99 Things You Don’t Care About

Yes, it’s another one of those questionnaire things. It keeps me from having to post real stuff. You might learn some really useless trivia about me that you can use against me for your own advancement. Who knows?! Well, here we go:

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Closed.

2: Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotel?
I am more of a coffee and tea thief when it comes to hotels.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
I tuck them in, but do they stay tucked in?

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
Maybe a stop sign. I don’t remember.

5: Do you like to use Post-It notes?
Not real ones. Digital ones are okay.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
They don’t really have them here, but I do use some vouchers for restaurants that are buy one, get one free.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Bees. No allergies, but it would totally suck. The bear could maul me to death.

8: Do you have freckles?
Not many.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?
Never!

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?
Idiots.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
Strange but I count 8 steps at a time. I don’t know why.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?
All the time. It’s one of the perks of living in the country and being a guy.

13: What about pooped in the woods?
Yes, but don’t think I’d try that these days.

14: Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
Nah.

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
No.

16: How many people have you slept with this week?
Only one.

17: What size is your bed?
Queen.

18: What is your song of the week?
Because of the 7-year-old, this…

19: Is it OK for guys to wear pink?
Totally.

20: Do you still watch cartoons?
All. The. Time.

21: What’s your least favorite movie?
I don’t like to torture myself by watching bad movies. I usually don’t bother watching movies that have Adam Sandler or Jack Black in them. I’d rather be blind and deaf.

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
It wouldn’t be a treasure if I told you where I hid it, would it? (But if I had to bury treasure because my life depended on it, I’d probably bury it in a cave off the beach. Ready? Go find it!)

23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size?
I usually hover around the low-30s range… 30 or 32 inch waists.

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Good USA BBQ sauce.

25: What is your favorite food?
Fried chicken breast pieces. Popcorn chicken. Chicken nuggets. Good stuff.

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
IT, the one from 1990. I would also watch the new one a few more times if I could. I also liked watching Fantasia. Heavy Metal.

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
My partner.

28: Were you ever a Boy/Girl Scout?
I was for a few years. The scout leader and his family were a pack of weirdos. Not in a creepy way, they were just strange people.

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
Would anybody ever subject their readers to that? Maybe after a year of going to the gym.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
My grandmother on Christmas. She never acknowledged it though.

31: Can you change the oil on a car?
I have a few times. I learned quite quickly that it’s easier to pay someone else to do it though.

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Actually? No! Unbelievable!

33: Ever ran out of gas?
No. I’m surprised with this one too. I’m sure there were a few times I almost did.

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?
Roast chicken and lots of fresh veggies (and beetroot!).

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Muffins and/or pancakes.

36: What is your usual bedtime?
10-11 pm.

37: Are you lazy?
I’m one of the laziest people I know. I should work on that.

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
A cat! My last was a compulsive gambler. I threw on a hat my parents got in Las Vegas, wore a fanny pack, and wore shorts and a Hawaiian T-shirt. (Actually, I might be making the shirt up.)

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Sheep/ram…

40: Are you horny?
No. My libido is kinda dying. It’s really sad.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
Nope.

42: Which are better, Legos or Lincoln Logs?
Legos. I played with them up until I finished high school. I’d pick one day a week to play with them. My favorite day of the week!

43: Are you stubborn?
I can be.

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
Never bothered to figure this out.

45: Ever watch soap operas?
Nope. Too boring. I don’t care what happens to fictional characters.

46: Are you afraid of heights?
Not super afraid. It could make me a bit sick though.

47: Do you sing in the car?
Sometimes. Like this:

(Seriously, I used to sing a lot better. Not so good now.)

48: Do you sing in the shower?
I do. (My favorite songs to sing in the shower are by Tori Amos.)

49: Do you dance in the car?
I did.

50: Ever used a gun?
Sure. When you’re from the South, you have to learn.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Long ass time ago. I was a kid.

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
Sure I do.

53: Is Christmas stressful?
My Christmases are a lot less stressful in Australia. In fact, I rarely even realise it’s Christmas because it’s so damn hot here at that time of the year.

54: Ever eat a pierogi?
No…

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?
Cherry pie, yaw.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
I wanted to be a weatherman.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?
Sure.

58: Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
Sometimes

59: Take a vitamin daily?
I did, but it didn’t seem to make a difference, so I stopped.

