Before I forget, I just wanted to wish everybody a Happy Easter!
It’s not often, but my partner and I have similar days off, so we’re going to be hanging around together for a while. I have to return to my workplace this morning because I totally ran off with one of the keys. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have to go. I was already home when I found it in my pocket and it was already too late to go back. My track record keeping up with keys isn’t that great. I either come up with keys that aren’t mine, I can’t find my own keys, or I forget to bring them.
Anyway, I hope you have a nice holiday. I love Easter in Australia because it’s a four day affair. A lot of stuff is closed (especially in a smaller city), but I’ll manage. I just gotta get this guy out of bed to get dressed so we can go return this key.
Sorry for that, folks. My GI tract decided it was going to give me problems for a few days, so I didn’t have the time or energy to do much. I really wish that I wasn’t cursed with a stomach that can go from perfectly okay one minute to absolutely shitty (literally) the next. I had to waste my morning sitting in a room with sick people to see the doctor for less than 2 minutes. Seriously. 2 minutes, of course, I basically told the doctor what was wrong with me, what I needed to take, and what I needed to do for the rest of the day to get better. He said he was going to give me a medical certificate for the rest of the week off and I said “No way. I can’t do that.” I got a day off and used it to replace all the fluids I was losing. This is pleasant talk, right? Next!
Something crappy happened over the weekend when one of the Facebook groups I am an administrator of went totally crazy. Apparently there was a post on it with a person who was looking for someone else to live with, in particular, another gay male. Being a group of over 150k people, some chimed in that it was wrong, and no one really cares about sexual orientation anymore and that it shouldn’t be allowed. Some militant person went crazy with the group’s original owner and totally ruined his weekend to the point when I think he got really upset and depressed from all the bullying. The person ended up waging a war because they were posting really disgusting things and getting their comments deleted and ended up getting themselves muted. (Of course, they left the group and then said that the admin kicked them out so it sounds more dramatic.) They were mad because they were getting silenced! Cyberbullied! They basically got their feelings and ego hurt because they can’t use non-abusive language and act civilised.
I don’t really get it though. Aren’t there other things to get upset about? Isn’t it someone’s choice whether they want to (or don’t want to) live with a gay person? Should someone be forced to live with someone that they don’t want to? To me, when you’re looking for accommodation and you’re going to have a room mate (housemate…), don’t you want that place to be harmonious? There are still people who feel safer living with other gay people and that’s fine. Some people don’t really care. I’d like to think that it’s not really an issue, but it’s an issue to some. They should be able to make the decision of who they want to live with.
I think that’s true on a lot of levels though. If someone doesn’t want to live with a chain smoker who insists that they can only smoke inside, should they be forced to deal with that? Wouldn’t it be better for everybody if that person finds a non-smoking household? Same goes with drugs, partying, age, gender, etc. Being militant about people who have preferences about who they live with, accomplishes nothing.
What is bad, however, is when people are denied available housing (ie: an empty house) because the people applying are a gay couple, they’re a certain race, religion, or something to that effect. Let’s face it. Some people are just dumb and afraid of the unknown and I think that’s sad. Discrimination happens and it really shouldn’t.
This was a little longer than I expected. Oops! I need to get myself ready to go. I hope this made sense and it’s basically a lot like dating. You have to be happy with who you live with. People are allowed to choose who they live with in shared accommodation. I’m not sure why some people don’t get that.
(And if you come across this post and you’re from the group, and you’re going to get pissy about it, my thoughts here don’t represent that group, so don’t harass them about it. Same goes for my employer(s).)
Yesterday, I finally told my friends and family in the USA that I am getting married.
I explained to them why I am doing it here rather than the USA (which didn’t include anything about the government). I explained our need for privacy while everything unfolds. The good thing is that I got a lot of positive messages. I was expecting for a few people to ask me those “fun” messages like “Who is the husband and who is the wife?” No one did, so I’m secretly bummed out.
