I wanted to use my next post after that depressing one to liven up the place a little bit but it looks like that’s not really going to happen. Well, okay, it might happen. I don’t know. I am horribly busy these days with new work and trying to get my previous work completed. I have to say that neither is getting done because I’m in a bit of a slump. I still have a lot on my mind.
To be honest, I am still pretty upset over what I explained about in my last journal entry. I still feel rejected, but I guess that’s okay. I haven’t really talked to the guy since that day. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t been thinking about him because I have. I can say “Oh, I won’t talk to him until he talks to me.” but that’s not going to happen. I know it’s not because he doesn’t talk to me unless I initiate the conversation. I’d like that to change every so often. It is things like this that make me think that I’m trying too hard and I probably am trying too hard to get someone’s attention. That’s not a good thing.
Over the space of two months too, I had been talking to someone in Los Angeles that I was going to meet but like every other person I am interested in, communication hasn’t really happened for the past two weeks. It’s always a “hey” or “hello”. It’s always at a time in the morning that I get these messages that I’m not awake. I was looking forward to meeting the guy, but then I start thinking that I am across this big ocean and I just don’t see my charm. So I just let go, I guess. I’d still like to meet him but it’s also possible that he’s read what I’ve written here lately too and that put him off. I would cry and run for the hills if I read something like that. He’s also on my Facebook and I announced there that I have booked the other part of my flight when I told him that I would go on a road trip with him. I would love that sometime but honestly I don’t know whether I am going to be up for exploring the country after a 15 hour trip. Even a few days later after that trip would be extremely difficult. I also don’t want to miss Thanksgiving with my sister, nephews, and mom.
I don’t really expect anything to come out of either situation. Maybe I will meet up with one or the other. Maybe I will meet both of them. I’m not sure. This is the reason why I can’t say when I’m coming back to Australia. I’m actually happy that I booked a return ticket and still have the option in case I need it.
I feel like I’ve said “I don’t know yet” to dozens of people about if I’m coming back. It’s a bit crazy but I definitely need to spend time with my family but I need some cuddles that mean something as well–they’re always nice!
I’m also running a little fever and feel a bit yucky today. I woke up and touched my lip and found that I had a cold sore pop up overnight. I was having some really crappy dreams last night too about video editing. I am a little bit less stressed about the whole “he doesn’t want you” thing and more stressed about the whole “I’m going to fail pretty bad this semester” thing.
I need a break. Thank you to the person who made it happen later in the year.