60: Wear slippers?
Yes. The bottom of my feet are really sensitive.

61: Wear a bath robe?
Yes. They’re quite handy to have around.

62: What do you wear to bed?
Depends how cold it is and it depends how lazy I am.

63: First concert?
Tori Amos.

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Target. They usually have the coolest stuff.

65: Nike or Adidas?
I have only worn Nikes.

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?
Flamin’ Hot Cheetos + Coke. Fritos with chili + cheese. (Basically either.)

67: Peanuts or sunflower seeds?
Are the sunflower seeds already cracked open? If not, I’m not interested.

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?
No.

69: Ever take dance lessons?
Nope.

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
I hope he gets a job doing what he wants to do. (Can’t discuss because we both are in the same field.)

71: Can you curl your tongue?
Yes.

72: Ever won a spelling bee?
I used to win them all the time. I think we all rely on the spelling correction built into browsers now, so no one has to spell well.

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
Probably.

74: Own any record albums?
I have one. It was in a deluxe edition of BioShock. I love BioShock.

75: Own a record player?
No…

76: Regularly burn incense?
Not regularly. Partner’s got some serious allergies, so I only burn it about once a week or two.

77: Ever been in love?
A few times, sure.

78: Who would you like to see in concert?
I’d really like to go see Imogen Heap. I’m surprised I haven’t already, actually.

79: What was the last concert you saw?
Tori Amos, I think.

80: Hot tea or cold tea?
Sounds weird coming from a Southerner, but I like it hot… with milk.

81: Tea or coffee?
Coffee gives me the shits, but I still like it.

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
They taste like nothingness. Reminds me when I was a kid and couldn’t taste anything (see #84).

83: Can you swim well?
My swimming abilities are awful. I swim a lot better underwater than above water though.

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
Sounds like what I had to do all through my childhood because I had allergies. I was a seriously bad mouth breather. After I got some allergen immunotherapy, it got 50% better. After I moved to Australia, it became a LOT better… better to the point where I don’t think I’d move back if I had to.

85: Are you patient?
SOMETIMES.

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?
My wedding? Just give me some Macs and I’ll do it myself!

87: Ever won a contest?
I used to win art contests a lot, but then, I didn’t anymore. Probably something I should continue doing, right?

88: Ever have plastic surgery?
Not really. I got a mole lasered out though.

89: Which are better, black or green olives?
The green ones with the red thing in them.

90: Can you knit or crochet?
Nope.

91: Best room for a fireplace?
Living room, maybe? I don’t really like fireplaces though.

92: Do you want to get married?
Sure I do, I guess.

93: If married, how long have you been married?
One day it will happen.

94: Who was your HS crush?
I tried my luck with a few girls and after a while, I was like “Who are you kidding?”

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?
Not really. Sometimes you just have to compromise… or get walked all over.

96: Do you have kids?
No.

97: Do you want kids?
I’m not sure yet.

98: What’s your favorite color?
Blue.

99: Do you miss anyone right now?
My dad and my family back home.

Don’t Read the Comments

comments

How to make your day at least 32% better. (You can get this pattern here.)

People leaving comments isn’t really a “thing” here, so I’m not really talking about the comments left here (Thanks by the way, Romo.). I’m more talking about the comments left on news stories at Facebook. You could see a news story about an elderly lady winning the lottery, and someone would have something really shitty to say. This morning, I was reading how the “Yes” vote on our little, tax-wasting survey of the marriage thing is ahead. Boy, does that bring out the crazy people. I’m not talking about the people who vote no, but both sides. People are generally being terrible to each other. I mean, it’s just awful.

On one side, the “No” voters, you have people saying dumb things like how legalising same sex marriage (SSM) will make everybody gay and no one will want to have sexual intercourse with someone of the opposite sex. Then, you know, no more populating this planet to join religious cults because those people are the pure ones. You have people who are equating SSM to the “end times” when it’s been happening in places since the early 2000s. You have the “Yes” voters saying the most incredibly horrible things to people who are voting no (and they said they’re voting no very politely) that their family is going to be set alight with hand sanitizer and a match. That kind of thing.

