When you don’t totally hate what you do…

Hi. I’m waiting for my phone to charge. Yeah, technology is fun sometimes.

Hooray! I don’t hate what I do.

I mentioned the other day that I had a few busy weeks ahead of me, but the first week has finished, and you know what? I really enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to going back next week. I didn’t work much in this field for a while (which is why I am doing this again) and it is so nice to get back to it, even full-time. I told myself when I first started over 10 years ago that I would never work in this field full-time. I do like the flexibility of working casually and being able to take (unpaid) leave when I need to, but as I get older, I need to make more money and I need to work a lot harder before I am forced to work when I’m 85 years old.

It’s really nice rediscovering why exactly I do what I did/do. It’s very invigorating and it feels great going back home at the end of the day, knowing that I enjoy what I’m doing, like, seriously.

It’s hard to explain this without mentioning what I actually do, so hopefully you get what I’m saying. lol

Anyway, I hope I can maintain this excitement past next week and I’m pretty sure that it will just get better. I’m almost totally done with this re-training stuff.

A Little TMI

I’m flawed. I’m flawed like everybody, but I have a really bad habit. I tend to offer a bit too much information when people asked me. You ask me “How was your day?” and I answer “Well, it was okay. My allergies are acting up a bit and I ate an undercooked egg. I saw the scariest person today that looked like a zombie, and acted like one too. Yeah, I am doing fine. How are you?” You answer “Um, good.” Then, you walk slowly away asking yourself what kind of conversation you just had.

Scary. Super public toilet.

This would happen a lot at grocery store checkouts. The cashier would ask me how I am, and I’d have this big long speech ready for them. I’d give that speech and my partner at the time would tell me that no one really cares that much and they just expect a one-word answer.

I’m still guilty at this, but I try to keep it short. I say something like I’m doing good but I don’t let it stop there. I automatically answer back “…and how are you doing?”. I get a little disappointed when people won’t tell me their life’s problems.

I feel a little sorry for people who I deal with on an everyday basis especially when I am talking about IT, games, or health-related stuff. I go off course and throw in a lot of extra information that they probably didn’t need. I think it confuses them. I do this with J too. I forget sometimes that I just confuse him by talking, so I try to keep my talking to a minimum.

Mr. Chirps doesn’t mind though. He just looks at me like I’m an idiot. He probably wishes that he could claw my voice box out with his beak and talons because I’m asking him a million times what he’s doing, hoping one day he’ll be able to talk to me. He makes some awful noises sometimes and think he’s trying to mimic it, but cockatiels aren’t really great talkers. They can try, but they’re no good at it. They’re better singers, I’m told but jeez, this one has the most annoying, high-pitched squeak when he hears crows outside. CROWS! Nothing else but crows. It’s really irritating…

And without thinking, see, that’s what happens. You’ve probably seen this in every single one of my posts!

It is a little strange because I’m so not social. I wish I was, but I’m really not. I’d rather be left to my own devices (like my electronic stuff).

The Distance Between 2 Cities

My butt is in one of these seats for at almost 16 hours per week.

I started writing this a few moments after I took this picture. It’s nothing to be proud of and nothing I’d frame on the wall, but this is how I spend most of my time. I spend almost 1/6 of my day travelling on the train from point A to point B. That’s about around 3-4 hours of my day spent most of the week.

I like to complain about this a lot, and I mean a lot. You’ve probably read something about how much I hate the commute and how I wish they’d just build a teleporter outside my front door to go anywhere I want (hell, even a one-way deal would make me happy).

I was going to make this a big long list of the negatives of my daily commute, but I’ll skip that. It’s really not all that bad, but there’s plenty bad in there.

Why I Hate It

This is easy. It’s always easier to complain about what I hate. These things are the main reasons why I hate the long commute.

Time Wasted: There’s only so much you can accomplish riding the train for so long. Since the distance between where I live and where I work/study is so big, there’s a lot of emptiness. There is no internet service on the train and the mobile towers are flaky at best (the Victorian government is supposed to be doing something about this), I can’t get any work done.

Sweet Brown probably said it best.

Alarm Call: To be where I need to be at 8 am, I have to leave home before 5:30 am. That means my mornings are usually groggy, zombified messes. It’s a general rule that if I don’t leave more than 2 hours earlier than I have to, I won’t make it. Not fun for train delays [see below].

Cost: It’s not really terrible, but I spend about $12 one way. That’s about the same amount that someone spends for an all-day ticket around Melbourne and the suburbs. If I still lived around Melbourne, I wouldn’t complain anymore, I promise!