I’m not so sure what the next chapter in my life will bring, but I’ll tell you now that what I am in now is just so busy, I am really wanting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time in a long time, I am really energised about my career and I’m looking forward to see where I can go with it. I’m trying to connect it in a way that when, or if, I move back to the USA, I won’t have to start with a really terrible job.
What’s next is that I need to tell the people HERE what’s going on. This is going to be a little harder because I’m not having a big wedding and I have only a few open spots for people. I know that I’m going to have my good woman friend come. (I love her to death. I actually wanted HER to officiate it, but I thought that might be too much for her to do given how busy she is with everything else.)
I am hoping that it all works out well and that I have a long, happy life ahead of me after the marriage bit. I seriously don’t want to fuck this up and divorce him just because I can.
People have been telling me that they’re worried about me and I’m not so sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I haven’t exactly been the most social butterfly lately and I think people link that with being depressed or something. I’ve complained lately that I’ve been so busy, I’ve been getting a bit more sick lately, but it doesn’t mean I’m depressed or anything. I just make myself a lot busier than I really should be. I have told people that if I’m not this busy and inflicting some kind of pain on myself, then I feel like something is “off”.
That’s probably not the best, or healthiest, way to think.
Since I’ve moved out of Melbourne, it’s been a bit hard to catch up with people as often as I used to. It takes me a while to know people (I’d rather be around friends rather than acquaintances). I don’t think I’ve got trust issues, but I’m one of those people who just don’t require to be around people all the time. I’d rather have a few really good friends than a lot. I’m totally happy with my alone time (most of the time) though it can sometimes be excessive. I don’t really notice it too much though a lot of other people do.
I also get incredibly anxious in social situations. You know how people have this invisible bubble around them where they get super uncomfortable when someone’s in it? Some people’s invisible bubble is really small. Mine’s pretty big. I don’t like people who are that close to me and during the photo shoot the other weekend, it was even super hard to have my partner that close to me (but at the same time, it was nice because we don’t get that close very often).
Seriously, I’m good. I am not unhappy, depressed, or anything of the sort. I’m just a bit busy and trying so hard to keep that culled a little bit. I am thinking of ways that I can de-stress myself, even if it means giving up some of the things I do to keep myself busy.
Hi. I’m waiting for my phone to charge. Yeah, technology is fun sometimes.
I mentioned the other day that I had a few busy weeks ahead of me, but the first week has finished, and you know what? I really enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to going back next week. I didn’t work much in this field for a while (which is why I am doing this again) and it is so nice to get back to it, even full-time. I told myself when I first started over 10 years ago that I would never work in this field full-time. I do like the flexibility of working casually and being able to take (unpaid) leave when I need to, but as I get older, I need to make more money and I need to work a lot harder before I am forced to work when I’m 85 years old.
It’s really nice rediscovering why exactly I do what I did/do. It’s very invigorating and it feels great going back home at the end of the day, knowing that I enjoy what I’m doing, like, seriously.
It’s hard to explain this without mentioning what I actually do, so hopefully you get what I’m saying. lol
Anyway, I hope I can maintain this excitement past next week and I’m pretty sure that it will just get better. I’m almost totally done with this re-training stuff.
Hey there. I think I forgot to mention that my posts here will be a bit sporadic for the next month. Oops. It’s just that busy time of the year right now, so I tend to forget to post here. Without saying too terribly much, I’m doing full-time training for the next month and I am absolutely knackered at the end of the day. I pretty much come home and fall asleep. I get up for a bit to eat, and then go back to sleep and get a half-assed night of sleep. There’s just too much going through my head right now and it’s preventing me from getting good quality sleep.
Over the weekend, we took our pre-wedding photos and I’ve seen some of them. The pictures are okay and I don’t really think I’m going to share any of them here on my weblog, but if you’re interested for some strange reason, just message me and you can see some (assuming I know you).
