That Wonderful Online Life

NOTE:┬áThis post isn’t an indication of anything in my current relationship, so Dear, don’t be alarmed.

I originally titled this “Things F*** Up Sometimes” and started talking about how people like me who document their life on the internet will conveniently forget certain things happen when it comes to negative things in life. It paints people as these perfect individuals who have the perfect life. It doesn’t really happen that way though. Perfect doesn’t exist OR if you think about it, the “perfect” life is how you define it.

I totally believe this.

I thought about the times when I would mention someone I was dating, only a short time later realise that it probably wasn’t the best person for me. Instead of mentioning that things have ended, I’d basically pretend like it didn’t happen. Of course, for the past few years I’ve discovered that it’s probably not the best idea to talk about my love life here in detail. I just kind of complain about my current partner a bit. He knows it and he gets a tiny bit offended sometimes. I’m still afraid that if I say too much, then it can really cause big issues for him back at home, so I keep our relationship a little more guarded than I would have in the past.

There are so many examples of the “my life is so awesome” thing happening on Facebook. You know, it’s the “look at me, I’m 40 years old, I change my last name on my profile after we’ve been dating 2 weeks, I love him/her so much, and 99.494% of our pictures are of us kissing” people. A few months later, it’s someone else. They just pretend like it’s an easy transition from person A to person B. They try so hard to make things look so perfect to everybody else, but I think everybody knows that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for them. It’s what they want, but they don’t have. Who are they kidding? Everybody can see right through it.

I know there are usually underlying mental and emotional issues there and it’s not really nice for me to say things like that. I think everybody wants and needs that relationship (and emotional) stability, yet it’s impossible for them to get that. So, as a result, they paint this picture of how great things are, until they totally mess up.

I’ve read a few articles about how Facebook can really screw you up, pull out the depression monster in you, etc. My doctor last year suggested that I give it up completely but had to say that I couldn’t do that because it’s where the rest of my family congregates. There’s also not many people there who I get jealous over when I see them happy with their partner. (Sometimes I wish that I could take pics with my partner and post them, but it’s a no-no. That’s fine. I’d much rather him or his family get harassed.) With the perfect couples, I guess I’m happy for them, if it’s genuine and it’s not overly done.

I guess what I am saying is that no one’s life is 100% flawless and if you see that on Facebook, it’s probably anything but flawless. It may be a cover of some really nasty arguments. That’s also a reason why I am happy not posting much about my relationship with my partner on there. I think those relationships where you don’t have to keep validating for a bunch of friends, relatives and/or strangers do the best.

(Super early on the weekend when I wrote this. May sound incoherent.)

Miitomo Neglect, Courtesy of Nintendo

One thing that infuriates me about Nintendo is that they seem to half-ass all their products. There’s ALWAYS something that I go “why the hell wouldn’t they include that?” or “why is it so limited?”. I’ll admit, I’ve been a Nintendo fan for a long time and honestly, they have some really fun games that I’d play every day if I could. There are still games they announce that make me excited. And sometimes there are products and games that I don’t get so excited about, like when I was a kid and the Virtual Boy came out. Tried it for 10 minutes, then found something better to do. I feel sorry for my cousin who got one. Anyway…

You could have been better, Miitomo. But thanks to Nintendo, all of you are going to die from neglect.

This complaint is about their game called Miitomo that they made for phones/tablets. It was an interesting product because it was Nintendo’s first app for phones and for a while, it was pretty neat and funny. People were playing with it and it was a fun way to know stuff about your friends that, let’s be honest here, you wouldn’t give a crap about. After a while, it just got too repetitious and stale. Why? Because Nintendo has this habit of not making anything better that they release or the updates they do release are just so boring and unnecessary. So, they just let it stagnate and die. Instead of making it better, or including things that people really want, they ignore it and just quit. They could have made it a lot better and updated it with something cooler, but they didn’t. As a result, they’re pulling the plug on Miitomo in May. I’m not surprised about it really. I also see their Animal Crossing game going in the crapper within a year or two. (Again, it’s fun but incredibly repetitious. I could play the game with my eyes closed.)