Unreliability: When it gets hot, trains get delayed. When it’s cold, trains get delayed. When it’s rainy, trains get delayed. When it’s windy, trains get delayed. One of these delays can really screw up my whole schedule for the day. I miss one of them, I have to wait 45 minutes for the next train in the morning. On the way home, if a train is delayed, it can easily take an extra hour for me to get home. The connection times are so bad that sometimes I have to run for the bus before it leaves in 1-2 minutes.

Rude people: Some people have no understanding that people in 3 carriages do not want to hear their phone conversation about an abusive brother-in-law, what their plans are for the weekend, or how many times they got laid in the last two days. (I’m not making this up. I have heard all of this.) Parents let their kids run up and down the aisles, screaming their heads off, and being little brats. People play their shitty-ass music over the speaker on their phone. This is all in what the train calls a “quiet carriage”.

The signs people like to ignore on the train. I personally think there should be someone who works for V/Line with a roll of duct tape to tape people’s mouths closed if they violate the rules, but maybe I’m an asshole.

Everything stinks: Sometimes the seats smell like they haven’t been cleaned in over a decade. They smell like sweat and mildew. It’s really gross and gives me a huge headache. The public toilets are horrifying. (All public toilets are horrifying…)

Why I Like It

It’s not all so bad. In fact, sometimes I look forward to the trips.

Train fan: I like trains. I am not really sure why, but I like them. I’ve never actually owned any train models and didn’t love them when I was a kid. I am really interested in the history of the train stations around Victoria, like the one I live closest to used to be somewhere else and the current location it’s on now used to be some kind of chicken farm. I could spend my whole day reading about the history of trains here. I probably should try to find a museum somewhere.

Time to unwind: The trip gives me some time to rewind. I can sleep sometimes, but it’s not often. I’ve never been a big fan of sleeping in public. These days, I kind of close my eyes and zone out. It’s really nice. Early in the mornings, when everybody is still half-asleep, it’s really quiet and I can empty my head of thoughts. I guess it’s a really basic form of meditation.

Environment: I’ve told people that Australia is beautiful. Even if it’s the big open fields with trees, it’s really pretty. We get to pass mountains. There are rivers. It reminds me a lot of where I’m from in Texas. It’s empty, but it’s nice to look at. When we get to the city, I like looking at all the graffiti that’s well-done. (I don’t like lazy wall art.) Also, some of the train stations have a very vintage, nostalgic look to them, especially in the very remote towns we pass through.

Random station. Not necessarily one that I pass through.

Comfort: I’d hate to admit it, but the country trains are really comfortable. Yeah, they may stink sometimes, but they’re pretty comfortable getting me back and forth. I’m not sure how my shrinking ass would do on longer trips though. The temperature also always feels a lot better than how it feels outside. Sometimes this can make me really look forward to leave.

No driving required: I don’t like to drive. I hate it. It’s why I don’t own a car now, even if I live in a smaller town. It does get really annoying when I need to go somewhere local, but if I need to, I can get to bigger cities easily. I do think, however, that I will need to get a car soon though because it would be nice to get to the station in 5 minutes rather than 25 minutes in the morning.

Eye candy: Since I’m not having to look at the road or pay attention to anything, I can look at other people instead. Some of the people I see are really good-looking (everybody). There are some really cute train conductors. I’d hate to say it, but in Melbourne there are certain places where the train stops and there are a lot of cute people. Haha.

I guess that’s it! Super simple post about travelling. Speaking of travel, I am supposed to go to the USA at the end of the year. I will be excited to get back home for a while so I can get fat.

Pore, Pore Me (aka I hate shaving)

I just gave myself a facial. Mud mask–get your head out of the gutter!

My pores really needed it. Someone could have seen the dirt in them from the next city over. It might have explained why I have been so greasy lately, now if I can only stop tugging on my chin hair. (I gave that a trim too so I would be less likely to pull on it.)

It’s a bit funny because I liked where my facial hair was going. I didn’t shave my face for over a week, but I think I’ve said this before, my facial hair grows in little patches. It’s not awful, but after a while, I just start looking like a hobo instead of some suave guy with a beard. I don’t think that will ever happen. When am I going to be what I’ve always dreamt of: some bald-headed guy with nice facial hair? Never, it seems.

This guy loves shaving a lot more than I do. He also doesn’t have much to shave and he doesn’t have sensitive skin.

That’s when it’s easier to actually date and marry someone who can grow a full beard in 2-3 days. (I’m exaggerating. I have more body hair than my partner. People wouldn’t normally think so considering where he’s from. [Stop stereotyping, Ben!])

