I’m just about to go to sleep and I’ll probably post this some other time, because I don’t want to make two posts in one day, so this is Sunday night guys and girls, just so you know. I’m supposed to be sleeping right now, and if I actually put some effort into it, I probably could and it probably would happen quickly. Unfortunately, my partner stays up later than I do and I can never know when he’s going to come and open the door just to look at me (or see if I’m sleeping), or when he finally comes to bed, he has this need to rearrange all the pillows under my head.
I’ve never been the kind of person who can go back to sleep easily, so most of the time, I just wait for him to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I can pretty much count the hours I get to sleep on one hand right now (around 11 pm) so I will be feeling quite sleepy tomorrow. It usually happens that way.
I am a really light sleeper. Anything and everything wakes me up unless I heavily drug myself with allergy medication or sleeping medication. Snoring is my crazy trigger though I know I do it. I don’t think I do it much though I think I do usually when I’m sick and/or tired.
I do love my dreams though most of the time. I dream about my family a lot and of home. I dream a lot about my dog back in Texas, who just turned 16 years old. I dream about my family members who passed away time to time. Sometimes, I just hang out with them. Sometimes, I feel quite emotional. Sometimes, I wake up feeling quite happy from dreaming about them. I feel like they’re there to remind me of the memories I have with them and how lucky I am to remember them in a positive way.
I can’t go into huge detail here since my butt really should be sleeping anyway – so here’s wishing you a great week so far (since who knows when I’m going to post this). Good night! Sleep tight! Don’t let the dybbuks bite.
I’m going to admit a few things in this post that I am not so proud of. I’m just warning you about that right now.
For those who don’t know, I was not born and raised in Australia. I was born in one of the USA’s biggest cities and ended up being brought up in a small town that, uh, let’s say hasn’t always been the friendliest when it comes to people from different from my own ethnic group. Thankfully, my parents didn’t push any racist ideas on me. I think that they were maybe a little bit, but they didn’t say much and it was nothing compared to the town around me. It always really made me sick and after I realised there was a whole world out there to explore, I met some really cool people. I will admit that I had “reservations” about meeting some people because I was unfamiliar with their cultures and religions, but once I met them, talked to them, and everything, I started to understand that everybody shares a common bond and there are good people and bad people out there.
Something that I’m not so proud of is how I listened to my ex talk about the Aboriginal people of Australia. I allowed him to “teach” me certain negative stereotypes, and you know something? I believed him. I basically had this automatic negative thinking about people who I had never really gotten to know. I said some really nasty things to other people (not often though) which I really wished I did not say.
Surprisingly, I didn’t learn much about the Aboriginal people until I took my citizenship test. I just didn’t have much exposure to them up to that point. I learned what I had to (and a little more) and passed the test. Years later, as part of my training, I took a class about the Aboriginal people and I really found it to be quite interesting. It pushed me to want to learn more about these fascinating people. It encouraged me to go to museums and really enjoy the artwork. It gave me opportunities to talk to and learn from them. It gave me a very basic overview of how society was before this country was invaded (because I really believe this is what happened). I think about how different things would be if the people who came here were more open-minded and lived in harmony with the people who were already here. I have a better understanding now of what they’ve had to endure for over 200 years and it’s really, really sad. I cannot imagine having someone take me from my mother and father, and bring me somewhere I didn’t know, tell me that my way of life is wrong and force me to change it. That would be incredibly difficult and heart-breaking. (And you know something? It’s still happening today. I’m not lying.)
I find it really depressing and unacceptable that the life span on the Aboriginal people are around 10 years less than they are of non-Aboriginal people. They’re still underrepresented in the government and I think they need people within their culture(s) to help us all work together at least, to lessen the unfair gaps between so many things, life expectancy, income, education, etc. I really believe the oldest culture in the world needs preservation and I know we can learn a lot from them.
I am not an expert in this country’s history and as much as I would love to talk about it here, I don’t think I’m qualified. I do know that the Aboriginal people here have a really rich, interesting, and beautiful culture and I am so ashamed I have let someone influence my thinking about them in a negative way. I don’t expect for my learning process to stop now.
If you’re curious about Australian Aboriginal culture, you can go to the Creative Spirits website. The information there is quite good, but it seems to try to push an eBook on you every page you visit, twice.
There’s really so much to say but I can’t fit everything here. It’s all really interesting. I feel a little bit guilty for that reason.
I’m probably going to go to Hell for this, but I’m going to go for it anyway because I might be an asshole.
The other day, I received a link to a fundraiser. I didn’t respond to it by email, so she decided to just send it to me through a messenger.
