Yesterday, I finally told my friends and family in the USA that I am getting married.
I explained to them why I am doing it here rather than the USA (which didn’t include anything about the government). I explained our need for privacy while everything unfolds. The good thing is that I got a lot of positive messages. I was expecting for a few people to ask me those “fun” messages like “Who is the husband and who is the wife?” No one did, so I’m secretly bummed out.
I’m not so sure what the next chapter in my life will bring, but I’ll tell you now that what I am in now is just so busy, I am really wanting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time in a long time, I am really energised about my career and I’m looking forward to see where I can go with it. I’m trying to connect it in a way that when, or if, I move back to the USA, I won’t have to start with a really terrible job.
What’s next is that I need to tell the people HERE what’s going on. This is going to be a little harder because I’m not having a big wedding and I have only a few open spots for people. I know that I’m going to have my good woman friend come. (I love her to death. I actually wanted HER to officiate it, but I thought that might be too much for her to do given how busy she is with everything else.)
I am hoping that it all works out well and that I have a long, happy life ahead of me after the marriage bit. I seriously don’t want to fuck this up and divorce him just because I can.
People have been telling me that they’re worried about me and I’m not so sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I haven’t exactly been the most social butterfly lately and I think people link that with being depressed or something. I’ve complained lately that I’ve been so busy, I’ve been getting a bit more sick lately, but it doesn’t mean I’m depressed or anything. I just make myself a lot busier than I really should be. I have told people that if I’m not this busy and inflicting some kind of pain on myself, then I feel like something is “off”.
That’s probably not the best, or healthiest, way to think.
Since I’ve moved out of Melbourne, it’s been a bit hard to catch up with people as often as I used to. It takes me a while to know people (I’d rather be around friends rather than acquaintances). I don’t think I’ve got trust issues, but I’m one of those people who just don’t require to be around people all the time. I’d rather have a few really good friends than a lot. I’m totally happy with my alone time (most of the time) though it can sometimes be excessive. I don’t really notice it too much though a lot of other people do.
I also get incredibly anxious in social situations. You know how people have this invisible bubble around them where they get super uncomfortable when someone’s in it? Some people’s invisible bubble is really small. Mine’s pretty big. I don’t like people who are that close to me and during the photo shoot the other weekend, it was even super hard to have my partner that close to me (but at the same time, it was nice because we don’t get that close very often).
Seriously, I’m good. I am not unhappy, depressed, or anything of the sort. I’m just a bit busy and trying so hard to keep that culled a little bit. I am thinking of ways that I can de-stress myself, even if it means giving up some of the things I do to keep myself busy.
Hi. I’m waiting for my phone to charge. Yeah, technology is fun sometimes.
I mentioned the other day that I had a few busy weeks ahead of me, but the first week has finished, and you know what? I really enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to going back next week. I didn’t work much in this field for a while (which is why I am doing this again) and it is so nice to get back to it, even full-time. I told myself when I first started over 10 years ago that I would never work in this field full-time. I do like the flexibility of working casually and being able to take (unpaid) leave when I need to, but as I get older, I need to make more money and I need to work a lot harder before I am forced to work when I’m 85 years old.
It’s really nice rediscovering why exactly I do what I did/do. It’s very invigorating and it feels great going back home at the end of the day, knowing that I enjoy what I’m doing, like, seriously.
It’s hard to explain this without mentioning what I actually do, so hopefully you get what I’m saying. lol
Anyway, I hope I can maintain this excitement past next week and I’m pretty sure that it will just get better. I’m almost totally done with this re-training stuff.
Hey there. I think I forgot to mention that my posts here will be a bit sporadic for the next month. Oops. It’s just that busy time of the year right now, so I tend to forget to post here. Without saying too terribly much, I’m doing full-time training for the next month and I am absolutely knackered at the end of the day. I pretty much come home and fall asleep. I get up for a bit to eat, and then go back to sleep and get a half-assed night of sleep. There’s just too much going through my head right now and it’s preventing me from getting good quality sleep.
Over the weekend, we took our pre-wedding photos and I’ve seen some of them. The pictures are okay and I don’t really think I’m going to share any of them here on my weblog, but if you’re interested for some strange reason, just message me and you can see some (assuming I know you).
I have just been really tired, and at the same time, pretty anxious about everything. I think that’s what is wearing my energy thin. As small and simple as things are sometimes, I always feel the need to over think everything. It’s one of the things about myself that really irritates me. The frequent trips to the bathroom, the always-looking-like-I-just-saw-a-ghost look, the trembling like a leaf, it is all a bit irritating.