After a while, I just decided not to read comments on stuff because there’s a lot of stupidity out there, I’ve noticed. You put a computer connected to the Internet in front of some people, and they have a new way to spread their stupidity. I like to make up statistics, so I’d say most idiots have access to Facebook now. It’s hard to have an educated opinion that isn’t based on fairy tales without getting jumped all over for it now, especially when it comes to my American friends and family.

Not reading comments has made me a little happier though. I’ve been doing it for a while. It’s a bit infuriating though to keep my mouth closed when people say something ridiculously idiotic. It’s hard for me to stay quiet sometimes. I’m not saying people should be completely quiet though, all I’m saying is that a lot of people could have all the education and scientific evidence you’d think they need to prove their point wrong, and they’ll still believe something (world flatness, anyone?).

And this stupid survey? I’m still not confident. People have been voting for some really stupid things and stupid people. You’d think that people had a bit more sense, but they don’t. I’m not getting my hopes up (look what happened when “we” voted for president). I will be really glad once the results for this thing are in next month though.

Claustrophobe!

Oh look, someone’s growing a foot plant!

Something I fear is being in a confined, tight space. I guess you could call it a mild case of claustrophobia. I have recurring dreams of me being stuck in a small space and can’t breathe. If you’ve watched the movie “Buried”, you’ll see what makes me really, really uncomfortable. Actually, this scenario scares me a lot . (PS: I liked the movie but it made me really, really ill watching it.) I have a big fear of being buried alive (called taphophobia). It’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to be buried after I die. Just incinerate me until I turn into corpse dust and scatter me around here and in Texas.

Every so often, like last night, I dream about being in a small space and I feel like I can’t breathe. That’s usually when I can’t wake up, so in my dream, I am gasping for air and there’s no telling what I’m doing while I’m sleeping. I remember being in a car with a really low roof, and the windows and windscreen/windshield was covered. That’s all there was to it. I basically broke out of there (quite easily too) and tried to catch my breath. I woke up a few minutes afterwards, out of breath. It’s kind of weird because this is the first time I’ve dreamed about that, and really, that isn’t such a confined space. My dreams usually involve me in some kind of dark, watery maze where I can’t find a place to get air.

I feel like I’ve mentioned this before, but when I was younger (and thinner), my friends decided that they would put me on a sofa bed, fold it up, and stick it back down inside the couch. Unfortunately, when they did that, the sofa got stuck down in there with me in it, and my face was pressed against the mattress, so I couldn’t breathe. It was probably the most scared I’ve felt before. I came out of it with most of my brain cells still intact, so I guess it wasn’t too bad but that was really scary to me.

I don’t know if this is what brought on my bad dreams. It’s not a nightly occurrence but it happens a little more often that I hoped it would. My sleep quality isn’t that great to begin with. Oh well, it’s just one of those minor things that happens in my life that I thought I would share.

(This was one of those weblog posts that was written in advance, so by the time I post this, it would have been a few days ago.)

I Didn’t Want to Meet You (Again) Anyway

What constitutes masculinity? (PS: This body type will never be me. lol) (I grabbed the pic from Homotrophy but it’s got wieners showing. Interested? Google it instead.)

Something funny happened last night. And by funny, it makes me think how shallow some people can be. It’s not a secret that my partner and I both have profiles at sites that are used to meet guys. We both basically like to look at other guys and sometimes chat. I make it very clear in them that I am partnered and not looking for any kind of relationship other than a friendly one (plus I’m not wanting to lose this special little gem I have).

A guy who I chatted with on and off during the day, decided he really wanted to meet me. He asked me what I was doing on Tuesday and I said that I was working in the afternoon in Melbourne. So we were planning to meet then (but I don’t think I would have–you know, anxiety gets the best of me sometimes). He chatted with me a bit longer, called me a “really nice guy”. His messages though were just really stale. Not very exciting. He didn’t want to reveal much about himself but he wanted to know all about me. Fun stuff, I guess because I do like talking about myself. I found him a bit boring and uninteresting. He then asked me to meet him today at noon. I said “ok” though I wasn’t really interested. (This is a really bad personality trait about me.) He asked to chat with me on the phone, so I talked to him about five minutes. Boring conversation. Oh, and he lacked a little thing called chat and/or phone etiquette.

