Partner Versatility

Every so often, I get messages sent to me via the contact form. Some of those messages deal with the ethnicity of the people who I date or the person I’m with now. Some of these messages are just looking for information (curiosity) and some of them are less-than-kind (from gay men).

My dating pool has always been big, meaning that I don’t prefer anybody over another based on their culture, skin colour, religion, or something like that. I just like good people and I believe there are good people all over the world. I know there are terrible people all over the world too and a few bad ones exist. I’d be really dumb if I believed that a whole group of people are bad because of the actions of a few.

My partner isn’t my partner because he’s Indian. He’s my partner because he’s awesome. If there was an awesome white Australian guy that came along before him, then that guy would be my partner. If he was an awesome Mexican-American guy, great. It just doesn’t matter to me.

Some people don’t like the fact that I would date anybody and honestly, I don’t really get it. I knew people who totally flipped out when they found out that I’m with who I am with not. I don’t talk to them much (or at all) anymore.

Personally, I don’t understand people who only focus on one ethnic group, including their own. But I guess people have their own preferences of who they want to date, and though I find that limiting, I guess it’s none of my business. Personally, it’s just not for me.

There’s so much I could say here, but I will keep it short and sweet. Just read the first bolded text if you want to know how I think. Apologies to anybody who were misled by the title! Haha.

Why the Games I’ve Developed Never Have a Chance

Ah, the title is advice I should be giving myself on a daily basis. I’m definitely one of those people who start projects only later to tell myself that it’s shit and I shouldn’t bother with it. It’s exactly why I say that I’m starting stuff here, and then post a little bit about it and then you never hear anything about it later. It drives me crazy because this literally affects just about everything I do.

I would never want to be responsible for something that even remotely resembles this abortion of a game.

In case you didn’t know, I am an university-educated and qualified game programmer. I’m just really terrible at the artwork. In my opinion, I’m not such a good pen and pencil artist. I can model things in 3D, but I feel like to do that, someone would have to be standing behind me with a razor blade on a toothbrush. I always have a half-assed general idea of how I want a character to look. What I focus more on is the story behind the character. What’s his or her motivation? What do they like or hate doing? How clear is their thinking? Are they in it for themselves, no one, or someone else? What is their relationship with others? Are they inclined to pick and eat mysterious forest fruit while they look for cemeteries?

I’ve been pretty proud of myself when it comes to my character designs and game development designs in general. I’m just really bad with the graphics and well, that’s enough to kill my motivation to keep working on it. The ideas are always there, but when it comes to the detailed character design, I’m hopeless. It keeps me from moving forward with the game in general.

In my spare time, I’ve been coding games where the character, in my opinion, is soulless. They don’t have a back story. He doesn’t have any motivation. The main character runs around and shoots things. He jumps over holes in the ground. He’s like a male version of Samus Aran with no motivation except to kill meat-hungry plants and animals. It’s not something I’m proud of because I feel like you must have that connection to the guy/girl/thing you’re controlling. Without it, I feel like games are useless. If there’s not a moment where you feel sorry for or you’re proud of your character, then it’s a total waste. If I made something and made it publicly available and the character or characters were shit, I’d be incredibly ashamed.

I feel like these are some of the things I need to work on but since game development (or IT work) is no longer something I do full-time, I just fit it into the very little free time I have. I don’t even know if anything will come out of it and right now, I don’t feel like this thing will ever see the light of day outside my office space.

I’ve thought about getting a group of people together to work on a fully developed story of mine, but I need a lot more money to make it happen and I’m not a huge fan of e-begging for money. I don’t want to waste my time, but I do believe in my ideas. I just need more people onboard, which I know how to initiate, but I just need to believe in myself a little more.


Bye Bye Google Ads and Trackers

Hey folks, rejoice for I have removed Google ads and their trackers from my web blog.