This fundraiser was sent to me by someone who I haven’t really talked to in about 5 years and someone I haven’t seen in over 10 years. And what was it for? It was to fund her kid’s (not an infant and not a toddler) birthday party. Hey, that’s okay. What’s the reason? She had to pay bills and doesn’t have any money left over. Not a very good explanation, but that’s fine. I could chip in a bit. Then, I saw how much she needed…
$500. For a birthday party! 500 fucking dollars!
Growing up, I was lucky if my parents spent $50, maximum, on my birthday when I was a kid. My mom would bake a cake and invite people over to eat it. It was always very simple and I never thought much about it. I didn’t resent my parents for that. I was happy. I didn’t expect big parties, big gifts, or anything like that. I didn’t expect to have my parties at Chuck E. Cheese’s. My family wasn’t extraordinarily poor or anything like that. They could have, but they didn’t. I think this was one of the good things they did for me. They never went crazy with gifts. They did get me some really, really awesome things though. Every year for Christmas and Easter, I’d get some awesome things! I loved it.
They never spent $500 on them (at a time). I know that was more than 20 years ago, but even comparing the currency from then and now, it still wouldn’t be 10 times as much now.
I’m not against fundraising for things. I just don’t like them when the only explanation you get is that the person had to pay bills and has no money left. I don’t like when people are asking for money just because they can. That’s why I have not asked anybody to fund my/anybody’s trips back and forth to the USA, my wedding, my post-wedding parties, or anything. If I don’t have the money to do it, I simply don’t have it or I do what I can. If I did, I’d have a really reasonable reason, not because I have a rent payment to make.
Needless to say, I won’t be funding that person’s kid’s party. If she asked for a smaller amount or provided better information, I probably would. Maybe I just don’t understand because I don’t have kids but I still think that something small and more within your means is a bit “better”.
I know that I complain about Facebook a lot. I also know that I don’t link to my profile from here because I have a habit of only adding people as friends if I know them in real life (there are a few exceptions). Facebook is a “good” thing for me because I live so far away from home and it’s where my family members congregate. If something happens, good or bad, I can find out relatively quickly. If there are birthdays (and right now I am beyond remembering them anymore), I can wish them a happy birthday easily. If there’s something stupid, cryptic, and random, I can share it there.
When I first joined, I made it a personal goal of mine to post at least once a day. There was a time when people knew where I was, what I was doing, and what I thought about it. If someone wanted to level up their Stalking skill, that was the way to go. After a while, I started thinking that people didn’t need to know what I was doing all the time. That carried over into the other social media services and also into my weblog too. It’s kind of why I don’t go into detail about certain things. I was and am so over people knowing every single thing that happens, but I still require that outlet which is why I am still here (at my weblog) today.
These days, my Facebook status gets updated once or twice a month and it’s usually because I’m not feeling well. It’s basically a code to let people know not to contact me with anything. Of course, that doesn’t always work and it makes me look like I’m constantly sick. I do go there daily, several times, to administrate a group of around 160,000 people but sometimes I’m even lazy with that and I’m going to end that really soon to give myself more free time to start a new project.
With all the privacy issues happening around Facebook and me not really trusting them very much anyway, I’m happy to take a step back. I just wished that I could get my family to use something a little more private. I don’t think that’s going to happen, so I will deal with it for now.
I am absolutely flabbergasted that people still post the things they post on there though which is the whole purpose of this post. There are certain people who post their laundry schedule (not exaggerating, seriously), people who post questionable, un-researched health information (drinking a pint of apple cider vinegar is super good for you! – seriously, it’s not. Don’t do it.) because they’re studying to become nursing, people who are always and forever posting about all their health issues, etc. It just gets so irritating. (Did this bit even make sense?)
Every like people leave on things builds up the information Facebook can sell to advertisers. That’s why I don’t like things people post very much and why I don’t really like businesses. I know that this information is somehow being used against me in one way or another. It makes me look like I hate everything but I don’t. It absolutely drives me crazy when people force me to click the like button on things. Or share stuff.
I have stopped posting pictures as well because I know that will probably be used against me in some form or another. Probably again, to be analysed and sold to another company so they can sell me beach holidays.
I had a discussion with my doctor about how depressed people can get by spending all their time on Facebook. I will have to agree with that, completely. Since my family is there, it’s really sad to see them getting old and having health problems. My cousins that I remember as little kids are getting married, having children, and such. It’s one of those hard things about living across the world. You see people post things about their vacations and stuff like that and it makes me want to go on vacation so bad! I just roll my eyes at the “look at my partner and how much we’re in love” posts (if they’re done over and over and over).