Then he said that he had to go to bed and that was okay. No problem. It was a blessing. Then, he said that he had met me before. I don’t really remember him but he said that I wasn’t masculine enough for him when he met me last time and how I’m not his type (same from this side). Anybody who has heard me knows that I don’t have a deep voice. I’m not muscular. I’m just hairy and bald (and damn it, we’re hot!).

I very, very barely remember meeting someone a few years ago who I didn’t feel any kind of connection with. I didn’t really feel that connection then either. I remember him just being really boring, how we seemed not to be into each other, and how much I wished the meeting would end. That day, I had removed his contact number from my phone. (Same thing happened this time, though I didn’t bother making him a contact in my contacts. I just added him to WeChat (which I hate). I removed him and hopefully I won’t run into him anymore.

This is going to sound a bit funny, but before, I’d let something like this really bother me. Maybe I’ve matured since then. Maybe I can’t be bothered to meet new people who are totally ignorant that I am partnered. Maybe I just don’t like uninteresting people. Maybe I shouldn’t even be on these websites (other than just perving). I am happy with who I have at the moment though I give him a hard time sometimes.

It made me realise something though. Gay men can be a little shallow (and boring and a wee bit dumb too). Yeah, we have our preferences but I’m not looking to impress anybody and even if people were looking friendship, why would something like “masculinity” matter? (By the way, he is the only guy who has complained that I’m not “masculine” enough.) This also made me realise that I really don’t like to meet people and probably shouldn’t be on those stupid sites.

Noise Pollution

I’m pretty sure this is what my neighbour does on every day off he has (or with 100% of his free time)… for like 18 hours… outside my front door. Exactly like the GIF above… non-stop. I get so fucking tired of listening to it.

I Said ‘Yes’ to Marriage Equality in Australia

You guys and girls remember how I feel about the voluntary, non-binding, postal marriage equality survey the Australian government is mailing out, right? Well, last week, I got mine. I reluctantly filled it out and posted it back to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.

It’s no secret how I answered it.

surveyform

Other countries have let people of the same sex get married for years now and the world hasn’t ended. Nobody, that I know of, has been forced into a relationship with someone of the same sex. No one has had their “traditional” marriages invalidated.

Even if I was straight, I’d answer it the same way because, seriously, how would it affect me and my relationships? The answer is that it wouldn’t.

I’ve seen some posts about how this is a slippery slope. Who says that it wouldn’t lead to any of these things:

  • Someone wanting to marry their toaster, microwave, cake mixer, refrigerator, pasta machine, or any other kitchen appliance.
  • Someone wanting to marry their cat, dog, ferret, a pear tree, or the neighbour’s chinchilla, or some other living thing.
  • Someone wanting to marry their dad, mom, brother, sister, cousin, aunt, uncle, or some other blood relative.
  • Someone wanting to marry 12 people at the same time to partake in Hot Pocket- and Mountain Dew-fueled orgies every second night–okay, every night.
  • Someone wanting to marry someone underage.
  • Someone else getting married to someone of the same sex is against my religion. I’ll be forced to marry someone of the same sex.

Let’s think about that list a little bit, shall we? First off, objects, places, and things can’t sign the required documents for it to happen. Plus, that sounds really boring. Who would they argue with? Siri isn’t an option. She’s not interested. I’ve asked.

Animals also can’t sign documents unless they’re really talented. They can’t consent either. What would people say? “Lick my face if you want to get married, chew off my face if you don’t.”

Relatives? Gross. There are a few moral and ethical issues here; issues that I shouldn’t really have to explain. Yes, some people have questionable morality and ethical reasoning and want to do this, but it shouldn’t be legal.

Polygamy? Having multiple boyfriends/girlfriends is hard enough. Having multiple husbands/wives would be much, much harder. Not worth the effort. Not worth the jealousy. Just not worth fighting for. (Hot Pockets sound good though. I like the ham and cheese ones. I haven’t had one in a long time.)

Underage… that one came up quite often. Not only is this dumb, it’s also stupid. Most people know that morally and ethically this isn’t something you do. Plus, you can’t enter in a legal contract with someone who doesn’t have the capacity to do so. You can’t get consent to do something like this from someone that’s not a legal age. Plus… why would this be equated to someone wanting to be with someone of the same sex for the rest of their life?