I mean, who wants to feel like they’re being stalked online? I know you don’t. I don’t either. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t expect my weblog to make me rich. I also don’t

Having said this, I do still keep up with a few other details like what country you’re from, your IP address (to prevent you from voting in a poll 18.3 billion times), what pages you visit (so I can see what people collectively are reading), where you came from (usually from search engines or other websites), and IF YOU PROVIDE IT, your name and email address. Of course, I have better things to do than mail you crap you don’t want. It’s pretty much used to answer you privately if required.

I don’t think this will make much of a difference on the speed of this website, but at least now you can browse my posts without feeling like there’s someone behind you watching everything you’re looking at.

I am leaving the small bits of advertising to my web host, Dreamhost. They don’t creepy-stalk you. Just ignore them if you don’t like them. Use an ad blocker if that makes you feel better.

Did I mention that if you click this link you save $50 off a year of hosting?

I’m also going to continue to link to Amazon for certain products. They don’t stalk you starting on my website. Once you click though, that’s them doing it, not me.

Reappearing Past

It figures that months before I get married, the guys I like are coming back to me and asking me whether I am single or not. I am always completely honest and tell people that I’m in a relationship and happy in it. With a little more prodding, I say that I am getting married to someone in a few months.

I’d like to think the ghosts of my past look like this. They could also take shape of men.

I find it interesting that people who I met several years ago don’t chat with me for 3 or 4 years, then suddenly message me to ask if I am dating someone. It happens quite often. The last time this happened was just the other day and I chatted with him while I was getting ready to sleep, and next to my partner.

Even if I did end up dating the guy, I don’t think that we would have lasted very long mostly because he seemed to be very arrogant. I still think he is. I slept with him a few times and it was never really that good. It was one-sided. He is handsome and successful, but just needed to work on himself.

On the other hand, he was a little bossy which is something I can appreciate. I really like my partner’s bossiness in a way (but he goes overboard sometimes). I basically just like for someone to make decisions sometimes, if that makes sense. I can’t handle being bossed around all the time and I wouldn’t do very well in one of those weird, fetish-like relationships. That’s just not me.

How’s that for a little too much information?

I feel like when I am seeing someone, all these people who showed no interest in dating suddenly appear. Some are hard to say no to but eventually I do because I’m really happy with who I am. Some were a big no back then and they’re a bigger no now.

The way I see it is that these are all tests and no doubt they’ll start happening more since the wedding is only a few months away now. I guess that’s life though.

Sightly Matters

I really hate my eyes right now. Unfortunately, my sight is one of those things that I would have a really hard time living without, so I deal with them. By dealing with them, I mean constantly buying contact lenses. What pisses me off more is that I can’t get “normal” contact lenses so I pay about AUD$30 per lens so it’s always really crappy when I have to go and replace a lens. It really, really pisses me off when they don’t even last two weeks, like the last one did. I kept gently reminding myself to buy new boxes, but kept putting it off – so now I have to go out in public wearing wire-framed glasses that I’ve sat on plenty of times. I’m tired of doing that, so today I’m off to renew my prescription to get updated glasses (the wire ones have been with me for a long time – since I lived [full-time] in the USA, in other words more than 10 years ago BUT my prescription hasn’t changed much then since).

I’ve noticed that my vision goes double quite easily now, so it’ll be good to fix my eyes.

Once upon a time, I ordered some glasses and paid over US$300 for them. I had a pretty young nephew at the time, and he had a habit of throwing things in the garbage. I think that’s what happened to them. I was kind of pissed, but my best friend hated them and she told me she was glad they were gone. This time, I’m going to get something that won’t bend and a bit cheaper (for now).

I’m probably getting these:

Or/and this later:

They look close to the glasses that I think were thrown away, but a bit cheaper. The ones I got were a bit more rectangular.

Anyway, so what happened is that my last pair of contacts ripped. I need a refill… pronto. I will be traveling blindly for about 2 hours today. This is gonna be fun!!!