Am I going to cry over Miitomo’s demise? Nah, because I knew from the beginning that they wouldn’t do much with it. I mean, surely there are things to that are more fun than walk around a small room with a poster or two on the wall, right? (The mini-games in it were migraine-inducing too…)

I guess that will be the end of that, then, won’t it? As I said, I’m not angry or anything because today was the first time I looked at it in a long time and that was only because I saw an update that said they were throwing in the towel.

I feel like my need for the Switch is about as great as my want/need for the Wii U. I’m just not as interested anymore given the limitations Nintendo builds (or doesn’t build) into their hardware. (The Switch would have been cool to have for a while and I probably would want one more than a Wii U.) I’m not much of a handheld gamer anymore. I guess that’s something I’ve grown out of in this adult life of mine. It’s a bit sad.

“Is it appropriate for me to film here?”

Yes, more complaining about people on Facebook. I don’t really understand that group of people sometimes. For example, today, a guy that I very briefly dated (once or twice until I realised that I wasn’t dealing with a full deck of cards–a guy who saw one of his friends and told her that we were boyfriends on our first date) posted a live video of him in someone else’s hospital room. The patient didn’t actually look thrilled that there was someone in there taking pictures and videos. It’s not like they were actually talking to the camera. It seemed like it was just one of those random moments when someone pulls out their phone and starts recording.

Maybe the guy in the hospital bed would have said something if it bothered him, but I personally wouldn’t appreciate someone doing that and posting it on Facebook. He’s done this a few times, where the location was totally inappropriate. But as I said, he doesn’t seem like he’s all the way there.

A few times, when I was single of course, I would be chatting with a friend of mine and comment about how good looking a guy is and they say something like “take a picture”. A fear of mine is that someone’s going to see me taking a picture of them so I wouldn’t. I’m not really a huge fan of embarrassing myself (who is?!) I don’t take selfies either because I don’t want people to think I’m taking a picture of them. I hold my phone with my finger over the camera lens in the back. So okay, maybe I’m a little strange. I just don’t like or want the attention. I get so nervous taking these photos, I can’t even hold my camera steady. (I get cameras with anti-shake because 75%+ of my pictures come out blurred if I don’t.)

selfie stick
I hate selfie sticks too.

I’ve never been a fan of being in front of a camera. My parents weren’t the kind of parents who photographed us much, so I kinda got used to it. My grandmother loved taking pictures so every time I’d see her, she took a lot of pictures and drive me crazy. It has carried over into my adult life because I hate getting pictures taken. I especially hate when people take my picture without asking.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is that something terrible would happen in the world somewhere, and they’d make a post. Fine. But they’d usually attach a selfie! Seriously. It’s like “Awww, 14 people got shot at the shopping mall today, but look at me!” It’s like they think that their selfie is going to change history or something.

Basically, this is how I feel when someone takes a picture of me (or makes fun of my accent):


I don’t know, maybe I’m just full of complaints lately. I’m fine though. I’m really okay. ­čÖé

What’s Happening?

Just dance!

Hey everybody. Sorry for the absence over the weekend. Actually, I haven’t really written anything for a while. The past few posts were done ahead of time. I thought I’d just have a little chat about what’s happening around me at the moment:

New internet connection: We’re set up to change from our phone-based internet service (ADSL/DSL) to something that’s supposed to be a bit faster (and finally, unlimited). I’ve been whining for unlimited internet for a while. Until then, we’re on a data plan for 500 gigabytes (GB). 250GB from 1 am until 9 am, and 250GB for the rest of the day. We’d come dangerously close hitting the 250GB mark for the long hour tier a few times. Once we hit it, we have to suffer through something that’s not even the fastest dial-up speed. Yes, this still exists in Australia. The service we’re moving to is a really crappy, cheap, slower version of what most developed countries have. We’ll still be far behind most countries, but I guess I’ll welcome any speed boost. (When I go to the USA, I’m always so happy to see that it doesn’t take me all day to download stuff. Uploading anything from Australia is a hell-spawned nightmare.)