I do know that I hate shaving. Hate it, hate it, hate it. If I could just go to sleep, have it all removed by laser while I’m sleeping, and then never have to bother with it again, I’d do that. But, well, my dad was as hairy as an ape and I knew that I’d be blessed by the same coat of fur at some point. It caught up with me in my mid-30s.

I do have to shave though. No magical fairy is going to take away all my body hair.

Late last year, I joined the Dollar Shave Club which mails me 4 cartridges every month (or two) which has actually been great. I’m not here advertising for them, but it’s been nice. One of my least favourite things to do is shop for razor refills. They send it to me in the mail. I shave, and I don’t have to worry about buying new ones. The 6-razor cartridge refills I usually bought here were like $30+ for 6 of them. $11 for 4 every month is a pretty good deal, in my opinion. I never have to run out and grab refills anymore. Again, it’s nice. I like it. Now, if they’d just mail someone who can actually SHAVE me, that would be great.

Did I mention how much I hate shaving?

Did I mention how big my pores are?

What was that? I should just go now? Will do!

That Wonderful Online Life

NOTE: This post isn’t an indication of anything in my current relationship, so Dear, don’t be alarmed.

I originally titled this “Things F*** Up Sometimes” and started talking about how people like me who document their life on the internet will conveniently forget certain things happen when it comes to negative things in life. It paints people as these perfect individuals who have the perfect life. It doesn’t really happen that way though. Perfect doesn’t exist OR if you think about it, the “perfect” life is how you define it.

I totally believe this.

I thought about the times when I would mention someone I was dating, only a short time later realise that it probably wasn’t the best person for me. Instead of mentioning that things have ended, I’d basically pretend like it didn’t happen. Of course, for the past few years I’ve discovered that it’s probably not the best idea to talk about my love life here in detail. I just kind of complain about my current partner a bit. He knows it and he gets a tiny bit offended sometimes. I’m still afraid that if I say too much, then it can really cause big issues for him back at home, so I keep our relationship a little more guarded than I would have in the past.

There are so many examples of the “my life is so awesome” thing happening on Facebook. You know, it’s the “look at me, I’m 40 years old, I change my last name on my profile after we’ve been dating 2 weeks, I love him/her so much, and 99.494% of our pictures are of us kissing” people. A few months later, it’s someone else. They just pretend like it’s an easy transition from person A to person B. They try so hard to make things look so perfect to everybody else, but I think everybody knows that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for them. It’s what they want, but they don’t have. Who are they kidding? Everybody can see right through it.

I know there are usually underlying mental and emotional issues there and it’s not really nice for me to say things like that. I think everybody wants and needs that relationship (and emotional) stability, yet it’s impossible for them to get that. So, as a result, they paint this picture of how great things are, until they totally mess up.

I’ve read a few articles about how Facebook can really screw you up, pull out the depression monster in you, etc. My doctor last year suggested that I give it up completely but had to say that I couldn’t do that because it’s where the rest of my family congregates. There’s also not many people there who I get jealous over when I see them happy with their partner. (Sometimes I wish that I could take pics with my partner and post them, but it’s a no-no. That’s fine. I’d much rather him or his family get harassed.) With the perfect couples, I guess I’m happy for them, if it’s genuine and it’s not overly done.

I guess what I am saying is that no one’s life is 100% flawless and if you see that on Facebook, it’s probably anything but flawless. It may be a cover of some really nasty arguments. That’s also a reason why I am happy not posting much about my relationship with my partner on there. I think those relationships where you don’t have to keep validating for a bunch of friends, relatives and/or strangers do the best.

(Super early on the weekend when I wrote this. May sound incoherent.)

“Is it appropriate for me to film here?”

Yes, more complaining about people on Facebook. I don’t really understand that group of people sometimes. For example, today, a guy that I very briefly dated (once or twice until I realised that I wasn’t dealing with a full deck of cards–a guy who saw one of his friends and told her that we were boyfriends on our first date) posted a live video of him in someone else’s hospital room. The patient didn’t actually look thrilled that there was someone in there taking pictures and videos. It’s not like they were actually talking to the camera. It seemed like it was just one of those random moments when someone pulls out their phone and starts recording.

Maybe the guy in the hospital bed would have said something if it bothered him, but I personally wouldn’t appreciate someone doing that and posting it on Facebook. He’s done this a few times, where the location was totally inappropriate. But as I said, he doesn’t seem like he’s all the way there.