Video Game Thoughts: Diablo 3

Don’t laugh at me. When I’ve had spare time this week, I’ve been playing Diablo 3 (Ultimate Evil Edition). I started playing the first one when I was a teenager and it was really fun. Then, years later, I played the second one and I’ll admit that there are times that I was addicted to it so bad, I’d play it for about 16 hours a day. So how does this third one stack up?

Instead of playing it on a computer, I bought the XBox One version so the gameplay mechanics have changed a bit. Instead of clicking my mouse 14.4 million times, I get to press the buttons on my controller 14.4 million times (not really, some of the buttons you can just hold down and your player will keep doing the same thing over and over again, which is nice. Unfortunately, this means I can just hold the A button and have a conversation with someone at the same time.)

I’ve made 3 different characters: a crusader (who I’m in Act 2 with), a necromancer (who I’m almost finished Act 1 with), and a witch doctor (who I haven’t started playing with, but played this character in the demo). Unfortunately, it doesn’t feel that different from one character to another. I can skip all the dialogue after I’ve played with one character because nothing really ever changes. From what I’ve noticed, a lot of maps don’t even randomly generate like they used to in first two. I basically know where I’m going and exactly what to do. In other words, if I’ve played one character, I feel like I’ve played with them all. I haven’t played as all the characters, so it’s possible that I might get some different kind of experience with them all.

The game play is simple. I haven’t died at all with any character. I’ve had to heal up about twice with the crusader. With the necromancer, I feel like it’s way overpowered. I haven’t had to heal up at all, and the skeletal mage summons kill everything really, really fast. So basically, I play this character facing the monsters and by holding the A button.

I don’t notice any of the music which is not good because I expect the music to set the mood. It doesn’t. I hear about 5 seconds of the Tristram theme every so often, and that’s it. Unremarkable, honestly. The sound is about as good as you expect. Sometimes you can hear a treasure goblin nearby.

As far as the graphics go, they’re pretty neat I think. The environments are really nice, and you can use them to kill your enemies (for example, falling logs, falling walls, etc). It does bother me how all the corpses look the same when you play as a necromancer though. The little monsters leave the same corpse as a gigantic monster. The corpse looks like a human torso, so it’s kind of weird to see a spider leaving behind a human corpse that was twice its size. The corpse explosion spell is pretty awesome though. I’ve never had any problem with the lighting in some places which is good.

My verdict is that it’s a fun game. It’s not addictive and I don’t think the replay ability is on par with its predecessors. I don’t really expect to play it again for a long time after I finish it once. Right now, I feel like if you’ve played as one character, you’ve played them all. I’m not sure if that’s entirely true because I’ve only played around 25% of the whole game (but that didn’t take me very long either). I think that playing it on a console works well. I think I’d much rather play it with a controller than a mouse.

Even after writing this, it’s not enough to get me to want to get up and play which is sad. I will eventually, but I don’t know how long it will take me to want to do something else. I guess the lack of addition is a good thing, or maybe my brain has changed so much from back then to now. Maybe I’m just adulting way too much now. That’s kind of sad.

Edit: Well, I finished the game plus its expansion with the necromancer in just a few hours of gameplay. I got to the end and said to myself “Oh my God, that was easy!”. It was really easy. Looking back, I can’t really remember any character I actually liked except the scoundrel follower and the guy you go and see when you need gems combined. I also liked the angel Auriel too for some reason. I will have to say that I really liked the last act more than the rest. It was quite fun. Now, I just have to finish the game with another character or try the harder level. (There are 5 different difficulty levels. Normal is the easiest.)

Now, I want to see another expansion!!! 🙂

This isn’t a full review. 😉

Patting Myself on the Back

Busy, busy, busy! I haven’t had much time to come here and write anything lately. I did warn you that I would be a bit busy, didn’t I? So, really, it’s not unexpected.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. It has gone by so fast and it’s been so nice to get back to an area of my career that I have been ignoring for so long. It’s solidified the fact that I do love what I do and makes me question why I ever really started giving it a quarter-assed effort. I am still not much of a people person, but I think it’s getting better. I feel like that’s one of my flaws. I love people in general, but I’m just not that great interacting with them. I have so many face palms happening in my head when I try to talk to people. It just takes some practice I think. I’ll get there. I kinda wished that my parents would have let me socialise a lot more than I did, or they at least encouraged it. (They didn’t really encourage or push me to do anything. They just expected good results from everything and if I didn’t meet their expectations, they’d get angry… then ground me. I hate blaming them for this, but I feel like kids benefit from good social interactions.)

