Revisiting the Not-So-Far Past Through Pre-Edited Video

I finally got around to moving some video that I took during my trip to the USA last time which is good. My MacBook handled the transfer really nicely. I had been planning to get rid of it because I have an iMac that is about 6 years older than my MacBook and it goes about 5 times faster. The iMac has some pretty annoying issues though, mainly being with the graphics card. It just acts like it can’t handle anything I throw at it without it hanging or leaving artifacts all over the screen. So I am in a hard spot because I’d like to use the money I make from the MacBook to go towards something else or possibly to pay off a few debts I have.

DSC_0005Of course, a lot of the reason why I didn’t take that video off my camera is because that would mean that I would have to watch it. For some reason, my voice is a lot more irritating and grating when I hear it recorded. I can pick out every single bit of Texan accent from my voice and if you haven’t heard, the southern drawl really bugs me (except when it comes from my family because I guess I’m used to it). Hearing myself and seeing myself makes me a little emotionally ill. I mean, I can’t even handle looking at myself in the mirror. (Yeah, yeah, I know there’s something causing that but I guess I don’t want to tackle that right now in this post.)

The other reason I didn’t want to see it is because I recorded a lot of video with me talking to my dog and telling him that I am going to miss him when I am away. I got my dog back in 2003 and yeah, he’s getting pretty old now. When he was getting a little bit of gray around his mouth, I’d get quite depressed and it makes me really sad that I am not around him in his golden years. My mom loves him to death and he loves her, so I don’t feel so bad leaving the little guy behind. The breed of dog that I left with my mom lives to be about this age, so I am just really sad that it’s come down to this. I made sure I was a lot nicer to him compared to when I was a kid and my other dog. I know that if I get another one, this sad cycle will continue and it’s really hard. I hate seeing people and pets getting older.

I guess there’s not much I can do because I am getting older myself and last I heard, there’s nothing I can do about it except stop eating so much KFC and eating stuff that won’t melt my insides/brain.

I guess these are just some random thoughts about why I am so gloomy lately. I miss a lot of my friends in Melbourne and I think there will never be enough time to go see them when I want to. A lot of things that I can’t say here are happening and that’s quite frustrating for me. I still feel like I need to censor a huge amount of stuff I’m feeling and thinking, but it’s not something to worry about; it’s just frustrating. That’s it.

I think to combat this little problem, I’m going to be developing some kind of system where people who want to read the deep, dark things in my head can… but I don’t want it available to the general public. And I don’t want people to bring the stuff up either. Honestly, I’ve started on it. I also think it might be a good way to sponsor some of my projects or just to talk about them.

No worries people, just emotionally busy. That’s all.

Where are my tattoos?

“Do you have any tattoos?”

This is something I used to get asked a lot when I was dating. I don’t know whether people expect me to have one, twelve, or more, but the truth is that I don’t have any. The way I think about it is that my body is a mostly permanent paint canvas. Would I really want the same tattoo 5 years from now? 10 years? 50 years? I know I am not going to be the definition of beautiful later in life, so that’s not something I’m concerned with. It’s just not something I want to risk so I just haven’t gotten any at all.

Though I don’t have any myself, I find them incredibly sexy. I would totally date a guy who was covered with them.  The sleeves are really sexy too.

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I don’t really understand why some people wouldn’t want to date someone with a tattoo but it’s a little strange that I haven’t really dated anyone with even one. I might have been interested in someone with one or two, but that hardly worked out and it wasn’t because he had/didn’t have tattoos.

A lot of people who I know have them and there was a time or two where my best friend would go in to get a tattoo and I thought about getting one too. I always came out with no body art. Well, there was this one time I came out with two new piercings and those ended up being a huge mistake.

When I was younger, my dad got one and I remember him explaining that he wanted to get one, but wanted to make sure that it was the “right” one to get. I totally get that now.

I don’t know if or when I will ever get one. At first, I was thinking that I wanted to get something matching with a guy who I would spend the rest of my life with but even now, I am unsure whether it is something that I want to do. I have gone over some designs I made, but I am just not sure if it’s a great idea.