Anyway, I don’t want to keep dwelling on these things, so I’m heading off. I’ll see you guys a few times over the next month. 🙂
Hi! I’m finally starting to feel a bit better now so I thought I’d give you an update of sorts. I know I haven’t said much about my wedding day lately, so I wanted to tell you that it’s still on. I’ve had to move the date around a little bit because it turned out that my partner’s mother was heading back home on the day that we were supposed to get married, so we moved it sooner by a week.
I haven’t said much about what’s happening on the day yet because we’re not doing anything huge for it. I’m okay with that because I think I would be more worried about the unwanted attention more than the marriage itself. (It’s the reason why I never went to any of my graduations.) Even my citizenship ceremony made me really ill. I remember standing there focused on how anxious I’ll be walking in front of everybody. We’re just going to have a few people there that I think will compromise mostly of his family and a friend or two of mine. I would have loved to have some family members here, but I don’t think that it’s practical for a really small ceremony like this. As a result, I will do a small thing when I get to the USA, I guess.
I originally made a website with all the details, pictures, videos, and such for it, but then I realised that it’s probably overkill, so I don’t think I’m going to use it. We’re keeping most of it private, so it would have been behind a username and password login. It’s actually up now, but I’m just going to incorporate it into another project instead or use it later for when I am planning the events after. (We’re not doing anything big on the day of our wedding either.)
I don’t know about you, but I really hate planning. I’ve discovered that I really dislike planning stuff like this so I’m just letting things go as minimal as possible. I think ongoing celebrations are better and it’s also a little bit better for us because we don’t really know where we’ll be at that point of time either and what we’ll do in the future.
As far as married life goes, I don’t feel negative about it. I just accept it. I’m not extremely excited either because I think these kinds of relationships can be sustained by love and respect, but if someone won’t marry me now, will I feel regretful later? Who knows!
The past week has been kinda crappy for me. I’ve been sick for most of it and finally started taking antibiotics after I noticed I was coughing up bright yellow and green mucus. At least I can breathe a little better now. I started feeling pretty good, until 30 minutes ago, I burnt the hell out of my tongue from drinking hot soup.
It just hasn’t been that fun.
I guess that’s why I’ve been so boring and disconnected lately though, if you’re curious why I have been saying much for a while. That’s probably why I’m not going to say much this time either.
Yesterday, I posted something about a certain group of people and I really shouldn’t have typed it. Even before I pressed the “publish” button, I knew that I shouldn’t single out a group of people based on where they’re from. It is not nice and it’s never a good idea. It’s even worse judgement on my part for taking the step of publishing terrible stereotypical garbage. I will be a little more careful in the future.
I know that I don’t have a free pass to say mean things about people of my partner’s cultural background. I know for a fact that everybody isn’t the same, and it the way I wrote what I wrote made it sound like I was making a point to bring out the negatives. Bad, Ben! Bad!
If you read it before I deleted it (because I left it up for about 8 hours), I am sorry for being so dumb and for being an asshole.
A general of mine is to be nice to everybody, regardless of where they’re from, what they believe in, etc. I moved away from the place I grew up in to get away from that. I shouldn’t become what I don’t like. (I do give people back home a hard time for being morons though, but if you went there, you’d see what I mean!)
It’s one of those times that I’m glad more people don’t read this. 🙂
Anyway! What’s happening? I’m still sick. My throat is hurting a lot more. I’m coughing a lot more. I took a Benadryl about an hour ago. I really wish I could sleep this off. I’m being forced to be productive and I’m in a time period where I have no choice but to work through the pain and illness. I’ll be back soon with some better stuff. Much love to you all.
It’s not a good day for me. I have a sore throat and feel like I’ve got 4 gallons of snot (18 liters of mucus) in my head and none of it will come out. I didn’t sleep very well last night too. I think that I can put it down to all the stressful crap I’m having to deal with lately. I just feel really run down.
The photo shoot we’re doing in few weeks is driving me insane. Something that I expected to cost a certain amount is going to end up costing about 3.5-4x more than I originally thought. The locations I choose aren’t good enough, so I just stopped thinking about where to do it. I have a nice relationship with nature. Of course, nature to me isn’t really 100% beach. I need forests and mountains. Even fields would be okay. Wedding pictures at beaches are way too overdone, but I guess this is what happens when I lose all creative control over something I was initially so excited about.
My wedding plans also keep getting watered down and downgraded as well. I’ve moved the dates around so often to suit my partner’s needs that I lost a lot of planning time. I’m’ not impressed yet. I need more time but he’s not going to agree with that, so here I am, almost 140 days away from when it’s supposed to happen and I am so unexcited, so exhausted, and unimpressed with the whole thing. I don’t think that’s a good thing.
The whole thing feels rushed, but the engagement has been floating over my head for the past two years and I really feel as if I’ve “overstayed my welcome”, so it’s probably my own fault for not being so proactive. Who knows.