A few times, when I was single of course, I would be chatting with a friend of mine and comment about how good looking a guy is and they say something like “take a picture”. A fear of mine is that someone’s going to see me taking a picture of them so I wouldn’t. I’m not really a huge fan of embarrassing myself (who is?!) I don’t take selfies either because I don’t want people to think I’m taking a picture of them. I hold my phone with my finger over the camera lens in the back. So okay, maybe I’m a little strange. I just don’t like or want the attention. I get so nervous taking these photos, I can’t even hold my camera steady. (I get cameras with anti-shake because 75%+ of my pictures come out blurred if I don’t.)

selfie stick
I hate selfie sticks too.

I’ve never been a fan of being in front of a camera. My parents weren’t the kind of parents who photographed us much, so I kinda got used to it. My grandmother loved taking pictures so every time I’d see her, she took a lot of pictures and drive me crazy. It has carried over into my adult life because I hate getting pictures taken. I especially hate when people take my picture without asking.

Another thing that I’ve noticed is that something terrible would happen in the world somewhere, and they’d make a post. Fine. But they’d usually attach a selfie! Seriously. It’s like “Awww, 14 people got shot at the shopping mall today, but look at me!” It’s like they think that their selfie is going to change history or something.

Basically, this is how I feel when someone takes a picture of me (or makes fun of my accent):


I don’t know, maybe I’m just full of complaints lately. I’m fine though. I’m really okay. 🙂

I Don’t Auto-Update

This is super random, but I really hate auto-updates. Long gone are the days when I’d look forward to OS updates on my Mac or iPhone because it seems like Apple is only interested in adding features to their newest products. How many times have I seen app updates for the iPhone X in the past few months? It’s been crazy. I’m sure, going forward, my little phone is going to be left in the dust while the OS is optimised for the absolute latest iPhone model while the updates that affect my phone are just going to make it slower and run hotter. Or the macOS updates are going to be centred on the touch bar that I don’t want, need, or have.

What I especially hate is when developers release a new version of their app and in the what’s new section, all it says is one of these:

  • Bug fixes.
  • General improvements.
  • We’re making the app better to use, so we update it every 2 weeks. (I think it’s because they want to stay at the top of the most downloaded chart.)
The excitement is way too much for me…

I’m not sure about anybody else, but I kinda would like to know what’s actually been improved. I don’t need the computer science explanation, I just want to know what bugs have been fixed and I mean the ones that would improve speed, improve the look, or something like that. I think developers should be a little more transparent like that or at least have a longer explanation of what work they’ve done. I’m perfectly fine with “Fixed spelling mistakes”. That would always make me happy.

The browser that I use as my default now, Vivaldi, does a really great job at this. There are actual things to look forward to with updates, they document them where people can see them, and they prove that you don’t have to go through 16 full number versions to bring in something new. It’s definitely annoying not to be able to distinguish what changed from Chrome 33 to Chrome 60. I’m sure 80 is right around the corner.

Something like this is nice to see. Plus, if you’ve missed something it’s there.

Still, I have a hope that new updates to software and apps bring something new and exciting to the table. I actually don’t have the auto-update features on anything turned on. I just get a notification of what’s changed then I can decide whether I want to install them. I usually do, but at least this way I can see what’s changed before I install it. I do this on my Mac, PC, Android devices, and iOS device. Security updates are different, but I’m usually well-informed of what’s happening in the security world anyway. I also don’t think that it’s smart to explain in detail what the security updates do before a certain percentage of people install them (an example of how telemetry can be used for good instead of evil).

I’m still hopeful and still looking forward to “remarkable” updates with stuff. My XBox One kinda auto-updates itself (because it’s always “on”) which makes me a little uneasy since I want to see the progress of Astroneer.

That’s all from me for the moment. Weird post but it’s been on my mind. You can never tell what I’ll post.

Me Versus A**hole Vegans

Let’s talk about what we eat, shall we? Well, let’s talk about what I eat. Something funny happened over the holidays and eventually, I’ll get there, just give me a moment. People know that I am pretty easy-going and for the most part, I’m pretty liberal. I’m not crazy liberal, but I feel like people who run countries (or really, people in general) shouldn’t be assholes. What I consider asshole behaviour is different from what others consider asshole behaviour.

But there are people who go a little too far. I remember reading something on my Facebook around Christmas where someone basically said “Merry Christmas but go fuck yourself if you eat ham.” I’d love to say that this is an exaggeration but it’s not. I’ve got a lot of friends who are vegetarian. Hell, I can totally go vegetarian (and I have before) but the main reason why I did it is because I feel better doing it physically. Vegetarian food can be really, really good. It’s especially good for someone who doesn’t really like to cook meat because of the smell. Being flexible and being able to eat no meat for weeks at a time has its advantages.