Chat with the wedding photographer: We had a chat with him and we’re doing a really short pre-wedding photo session in a few months. I hate having my picture taken and posing for pictures is extremely boring, so this is going to be really fun. I’d rather be behind the camera than in front of it, honestly. When it comes to photography, I’m not even any good at it. Videography is a bit better for me, as weird as that sounds. I love making videos of stuff, but there aren’t enough hours of the day lately to do anything that I’m interested in.

Sickness and health: I have been feeling better overall, but decided to eat some food court Asian food, and of course, it made me sick. I’m still feeling the effects of that.

Australia Day: Australia Day is Friday. It’s also called Invasion Day and people have been calling for a date change for a while now. I don’t care what it’s called or when it is, as long as I still get a day off to sit around on my ass, eat pizza, and drink hot chocolate, I’m good.

Nervousness: I’ve been able to curb some of this lately and I’m proud of myself. I just had to change my way of thinking. I’m still shaky like a scared puppy, but at least there is improvement. Instead of being scared of people, I just accept that we all exist on this planet. Most of the time people don’t give a crap about what I’m doing or what I look like so I’m not so sure why I even care. We are all here. We all have to exist and the mere presence of someone being around shouldn’t intimidate me. (I’m still hating huge crowds.)

Summer: I hate summer.

Wedding details: I’m actually in the process of getting stuff together because at some point I have to tell my family and friends about it (which includes some of you too). I’ll share the details when I know (but it can’t be publicly available). It’s another website of mine, and when it’s ready, I’ll share it with you, but I’ll warn you that if I don’t know you well enough, I can’t let you see it. ­čÖé

That’s all from me right now. I hope everybody’s doing well, and until we have a one-sided chat again, I wish you well. Oh, and I hope you win the lottery. If you do, share some with me, eh?

I Don’t Auto-Update

This is super random, but I really hate auto-updates. Long gone are the days when I’d look forward to OS updates on my Mac or iPhone because it seems like Apple is only interested in adding features to their newest products. How many times have I seen app updates for the iPhone X in the past few months? It’s been crazy. I’m sure, going forward, my little phone is going to be left in the dust while the OS is optimised for the absolute latest iPhone model while the updates that affect my phone are just going to make it slower and run hotter. Or the macOS updates are going to be centred on the touch bar that I don’t want, need, or have.

What I especially hate is when developers release a new version of their app and in the what’s new section, all it says is one of these:

  • Bug fixes.
  • General improvements.
  • We’re making the app better to use, so we update it every 2 weeks. (I think it’s because they want to stay at the top of the most downloaded chart.)
The excitement is way too much for me…

I’m not sure about anybody else, but I kinda would like to know what’s actually been improved. I don’t need the computer science explanation, I just want to know what bugs have been fixed and I mean the ones that would improve speed, improve the look, or something like that. I think developers should be a little more transparent like that or at least have a longer explanation of what work they’ve done. I’m perfectly fine with “Fixed spelling mistakes”. That would always make me happy.

The browser that I use as my default now, Vivaldi, does a really great job at this. There are actual things to look forward to with updates, they document them where people can see them, and they prove that you don’t have to go through 16 full number versions to bring in something new. It’s definitely annoying not to be able to distinguish what changed from Chrome 33 to Chrome 60. I’m sure 80 is right around the corner.

Something like this is nice to see. Plus, if you’ve missed something it’s there.

Still, I have a hope that new updates to software and apps bring something new and exciting to the table. I actually don’t have the auto-update features on anything turned on. I just get a notification of what’s changed then I can decide whether I want to install them. I usually do, but at least this way I can see what’s changed before I install it. I do this on my Mac, PC, Android devices, and iOS device. Security updates are different, but I’m usually well-informed of what’s happening in the security world anyway. I also don’t think that it’s smart to explain in detail what the security updates do before a certain percentage of people install them (an example of how telemetry can be used for good instead of evil).

I’m still hopeful and still looking forward to “remarkable” updates with stuff. My XBox One kinda auto-updates itself (because it’s always “on”) which makes me a little uneasy since I want to see the progress of Astroneer.

That’s all from me for the moment. Weird post but it’s been on my mind. You can never tell what I’ll post.

