A Few Good Childhood Memories

Today I thought I would do something a little different and share a few happy memories with you from when I was a kid. There will probably be more because I think it’s really important to remember these kinds of things. I don’t know how long my weblog will be around, but at least they’re here being archived somewhere.

Story 1: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Click the picture above for the source and for some really interesting information! :)

Click the picture above for the source and for some really interesting information! :)

I can distinctly remember when my mom went back to work when I was around 6 years old. In fact, she’s still working for the same company which is absolutely incredible! Every so often, though she wasn’t get paid very much, she would bring me a TMNT figure. For a while, I had every single one of them and I’d probably say about 90% of the time, it was because she would buy one for me every week or two. I loved those things and I may still have them stored somewhere but I’m pretty sure I gave them to my nephew.

I remember how much I loved playing with those things and how I could never pick just one or two to be a favorite since I loved every single one of them. What’s strange though is that I wouldn’t have them battling each other, but it was like one really screwed up soap opera. So essentially, I would be playing “dolls” with my action figures. I remember the hours and hours of fun I’d have with these little guys and just like an old man, I’d have to say that they were a lot better when I was a kid!

I also loved the cartoons and would watch them all the time. I tried to do this recently, but… yeah, let’s say nothing holds my interest for very long.

 

Story 2: ‘Debut’ and ‘Post’, The Gift of Music, and a Bjorkish Obsession

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When I was a kid, I learned real fast not to ask for lots of stuff at the store because I knew I probably wouldn’t get it (they were always surprises like the TMNT stuff). One day, my mom brought me around and I started looking at CDs. I came across some CDs by Bjork: Debut and Post. I think by that time, I had Homogenic (which I still love today). My mom told me that I could have them so I grabbed both of them and played them like crazy. For some reason, I remember getting these things because it was one of the times that my mom pretended to be interested in what I was listening to. She’s a classics kind of woman so I think deep inside she just didn’t really care but I think it was just special and you know something? I still have both of those CDs today somewhere in Texas. 🙂 I’ve attached good memories to those things.

I totally loved Bjork. I mean, it probably was borderline creepy. I would pretend to be from Iceland so people thought I was her neighbor. I wanted her tattoo. I think I secretly wanted to be her. I can’t say that her latest music is something I would listen to as much, but what she’s done in the 90s and early 00s is the stuff I like.

My mom and dad got me a Casio keyboard when I was younger then got a “grown up” one later. I also remember one of my aunts that I liked getting me a guitar for Christmas. Unfortunately, I don’t ever remember using it. In fact, I don’t think I ever brought it outside that house. It just kinda disappeared I think! The Casio keyboard in question was this one (thank Jesus for YouTube):

Story 3: Hunting and Fishing, Like a Good Southern Kid

I’m not really sure why exactly I did these things because I am not a big meat eater and I don’t like seafood. Needless to say, I never really got much and that was okay for me. I remember my dad bringing me fishing with him and I would be interested for about 10-15 minutes, then start playing with the stuff in his fishing box. I would have so much fun playing with the lures and stuff and you know something? I never impaled myself on anything in there. I would ask him why some of them looked the way they did and stuff. He took me lots and lots of times and yes, he complained that I would spend more time playing with the stuff inside his tackle box than I would fishing. But he still brought me along. It was some of the few times that we got to bond a bit.

Sometimes, he’d bring me crabbing. If some of you don’t really get it, it’s basically where you tie a piece of raw chicken to a string, throw it out into the water and wait for something to tug on it. Then, you’d slowly pull it in and whatever was eating it would follow and you’d scoop it up with the net. It was really fun for me and I’d still do it today if I could. My problem is that I would get the crab up to the shore, then either let the crab keep eating, or I would make it run back. My dad would say “We’re not here to feed the crabs!” I think out of the things that I miss from my childhood, this is one of the big ones.

When I was an early teenager, I used to practically live with my aunt and uncle during the summer. Sometimes, my uncle, my other uncle, and my cousin would go out hunting. I never really hunted. I just went along for the adventure. It was some of the most fun I have had with all of them together. I just liked being out past dark I think (though my eyesight wasn’t that great). I remember one time in particular that we were driving down a road in my hometown that is supposedly full of cultists and it’s haunted. There was a dead rabbit in the road and my uncle got it. He said it was still warm but he couldn’t tell what had happened to it. It was really creepy and I think the whole time we were traveling down that road, I was really, really scared. That was some of the fun of that!

