Easier to Move Forward Now

I’m hoping this finds you well, and if it isn’t, then feel free to chat with me.

A few months ago you probably remember that I mentioned a certain guy I was hoping to see when I go back home. I honestly hoped that I could reconnect but realistically, I don’t think I would be able to stay in Texas for very long. I guess that’s fine. I found out today that he’s started dating someone else and I think that’s okay. I don’t like it, but it’s inevitable plus I have been dating a really nice guy as well so it helps me move forward with the guy I met here.

I have to say that I’m still a bit bothered though because he told me that he didn’t want to date anybody, yet he decided to date someone. But I had also made a post that I was coming back here anyway and he waited until after that, I guess.

I haven’t really posted much about the guy I’m dating now, but we’ve been dating for a few months now and he’s been a super sweet guy. Hopefully it goes well!

That’s the update for now. A little jealous. A little relieved. Also it’s nice to feel a little bit better about coming back to Australia.

That’s it for now. It’s not such a great update. It’s probably not worth it, but it helps me get things out a bit.

(I hope I don’t bore you guys and girls too much!)

Idiologic Flashback

These are early snapshots of Idiologic.com from sometime between 2006 and 2009. Back then, I didn’t use any pre-made layouts or WordPress. I used something called Moveable Type that has now turned into overpriced garbage. The pictures with the hands were from the days where every day was a different color.  I think the other colors were orange, brown, purple, and yellow.

themepref

Here is the red version. It was the first one I made and it looks like this is the Opera browser as well.

idv3    I was actually happy with the blue version back then.

idioblue

I didn’t like the green version that much. Eventually I put a striped background on all these pages.

idiogreen

The mobile version was made totally separately and was pretty much a list of the latest updates to my weblog. I don’t think it had much functionality past that.

il-mobile

This was probably the last version of Idiologic that was designed from scratch. I don’t think that this version ever saw the light of day. I was starting to make a login system for extra stuff like more podcast episodes. I got around to making it but never made it live. I liked putting the rainbow banner at the top and bottom. Most of my stuff was themed with it. The picture was from the local train station.

idiologic-upcomingI miss the days when I could design my own layout. WordPress makes it so easy that I stopped doing them because it was just too much work and I was studying and working at the same time.

And here’s a promotional image after I stopped doing idioPod, my podcast. This was a new one that proved to be a bit hard to keep going.

tipbegin

I still have 0% interest in making a new podcast! Nothing much has changed.

My Life without an iPhone

About a month ago, while flying into Melbourne from the Great Barrier Reef, my iPhone 5 was having some really serious problems. It worked okay, more or less, but the thing was starting to bulge. When I say bulge, the front glass part had popped out and I could see the wires and metal inside of it. I didn’t know whether the stupid thing would explode or not, so I turned it off. When I landed, I turned it on and started ordering another phone.

To iPhone or Not to iPhone

For a while, even before my iPhone was being bulgy, I was considering getting a new phone because the one I was using was going on three years ago. Since iPhones are updated every few months to a year, I already had outdated technology.  I had owned an iPhone since the iPhone 3. I felt like through the years, I was using the same product. No excitement and no real change.

I decided to get something else.

Duh… duh… duuuuuuh! The Sony Xperia Z3

This is what I got.

I had been looking at it for a while since it was released and what I really liked about it was that it was waterproof. For some reason, when I found that out, I automatically thought I could take a picture underwater. I’m not even really sure if that’s possible or not and I doubt I’m really going to check. I have washed it though with running water and dropped it in the water. It still works perfectly.

Android: One of the anticipated problems that I thought I’d have is going from iOS to Android. It was a bit annoying at first because I was always looking for my physical home button. I also knew that I would miss iMessages since a lot of people I know have an iPhone as well but text messaging is free mostly so, why get so worried over this?

After a month of using it, I have to say that Sony did a really great job with their software. I tried other launchers and dozens of customisations with it. I figured out that’s why I like this operating system. Though Apple had really simplified how to do things, I think that I like having the control that I have with Android.

People told me that I’d probably go back to Apple but I really don’t want to. Something that worries me is that Sony may stop updating the operating system at some point. They’ve done a great job updating with the Z1 so I’m not so scared.

I got a lot of the same applications I used on my iPhone on my Z3. The major ones that I used (that weren’t made by Apple) were there so that’s perfect.