Me Versus A**hole Vegans

Let’s talk about what we eat, shall we? Well, let’s talk about what I eat. Something funny happened over the holidays and eventually, I’ll get there, just give me a moment. People know that I am pretty easy-going and for the most part, I’m pretty liberal. I’m not crazy liberal, but I feel like people who run countries (or really, people in general) shouldn’t be assholes. What I consider asshole behaviour is different from what others consider asshole behaviour.

But there are people who go a little too far. I remember reading something on my Facebook around Christmas where someone basically said “Merry Christmas but go fuck yourself if you eat ham.” I’d love to say that this is an exaggeration but it’s not. I’ve got a lot of friends who are vegetarian. Hell, I can totally go vegetarian (and I have before) but the main reason why I did it is because I feel better doing it physically. Vegetarian food can be really, really good. It’s especially good for someone who doesn’t really like to cook meat because of the smell. Being flexible and being able to eat no meat for weeks at a time has its advantages.

What? Meat AND milk??

I’ve got a friend of mine who says “gross” every time I eat at KFC. She’s right though, it’s not very good for me but damn it, it’s one of my addictions! I’ve seen the awful KFC videos. I think about it for the day, then I’m hungry for it a few days after that. She doesn’t think I’m awful for that because she’s not mean about it.

I know and hang out with vegans and while I think it’s a bit harder to find food that tastes good, it’s not really that common. Something about that is that these people aren’t assholes about it. They don’t tell me I’m a disgusting, murderous person for eating dairy cheese. I like that.

The person who said that people who eat Christmas ham (or in some Americans’ cases, another turkey) can go fuck themselves goes a bit too far. I don’t know him that well, but I find that it’s really rude. Being a total jerk isn’t going to make me reconsider what I eat. I eat meat when or if I want to. No amount of bullying is going to change that long-term.

It really boils down to your actions when you want people to believe the way you want. Going around calling people murderers for eating meat isn’t going to accomplish meat. The more asshole behaviour there is, the less likely I am going to listen, period.

To Oblivion With You! You’re Too Careless!

See what I did with the post title? Yeah, something so simple can totally set me off. I’m not a huge grammar-crazy monster like my 9th grade English teacher, but the misuse of “to” and “too” drives me crazy. I’ve probably made this mistake too many times myself and not even really realised it because of auto-correct. Yes, my phones and my web browser (Hi, Vivaldi!) kinda don’t get that it’s my crazy trigger. The phones are really bad at it because people are continuously using the word “to” in the wrong way and as much as I want to correct them, I don’t because I’ve seen what happens to people when they get preachy about spelling and grammar.

When I was a kid, spelling was my thing. I never, ever made anything below a 90 on my spelling tests (but who needs those anymore since everything spell checks, right?). I can 99% look at a word and say “that’s wrong” or “that’s right”. I was never really good at spelling bees though because I didn’t like being in front of people, and I am really awful at spelling words aloud. I usually have to write it in the air or write it down to see if it’s right.

I think the spelling check on just about every electronic device has made people really dumb. I mean, insanely dumb. I would really hate to see people function without some kind of form of spell check.

And as I’ve said, you can probably go back in my personal journal here and find plenty of things to complain about. Putting sentences together seems to get a lot harder as you age, or if you don’t read much, you’ve never been very good at it. Spelling in my thing. And even that’s not perfect. I’m not perfect and no one really is, it’s just that some people go back and proofread their posts. I don’t most of the time.

Time Off + Games = Happy Ben

Believe it or not, I’m still on my Christmas break. I usually take time off at the end of the year so I can catch up on all the stuff that I need to do or travel to the USA or something. This year, I have been trying to keep on top of my coding work since I was running myself ragged during November and the beginning of December. I have another week before I start my traveling 3 hours every day. I guess I’m going to have to enjoy it while I can. The first half of the year promises to be quite challenging, but I’m pretty confident that I can get through it. I have a ton of things to do, places to go, stuff to eat.

Other than that, I’m good. I haven’t been working non-stop but have been playing a lot of games too. For a while, I was buying game after game because it was on sale. I started playing Elder Scrolls Online and it’s fun, but I say to myself that it’s no World of Warcraft. WoW got a bit too complicated, messy and irritating, so I stopped playing it and found better things to do with my time. I haven’t actually played it in several years now. ESO is a bit nice because it plays on my love of Skyrim.