The End (for now)

I can’t say that those are the ONLY times I was happy when I was a kid. I mean, I had Legos. I had a freakin’ bar in my bedroom with a retro computer, Nintendo(s), TV and stuff on it! It was pretty good so this isn’t the end of my stories for now. I just thought I’d share some of the smaller ones with you for the moment. I was a pretty lonely (by choice) kid growing up and I still don’t like to go to parties or anywhere that has a ton of people.

Time to Get Busy

Why is it that when I am starting another busy few months, I am always sick? Again, for the billionth time, I am suffering through the sore throat and cough thing that seems to thrive in Melbourne (or on planes for that matter).

Busy-ScheduleUntil the end of the year, my schedule is full. Normally that’s not a huge thing but when I live about 2 hours from the place where I need to go almost every day of the week, it makes it a little hard. Yes, I did think about this before I left but J does it quite often, so why shouldn’t I be able to? He manages to work really hard at what he does but I have a bit of a fear that he’s going to overdo it. It’s going to mean making some changes around the house, I guess. I need my time with him and he needs his time with me, but we’re going to be working on conflicting schedules for a while.

When I was younger, my best friend and I always made fun of a girl who never wanted to hang out because she and her boyfriend set aside date nights. I think ten years later, I finally get why that is important and necessary. It’s necessary for times like this when we just won’t have time. I think that will happen, but I just don’t know when that will happen.

Luckily, we live together so at least sometimes we’ll be in the same house. I won’t be home a few nights per week because I have classes to go to, then work, then in the morning, I have more class to go to. That means that I really need to stay closer to the university I attend. Thankfully, I am almost done with my studies. (I don’t want to study anymore. My brain and body can’t keep up with it.)

So there are some solutions at least. It won’t be easy and it will really affect when I will be able to take my little trips. But it’s only until November or December. I can manage that until then, right? I’ll be here for the holidays so hopefully we’ll get some time together then.

That’s all from me. That’s what I am thinking at the moment. I’m going to miss having a lot of time with and for my partner but that is the way things have to be for now.

Trust and Forgiveness

This chart represents my irritability and bitchiness over the past few weeks.

This chart represents my irritability and bitchiness over the past few weeks.

It’s been a while, but here I am! I’m not going to go into a huge amount of detail of what’s happening but let’s just say that my bitchiness and irritability has been off the chart. That’s why I haven’t posted in a while. My anxiety has been super high so I thought it’s not a great time to post.

A lot of times, my silence usually means that shit got really bad. It didn’t, so just to let people know, I am okay. Not perfect, but I am fine. I have been sitting around worrying about things that haven’t happened which usually makes me more anxious about when they do happen.

I guess I could continue on from my last post about why I hate Facebook but I’m going to take it a bit further. One of the things that really irritates me is how a person can automatically assume the very worst in me when I have been almost perfectly gentlemanly and friendly. My past isn’t without flaws and I’d probably be lying if I said my life now wasn’t flawless. I confide in people who I think or thought were my friends and it gets thrown in my face. I’ve been a lot more selective of who I tell things to because I’ve discovered through the use of drama and spreading of false rumors that I need to keep my mouth shut.

I find it interesting that I have had to go into some kind of damage control for myself (and other people involved in my life) time and time again after hearing a few times that it won’t happen again. I believe in second chances but I don’t believe in third, fourth, fifth, sixth, or seventh chances. A simple apology doesn’t make everything good again. Nothing repairs that betrayal after the first time. Apologies are only good so many times until you get jaded. When you keep accepting a person’s apologies after they wrong you over and over, you’re saying “That’s okay. Do it again and I am sure to forgive you.” It’s like someone coming up to you and punching you in the face. Once, okay, it might have been an accident but if it happens every time you see that person, it’s no longer an accident. It’s done deliberately.