Tattoos-pay-the-priceI have also seem some really bad tattoos and just think if I had to deal with something that was done correctly. I am also one of those people who know that it would be incredibly dumb for me to get a $50 tattoo. It’s basically a thing of getting what you pay for. (That’s why I don’t buy cheap computers.)

I’ve seen a lot of cheap ones online and I wonder if those people who get them really know how bad they look after it’s done. I would personally hate to have to get them removed because I know it would cost a lot more to do that and my skin would probably be ruined from it.

I assume there are ways to avoid that like getting some kind of tattoo design books or heck, I can just design it myself!

Or maybe I couldn’t design it myself because my designing skills are lackluster at best. Haha. Here’s a bonus hot guy that works out of Bangalore in India. (At least I think that’s who this is – he was in Google Images on an article that is no longer available, but I grabbed the name.)

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That’s it from me for now! 🙂 Yes, it was pretty random, but that’s the beauty!

Robots, My Childhood Obsession

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Actually, I didn’t know whether Lego or robots were my childhood obsession. I think they were really close to each other in obsession. I collected small ones when I was a kid, but had two that were my absolute favorite: Dingbot and Flipbot. You probably guessed that is what is in the picture. The one on the left, Dingbot, would roll around the floor bumping into things while making a really high-pitched whiny noise. I used to play with him without the batteries and it seemed like he was always the “nice guy”. If I’m not mistaken, I got him from my aunt and uncle (ones that I no longer talk to). A fun fact: this aunt and uncle used to use gifts before they’d wrap them up for someone else. At the time though, I didn’t care and they weren’t so vocal in their anti-everything (at least not to me).

Flipbot is the one on the right. I loved him because he’d fall over and do flips. I’d say he was pretty strong for being beat around, dropped, and stuff as much as he was. If I have one of these guys in my old toy chest, it’s this one. He had a head that you could squeeze in the back and he’d open his mouth a little bit so you could put something like paper in it. He had a few teeth in there too, but I never managed to get bitten. He could also hold something in his hands too. (I think Dingbot could do that too but I never did it.) My mom and dad gave him to me and it is probably one of my favorite toys they’ve every gotten for me.

gyromite_robAnother one that I had was a robot that I got with my Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985. I think I was one of the lucky ones that had one, unfortunately, only two games were made for it and I had one. It was a pretty fun concept but it was one of those things that ended up being a one-trick pony. I pretty much kept him hidden from the world but had a ton of fun playing with him (without the NES). I was happy to see him coming back in a few games in the past 10 years because he’s just that precious, I think. It makes me think though: would something like this work now?

Sad Story: His demise came when my mom was frustrated with me about having a dirty bedroom. You see, my sister and I learned really fast that if the house was dirty, my mother was in a really, really bad mood. Even to this day, if my house isn’t clean, I start getting moody, depressed, and irritated. My mom basically was taking the stuff I had stuffed in corners and stuff, and throwing it in a pile. Something landed on ROB’s head and it broke, then I cried and cried. I wish I still had him. I probably would sell him on eBay! (Not really.)

coca-cola-2My ultimate dream was to get one of the robots I found in the Sears Catalog in the 80’s (OMNIBOT 2000). You know, the ones that looked really awesome and had a tape recorder built in, and could deliver drinks and stuff. Yeah, my grandparents told me that the advertisements in the catalog made it look a lot more awesome than it really was. That was probably because the things were pretty expensive at the time. I think they were around $800, something that my grandparents and parents didn’t think I needed. They were probably right! (Tab? New Coke? Eww.)

Fun times. I miss those days but I’m like what, 30 years older now! Haha. So much has changed. I think!

 

Last Week: Orlando, Movies, and Gumbo

My left eye is not very happy right now.

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I’m not really sure what’s going on with it, but used some eye drops for allergies and it started looking a lot better. Then, it came back and looks pretty bad this morning. I took some antihistamines last night but it didn’t look any different so I am pretty much concluding that it’s most likely pink eye or something which is not fun. Since today is Sunday, I am most likely not going to the doctor and I will be damned if I am going to sit at an emergency room for half a day just to be given some eye drops.

