Naughtiness, Removed

Sometimes I feel like I take certain things for granted, for example, my partner, my freedom of expression, religion, or the ability to go to any naughty site I want. I heard from somewhere that India’s government blocks naughty sites and thought I’d try it out (using the Epic web browser). I clicked a little button that gave me a choice of where I wanted to pretend like I was in and chose India. Then I went to a naughty site and this is what I came up with:

I removed the site because well, I wouldn’t want to cloud your mind with the evil of naked imagery and adult situations, would I? (No. Not on this weblog at least!)

I’m actually a little opinionated on this kind of censorship. I know there are some really intelligent and crafty people in India who could probably do the exact same thing I did and circumvent these little restrictions and watch all the porn they want.

Porn, for me, can be an educational tool. It can also be a tool to get out a bit of frustration, if you know what I mean. When used in moderation (and in normal situations), it’s not such a bad thing. I don’t see it as evil. It can be addictive, sure, but I don’t believe that would apply to 100% of the population.

India, I hear, has a problem in regards to sex and sex education. Myself, didn’t do a sex education bit when I was growing up, or if I did, it was done in a really non-sexual way. My mom basically gave my sister and me a book and said “Read this” and it had everything about it. It also covered homosexuality and maybe that’s when I started to think about myself and who I was. Indians, again, I hear, are not really open about talking about sex. So basically, they need to get the information from somewhere because sex exploration is a part of getting older and maturing. They may go to these sites and see some of this stuff and expect that this is how you act during sex and well, what you see in porn movies isn’t what it’s like in real life a majority of the time. People aren’t normally sexual like that. Maybe that’s what the Indian government doesn’t want Indians to think. Maybe it’s primarily for religious reasons. Maybe this is how they keep their citizens “safe”. I don’t really know, but judging from a lot of headlines, some kind of sex education needs to be done and more free access to these materials should be accessible. It would really make a difference. Banning “all” porn (I say “all” because ALL isn’t possible, but it’s also encouraging some of the most vile material as well), isn’t the way to go.

I do believe that the most horrible stuff needs to be censored though. I don’t think that it should only be censored, but the parties responsible for it need to go to prison or whatever. Absolutely. If any government wants to prevent their citizens from seeing that or accessing that, I think that’s perfectly fine. But who says what is “good” or “bad”? That’s the big question.

Lamer Gamers Podcast

I wanted to take the opportunity to tell you guys that a few friends back home have started a podcast about gaming, and you should really listen to it. In fact, that’s what I’m listening to right this second. Good stuff. It makes me miss the episodes I used to record with my best friend. I love gaming and I know a lot of you out there love it too. I want to encourage them to keep going and keep it up!

Anyway, if you’re still confused, I’ll repost their about information for you:

“We are both full-grown adults with graying hair and failing backs that are actively trying to balance our gaming life with married life, work life, personal skilled life, and more while retaining our sanity. Our goal is to put out a one hour show once or twice a month that you can sneak on your lunch break or on the go that will hopefully keep you entertained enough to keep fighting the good fight against the daily grind, the man, or even Ganondorf if need be!”

If you’d like to listen, you can do so from the player below or you can visit their SoundCloud page.

I Miss Getting Food Delivered

One of the less attractive things about me is that I like junk food. Since I’ve moved to a regional town, access to it has been severely limited and you kind of learn how to go without. Sadly, I have times when I really miss being able to get it without traveling over an hour to get it. When I tell you that the place I’m living has no fast food, I mean it. Nothing. Zilch.

Mmmm… pizza. I don’t even care that it’s from Pizza Hut. (I do miss good ranch dressing to dip the crusts into…)

Because most of my family and a lot of my friends use Facebook, I check it every once in a while to see what’s happening in the USA. You see, Facebook likes to torture me a little bit sometimes. They’re a little tricky when it comes to working with my ad blocker/browser. I still have to look at ads sometimes. I regularly see food that I want and can’t have when I want it. I can’t see someone delivering a pizza one way when it takes them one hour–not like they’d actually do that.

The ads are like 3 pizzas for $36 delivered and it’s always that boring pepperoni pizza (that I love). It makes me immediately hungry for pizza. It would probably cost the same, if not more, to make the things myself. Since I live in a regional area, let’s just say that the prices for food aren’t really that good and when you live in a town with 1 grocery store, they can effectively charge whatever they want. I’d estimate that we pay about 20% more for our food than we did when we lived in a bigger city where the choices were plentiful.

The other problem is that delivery doesn’t exist here. There are places you can order, but it’s really old school where you call in your order, then have to drive up there, pay for it, and bring it home. (I find it a little amusing that when I have to order train tickets from the hardware store, they have all these schedules printed in a binder that they have to look through to find the right ticket, when there’s a computer right in front of them… that runs like Windows 95.) It’s very sad. It would take me about 30 minutes to walk to one of these places to pick up food–another reason to get a car.

I’m also sad that there are no services that would deliver food here like UberEats or something like that. You don’t know how good these little things are until they’re not available.

