I finally got around to moving some video that I took during my trip to the USA last time which is good. My MacBook handled the transfer really nicely. I had been planning to get rid of it because I have an iMac that is about 6 years older than my MacBook and it goes about 5 times faster. The iMac has some pretty annoying issues though, mainly being with the graphics card. It just acts like it can’t handle anything I throw at it without it hanging or leaving artifacts all over the screen. So I am in a hard spot because I’d like to use the money I make from the MacBook to go towards something else or possibly to pay off a few debts I have.
Of course, a lot of the reason why I didn’t take that video off my camera is because that would mean that I would have to watch it. For some reason, my voice is a lot more irritating and grating when I hear it recorded. I can pick out every single bit of Texan accent from my voice and if you haven’t heard, the southern drawl really bugs me (except when it comes from my family because I guess I’m used to it). Hearing myself and seeing myself makes me a little emotionally ill. I mean, I can’t even handle looking at myself in the mirror. (Yeah, yeah, I know there’s something causing that but I guess I don’t want to tackle that right now in this post.)
The other reason I didn’t want to see it is because I recorded a lot of video with me talking to my dog and telling him that I am going to miss him when I am away. I got my dog back in 2003 and yeah, he’s getting pretty old now. When he was getting a little bit of gray around his mouth, I’d get quite depressed and it makes me really sad that I am not around him in his golden years. My mom loves him to death and he loves her, so I don’t feel so bad leaving the little guy behind. The breed of dog that I left with my mom lives to be about this age, so I am just really sad that it’s come down to this. I made sure I was a lot nicer to him compared to when I was a kid and my other dog. I know that if I get another one, this sad cycle will continue and it’s really hard. I hate seeing people and pets getting older.
I guess there’s not much I can do because I am getting older myself and last I heard, there’s nothing I can do about it except stop eating so much KFC and eating stuff that won’t melt my insides/brain.
I guess these are just some random thoughts about why I am so gloomy lately. I miss a lot of my friends in Melbourne and I think there will never be enough time to go see them when I want to. A lot of things that I can’t say here are happening and that’s quite frustrating for me. I still feel like I need to censor a huge amount of stuff I’m feeling and thinking, but it’s not something to worry about; it’s just frustrating. That’s it.
I think to combat this little problem, I’m going to be developing some kind of system where people who want to read the deep, dark things in my head can… but I don’t want it available to the general public. And I don’t want people to bring the stuff up either. Honestly, I’ve started on it. I also think it might be a good way to sponsor some of my projects or just to talk about them.
No worries people, just emotionally busy. That’s all.