Well, we all know it’s been a while since I last posted. A few things have happened:

Orlando Gay Club Shooting

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I’ve been relatively quiet about this because telling most of my circle of friends and family in the USA that there need to be better gun laws falls on deaf ears. I’ve said before that I don’t particularly like guns and I wouldn’t really care if everybody had to turn in their guns to be smelted into a big statue of Kathy Bates. (I’d so do it, because I love Kathy Bates.)

It hits a bit hard though because some guy, out of pure hatred, killed a group of people who were just trying to relax and get out for the night. It’s quite scary to think about. I was never a really big clubbing kind of guy and I wouldn’t be able to tell you the last time I walked into a club without being dragged in there. That doesn’t mean that it was okay or people shouldn’t be going. I know the gay community is pretty awesome at standing up for themselves and for each other.

It’s just really sad thinking about the hatred that’s in this world. I don’t really understand why people would care so much about who other people love. I don’t know why that would make someone so angry that they feel the need to walk into a club and gun people down. I’ll probably never really get it but I can only wish that some people will change and just not care about such trivial things like sexual attraction.

Alice Through the Looking Glass

My partner and I went to see this movie last week and it was pretty good. I probably liked the first one a little more, but for some reason, I want to see another Alice movie.

My partner didn’t let me sit and eat a big bag of Skittles too. So, that’s pretty good of him. I didn’t mind either because I would have eaten all of them myself!

My Dad’s Birthday

For anybody who doesn’t know, my father passed away right before I turned 30. I like to celebrate his birthday instead of paying a lot of attention to when he passed away.

I wish that he was still here and I wish he could have come to Australia. I miss him a lot. I usually bake a cake or something for his birthday but I’ve just moved and I didn’t have a real fridge yet.

Gumbo

My partner made me some gumbo last night. My sister and J decided they’d have a chat about the stuff I like. My partner surprised me with it last night and it was really good. He did a great job and it tasted like the kind my mom makes. I was pretty happy that he made it and now that he has made it, I probably want it more!

End

Yes, this is the end of this post. It was just a simple week in review for you. I know that I am not very good at expressing myself in these things anymore and I put little effort into making them readable. So if something doesn’t make sense, I’ll just blame it on my leaky eyeball.

Hope all is well!

Mental State Update

It’s another spur-of-the-moment posts of mine written from bed. It’s about 9 am now and today is the Queen’s birthday so, happy birthday Queen. Thanks for the day off or something and making the trains back home run every hour. I have been quite on the place where I just moved to and yes, it’s a lot more unexciting than where I was living in Melbourne. I feel a little bad because I hardly know anybody so far and haven’t tried very hard to move my work to my new city. I am still essentially working in Melbourne but thankfully, because of what I do, I can work from home but it is coming down to me really needing to get something local. I’m not really sure whether I am wanting to work in my usual field of work or not. I am happy to have the excuse to Melbourne when I can. I still think that I need to balance it out while I am not driving. Nearby where I live, there are some incredible beaches but I haven’t been yet. That’s because right now in Australia it is winter and no, winter isn’t really that bad, going to the beach when it’s cold and windy isn’t recommended. I guess I can wait until spring or summer, maybe. I want to have the freedom to go on the Great Ocean Road but well, I need to snag a car first.

I guess instead of focusing on all the bad things about the place where I live now, I can focus more on the good things. I’ve discovered that I am focusing more on the negatives to people in the city which, in turn, makes them think I sit around all day being depressed and staring at the wall. It’s not like that. My partner is a really good cook so I am always happy when he cooks. He cooks about 90% of the time (so far, I am about to try to make a lot of southern US food) but it’s always good. I can tell that he likes it and it seems like the rest of his family loves cooking too. I’m not sure whether it’s a Keralite thing or not. Even if it is, it’s a good thing for me.

skyrim

I will admit that I have been a bit run down for a while and have been trying to find some sources of happiness so I finally pulled out my gaming stuff and hooked it up to my TV. I haven’t been playing any games since I have returned to the USA and about 2 or 3 days ago, I played a bit of Skyrim and it cheered me up a little bit. Yeah, it’s an old game but I like it. I like the adventure without actually physically getting up and going adventuring. I wouldn’t want to take any arrows to the knee. I try not to play much so I don’t downright ignore J. It’s so easy sometimes to be neglectful when your brain is in a game. I think that’s why I play. It’s probably my alcohol or drug to unwind. I love it. I want to upgrade my game consoles at some point because, uh, I kinda need to. I’ve put a lot of my development on hold for now while I get the mess that’s my life together.