I thought I’d just complain about that. Ads probably grab my attention a lot more here than they ever did. I’m not sure why, but it’s probably because there’s not much to do around here so you have to look at ads to pass the time.

Off Having Adventures

Hello! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? (My podcast episode posts are usually done in advance, so it’s been a while since I’ve written anything new.)

I’ve gone away for a while and I have a new job, so I’ve been a little preoccupied. I plan on recording new material next week.

I’ll admit that I go silent sometimes when I’m a bit sad or depressed, but lately, I’ve just been off on new adventures. I’ll be telling you about the cool people I’ve been hanging around, the things we do, and the places we go.

As I’ve said before, small town living really isn’t so bad. It’s been pretty cool so far.

Rediscovering idioPod

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I was looking around on my server today to see whether I could clean some things up off of it and lo and behold, I came across every podcast episode and video I made for the podcast I made between January 2007 and the end of December 2010.

In that time frame, so much happened. I had just moved back to Australia to try to fix a relationship that wasn’t really working out. I was quite unhappy in general and very depressed a lot of the time. I went to the USA to possibly move back and my dad passed away. Then, I returned to Australia still hoping that I could save my relationship. All of a sudden, I just stopped updating my podcast and called it quits.

I downloaded the short videos I made and watched them. The quality is awful. I don’t know what I used to record them, but it was probably acceptable back then. They had videos of my dachshund I owned here, my ex, my places I moved into (which were VERY unpresentable). It was sad because as I watched them, I found it very sad because my ex looked very disinterested. I think by that time, he was just not all the way there himself but noticed that I made him laugh a lot.

I have to give him credit because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here in this country today. I still find it really hard to talk to him though. I think he cares about me even today, but that’s where it ends. That’s fine. I go through time periods where I do miss the good times with him. He wasn’t as awful as I made people believe. Things change over time and it’s why I was so scared getting married when I did. (My ex knows I got married as well.)

Confronting your own past can be so scary. I felt like I should confront some of it today. I don’t think I can listen to myself talk for 3 years worth of podcast episodes though so the videos are all I did. Luckily, they were short (and very pixelated). It reminded me of the good times I’ve had (except for my messy house… ex had a bit of a hoarding issue… it wasn’t bad, but he was very unorganised and liked to collect things he couldn’t use).

Maybe I’ll share some of these episodes later–or all of them. I still have the feed for it. And they’re still on my server (except they are not reachable by the public). Maybe people could point out the changes from then to now. I feel better now. Not the best, but I feel better. I  kinda miss the way things were, but it’s better to move on from that.

Why Editing Audio Is So Difficult

Why is editing audio, especially when it is my own voice, so hard for me? Why do I neglect editing out all the umms, uhs, and other filler?

Sad story here, folks. One that I probably wouldn’t want to talk about on a podcast, so I’ll just type it here. Most of my life, and even today, I have been made fun of because of how I sound. When I was a kid and I started kindergarten, I had to go through speech therapy so I could speak correctly. People would make fun of me because I couldn’t pronounce certain letter combinations, including my sister–but that’s what sisters do so I forgive her.

As I got older, I think that I improved, but of course, if it wasn’t making fun of the way I struggled speaking correctly, it was my voice’s tone. It wasn’t masculine enough. People would ask me about it constantly and some guy was nice to bully me about it every chance he got, though he sounded like he was born into a 10th generation inbred family. Oh, and he died a few years after school…

So past that, it affected me into adulthood. I’d chat with guys (and, yes, girls) online and then they’d want to talk to me. Sometimes, people said “Oh, you don’t sound like I thought you would” and sometimes that would be enough for them not to want to talk to (or chat with) me anymore.

So yeah, I moved here and people sometimes can’t even understand me. Sometimes I’d date people and ask them (by message) if they could understand me. It was usually “mostly”. One of the people I dated said that I sound a lot sexier and manly with a sore throat.

No one’s ever told me they like my voice, basically (except the guy who said it was sexy… when my throat was sore). My partner now makes fun of me even after I’ve told him that it really bothers me. It just makes me extra cranky and even now, it makes me a little sad too.

It all boils down to this: I don’t like my speaking voice. Listening to myself talk is really hard. Going back over the stuff I record is like torture for me. That’s why I’d rather not go back and edit things out.

I Don’t Want to Talk About It Right Now

Got your attention? Was it because you felt sorry for me? Yes?

I thought I’d break apart some of the whining about my moving over 4 hours away and again bless you with something that’s been happening on my Facebook wall. This is one of my most favourite things in the world:

If you don’t want to talk about it, doesn’t that mean that you shouldn’t post it on social media?

What I think about when someone posts something like this is that they just want some attention or something. Apparently, this person is still not wanting to talk about it. They did, however, post something about not knowing what they can possibly do to lose weight and they’ve been a bit big since junior high school. A few times, I told this person how I managed to keep a bit trim, and basically said small changes in diet could really add up over time and keep good habits. But this person “can’t”. For some reason, exercise is just too much to ask. You know, no time, son is in football, no one else in the house wants to drink water instead of Coke. The list goes on and on.