At the end of the day, I just don’t trust them. It’s been going downhill so fast and if I knew that I’d still exist to my family and friends in the USA after I left, I’d leave. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.
Every so often, I get messages sent to me via the contact form. Some of those messages deal with the ethnicity of the people who I date or the person I’m with now. Some of these messages are just looking for information (curiosity) and some of them are less-than-kind (from gay men).
My dating pool has always been big, meaning that I don’t prefer anybody over another based on their culture, skin colour, religion, or something like that. I just like good people and I believe there are good people all over the world. I know there are terrible people all over the world too and a few bad ones exist. I’d be really dumb if I believed that a whole group of people are bad because of the actions of a few.
My partner isn’t my partner because he’s Indian. He’s my partner because he’s awesome. If there was an awesome white Australian guy that came along before him, then that guy would be my partner. If he was an awesome Mexican-American guy, great. It just doesn’t matter to me.
Some people don’t like the fact that I would date anybody and honestly, I don’t really get it. I knew people who totally flipped out when they found out that I’m with who I am with not. I don’t talk to them much (or at all) anymore.
Personally, I don’t understand people who only focus on one ethnic group, including their own. But I guess people have their own preferences of who they want to date, and though I find that limiting, I guess it’s none of my business. Personally, it’s just not for me.
There’s so much I could say here, but I will keep it short and sweet. Just read the first bolded text if you want to know how I think. Apologies to anybody who were misled by the title! Haha.
I’ve compiled a list of statements below. Half are lies, and half are true. Do you know which is which? For each true one, take the letter on the left then maybe unscramble the collection of letters to reveal something about me!
I hated onions back then, and I hate them now.
I don’t hate anybody that I’ve personally met in my life.
I don’t like anybody either. I like being totally neutral.
I used to be a lot darker than I am now.
I love going to sleep late and waking up late too.
I’ve saved a few people from drowning, but I’m not a lifeguard.
I’ve had more career changes than I’d like to admit.
My favorite food is cheese.
I could never date a dumb person.
I’m hardly ever on time to stuff.
I’m actually really short. I edit my photos to look tall.
I’m older than my partner.
I’ve gotten piercings in more than 2 places.
I’ve got tattoos, but I just haven’t shown anybody because it’s a person’s name.
My biggest fear are things with no legs, except snakes.
I knew I was gay a long time before I came out of the closet.
I’ve got a big fear of closed-in spaces.
I love maths and sciences.
I’ve slept with someone from ALMOST every country because I was a big slut.
I’m thinking about getting rid of my US citizenship because of Trump.
I’m really, really unkind to birds in my dreams.
I’ve wrecked 3 cars in my life, so far.
I love eating Cajun food. Give me a barrel of crawfish!
I love McDonald’s and KFC in Australia, but not so much back home.
I’m going to start a new podcast before August.
When I was a kid, I didn’t travelled outside the state much.
I haven’t dated a white guy before.
The longest I’ve gone without showering is 5 days.
I don’t drink a lot, but when I do, I tend to binge drink.
Sorry for that, folks. My GI tract decided it was going to give me problems for a few days, so I didn’t have the time or energy to do much. I really wish that I wasn’t cursed with a stomach that can go from perfectly okay one minute to absolutely shitty (literally) the next. I had to waste my morning sitting in a room with sick people to see the doctor for less than 2 minutes. Seriously. 2 minutes, of course, I basically told the doctor what was wrong with me, what I needed to take, and what I needed to do for the rest of the day to get better. He said he was going to give me a medical certificate for the rest of the week off and I said “No way. I can’t do that.” I got a day off and used it to replace all the fluids I was losing. This is pleasant talk, right? Next!
Something crappy happened over the weekend when one of the Facebook groups I am an administrator of went totally crazy. Apparently there was a post on it with a person who was looking for someone else to live with, in particular, another gay male. Being a group of over 150k people, some chimed in that it was wrong, and no one really cares about sexual orientation anymore and that it shouldn’t be allowed. Some militant person went crazy with the group’s original owner and totally ruined his weekend to the point when I think he got really upset and depressed from all the bullying. The person ended up waging a war because they were posting really disgusting things and getting their comments deleted and ended up getting themselves muted. (Of course, they left the group and then said that the admin kicked them out so it sounds more dramatic.) They were mad because they were getting silenced! Cyberbullied! They basically got their feelings and ego hurt because they can’t use non-abusive language and act civilised.