What? Meat AND milk??

I’ve got a friend of mine who says “gross” every time I eat at KFC. She’s right though, it’s not very good for me but damn it, it’s one of my addictions! I’ve seen the awful KFC videos. I think about it for the day, then I’m hungry for it a few days after that. She doesn’t think I’m awful for that because she’s not mean about it.

I know and hang out with vegans and while I think it’s a bit harder to find food that tastes good, it’s not really that common. Something about that is that these people aren’t assholes about it. They don’t tell me I’m a disgusting, murderous person for eating dairy cheese. I like that.

The person who said that people who eat Christmas ham (or in some Americans’ cases, another turkey) can go fuck themselves goes a bit too far. I don’t know him that well, but I find that it’s really rude. Being a total jerk isn’t going to make me reconsider what I eat. I eat meat when or if I want to. No amount of bullying is going to change that long-term.

It really boils down to your actions when you want people to believe the way you want. Going around calling people murderers for eating meat isn’t going to accomplish meat. The more asshole behaviour there is, the less likely I am going to listen, period.

To Oblivion With You! You’re Too Careless!

See what I did with the post title? Yeah, something so simple can totally set me off. I’m not a huge grammar-crazy monster like my 9th grade English teacher, but the misuse of “to” and “too” drives me crazy. I’ve probably made this mistake too many times myself and not even really realised it because of auto-correct. Yes, my phones and my web browser (Hi, Vivaldi!) kinda don’t get that it’s my crazy trigger. The phones are really bad at it because people are continuously using the word “to” in the wrong way and as much as I want to correct them, I don’t because I’ve seen what happens to people when they get preachy about spelling and grammar.

When I was a kid, spelling was my thing. I never, ever made anything below a 90 on my spelling tests (but who needs those anymore since everything spell checks, right?). I can 99% look at a word and say “that’s wrong” or “that’s right”. I was never really good at spelling bees though because I didn’t like being in front of people, and I am really awful at spelling words aloud. I usually have to write it in the air or write it down to see if it’s right.

I think the spelling check on just about every electronic device has made people really dumb. I mean, insanely dumb. I would really hate to see people function without some kind of form of spell check.

And as I’ve said, you can probably go back in my personal journal here and find plenty of things to complain about. Putting sentences together seems to get a lot harder as you age, or if you don’t read much, you’ve never been very good at it. Spelling in my thing. And even that’s not perfect. I’m not perfect and no one really is, it’s just that some people go back and proofread their posts. I don’t most of the time.

Communication is Key

I’m supposed to be doing stuff this morning, but as usual, my mornings are full of distractions (like my blog). I was talking to one of my best friends here yesterday, complaining about how flattened I feel, and just how exhausted I feel though I haven’t really done much to warrant that exhaustion. It’s a bit weird.

A lot of what’s bothering me is that the wedding’s happening next year. I tell people that I am a little apprehensive about it and really, I think that’s a normal thing. For every little argument that my partner and I have, I think “Gee, is this something I want to deal with later?” To me, the little arguments we have aren’t worth the fuss. It’s probably fair to say that I am very into the conflict avoidance thing. I just don’t see the point of wasting the time and energy arguing about things. I’m more about acknowledging what’s being argued about, compromising or admission that something isn’t right, then moving on. My partner, well, he’s argumentative. I’d really hate to say it, but he argues a lot with people but when he argues, his listening shuts off. It’s like he believes that the louder a person speaks, or the longer a person speaks, they will win the argument. I’m not so interested in the winning part. I’m basically interested in fixing problems part. He does come back after a while being more sensible but he really needs to just take the time, as soon as possible, to think things through and ask himself “Is this really worth it?” It takes a lot of energy dealing with this and lately, the energy wasted doesn’t even involve me! It’s with other people! He does this with other people, it’s not just me. He really needs to work on this because it’s extremely maddening and it’s not a good quality. To me, this is a major problem.

It sounds like I’m just having a go at him and complaining about it, but it’s more about communicating better. The communication can’t happen when the other person can’t get a word in, feels ignored, or feels like they’re not being listened to in the first place. Relationships aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect. He’s not perfect. I know all of this. Being able to communicate is important though, there’s no doubt about that.

We probably both need to work on communicating better. Don’t get me wrong, we do communicate but it’s just when he argues (with anybody), he shuts everything down and let his mouth run the show. I hope he’ll see that one day.