Thinking about it, it’s not really so bad but don’t think I can live in a smaller city like I’m living in long-term. I will agree that it’s good to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city every so often, but living in it is quite different. Yes, some people are nicer but then there are a lot more people who irritate me like religious nut jobs.

Hopefully it will get better. It hasn’t been a month yet but I am a bit sad that I have gotten so down in such a short amount of time. My partner may think that it’s his fault but I think sometimes I need to sacrifice a few things to make other people’s lives better. In this case, he had just gotten permanent work at where he was working and I don’t want him to mess that up and leave. That’s the main reason why I am there. I want him to have a good opportunity to stay here in Australia if he can. He’s such a hard worker and has gone through a lot. I don’t want to make his life any more difficult. I guess that’s what I do. I do this kind of thing for everybody even if it makes me personally upset or depressed. I think my job right now is to find things that make me happy and then go do that so that it makes things bearable. I know my partner’s happiness is a bit dependent on the fact that I am around making his life hard and being picky about what I will eat and what I won’t eat.

It will get better and I hope in a few short months, I will be able to report that I’m too busy in the smaller city I live in to care about making myself down! It’s a good time to be positive-minded. 🙂

I hope you enjoyed those random thoughts. 🙂

Thoughts about US Politics Right Now

Coming to a smaller city means that not a lot happens, so unfortunately, I get to pull topics out of the air.

hillaryWell, we’ve heard by now that Hillary Clinton is now the Democratic nominee for President of the United States in November. I have said before that I don’t mind either Hillary or Bernie, so I feel a little sad for Bernie because I know he had some really great ideas and would have loved to see what he could do, but the votes came in for Hillary. I am happy or maybe just content with that. I know that Bernie supporters are pretty pissed though because I see post after post on my Facebook wall about how screwed Bernie got from, let’s see, the media, news sites, newspapers, the Democratic National Convention, or any other far-fetched excuse. I actually wanted Hillary to get the nomination when she was running against Barrack Obama (who, may I say, is awesome) but when I voted, did I throw a huge fit? No. Did I post all the reasons why it wasn’t fair? No. Was I a little bit sad that it didn’t happen? Sure! But I still voted for Barack Obama. Why? Because the alternatives didn’t match with what I believed in.

I am still really sad that Trump got this far. No, I am really embarrassed, actually. Extremely embarrassed that this is the best that the USA can do. With Hillary, at least, she’s got the background in politics and law. Trump has a background filing for bankruptcy and running businesses in the ground and taking advantage of people. Plus he’s racist and everybody knows this, he’s an asshole.

Not everybody likes Hillary, and that’s fine. I get that. She’s not perfect and probably has done a lot of crappy things, but the alternative is Trump. Enough said.

I don’t think it’s productive for fellow Democrats to bicker, argue, and be divided like the Republicans have done to themselves. I’d still love a Hillary/Bernie ticket. I don’t know or think that is going to happen, but if it does, Trump will be destroyed. That is something I do want to see. So Hillary is my pick regardless because I would rather see someone in office that has the experience, not a racist prick who makes his mark by being a total jerk and embarrasses Americans living overseas.

Hopefully this is as political as I have to get. I never intend this blog to be full of research and political in nature. These are just thoughts of mine. Nothing scholarly here, folks!

My Decade-long Romance with Australia

10years

Today marks 10 years that I have been living in Australia. The time has flown by and a ton has happened. First, I want to say that it wasn’t easy being able to live here and because of some past events, I didn’t think I would ever be able to live here permanently. I didn’t think things would be like they are today, but I guess I’ll take it. I just wanted to go through some of my big accomplishments or nice things that have happened over the years.

