Gay Money

I posted a pretty interesting question on Twitter yesterday that said:

...does the USA or Texas deserve my gay foreign money?

gaymoneySomething that you probably already know is that I, like 64% of Americans, hate the current direction of US politics. We have an ineffective leader who is more interested in keeping his own interests afloat and making those with the inability to distinguish the difference between church and state happy. We have a man who is too busy making himself look good rather than making our country look good in control, something that I never thought would happen. We have a man who claims to be a LGBT+ ally, yet disrespects people in our community every chance he gets.

One of the things I am most afraid of is planning my wedding there and some religious nut job getting his way where it can’t happen. He’s already attacking trans people and trying to dismantle my right to marry the man I love.

I don’t like this feeling. 

I’m rethinking whether I want to get married in Texas or not because I don’t agree with our hateful politicians. The services and goods I purchase there (plus the taxes I pay) go back to paying this never-ending cycle of hate. I don’t really want to be a part of that. It’s a bit sad because I wanted to do it locally for my family, but I am not confident in the USA (or Texas) anymore. I just don’t.

Why should I give more of my money to them if I can avoid it completely? (As a US citizen, I’m still required to pay tax on foreign earned income.)

I don’t see things getting better. I see them getting worse–a lot worse. So I’m going to back away with caution for now and either wait for marriage equality here in Australia, or jump across to New Zealand and do it there. Maybe then, I can go to the USA with some Oreos from here (proudly made in China) and have a cookies and water party.

I’d much rather spend money in a country that has laws protecting the people of my community. Though I can’t get married here, I still have more legal protections here than I would in the USA, simply because of who I love.

Freedom and Openness

How much freedom do I give my partner and past partners and what are my thoughts on open relationships?

This is a topic that I’ve tried to write about several other times before but haven’t been successful yet. That’s mostly because I didn’t want to come across looking like a total wanker or someone who enjoys being walked all over or someone who just puts up with anything.

Before I continue, if gay people having sex bothers you or you don’t want to know details, stop reading and go do something else.

Whoever dates me or becomes my partner is lucky because I rarely get jealous. I haven’t ever been a jealous person because, to me, that takes too much energy and time. I already get anxious about something simple like what’s for dinner tonight and stuff, so this would just add to my anxiety. I usually have a lot of trust where I assume my partner knows what’s right and wrong. I have the talk with him about if he’s unsure, think about if I did the same thing, would he be upset? That’s what I do now, and that’s probably why I cherish the relationship I’m in now more.

What am I okay with?

As long as my partner tells people up-front that he’s in a relationship, mostly everything is good. If he tells someone he’s single, then I would understandably get upset. This is one of the few things that would make me mad. Basically, he shouldn’t lie about his relationship status.

My partner and I still have personal profiles on sites and we link to each other when possible. Again, as long as he doesn’t pretend like I don’t exist, I’m good. (I do the same.)

I don’t mind if my partner meets other gay guys for dinner, catching up, going to the movies, clubs, and stuff like that. I don’t mind if these guys are exes, old friends, or new guys.

A kiss or touch isn’t really a big deal to me. It’s not something that I’m going to spend too long thinking about.

Sexually, I’ve been in open relationships most of my adult life. This kind of thing doesn’t surprise me anymore because it’s really common. With my current relationship though, I’ve moved away from that and I like having this guy to myself right now. Even if it was an open relationship, I don’t think I’d want to be told about it or asked about it every time. Honestly, it’s a bit of a turn on for me. With my ex, I used to ask him what he’s done and he’d tell me and well, it would lead to us having sex. (That relationship was mostly sexual anyway and we both knew this, so yeah.)

On the subject of open relationships, they work for some people (almost half of gay men have had an open relationship). For most people, I’d like to think, they don’t. That’s okay. Couples that mutually agree to opening their relationship to other sex partners are fine. It’s just when one person of the couple doesn’t know about it that the problem starts. It’s also a problem when deep feelings start to develop for someone (and they do, but I learned to ignore it).

At the end of the day, it’s up to my partner to do the right thing. I trust that he will do the right thing at the right time, especially this guy I’m with now.