I don’t really get it though. Aren’t there other things to get upset about? Isn’t it someone’s choice whether they want to (or don’t want to) live with a gay person? Should someone be forced to live with someone that they don’t want to? To me, when you’re looking for accommodation and you’re going to have a room mate (housemate…), don’t you want that place to be harmonious? There are still people who feel safer living with other gay people and that’s fine. Some people don’t really care. I’d like to think that it’s not really an issue, but it’s an issue to some. They should be able to make the decision of who they want to live with.
I think that’s true on a lot of levels though. If someone doesn’t want to live with a chain smoker who insists that they can only smoke inside, should they be forced to deal with that? Wouldn’t it be better for everybody if that person finds a non-smoking household? Same goes with drugs, partying, age, gender, etc. Being militant about people who have preferences about who they live with, accomplishes nothing.
What is bad, however, is when people are denied available housing (ie: an empty house) because the people applying are a gay couple, they’re a certain race, religion, or something to that effect. Let’s face it. Some people are just dumb and afraid of the unknown and I think that’s sad. Discrimination happens and it really shouldn’t.
This was a little longer than I expected. Oops! I need to get myself ready to go. I hope this made sense and it’s basically a lot like dating. You have to be happy with who you live with. People are allowed to choose who they live with in shared accommodation. I’m not sure why some people don’t get that.
(And if you come across this post and you’re from the group, and you’re going to get pissy about it, my thoughts here don’t represent that group, so don’t harass them about it. Same goes for my employer(s).)
Hi. I’m waiting for my phone to charge. Yeah, technology is fun sometimes.
I mentioned the other day that I had a few busy weeks ahead of me, but the first week has finished, and you know what? I really enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to going back next week. I didn’t work much in this field for a while (which is why I am doing this again) and it is so nice to get back to it, even full-time. I told myself when I first started over 10 years ago that I would never work in this field full-time. I do like the flexibility of working casually and being able to take (unpaid) leave when I need to, but as I get older, I need to make more money and I need to work a lot harder before I am forced to work when I’m 85 years old.
It’s really nice rediscovering why exactly I do what I did/do. It’s very invigorating and it feels great going back home at the end of the day, knowing that I enjoy what I’m doing, like, seriously.
It’s hard to explain this without mentioning what I actually do, so hopefully you get what I’m saying. lol
Anyway, I hope I can maintain this excitement past next week and I’m pretty sure that it will just get better. I’m almost totally done with this re-training stuff.
I’m flawed. I’m flawed like everybody, but I have a really bad habit. I tend to offer a bit too much information when people asked me. You ask me “How was your day?” and I answer “Well, it was okay. My allergies are acting up a bit and I ate an undercooked egg. I saw the scariest person today that looked like a zombie, and acted like one too. Yeah, I am doing fine. How are you?” You answer “Um, good.” Then, you walk slowly away asking yourself what kind of conversation you just had.
This would happen a lot at grocery store checkouts. The cashier would ask me how I am, and I’d have this big long speech ready for them. I’d give that speech and my partner at the time would tell me that no one really cares that much and they just expect a one-word answer.
I’m still guilty at this, but I try to keep it short. I say something like I’m doing good but I don’t let it stop there. I automatically answer back “…and how are you doing?”. I get a little disappointed when people won’t tell me their life’s problems.
I feel a little sorry for people who I deal with on an everyday basis especially when I am talking about IT, games, or health-related stuff. I go off course and throw in a lot of extra information that they probably didn’t need. I think it confuses them. I do this with J too. I forget sometimes that I just confuse him by talking, so I try to keep my talking to a minimum.
Mr. Chirps doesn’t mind though. He just looks at me like I’m an idiot. He probably wishes that he could claw my voice box out with his beak and talons because I’m asking him a million times what he’s doing, hoping one day he’ll be able to talk to me. He makes some awful noises sometimes and think he’s trying to mimic it, but cockatiels aren’t really great talkers. They can try, but they’re no good at it. They’re better singers, I’m told but jeez, this one has the most annoying, high-pitched squeak when he hears crows outside. CROWS! Nothing else but crows. It’s really irritating…
And without thinking, see, that’s what happens. You’ve probably seen this in every single one of my posts!
It is a little strange because I’m so not social. I wish I was, but I’m really not. I’d rather be left to my own devices (like my electronic stuff).
I started writing this a few moments after I took this picture. It’s nothing to be proud of and nothing I’d frame on the wall, but this is how I spend most of my time. I spend almost 1/6 of my day travelling on the train from point A to point B. That’s about around 3-4 hours of my day spent most of the week.