Friends

I have made some really awesome friends here over the years. Some have been with me for the whole journey some far. Some of them, I met when I lived in Sydney in 2001. I don’t want to sound like a drama queen or anything like that, but for a long time I was really depressed and sometimes that depression and self-doubt pops up. The people I have around me, for the most part, have been absolutely vital to keeping my sanity together. Because of them I have remained sane, have gotten to try new experiences and food, have been able to travel across Australia (one person in particular), and I’ve gotten to experience cultures that I would not have been able to experience if I remained in my home town.

Travel

I’ve gotten a chance to go to many different places across Australia and have covered every state and territory except one, which I am saving up for later. I have been able to go to Hobart, Sydney (for the first time in almost 12 years), Brisbane, Cairns, Adelaide, Darwin, Canberra, and around Victoria as well. I don’t think I would have been able to go if it weren’t for a friend of mine here so I am pretty darn lucky in that regard.

Kuranda Scenic Rail

Kuranda Scenic Rail

Study

I studied and have a professional qualification now. I am on my way to get another soon. My study life, especially as a mature-aged student, hasn’t been easy and I have made quite a few screw ups. Right now, I just want to get it done, then my life as a student is over. 🙂

My Career(s)

Not the strongest area and probably could have done a lot better in this regard, but regardless, I own my own small business now which I operate from home. I am also using my professional qualification I got from studying the first time.

Food

I’ve eaten things I would have never been able to eat before if I stayed in Texas. Before I came to this country, I had never eaten lamb, duck, quail, goat, and I’m sure other things as well. There has been a ton of food that I’ve had from different parts of the world. Before I got here, my favorite food was Vietnamese food, and it still is, but I eat more Indian food now. I first had Indian food around 2002 when I moved back to New York and have loved it since then.

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Immigration

Immigrating here was, to put it bluntly, a bitch. I think I got it a lot easier than some people from other countries do though. Over the last ten years though, I was able to get my permanent residency in 2008, then in 2012, I became an Australian citizen. Becoming a citizen here was one of the most important things for me because now I feel like I “belong” here. Before then, I didn’t think that it mattered and permanent residency was enough to keep me happy. I’m proud to be able to call myself an Australian now.

Love Lost

My relationship that I started in 1999 came to an end in 2012 (or 2013) so I was feeling quite a bit lost. A big reason why I was able to come here and stay was because of him. We still talk but know that it will never move from that point.

The House

I have co-owned a few houses while I have been here but that’s no longer the case now. Well, okay, I do but I don’t live in it anymore. That’s quite a good accomplishment though, right?

Love Gained

A few times I met some incredible people. One left the country and I didn’t know whether he would ever come back so I ended it. He was a great guy and he still is. I talk to him every so often. After that, I met someone who I was compatible with more for my sweetness than anything, but when it came to other things, we weren’t compatible but we’re still good friends and he’s been awesome so far. Now, there is this guy. Enough said.

What does the future bring?

I don’t know what the future holds but I told myself a long time ago that a decade being here is enough. I am not sure whether that still holds or not. I planned to move back to the USA in 2017 then moved that to 2018. I just don’t know yet. It’s hard to say. I don’t know where I’ll end up because it depends on if I have any more faith left in the American public after November or if I have a stockpile of cash so I can build a place in the USA somewhere.

There’s a lot to think about. I don’t know whether this decade celebration is going to turn into a two decade celebration, whether I’ll go to the USA to live for a decade, or what. We will see. Hopefully I will still be around on the net to document it.

My First Experience with Bigotry in Australia in 10 Years

It’s been about one week in my new place. I don’t have a ton of free time right now, so I am just going to go over a few things about moving from a big city to a not-so-big city.

Right now, I am trying to wrap my head around the change of environment and not being able to get where I need to go quickly because I am not driving. That, I’ve discovered, is a huge problem for me and should have worked something out before I moved here. In a way, I feel like I am confined to a small area though I know that it’s just a quick train trip to Melbourne. I have all the stores and stuff I need around me but some of them are not within walking distance. It takes more than 30 minutes to get to a big shopping center. The bus service starts around 8 in the morning and runs hourly and ends around 8 at night.