I like Xperia Home (the launcher). I have tried Nova Launcher but ended up going back to the Sony launcher. I like the Xperia theme too.

Screenshot_2015-08-22-12-02-34

Size and Shape: This is something I still have a problem with. The size is a bit bigger than I would have liked. I could have gotten the Xperia Z3 Compact but there were a few drawbacks for me (mostly being the memory). It would have fit into my hand a little better. I am not used to having a phone that I have to operate with both hands. I was so used to being able to use just my thumb if I had to. I can’t reach across the screen with just my thumb now and I find that irritating. I know it’s not Sony’s fault for my hand size but what I do have a problem with is…

The buttons are all on the right side. I can’t tell you how many times I have turned the screen off while using it or turned the volume all the way up or down while reaching over to grab it to turn off the alarm (usually all the way up with the alarm). I’ve also used the camera too when I didn’t mean to.

Perhaps all of this means that I need to get a case for it?

I like its thickness too (that’s what she said). I thought I might bend or break it by sitting on it but haven’t yet.

Camera: The back-facing camera is supposed to be one of the best on a phone but I wouldn’t know since I am so jittery. The Sony cameras I bought in the past had an anti-shake feature. Why couldn’t they include that on the phone for people like me? I have taken some pictures and the ones that weren’t blurred (again, my fault, not Sony’s), they looked great!

 

The front-facing camera looked pretty grainy but once I took a picture it was cleared up quite nicely. I still get a few blurred pictures (again, me being shaky). But it’s nice to see that the front-facing camera is capable of taking some pretty great pictures.

I don't like selfies... haha.

I don’t like selfies… haha.

Sound quality: There are a few ways we can do this. I’ll say that the hole that you listen to for phone calls has to be placed in just the right spot or you won’t hear a thing. It seems like when I talk on it, it’s in an uncomfortable position on my ear and I have to move it just a bit in every direction to see when I can hear.

The speakerphone and speakers aren’t that great. I feel like they’re not loud enough for me. Sometimes I want to play music from my phone and just set it somewhere and do whatever I need to do. I have done that a few times, but the sound is always really unpredictable. Good sometimes and bad sometimes.

Battery: It’s nice having a phone where I don’t have to charge it 3 or 4 times a day. The Z3 has a really good battery. I can go all day and then some, without charging it. I’m pretty sure that it’s not always going to be like that, but the change is nice. Anything’s better than the iPhone 5’s battery.

It’s also nice having settings to tone down the battery consumption if I need it.

The battery life is awesome compared to my old phone.

The battery life is awesome compared to my old phone. (14 hours left)

The charger is annoying though. I know mini USB is kind of a standard but it’s not great when it’s dark. I didn’t have to think too hard about it when I would plug in my iPhone to its charging cable. There wasn’t a wrong way to do it unless you’re really dumb. This one I need to look at the phone AND the plug to see whether it will connect. Not good.

NFC: I haven’t used it that much. I’ve downloaded some software to enable it, but haven’t found much of a use for it.

Screen display: It’s okay. I would probably say that it has the same clarity as my iPhone 5 had. I haven’t noticed too much of a difference.

My Conclusion

I’m glad that I switched, actually. People might see that as an anti-Apple move but I really like to customise the stuff I have. I’m already loving this phone and haven’t really been like “I should have gotten an iPhone instead”. I would usually know within a week or two whether I hate the phone I got. (I actually did this one time. It was a Samsung phone… hated it.)

That’s it for now. :) (I also wrote this about a week ago… it was just a little delayed.)

My best friend needs me but…

I think in the past on my weblog, I mentioned that I wanted to go back home to be with my friend because her father was really sick. Eventually, I made the decision not to go because it was just too hard for me to walk away from Australia at the moment or go twice in one year, months apart. A few days ago, my best friend’s dad passed away and I truly wished that I would be around her during some of this because I know she would take it really hard, understandably. I was close to this family growing up and I feel so bad for not being able to be there.

MagicJack has a huge problem sending me messages all in one go, so I checked with it on my phone to see whether I had any missed calls or messages, and there were so many missed messages from my best friend trying to make sense of what was going on. I felt horrible because I wasn’t able to get to them in time. I started asking myself what kind of friend I am to have “ignored” those messages.