I also picked up Astroneer for XBox One. It’s fun enough but I’m more excited about what they’re going to do with it. It’s basically Minecraft without the ugly blocks, oh, and you can suffocate without an oxygen line that you have to tether to your base. It makes the gameplay pretty fun and it’s really nice looking too. Unfortunately, I was bored with it after a few days of playing it. That’s why I want to see where the game itself is heading.

My partner says I’m addicted but I think of it this way: I don’t like watching movies or TV, so this is what I do instead. I don’t, and can’t, spend 12+ hours of my day every day playing games. I have done that a few times playing Bioshock, but that was a long time ago. He’s got something against gaming in general which is a big shame. I think everybody I’ve been with sees it as a colossal waste of time, but if you think about it, isn’t sitting in front of a screen watching movies just as big of a time killer? At least the added perk of interactivity is there. Sometimes I play games just to look at the artwork or listen to the music. It’s like a big package of nice things. Immerse yourself, I’d say!

Cheap Shots?

Everybody who knows me and reads this weblog be like “What did you say about me?!”

One of the most bothersome things I have to deal with is when someone reads my weblog and then uses every little bit of information I put here against me in some way. I’ve had so many arguments with people because of things that I write here (and sometimes, the things I don’t put here).

Let me just say this, you’ve all read about my problems and you’ve seen that I don’t really process things the best way sometimes. I am told that I paint a picture of me doing no wrong, while everybody else irritates the piss out of me. The last time I checked, I’m really hard on myself. If you think the extent of the abuse of my self-esteem stops with this weblog, you’re incredibly wrong. Let’s just say that I nag myself constantly for not being this perfect person that I think I should be (because I feel like it’s what other people want). Yes, I’m still working through that.

I do say negative things about my partner sometimes. I tend to point out things that bother me, because being nice is, um, quite difficult for me to do. Who wants to read a personal journal that’s full of cupcakes, rainbows, unicorns, and smiley faces? No one does because that’s not how life works. I can’t think of anybody I know that has a perfect life. Shit falls apart all the time. People annoy me. I annoy myself. I annoy others. That’s just life.

Basically, my partner reads my weblog sometimes. He says that I go crazy with all the terrible things about him, which isn’t really that true. I’ve told him so many times that this is a therapy for me and without it, my brain would explode for suppressing all these feelings.

I’d rather type my feelings than talk about them and if it doesn’t have an audience, that’s fine. I don’t mind that. At least I’m psychologically punching a punching bag. I need that.

At times like that, I second guess keeping this thing. I probably could keep a private journal, but I think I feel a little better knowing that there are people like me out there who can read this and be like “This sounds like me.” and they don’t feel so different. I mean, with what happens in my head and the constant abuse I put myself through then see what I’m doing about it. I know, I lack a bit of the “what I’m doing about it” part. I’ve improved over the years. I’m a work in progress!

I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re going to read this and base everything about me based on my constant bitching about stuff on here, it’s probably not a good thing to do. My partner’s not that bad. He irritates me sometimes and likewise, I irritate him too. I know I do, but how do I write about the things that I personally irritate him with? I told him to start a weblog and take shots at me if he wants. I’ve offered to set him up with one, and if he really wanted to be an author on this thing, he’s free to do that too. I always wanted to do the collaborative thing.

Mmmmm… cupcakes.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

May your 2018 be everything you hope for, full of nice surprises, love, prosperity, and magical weight loss coffee that doesn’t require you to watch what you eat or go to the gym! (Yeah, someone’s been peddling this crap on my Facebook lately: Today’s version of the snake oil man.)

I am going to continue my journey to better my career and hopefully do something about my recent weight gain before it gets to the point where I can’t do anything about it.

No one really knows what the future holds for us, but no matter what, we can make it good by focusing on the good things (as small as they might be) or we can can make it terrible by focusing on the horrible things that happen. We can always find some good in any situation even if we have to be really creative about it.

So, 2018, bring it on.

Edit: Oops. Meant to post this at 5 pm here so that it’s midnight in Texas.