signsFor the first time in ten years while in Australia, I was preached to by someone who felt it was their duty to harass the gays. My partner and I have no problem showing physical affection to each other in public but it’s not over sickening. Even if I was straight, I wouldn’t be all over my girlfriend or wife. No way. J was rubbing my head at a bus stop and a guy started spouting off bile about how God and Jesus spoke to him and said that our affection, our love for each other is an abomination. J told me how he said something about calling us “fuckers” or something like that. But he was being rude about it and he said “Can I ask you something?” I said no, because if it’s a dumb or sick question, I don’t want to hear it because I don’t care. I really don’t. J wanted to kiss in front of him but I didn’t think that was a good idea because it’s not good to light the short fuse of closet gays or religious nuts. I know that I am in a more conservative place, but two guys being in love isn’t going to change the world. I mean, think about it: who cares? The people who care are the ones who probably play with themselves at night watching gay porn. Or people with no lives. (The guy didn’t seem like he was the kind of guy who anybody would want to marry. Maybe he’s just jealous that I am with such a super handsome guy.) I have to admit that I did get a bit scared and for a while I was thinking to myself whether I am a really awful person. I’m not an awful person. I am just a guy who wants to live his life with another guy who makes me happy. And damn it, I will marry whoever I want as well!

The electricity was turned off on Tuesday morning and turned back on the next day. That was due to a miscommunication between me and my partner’s brother. It’s all sorted now.

The lease is for one year, not six months. So, that’s interesting. I originally thought that it was a lot shorter but it’s not. It worries me a little bit because one week in and I miss living in a big city. I am going to do my best to see if I can do it though. I think once I get a car, I will be fine. Oh, and also, once I get a new job here, I will be okay too. Maybe it’s not so bad. I will survive.

My partner has kept me sane during this whole time and he has been absolutely fabulous. I’m not saying that because I know he’ll read this, but because he has never judged me over certain situations in my life. I have been so afraid that my lack of responsibility in some aspects of my life will make him think lowly of me but he hasn’t. I appreciate his presence so much here and living with him has been great so far. I am looking forward to what the future brings.

Did you know that we just had an anniversary? We had KFC last night! It sounds small but the time we spend together is as precious as any other day. Plus, I love KFC. He knows this. He uses it to work in his favor. 🙂

That’s all for now. I won’t let the bad things get in my way to really enjoy life with my significant other.

Happy Anniversary!

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Today marks my anniversary with my partner. That is pretty exciting because it has been one of the best years of my life. I am so extremely happy to be with this person and I would never want to have it any different. He’s been through my ups and downs and I can never thank him enough just for being the awesome wonderful person that he is.

anniIt was pretty interesting when we first met. I had been chatting with him for a long time and we decided we were going to meet. When the time came closer for our first date, I wasn’t feeling very well at all. I was coughing, sneezing, feverish, and just not feeling well at all. I made an exception that I wouldn’t meet anybody when I’m sick to meet him and spend some time together. We met at a Hungry Jack’s at Melbourne’s Southern Cross Railway Station (which is totally fine for me) and chatted while I would occasionally complain about feeling terrible but all in all, I was happy with him! He liked me even though I didn’t put much effort into getting dressed up or anything like that. I felt like he simply liked me for who I am and I liked him for who he is.abc

Every day that passes, there’s not a day that he doesn’t chat with me, tells me he loves me, or doesn’t think about me. I feel this and for the first time in a really long time, I feel loved, accepted, and happy with someone–something that I never thought would happen again. I still feel the same about him that I did back then and he’s made every single day since I met the very best.

Here is hoping for several more years a lifetime of love and being with him!

You may notice that I am always kissing this guy. I am not so great taking selfies so he takes our pictures together. We have some kissing together but these are a bit sweeter. Haha. He’s just that cute that it’s hard not to kiss him!

Moving Time

moving_tipsWell, the time has come: I am moving out of Melbourne and into my partner’s place. It’s a pretty big move considering that I have moved in with my previous boyfriends quite quickly. We’ve lived together at my place for a few months and it went well, so this is logically the next step.

This means that I may not post for the next few days or more. I could post from my tablet but I hate typing on that thing!

A few exciting things are coming up for me, but I will say more in a few days, then again in a month from now! I need to continue to get my stuff together so this one is a quick post.