I have just been really tired, and at the same time, pretty anxious about everything. I think that’s what is wearing my energy thin. As small and simple as things are sometimes, I always feel the need to over think everything. It’s one of the things about myself that really irritates me. The frequent trips to the bathroom, the always-looking-like-I-just-saw-a-ghost look, the trembling like a leaf, it is all a bit irritating.
Anyway, I don’t want to keep dwelling on these things, so I’m heading off. I’ll see you guys a few times over the next month. 🙂
Hi! I’m finally starting to feel a bit better now so I thought I’d give you an update of sorts. I know I haven’t said much about my wedding day lately, so I wanted to tell you that it’s still on. I’ve had to move the date around a little bit because it turned out that my partner’s mother was heading back home on the day that we were supposed to get married, so we moved it sooner by a week.
I haven’t said much about what’s happening on the day yet because we’re not doing anything huge for it. I’m okay with that because I think I would be more worried about the unwanted attention more than the marriage itself. (It’s the reason why I never went to any of my graduations.) Even my citizenship ceremony made me really ill. I remember standing there focused on how anxious I’ll be walking in front of everybody. We’re just going to have a few people there that I think will compromise mostly of his family and a friend or two of mine. I would have loved to have some family members here, but I don’t think that it’s practical for a really small ceremony like this. As a result, I will do a small thing when I get to the USA, I guess.
I originally made a website with all the details, pictures, videos, and such for it, but then I realised that it’s probably overkill, so I don’t think I’m going to use it. We’re keeping most of it private, so it would have been behind a username and password login. It’s actually up now, but I’m just going to incorporate it into another project instead or use it later for when I am planning the events after. (We’re not doing anything big on the day of our wedding either.)
I don’t know about you, but I really hate planning. I’ve discovered that I really dislike planning stuff like this so I’m just letting things go as minimal as possible. I think ongoing celebrations are better and it’s also a little bit better for us because we don’t really know where we’ll be at that point of time either and what we’ll do in the future.
As far as married life goes, I don’t feel negative about it. I just accept it. I’m not extremely excited either because I think these kinds of relationships can be sustained by love and respect, but if someone won’t marry me now, will I feel regretful later? Who knows!
The past week has been kinda crappy for me. I’ve been sick for most of it and finally started taking antibiotics after I noticed I was coughing up bright yellow and green mucus. At least I can breathe a little better now. I started feeling pretty good, until 30 minutes ago, I burnt the hell out of my tongue from drinking hot soup.
It just hasn’t been that fun.
I guess that’s why I’ve been so boring and disconnected lately though, if you’re curious why I have been saying much for a while. That’s probably why I’m not going to say much this time either.
Yesterday, I posted something about a certain group of people and I really shouldn’t have typed it. Even before I pressed the “publish” button, I knew that I shouldn’t single out a group of people based on where they’re from. It is not nice and it’s never a good idea. It’s even worse judgement on my part for taking the step of publishing terrible stereotypical garbage. I will be a little more careful in the future.
I know that I don’t have a free pass to say mean things about people of my partner’s cultural background. I know for a fact that everybody isn’t the same, and it the way I wrote what I wrote made it sound like I was making a point to bring out the negatives. Bad, Ben! Bad!
If you read it before I deleted it (because I left it up for about 8 hours), I am sorry for being so dumb and for being an asshole.
A general of mine is to be nice to everybody, regardless of where they’re from, what they believe in, etc. I moved away from the place I grew up in to get away from that. I shouldn’t become what I don’t like. (I do give people back home a hard time for being morons though, but if you went there, you’d see what I mean!)
It’s one of those times that I’m glad more people don’t read this. 🙂
Anyway! What’s happening? I’m still sick. My throat is hurting a lot more. I’m coughing a lot more. I took a Benadryl about an hour ago. I really wish I could sleep this off. I’m being forced to be productive and I’m in a time period where I have no choice but to work through the pain and illness. I’ll be back soon with some better stuff. Much love to you all.