I was initially going to call my best friend a few days after things were dying down but I thought that I probably shouldn’t wait since I missed all those messages. I called her and talked briefly with her and turned into an emotional mess. I decided to take the rest of the day off but keep someone close to me so I wouldn’t overthink and get myself too sad. My dreams last night were really strange and I didn’t really sleep very well. (Don’t you hate when you sleep, but you wake up feeling like you’ve slept for a total of 7 minutes?)

Anyway, going back to my best friend’s dad, I was actually pretty scared of him. I think a lot of people were scared of him. He was a huge guy – to me, being 6 feet tall, he looked like he was 8 feet tall and he looked like he could push me through a brick wall, if he wanted to but I knew he wouldn’t do that. He did have a bit of a problem with me when I told my friend I was gay though and I guess that’s understandable to a point. A lot of people sometimes are afraid of things people don’t know much about. Without revealing too much, I had to tattle on my best friend one time and since then, he started liking me. A lot of his family did too because this tattling wasn’t easy for me to do but I really wanted to make sure that my friend didn’t fall into an awful lifestyle. (I was living with my best friend but at that point, I had been staying with my parents most of the week to escape from the stress I had to go through at home.) Her dad was always very friendly towards me after that and thanked me a few times as well.

Anyway, he’ll be missed (even by me) and I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to see/talk to him before he passed away. Again, I wish I could be there but I told my friend to wait about 90 days and I’ll be there. This time of the year is going to be rough for them. At least I can comfort them through that, I hope.

It’s hard to lose a parent. I think about that sometimes and only having my mom now. I wish she’d eat a bit healthier and exercise a bit more but maybe I can nag her when I get there. I guess this is what’s on my mind right now–that and everything else. I am a bit sad today but I’ll be okay.

More Self Doubt

That last post wasn’t a real post, was it? I guess I should start saying something instead of posting these Tumblresque oddities here. (Do you look at my Tumblr? I haven’t done much with it lately but post some other stuff every so often.) So what’s going on? Well, things have happened here and there and I’m busier than ever. The sad thing is that this busy isn’t a great thing since it doesn’t do anything about the financial disaster I’ve created for myself. I’ve lost track of how many of my bills are overdue now.  I’m one of those people who are afraid to pay my bills by automatic direct debit because I’m not sure whether I’ll have money in my account at any given time. This isn’t where I wanted to be at this age. So here I am, doubting myself all over again.

I’ll do my best with what resources I can though and try to keep my sanity intact. It’s hard to do when I choose to keep all my traveling and expenses at a minimum. I’m actually looking for full-time work now on top of my full-time studying. I only have a few months of doing this, then I can get a breather for the year. Half of me wants to just throw in the towel with my studies and work full-time now but I’m going to feel really bad if I do that since I have 2 more courses after this. I don’t want to give up now but I may have to. It’s a hard position to be in and it makes me want to reach out for the Zoloft at times like this. I’m not going to do that now but only as a last resort.

Overall, I’m just feeling like I am not amounting to much right now. I should amend that, right?

And really, I can’t believe that someone still even likes me and wants to be around me when I’m feeling this way and when I can’t really do much. It’s terribly sweet and I guess sometimes that’s just what I need to keep that little bit of sanity I need to keep functioning.

100 Day Countdown

Blank desktop calendar

There are 100 more days* until I go back home for the first time in several years! I didn’t think the time would ever come, but it has. 100 more days until I get to see my family and friends back in the USA. It’s pretty exciting for me. Get ready for a lot of posts about what I’m looking forward to when I am there and what I’ll miss while I am away from Australia.

* Disclaimer: I can’t guarantee that there are 100 days exactly until I leave, but I’m kinda pretty sure that is right. :)

Time Manages Me

Hi. I’m here with another update but at least this time I’m going old school and using a keyboard so we won’t have only a few depressing sentences to read. I guess that’s good, right?

Me? Manage time? Time manages me!

Me? Manage time? Time manages me!

Some of you might know that I own and operate a small business here that is totally unrelated to what I came to this country to study. Let me just say that I am struggling quite a lot. I don’t mean financially either (though I am, actually). I realise that I am not a very good business person or just have terrible time management. I have never been great with managing my time which is why I get in most of the trouble I am in. For some reason today I’m feeling it a little more than usual. Instead of advertise myself to the 7 people a week who actually read this, I’ll just say that I need to work a little bit harder.

This is probably a huge reminder that I need to find a plan and stick with it because everything that I’ve been doing isn’t working. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do the things I need to do now. Sometimes I feel like I just need to clone myself!