I’m flawed. I’m flawed like everybody, but I have a really bad habit. I tend to offer a bit too much information when people asked me. You ask me “How was your day?” and I answer “Well, it was okay. My allergies are acting up a bit and I ate an undercooked egg. I saw the scariest person today that looked like a zombie, and acted like one too. Yeah, I am doing fine. How are you?” You answer “Um, good.” Then, you walk slowly away asking yourself what kind of conversation you just had.
This would happen a lot at grocery store checkouts. The cashier would ask me how I am, and I’d have this big long speech ready for them. I’d give that speech and my partner at the time would tell me that no one really cares that much and they just expect a one-word answer.
I’m still guilty at this, but I try to keep it short. I say something like I’m doing good but I don’t let it stop there. I automatically answer back “…and how are you doing?”. I get a little disappointed when people won’t tell me their life’s problems.
I feel a little sorry for people who I deal with on an everyday basis especially when I am talking about IT, games, or health-related stuff. I go off course and throw in a lot of extra information that they probably didn’t need. I think it confuses them. I do this with J too. I forget sometimes that I just confuse him by talking, so I try to keep my talking to a minimum.
Mr. Chirps doesn’t mind though. He just looks at me like I’m an idiot. He probably wishes that he could claw my voice box out with his beak and talons because I’m asking him a million times what he’s doing, hoping one day he’ll be able to talk to me. He makes some awful noises sometimes and think he’s trying to mimic it, but cockatiels aren’t really great talkers. They can try, but they’re no good at it. They’re better singers, I’m told but jeez, this one has the most annoying, high-pitched squeak when he hears crows outside. CROWS! Nothing else but crows. It’s really irritating…
And without thinking, see, that’s what happens. You’ve probably seen this in every single one of my posts!
It is a little strange because I’m so not social. I wish I was, but I’m really not. I’d rather be left to my own devices (like my electronic stuff).
My partner and I went to KFC last night because the both of us couldn’t be bothered to cook. It was actually my idea, because any time, it seems, is a good time to go to KFC. I guess that’s true if you’re not on some kind of diet or eating food that’s actually good for you. I guess it also wasn’t true last night but I’ll get to that a little later.
You probably already know that I have this love/hate relationship with KFC in Australia. In the USA, I don’t really bother with it unless I can get honey BBQ wings and fried okra. (Yes, our local KFC at home had fried okra and mac n’ cheese.) One of the things I love about this country is that I can get chicken salt. What is chicken salt, you may ask? It’s salt that tastes like chicken. It’s probably some kind of sick combination of chicken stock powder and salt or something. You add it to fries and BAM! The fries at KFC are instantly awesome with chicken salt. (They’re called chips here, by the way.) Another awesome Australian-like food that I love is a good meat pie. I like the ones that mix meat and cheese. I also don’t like it with ketchup (called tomato sauce here).
There are a lot of things that I like that I could go on and on about, but this post is about KFC and my experience last night.
If you didn’t get the hint, it wasn’t a great experience. It wasn’t that the food was terrible, because it wasn’t. I had gotten a Twister (which is basically fried chicken strips, lettuce, tomato, and pepper mayo wrapped in a tortilla). This Twister was really good because I replaced the pepper mayo with bacon mayo. Good stuff. This will be a bit more important later. I was eating it and near the bottom, I took a bite and got something really hard. I thought maybe it was a really tough piece of chicken but it wouldn’t break or crush. I took it out of my mouth and it was a red piece of plastic. It was probably the size of one of my fingernails and it was the same colour as a tomato. I pulled it out and showed J then said, “you know, I’m going to eat the rest of this, right?” There was only a little bit left. So I ate the rest of my Twister.
I’m not one of those people who throws a huge, gigantic fit with stuff like this. I didn’t take pictures of it and post it anywhere (even here). I didn’t threaten everybody there with the plague. I didn’t do anything. I don’t think that’s necessarily a good thing either because well, pieces of plastic aren’t supposed to be in food. I would have just let it go and had plans to just leave after it was done. My partner brought the plastic to them and told them about it because it’s a choking hazard and he’s right. In hindsight, that’s probably what I should have done. Not for free food or anything, but it would be awful if someone actually choked on another piece of plastic. It was that simple. He brought it to them and told them that it was in my Twister and we left.
As I left, I was thinking whether that would stop me from eating there. I have seen the videos of the general grossness that happens with the chickens KFC uses and it hasn’t phased me. Finding a clean piece of plastic probably wouldn’t phase me much, but it will probably stop me from eating there for a while.
I’m a bit disappointed actually. I guess it’s a good excuse to lose a bit of weight. I’m getting a little bit chubby lately. 😉