I’m understandably irritated and understandably cautious about repairing a friendly relationship with someone when they’re continuously causing issues for me and there’s no way to repair it. It is just really sad that it has come to that. Disappointing, really.

I think I over-trust. No sorry, I know I do. I see the good in people first and keep giving them chances when I really should have stopped. I think that’s okay. I have done my part to be a good friend.

I Really Hate Facebook

Don’t you have those days where you just want to claw everybody’s face off? Well, mine started yesterday and I have a feeling that it’s going to spill into today as well. A few things are happening that are a little peculiar. I’m not quite sure whether there’s a full moon or something because it’s been raining for about a week now and I’ve seen no sun. That’s probably why people have chosen to get on my nerves.

facebook-annoyingYou know what the source of a lot of my frustrations has been? Facebook. As much as I would love to delete my account and forget about it, I can’t because my family congregates there. Sometimes that’s the only way for me to find out what tattoos my sister is going to get or what my cousins had for breakfast and lunch. You know, those are the things that matter. Every so often, I get messages from people in my past that are either really nasty or really inappropriate. Sometimes, my partner is around for them and most of the time, I try to shield his eyes from them because I have my own way of correcting these issues. They sometimes aren’t the greatest solutions, but they get corrected. I don’t like someone else intervening and thinking they can fix these things.

I find it really interesting how some people think I am the source of all their problems too. I mean, someone actually blamed ME for all their life’s problems! I can totally understand how that reaction would have been appropriate about a year ago, but it just came out of left field with no warning. It’s just irritating. I’m a big advocate for telling people how you feel instead of putting it on the back burner, but over a year has passed and there’s so much bitterness there after I overlooked certain things that were totally inappropriate at the time and well, downright mean!

Hopefully, things will sort themselves out because I’m seeing that my patience is running very thin. I’m not going to blame it on stress, but when these things happen I start thinking about how much crap I let into my life and why I allow it to continue.

I guess this is a continuance of why I really hate being connected to the world all the time and being reachable most of the time. It wears a guy down. It makes me want to throw my phone in the ocean, land on an island, and chase the animals so I can eat them.

Anyway, after I post this, I’m going to keep my Facebook account for the reason stated. I can’t tell it to “fuck off” so I guess I’ll deal with the constant messaging from people who think it’s appropriate to ask me to have sex with them and people who think that blaming others for their own misfortunes is a wise use of time.

Australia Votes

The day is here. It was voting day in Australia but I was too busy today so I voted earlier in the week. That’s fine. I was really hoping that it wouldn’t be that close right now but it is. I guess the gays will never be able to marry here. 

Or maybe we will after our wonderful government spends an extra $150 million to hold a popularity poll that has basically been done for years.

It’s not over yet. Let’s see what happens!

Revisiting the Not-So-Far Past Through Pre-Edited Video

I finally got around to moving some video that I took during my trip to the USA last time which is good. My MacBook handled the transfer really nicely. I had been planning to get rid of it because I have an iMac that is about 6 years older than my MacBook and it goes about 5 times faster. The iMac has some pretty annoying issues though, mainly being with the graphics card. It just acts like it can’t handle anything I throw at it without it hanging or leaving artifacts all over the screen. So I am in a hard spot because I’d like to use the money I make from the MacBook to go towards something else or possibly to pay off a few debts I have.

DSC_0005Of course, a lot of the reason why I didn’t take that video off my camera is because that would mean that I would have to watch it. For some reason, my voice is a lot more irritating and grating when I hear it recorded. I can pick out every single bit of Texan accent from my voice and if you haven’t heard, the southern drawl really bugs me (except when it comes from my family because I guess I’m used to it). Hearing myself and seeing myself makes me a little emotionally ill. I mean, I can’t even handle looking at myself in the mirror. (Yeah, yeah, I know there’s something causing that but I guess I don’t want to tackle that right now in this post.)

The other reason I didn’t want to see it is because I recorded a lot of video with me talking to my dog and telling him that I am going to miss him when I am away. I got my dog back in 2003 and yeah, he’s getting pretty old now. When he was getting a little bit of gray around his mouth, I’d get quite depressed and it makes me really sad that I am not around him in his golden years. My mom loves him to death and he loves her, so I don’t feel so bad leaving the little guy behind. The breed of dog that I left with my mom lives to be about this age, so I am just really sad that it’s come down to this. I made sure I was a lot nicer to him compared to when I was a kid and my other dog. I know that if I get another one, this sad cycle will continue and it’s really hard. I hate seeing people and pets getting older.