I like to complain about this a lot, and I mean a lot. You’ve probably read something about how much I hate the commute and how I wish they’d just build a teleporter outside my front door to go anywhere I want (hell, even a one-way deal would make me happy).
I was going to make this a big long list of the negatives of my daily commute, but I’ll skip that. It’s really not all that bad, but there’s plenty bad in there.
Why I Hate It
This is easy. It’s always easier to complain about what I hate. These things are the main reasons why I hate the long commute.
Time Wasted: There’s only so much you can accomplish riding the train for so long. Since the distance between where I live and where I work/study is so big, there’s a lot of emptiness. There is no internet service on the train and the mobile towers are flaky at best (the Victorian government is supposed to be doing something about this), I can’t get any work done.
Alarm Call: To be where I need to be at 8 am, I have to leave home before 5:30 am. That means my mornings are usually groggy, zombified messes. It’s a general rule that if I don’t leave more than 2 hours earlier than I have to, I won’t make it. Not fun for train delays [see below].
Cost: It’s not really terrible, but I spend about $12 one way. That’s about the same amount that someone spends for an all-day ticket around Melbourne and the suburbs. If I still lived around Melbourne, I wouldn’t complain anymore, I promise!
Unreliability: When it gets hot, trains get delayed. When it’s cold, trains get delayed. When it’s rainy, trains get delayed. When it’s windy, trains get delayed. One of these delays can really screw up my whole schedule for the day. I miss one of them, I have to wait 45 minutes for the next train in the morning. On the way home, if a train is delayed, it can easily take an extra hour for me to get home. The connection times are so bad that sometimes I have to run for the bus before it leaves in 1-2 minutes.
Rude people: Some people have no understanding that people in 3 carriages do not want to hear their phone conversation about an abusive brother-in-law, what their plans are for the weekend, or how many times they got laid in the last two days. (I’m not making this up. I have heard all of this.) Parents let their kids run up and down the aisles, screaming their heads off, and being little brats. People play their shitty-ass music over the speaker on their phone. This is all in what the train calls a “quiet carriage”.
Everything stinks: Sometimes the seats smell like they haven’t been cleaned in over a decade. They smell like sweat and mildew. It’s really gross and gives me a huge headache. The public toilets are horrifying. (All public toilets are horrifying…)
Why I Like It
It’s not all so bad. In fact, sometimes I look forward to the trips.
Train fan: I like trains. I am not really sure why, but I like them. I’ve never actually owned any train models and didn’t love them when I was a kid. I am really interested in the history of the train stations around Victoria, like the one I live closest to used to be somewhere else and the current location it’s on now used to be some kind of chicken farm. I could spend my whole day reading about the history of trains here. I probably should try to find a museum somewhere.
Time to unwind: The trip gives me some time to rewind. I can sleep sometimes, but it’s not often. I’ve never been a big fan of sleeping in public. These days, I kind of close my eyes and zone out. It’s really nice. Early in the mornings, when everybody is still half-asleep, it’s really quiet and I can empty my head of thoughts. I guess it’s a really basic form of meditation.
Environment: I’ve told people that Australia is beautiful. Even if it’s the big open fields with trees, it’s really pretty. We get to pass mountains. There are rivers. It reminds me a lot of where I’m from in Texas. It’s empty, but it’s nice to look at. When we get to the city, I like looking at all the graffiti that’s well-done. (I don’t like lazy wall art.) Also, some of the train stations have a very vintage, nostalgic look to them, especially in the very remote towns we pass through.
Comfort: I’d hate to admit it, but the country trains are really comfortable. Yeah, they may stink sometimes, but they’re pretty comfortable getting me back and forth. I’m not sure how my shrinking ass would do on longer trips though. The temperature also always feels a lot better than how it feels outside. Sometimes this can make me really look forward to leave.
No driving required: I don’t like to drive. I hate it. It’s why I don’t own a car now, even if I live in a smaller town. It does get really annoying when I need to go somewhere local, but if I need to, I can get to bigger cities easily. I do think, however, that I will need to get a car soon though because it would be nice to get to the station in 5 minutes rather than 25 minutes in the morning.
Eye candy: Since I’m not having to look at the road or pay attention to anything, I can look at other people instead. Some of the people I see are really good-looking (everybody). There are some really cute train conductors. I’d hate to say it, but in Melbourne there are certain places where the train stops and there are a lot of cute people. Haha.
I guess that’s it! Super simple post about travelling. Speaking of travel, I am supposed to go to the USA at the end of the year. I will be excited to get back home for a while so I can get fat.