You’re probably thinking “If this guy is running out of time to do the things he needs to do, why the f*** is he even posting this?” I have one word to answer that: therapy. For some reason this is therapeutic for me. I think everybody needs to do something to lessen the craziness in their lives. No one deserves to live in an endless cycle of pain. Instead of finding a therapist, I decide to throw all my trouble out here (mostly censored).

With that said, I am out of here. I need to fit in some sleep. I’m tired.

Powerless

This will be short and sweet because typing on a phone isn’t easy but I will say that I feel like I could do so much better than what I do now. I feel like nothing I do is good enough and this constantly being broke stuff sucks.

Sometimes I wish I could save everybody but I know I can’t and that drives me crazy. I wish I could do more.

I wish I could sleep better too.

I also miss that guy I mentioned in my last post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Skin Colour and Dating: Not Such A Big Deal

Hey! Welcome back! Glad to see you here. I started writing a blog entry yesterday about a certain topic and got disrupted several times, so somewhere in the middle I “lost the plot”. So, I’m going to start again.

I don’t really like talking about my personal life that much or my relationships with people, but I thought maybe this is a good time to do so because it’s something that comes up every so often in the dating world.

A few weeks ago, I started dating a guy here in Melbourne. He’s turned out to be a very sweet, kind, smart, and caring guy which ticks a lot of the boxes of what kind of person I would go out with. Notice that none of those good qualities have anything to do with religion, cultural background, or sexy accents. Something interesting though that I noticed when I started talking to this guy is that he asked me if I was okay meeting and chatting with someone who had dark skin. I know people have their own preferences of who they want to date and that’s okay but it is sad when someone has to ask me if I would chat with them because they had dark skin. I’m a chatterbox and it doesn’t really matter to me about where a person is from. I don’t mind and to an extent, I don’t care. I do care though because it gives me a chance to really get to know someone of another (or sometimes new) culture. I find learning about people and their backgrounds to be quite fascinating.

What I have also learned is that life can be hard for gay Indian men in general. I’ve heard the stories where a gay man has to get married and have kids because any other alternative is unacceptable in that culture. It’s easy for me to say something like “Oh, then just don’t get married.” or “Just tell your parents you don’t like women.” It’s not so easy for them though. I didn’t grow up in that culture and as an American/Australian guy, I probably will never fully understand how hard life is for most gay Indian men. I’ve witnessed first hand what it’s like to really like a guy and then be told months down the road that the relationship is only temporary because he’s expected to be married and have children. After that, I started getting a little uncomfortable meeting or dating South Asian men because I don’t really want to deal with something temporary. If I am going to be serious with someone and I really like them, I want to have a potential, long-term relationship with them. I feel like I’m getting too old for the short-term relationship thing (I have never, ever been a fan of the one-night stand thing either but I have done it.). I ask these Indian men if they’re going to be forced to get married and if they do, then I politely say that I am looking for something romantic in the long-term, but I’m more than happy to be friends. I mean that too. I have noticed that a lot of these good-looking, handsome men get rejected a lot in this country. I’ve been told stories where an Indian guy finally reveals that he’s Indian and the chatting stops. I’ve been told that a guy here hasn’t been invited to dinner at any Australian’s homes for dinner yet. I’ve been told that people say some really nasty things in chat. They tell me of being verbally abused at work (which is illegal here). It’s all really sad and I wish things like that didn’t happen.

So yes, the guy I am going on dates with is an Indian guy and well, it is a first for me because his family knows about me and they know that he’s gay. I haven’t really run into many Indian families who are this accepting but if they are, that’s a good thing for him, and me too. He has told me to keep things a bit tame on his Facebook page because there are still some people who will give him a hard time. I tell him to do the same for me because my family is on mine and I don’t make a lot of my personal life known to them. I don’t like seeing people kissing each other on there, so I don’t do it myself.

How cute is this? Beautiful in a million different ways.

How cute is this? Beautiful in a million different ways.

If you’re a gay Indian guy who is reading this and/or you’re moving to Australia, don’t be discouraged by this post. There are people here who are nice and understanding. There are people like me who moved here as an international student who know what it’s like to move countries and experience something completely new. :) If I can help someone feel welcome here, I am more than happy to do it. That goes for when I am in the USA as well! I just like everybody. Chat with me sometime if you’d like to.

Lovely Addition: I totally forgot to post this when I wrote it! Oops!