I guess there’s not much I can do because I am getting older myself and last I heard, there’s nothing I can do about it except stop eating so much KFC and eating stuff that won’t melt my insides/brain.

I guess these are just some random thoughts about why I am so gloomy lately. I miss a lot of my friends in Melbourne and I think there will never be enough time to go see them when I want to. A lot of things that I can’t say here are happening and that’s quite frustrating for me. I still feel like I need to censor a huge amount of stuff I’m feeling and thinking, but it’s not something to worry about; it’s just frustrating. That’s it.

I think to combat this little problem, I’m going to be developing some kind of system where people who want to read the deep, dark things in my head can… but I don’t want it available to the general public. And I don’t want people to bring the stuff up either. Honestly, I’ve started on it. I also think it might be a good way to sponsor some of my projects or just to talk about them.

No worries people, just emotionally busy. That’s all.

Where are my tattoos?

“Do you have any tattoos?”

This is something I used to get asked a lot when I was dating. I don’t know whether people expect me to have one, twelve, or more, but the truth is that I don’t have any. The way I think about it is that my body is a mostly permanent paint canvas. Would I really want the same tattoo 5 years from now? 10 years? 50 years? I know I am not going to be the definition of beautiful later in life, so that’s not something I’m concerned with. It’s just not something I want to risk so I just haven’t gotten any at all.

Though I don’t have any myself, I find them incredibly sexy. I would totally date a guy who was covered with them.  The sleeves are really sexy too.

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I don’t really understand why some people wouldn’t want to date someone with a tattoo but it’s a little strange that I haven’t really dated anyone with even one. I might have been interested in someone with one or two, but that hardly worked out and it wasn’t because he had/didn’t have tattoos.

A lot of people who I know have them and there was a time or two where my best friend would go in to get a tattoo and I thought about getting one too. I always came out with no body art. Well, there was this one time I came out with two new piercings and those ended up being a huge mistake.

When I was younger, my dad got one and I remember him explaining that he wanted to get one, but wanted to make sure that it was the “right” one to get. I totally get that now.

I don’t know if or when I will ever get one. At first, I was thinking that I wanted to get something matching with a guy who I would spend the rest of my life with but even now, I am unsure whether it is something that I want to do. I have gone over some designs I made, but I am just not sure if it’s a great idea.

Tattoos-pay-the-priceI have also seem some really bad tattoos and just think if I had to deal with something that was done correctly. I am also one of those people who know that it would be incredibly dumb for me to get a $50 tattoo. It’s basically a thing of getting what you pay for. (That’s why I don’t buy cheap computers.)

I’ve seen a lot of cheap ones online and I wonder if those people who get them really know how bad they look after it’s done. I would personally hate to have to get them removed because I know it would cost a lot more to do that and my skin would probably be ruined from it.

I assume there are ways to avoid that like getting some kind of tattoo design books or heck, I can just design it myself!

Or maybe I couldn’t design it myself because my designing skills are lackluster at best. Haha. Here’s a bonus hot guy that works out of Bangalore in India. (At least I think that’s who this is – he was in Google Images on an article that is no longer available, but I grabbed the name.)

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That’s it from me for now! 🙂 Yes, it was pretty random, but that’s the beauty!

Robots, My Childhood Obsession

robots

Actually, I didn’t know whether Lego or robots were my childhood obsession. I think they were really close to each other in obsession. I collected small ones when I was a kid, but had two that were my absolute favorite: Dingbot and Flipbot. You probably guessed that is what is in the picture. The one on the left, Dingbot, would roll around the floor bumping into things while making a really high-pitched whiny noise. I used to play with him without the batteries and it seemed like he was always the “nice guy”. If I’m not mistaken, I got him from my aunt and uncle (ones that I no longer talk to). A fun fact: this aunt and uncle used to use gifts before they’d wrap them up for someone else. At the time though, I didn’t care and they weren’t so vocal in their anti-everything (at least not to me).

