. I wasn’t there at the “right” time thankfully.)

Ferry Ride

Tasmania is Beautiful

We took the ferry back and forth and the views of this place are spectacular. I loved all the scenery but as beautiful as it is, I wouldn’t live there unless I was married, had 2 dachshunds, and was retired or rich. It is a little too quiet for me but I think I would end up having legs of steel!

The little trip was lovely and I’m glad that I had the opportunity to go. It was probably one of the best trips somewhere I have had for a very long time.

Not as Perfect as Planned

Hello, March! I thought that I had posted a few weblog entries, but I was sadly mistaken. I guess maybe those can be posted later? Possibly?

Today was meant to be my first day back at the university. Unfortunately, my calendars I guess weren’t in sync and one calendar said I start tomorrow, one said I don’t start until next week and finally, one said that I start today about 30 minutes before my lecture meant to start. Instead of bust my ass to get to the university, I took a day off. Not a great start, right? No!

I had also planned to get back to the gym this morning as well but I just couldn’t wake up. Not only that, I was thinking about getting my transportation ticket (good ol’ myki) for a week of travel. Then I realised that I am only going to be here for a few days then I’m off to a new part of Australia with a good friend of mine. So, instead of wasting the money, I decided to put that off. That also tempted me to stay home today as well. I’m probably going to start back at the gym next week.

Basically, it’s a shitty start to my new semester but it’s just one day. I am also going to be looking for new work as well. I’ll see how it goes.

My Mandarin is Horrible

chinese

I know that I’m probably not going to have many problems going to Taiwan and speaking English, but it’s so weird for me to go to a place and not know how to say or understand some of the most simple phrases. Several years, while I had one of the most boring (but well-paid) jobs, I thought I could learn a new language–Mandarin Chinese. I was pretty quick at learning the basics but because I didn’t use it much (my partner at the time wasn’t great at speaking Mandarin either, he spoke Cantonese), I forgot a lot of what I learned.

So in an attempt to get some of that knowledge back, I started speaking to Google Translate in Mandarin and I am guessing my tones are terrible because I kept saying some really strange things like: love package, I love you (unintentional), You are bored, police report, as well as a lot of things I guess it didn’t really know how to translate.

What I could do is basically tell people not to touch me, to leave me alone, ask “What?”, say thank you, stupid, say “Help me”, and a few other phrases.

Basically I could go to a Mandarin-speaking country and tell them to fuck off or get help, then not know what to expect after that. I have a few more months to practice, regardless.

I was chatting with my friend from China yesterday and he said that my tones really aren’t that bad, they’re just not perfect which gives me a little bit of hope. Haha.

This is one of those posts that I wrote but never bothered posting. This one is only a few days old. I even added a little to it!

My Official Starting Point to 2015

Time for a new post, eh? As I type this, I keep receiving messages on my phone and in my browser, so I’m going to try to make this as coherent as possible. We will see. (PS: If you read my weblog entries and find them quite absent-minded, that is why. 90% of the time, that’s the reason why some of these don’t make sense–that and I don’t go back and read these things. I rely on the spell check and grammar check way too much.)

This is my last week of freedom so I am taking it easy now before I’m back at my very last full-time semester at the university. After this, I am part-time only until I am done. I am almost done! Isn’t that exciting?! It is for me! Unfortunately, my timetable came out today and it looks like I’ll have to be there from Monday to Thursday instead of Monday to Wednesday like I asked for. I’m up for more programming (the only unit I have an exam for) and two multimedia/art units. This should be interesting because I’ve always been interested in video production but have never really attempted it professionally or academically. I would have loved to and this introductory course should be just fine for that.

Anyway, it’s an exciting time for me but I need to stay focused.

I’m still planning my Taiwan trip too. I am really looking forward to that.

Edited: I changed my timetable. Someone moved their Wednesday class to Thursday, so I moved my Thursday to Wednesday. Yay!

Is Escaping from the News Possible?

Without fail, every time I start writing one of these things, people want to start chatting so I thought I’d use my iPhone to write this one late at night. So far so good. There are about five weblog posts that weren’t posted this week due to the fact that I could never finish them. A lot of them were opinions on all the stuff going on in the news and how irritating it is. As I was eating way too many cheese chicken nuggets yesterday, I was wondering what life would be like if I didn’t read any news for a while. No politics. Nothing from The New Civil Rights Movement. Pretty much no Facebook stuff at all. I have to admit I’m a little tired of reading about a friend of mine bitch about the champagne he’s served on first class flights across the world when I am struggling to fly to Taiwan in economy.

I took an art class at the university where my lecturer (a handsome graphic designer may I add) said that he doesn’t bother with the news anymore. He doesn’t read it or watch it. He said he’s happier from it but I ask myself what my world would be like if I plugged my ears and refused to listen to what’s going on in the world. I’d be oblivious to the world around me and I would probably be a lot more conversationally dead than I already am. I’m not sure if that’s good. I’m also pretty interested about what’s going on in the equal marriage fight in Texas. There must be some kind of healthy balance.

Maybe I should just stop being so jealous that people do nice things and I can’t do them without some kind of kind soul helping me. Maybe I need to be happy with what I have and stop putting so much emphasis on the things I don’t have instead of what I do have. Luckily I have some great people around me so I don’t get too disgruntled.

I don’t know. I’d like to ignore Facebook for a while but unfortunately my family has been using that to keep me up to date. It also spawns some bitchiness as well out of me.

That’s all from me tonight. I’m planning to have a busy weekend, I hope. I’m ready for winter too. Bring it on Mother Nature. Bring it on.

Ah yes and some decent quality sleep with no nightmares will be great.