A few years ago, I decided that a lot of the people on social media don’t need to know everything about me. They don’t need to know what I ate for all three meals because I sit there and read people’s stuff and I’m like who the hell would care about that? Not me. If I don’t care about the little mundane things I do, why should anybody else? It kind of makes me think about the stuff I talk about on my podcast.

I end up complaining a lot about social media, Facebook in particular. I don’t link it here because I basically have it to let my family and friends back at home know what’s happening on this huge island. Election times are a bit difficult for me because it’s hard not to become this political monster. I think everybody knows that I don’t like who’s leading the USA right now. I could probably say the same thing about Australia, but at least the people in control aren’t monsters who think they can do no wrong and blame everybody else when things don’t go their way.

Anyway, I am doing fine and as you’ve seen, I will talk about it right now because I think sometimes talking helps. I hope whatever is bothering this person gets worked out one way or another because this is kind of what my blog is about–therapy. Cheap therapy. It does help sometimes.

Busy Like a Bee

bee crashIt’s been a really busy few weeks. That’s why I’ve been a little silent lately. I haven’t had much time to myself lately. The next podcast episode is coming on Friday but I don’t really like it. I’m probably going to upload it anyway.

While I’m here, I just want to say a big ‘thank you’ to those of you who are sending me feedback and encouragement. I really do.

I’ll start recording new episodes next week. I have a lot of stuff in my head.

Sorry this is so short! Will chat with you lovely people later.

V/Line, I F****** Hate You

vline-trainI told you guys before that my next few weeks were going to be really busy and, oh my god, I’m totally exhausted right now. I am seriously out of energy right now, and I’m in bed before 7:30. My last three mornings (including this one) have been early starts. I have had to leave the house before 5 am each time so I could make it to where I needed to go (aka work) and be there by 7 am. I would definitely make it there on time… so I thought.

V/Line operates the rail services to regional towns around the state of Victoria, to and from Melbourne usually. They are who I have to rely on almost every day to get where I need to go. Unfortunately, they don’t even do that right. I’ve been late twice already, even after leaving earlier the next day, on an earlier train.

So yes, three early starts, and then I get to leave at around 4 pm. As I’ve said, I’m simply exhausted. I want to get home, sit down, watch stupid videos, and just relax. I got to the station and the trains were all cancelled because of sick staff. I finally get a train, and THAT train was late. There were a ton of people there and instead of using 6 carriages like they usually do, they decide to use 3. They tried to fit all these people on it who have had their trains cancelled – so basically, the train looked like this:

train.jpg

I had to stand the whole fucking time almost. I had been on my feet all day and my feet were hurting very bad, I had people’s armpits in my face, and I was really tired (I usually can get about a 45 minute nap out of these trips). About 3 stops before the stop that I was going to get off at, they announce that since that train was late, they’re making it terminate early. Even at that station there were still people standing up.

My favourite part of this is how after all this shit happening, they want to punish their customers for THEM being late. They took off all those people and said “Well, wait for the next train.” That train was running late too. I said “fuck this” and took a bus home and it was probably the first time today I have felt peaceful. I still want to say…

I fucking hate V/Line.

They fail to realise that people depend on them, even at 4-5 am, to get to work. They forget that people don’t want to be crammed in trains like fucking sardines at the end of the day. If you know there is going to be a staff shortage, then fucking hire some bus drivers or something. Don’t cancel half of your trains.

It’s one of the reasons why I hate living far away from Melbourne like this. If V/Line isn’t stressing me out, they’re pissing me off.

My pissed off ass is off to watch some super old quality television… on YouTube.

And Dream of Sheep

I’m just about to go to sleep and I’ll probably post this some other time, because I don’t want to make two posts in one day, so this is Sunday night guys and girls, just so you know. I’m supposed to be sleeping right now, and if I actually put some effort into it, I probably could and it probably would happen quickly. Unfortunately, my partner stays up later than I do and I can never know when he’s going to come and open the door just to look at me (or see if I’m sleeping), or when he finally comes to bed, he has this need to rearrange all the pillows under my head.

I’ve never been the kind of person who can go back to sleep easily, so most of the time, I just wait for him to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I can pretty much count the hours I get to sleep on one hand right now (around 11 pm) so I will be feeling quite sleepy tomorrow. It usually happens that way.

I am a really light sleeper. Anything and everything wakes me up unless I heavily drug myself with allergy medication or sleeping medication. Snoring is my crazy trigger though I know I do it. I don’t think I do it much though I think I do usually when I’m sick and/or tired.

I do love my dreams though most of the time. I dream about my family a lot and of home. I dream a lot about my dog back in Texas, who just turned 16 years old. I dream about my family members who passed away time to time. Sometimes, I just hang out with them. Sometimes, I feel quite emotional. Sometimes, I wake up feeling quite happy from dreaming about them. I feel like they’re there to remind me of the memories I have with them and how lucky I am to remember them in a positive way.

I can’t go into huge detail here since my butt really should be sleeping anyway – so here’s wishing you a great week so far (since who knows when I’m going to post this). Good night! Sleep tight! Don’t let the dybbuks bite.