Flipbot is the one on the right. I loved him because he’d fall over and do flips. I’d say he was pretty strong for being beat around, dropped, and stuff as much as he was. If I have one of these guys in my old toy chest, it’s this one. He had a head that you could squeeze in the back and he’d open his mouth a little bit so you could put something like paper in it. He had a few teeth in there too, but I never managed to get bitten. He could also hold something in his hands too. (I think Dingbot could do that too but I never did it.) My mom and dad gave him to me and it is probably one of my favorite toys they’ve every gotten for me.

gyromite_robAnother one that I had was a robot that I got with my Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985. I think I was one of the lucky ones that had one, unfortunately, only two games were made for it and I had one. It was a pretty fun concept but it was one of those things that ended up being a one-trick pony. I pretty much kept him hidden from the world but had a ton of fun playing with him (without the NES). I was happy to see him coming back in a few games in the past 10 years because he’s just that precious, I think. It makes me think though: would something like this work now?

Sad Story: His demise came when my mom was frustrated with me about having a dirty bedroom. You see, my sister and I learned really fast that if the house was dirty, my mother was in a really, really bad mood. Even to this day, if my house isn’t clean, I start getting moody, depressed, and irritated. My mom basically was taking the stuff I had stuffed in corners and stuff, and throwing it in a pile. Something landed on ROB’s head and it broke, then I cried and cried. I wish I still had him. I probably would sell him on eBay! (Not really.)

coca-cola-2My ultimate dream was to get one of the robots I found in the Sears Catalog in the 80’s (OMNIBOT 2000). You know, the ones that looked really awesome and had a tape recorder built in, and could deliver drinks and stuff. Yeah, my grandparents told me that the advertisements in the catalog made it look a lot more awesome than it really was. That was probably because the things were pretty expensive at the time. I think they were around $800, something that my grandparents and parents didn’t think I needed. They were probably right! (Tab? New Coke? Eww.)

Fun times. I miss those days but I’m like what, 30 years older now! Haha. So much has changed. I think!

 

Last Week: Orlando, Movies, and Gumbo

My left eye is not very happy right now.

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I’m not really sure what’s going on with it, but used some eye drops for allergies and it started looking a lot better. Then, it came back and looks pretty bad this morning. I took some antihistamines last night but it didn’t look any different so I am pretty much concluding that it’s most likely pink eye or something which is not fun. Since today is Sunday, I am most likely not going to the doctor and I will be damned if I am going to sit at an emergency room for half a day just to be given some eye drops.

Well, we all know it’s been a while since I last posted. A few things have happened:

Orlando Gay Club Shooting

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I’ve been relatively quiet about this because telling most of my circle of friends and family in the USA that there need to be better gun laws falls on deaf ears. I’ve said before that I don’t particularly like guns and I wouldn’t really care if everybody had to turn in their guns to be smelted into a big statue of Kathy Bates. (I’d so do it, because I love Kathy Bates.)

It hits a bit hard though because some guy, out of pure hatred, killed a group of people who were just trying to relax and get out for the night. It’s quite scary to think about. I was never a really big clubbing kind of guy and I wouldn’t be able to tell you the last time I walked into a club without being dragged in there. That doesn’t mean that it was okay or people shouldn’t be going. I know the gay community is pretty awesome at standing up for themselves and for each other.

It’s just really sad thinking about the hatred that’s in this world. I don’t really understand why people would care so much about who other people love. I don’t know why that would make someone so angry that they feel the need to walk into a club and gun people down. I’ll probably never really get it but I can only wish that some people will change and just not care about such trivial things like sexual attraction.

Alice Through the Looking Glass

My partner and I went to see this movie last week and it was pretty good. I probably liked the first one a little more, but for some reason, I want to see another Alice movie.

My partner didn’t let me sit and eat a big bag of Skittles too. So, that’s pretty good of him. I didn’t mind either because I would have eaten all of them myself!

My Dad’s Birthday

For anybody who doesn’t know, my father passed away right before I turned 30. I like to celebrate his birthday instead of paying a lot of attention to when he passed away.

