Motel Hell

Right now my partner and I are out in regional/rural Victoria. It reminds me a lot of home, in the USA. Not much is happening. People are walking around and half of them are preaching the gospel. It’s one of those places where people probably get off on getting their tractors and lawn mowers running well. It’s incredibly horrifying. And to think, I may have to live nearby soon. I think I am probably going to die. (Podcast Info: You’ll hear more about this in this Friday’s podcast, [“Can’t Stop What’s Coming; Can’t Stop What’s On its Way”] so I don’t want to say too much.)

One of my crazy triggers is being in a hotel with free internet access but it is absolutely unusable. I totally  hate it. Actually, if I was brave enough, I’d write a whole review for this hotel. It’s quite awful but it was also $85 per night which is probably one of the cheapest rates anywhere in Victoria.

Now, for the bitching:

  1. Everything is run down. It looks like someone furnished this place with thrift shop rejected furniture. The vibe I had with this place is that it’s one of those hotels with hourly rates. (It isn’t.)
  2. The bathroom doesn’t have an exhaust. Not pleasant when someone does a number 2.
  3. The shower is horrible. It has two temperatures: ice cold or scalding hot. You’ll leave the shower either with ice cubes surrounding your toes, or with 3rd degree burns. The drain didn’t work and there were hairballs floating in it. Ewww, gross.
  4. The water pressure reminds me of what it was like in Manila. It seems like it takes a lot of effort for the water to travel through the pipes.
  5. The AC/heater is LOUD. I felt like I had to scream over it to be heard.
  6. I don’t think any of the housekeepers know how to properly wash dishes. It had free breakfast, but almost all the dishes were dirty.
  7. The internet is almost unusable. In fact, I’ve been relying more on my phone’s data the whole time. I totally get that the internet access is “free”, but it should at least be usable. It was so bad that I was considering buying a temporary pass to Telstra Air/Fon access point. I can’t even post any pictures because I know that they would all fail to upload.
  8. The bath towels were wet when we got in. I think somebody tried to dry them, but 30 minutes later decided that it was good enough.
  9. The paneling is popping away from the walls and you can see where they used screws to make the paneling stick back to the wall.
  10. They have a pool (which wasn’t open), yet they charge $5 per towel! Who the hell does this?!
It’s a bit frightening when the ghetto-looking lock doesn’t even lock. Read the part of the bottom why I really wished that I had a good lock…

 

We’re two pretty hairy guys, but we’re not this hairy. It floated up out of the drain while we were taking a shower.

The good? Um, okay, let me try to say some positive things about this place.

  1. They allow pets here (and that’s probably why it’s so run down). I saw a long-haired golden retriever who probably thought I wanted to play with him. He was right.
  2. The bed had electric blankets: one on each side. They were good and warm. When it’s -3º C (about 27º F I think), it’s very nice to have a warm heated blanket.
  3. It is close to KFC, Macca’s (McDonald’s), and Hungry Jacks (aka Burger King). You know how much I love me some junk food! It is also close to the city’s centre. So not so bad. (Partner didn’t let me go to KFC. I tried a few times. It’s probably because I can always go to the one that’s across the street from where we live.)
  4. The staff here were friendly (BUT I think they’re totally oblivious to the fact that everything is so run down).
  5. Breakfast was included. It wasn’t anything spectacular. Just continental breakfast: cereal, toast, orange juice, coffee, etc. But still, it was good to have as an option.
  6. The soap in the shower smelled like green apples. The shower could be total garbage, but have apple-scented stuff, and it makes it marginally better. First thing I did when I got home almost is to take a shower.
[Note: The part below was added the next day.]

And now, the fun part. We decided last night that we were going to go to sleep and wake up early so we can get home at a reasonable time, so fine. All good. At around midnight, I heard someone calling out for help. I mean, like really calling out like they were being chased by a werewolf. They were screaming out “Help!”. They did it a few times and I started to get out of bed to check if the guy was okay. Right after I took one step out of bed, I hear “It’s going to get me! It’s coming after me! It’s on me!”. I thought to myself, eh, probably not safe for me to get up. It lasted a few more minutes. I think the police finally got him. The way it sounded, it was probably someone off their gourd on drugs. It’s very sad.

My partner and I didn’t sleep well because of that. He said that someone screamed for him to shut up or something, but at the time, I didn’t think he was awake because I swear my guy can sleep through a tornado.

What’s funny is that I kept saying since we went there that the hotel choice was his decision, not mine, because I would never stay in a ghetto-ass place like that. Come to find out, I was the one who sent him the link and he booked it. I’ve gotten comparable pricing just out of Melbourne and for MUCH better before, so I was shocked that it was my fault that this place was my idea. Not a good decision on my part.

On the key, it said that the rooms were refurbished. When? 1985?

Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be a review of the place. I also didn’t tell the owners of the problems I had either (and I think that it’s probably something you should do so they can try to improve in the future). I guess it’s one of those cases of “you get what you pay for” and if I had to stay there again, I probably would limit it to one night. A few days again? No way. (We are going to leave them a proper review.)