I don’t want to beat and belittle myself in this post, really because I am pretty proud of myself for doing a really good job. As with everything I do though, I feel as if I can or could do a bit better. That’s not negative, but I feel like people should try to improve themselves every day, for as long as they can. No one knows everything, and when you’re in the field that I’m in (which I’m still keeping secret), things are changing all the time.

So that’s where I am at the moment. Enjoying myself and not having to travel 3 hours a day is really nice. I’ll have to do that for a few more months at least though.

I will say that I’m quite excited for my future. I just need to take a few deep breaths, and keep telling myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to because I’ve shown myself time and time again that I can do it.

Half-Lies, Half-Truths

I’ve compiled a list of statements below. Half are lies, and half are true. Do you know which is which? For each true one, take the letter on the left then maybe unscramble the collection of letters to reveal something about me!

S I hated onions back then, and I hate them now.
W I don’t hate anybody that I’ve personally met in my life.
C I don’t like anybody either. I like being totally neutral.
A I used to be a lot darker than I am now.
A I love going to sleep late and waking up late too.
S I’ve saved a few people from drowning, but I’m not a lifeguard.
T I’ve had more career changes than I’d like to admit.
R My favorite food is cheese.
I I could never date a dumb person.
E I’m hardly ever on time to stuff.
D I’m actually really short. I edit my photos to look tall.
N I’m older than my partner.
G I’ve gotten piercings in more than 2 places.
O I’ve got tattoos, but I just haven’t shown anybody because it’s a person’s name.
Y My biggest fear are things with no legs, except snakes.
F I knew I was gay a long time before I came out of the closet.
O I’ve got a big fear of closed-in spaces.
U I love maths and sciences.
S I’ve slept with someone from ALMOST every country because I was a big slut.
N I’m thinking about getting rid of my US citizenship because of Trump.
R I’m really, really unkind to birds in my dreams.
A I’ve wrecked 3 cars in my life, so far.
E I love eating Cajun food. Give me a barrel of crawfish!
T I love McDonald’s and KFC in Australia, but not so much back home.
L I’m going to start a new podcast before August.
I When I was a kid, I didn’t travelled outside the state much.
S I haven’t dated a white guy before.
E The longest I’ve gone without showering is 5 days.
M I don’t drink a lot, but when I do, I tend to binge drink.
E I don’t fall in love a lot, but right now I am.

So, finish this sentence and you win: I’m ___.

It’s April, Fool! (And Easter too)

I could be an asshole and tell you that the wedding’s off. I could tell you that I have found my long-lost sister whose name is Kelly and she’s 18 years old. I could tell you that I’m restarting a podcast or series of videos documenting my sex life. I could tell you that I’m moving far away from this country because reasons. Whether it’s one or all of these things, today is the day that I’m allowed to tell blatant lies.

It’s also Jesus’s re-birthday (not religious enough to know this) and we might have been visited by a large, mutated rabbit that left us enough sugar for the next three years (which we’d probably eat in 3 days – I’d probably eat it in 1.5).

It’s also quite a few friend’s birthday today. How about that?

I know I’ve said this before, but I hope you guys have a really Happy Easter. My partner and I (who are still engaged and getting married in less than 100 days) are spending some time together. It doesn’t happen very often, so I thought that I’d spend the long weekend together since, you know, we never get this opportunity.

We had to change our clocks to go back an hour, so I’m pretty confident that my day will be pretty unpredictable. Since today’s a holiday and it fell on a Sunday this year (like every year, duh), I have Monday off too! Hoorah!