I wish that he was still here and I wish he could have come to Australia. I miss him a lot. I usually bake a cake or something for his birthday but I’ve just moved and I didn’t have a real fridge yet.

Gumbo

My partner made me some gumbo last night. My sister and J decided they’d have a chat about the stuff I like. My partner surprised me with it last night and it was really good. He did a great job and it tasted like the kind my mom makes. I was pretty happy that he made it and now that he has made it, I probably want it more!

End

Yes, this is the end of this post. It was just a simple week in review for you. I know that I am not very good at expressing myself in these things anymore and I put little effort into making them readable. So if something doesn’t make sense, I’ll just blame it on my leaky eyeball.

Hope all is well!

Mental State Update

It’s another spur-of-the-moment posts of mine written from bed. It’s about 9 am now and today is the Queen’s birthday so, happy birthday Queen. Thanks for the day off or something and making the trains back home run every hour. I have been quite on the place where I just moved to and yes, it’s a lot more unexciting than where I was living in Melbourne. I feel a little bad because I hardly know anybody so far and haven’t tried very hard to move my work to my new city. I am still essentially working in Melbourne but thankfully, because of what I do, I can work from home but it is coming down to me really needing to get something local. I’m not really sure whether I am wanting to work in my usual field of work or not. I am happy to have the excuse to Melbourne when I can. I still think that I need to balance it out while I am not driving. Nearby where I live, there are some incredible beaches but I haven’t been yet. That’s because right now in Australia it is winter and no, winter isn’t really that bad, going to the beach when it’s cold and windy isn’t recommended. I guess I can wait until spring or summer, maybe. I want to have the freedom to go on the Great Ocean Road but well, I need to snag a car first.

I guess instead of focusing on all the bad things about the place where I live now, I can focus more on the good things. I’ve discovered that I am focusing more on the negatives to people in the city which, in turn, makes them think I sit around all day being depressed and staring at the wall. It’s not like that. My partner is a really good cook so I am always happy when he cooks. He cooks about 90% of the time (so far, I am about to try to make a lot of southern US food) but it’s always good. I can tell that he likes it and it seems like the rest of his family loves cooking too. I’m not sure whether it’s a Keralite thing or not. Even if it is, it’s a good thing for me.

skyrim

I will admit that I have been a bit run down for a while and have been trying to find some sources of happiness so I finally pulled out my gaming stuff and hooked it up to my TV. I haven’t been playing any games since I have returned to the USA and about 2 or 3 days ago, I played a bit of Skyrim and it cheered me up a little bit. Yeah, it’s an old game but I like it. I like the adventure without actually physically getting up and going adventuring. I wouldn’t want to take any arrows to the knee. I try not to play much so I don’t downright ignore J. It’s so easy sometimes to be neglectful when your brain is in a game. I think that’s why I play. It’s probably my alcohol or drug to unwind. I love it. I want to upgrade my game consoles at some point because, uh, I kinda need to. I’ve put a lot of my development on hold for now while I get the mess that’s my life together.

Thinking about it, it’s not really so bad but don’t think I can live in a smaller city like I’m living in long-term. I will agree that it’s good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city every so often, but living in it is quite different. Yes, some people are nicer but then there are a lot more people who irritate me like religious nut jobs.

Hopefully it will get better. It hasn’t been a month yet but I am a bit sad that I have gotten so down in such a short amount of time. My partner may think that it’s his fault but I think sometimes I need to sacrifice a few things to make other people’s lives better. In this case, he had just gotten permanent work at where he was working and I don’t want him to mess that up and leave. That’s the main reason why I am there. I want him to have a good opportunity to stay here in Australia if he can. He’s such a hard worker and has gone through a lot. I don’t want to make his life any more difficult. I guess that’s what I do. I do this kind of thing for everybody even if it makes me personally upset or depressed. I think my job right now is to find things that make me happy and then go do that so that it makes things bearable. I know my partner’s happiness is a bit dependent on the fact that I am around making his life hard and being picky about what I will eat and what I won’t eat.

It will get better and I hope in a few short months, I will be able to report that I’m too busy in the smaller city I live in to care about making myself down! It’s a good time to be positive-minded. 🙂

I hope you enjoyed those random thoughts. 🙂