So, what I’m saying is that same-sex couples aren’t looking for any of these things. They’re just two consenting adults who want their relationship validated legally so they have the same protections as someone who is married. Nothing more, nothing less. I’m not asking for a second birthday or my own island. I just want to be with someone for the rest of their lives. I want to be able to make important medical decisions (if it comes to that) in the case they can’t. I want to be able to call my relationship a marriage when and if it gets to that point. I just want equality, really.

Now, there are people who say “no” for religious reasons. That’s okay. I totally get that the Bible can be translated and interpreted any way that suits them. However, it’s my firm belief that religion and religious teachings shouldn’t be shoved down people’s throats because not everybody follows the same religion or even has a religious affiliation. I firmly believe of a total separation of church and state. It’s sad that the states in the USA don’t really believe in something so silly. If you don’t want to marry someone of the same sex, you don’t have to. Just don’t think about it.

Basically, I think if two adults love each other in a deeply romantic way and they both want to marry each other, they should be allowed to marry. Religion has nothing to do with it.

Let me add that this survey feels like one of those “vote for your favourite” on a reality TV show. It’s really dumb and it’s a huge waste of money.

Marriage Equality in Australia: Will It Happen?

Do you remember that marriage equality survey I was telling you about? You remember, right, the one that is wasting $122,000,000 of taxpayer money? Well, it’s going ahead. I’m still disgusted by this survey and I really, really wish that the money was being used for something else like healthcare, education, or actually helping the Australian community rather than dividing it.

It’s sad, but I don’t have much hope in something like that given the results of the US presidential election and the whole Brexit thing. There were some reports that only 65% of the voters will actually do this survey and when it comes to the 18-34 age group, the percentage is even lower. Not only that, the support for it is falling and the opposition is rising.

If someone wants to answer this, feel free to let me know. I’d love to see a good reason.

If the older generation get their way (on anything), nothing will change. Ever. These are the people whose lives are just about over and they aren’t going to have to live with the results. The younger generation, yes. They have every reason to do this because it is going to affect them (and their family and friends) for a lot longer. It really shouldn’t even be up to an opinion poll about whether this should be done because it doesn’t affect anybody else except the two consenting adults that get married.

I don’t care if churches can refuse to marry people of the same sex. I, personally, wouldn’t care because when I get married, it’s not a religious issue. It’s basically being with the person you want to be with and the legal benefits of being married. So if the religious groups want to say they won’t do it, then fine. They don’t have to. It’s super simple and that’s how it works in almost every country that it’s legalised in. No big deal.

It makes me think, if the US Supreme Court didn’t vote for marriage equality (directly or indirectly), would it be a reality now? I mean, if it were up to the people of the USA to vote for it, I don’t think it would be. I’m curious to know what you think with a short little poll.

Do you think marriage equality would exist in the USA if it were up to the voters to decide instead of the US Supreme Court?

View Results

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Why I Say Partner Instead

Have you noticed that a lot of times when I refer to my boyfriend, I say partner? I’ve been doing that a lot more since I’ve moved to this country because it’s what everybody else does. At first, when people told me anything about their “partner” I just assumed that they were either gay or lesbian. In my head, I was thinking “Wow, there sure are a lot of gay people here.” Then they’d actually mean someone of the opposite gender. For some reason, I started doing the same thing.

FB_IMG_1451003790038

You see, I come from a place where people can absolutely fall in love with you, love everything about you, but when it comes to your romantic relationship, you say that you’re with someone of the same sex and then all of a sudden they hate you. You know, forget the fact that you’ve single-handedly saved a bus full of drowning children or dogs, they’ll still hate your guts. All the good stuff they loved about you is all now forgotten. (If you’re lucky enough, you’ll get lectured how their religion is the only “right” religion and everybody’s supposed to live the same way they do.)

Telling people I have a partner here is basically not putting an emphasis on who I’m with. It doesn’t mean that I am ashamed of who I am, because I’m not. It’s just habit. I usually don’t have to build on that unless someone asks or if I mention it. Then, it’s no big deal. The great thing about living here is that most people don’t give a damn. I like to think it’s because people here just aren’t that religious or they’ve gotten past the part where you’re supposed to hate other people based on the fact they’re in a loving, happy relationship with someone of the same sex.

I still don’t really understand why people who are against marriage equality are so against it when it’s really not something that affects them directly. (As I say, it’s a non-issue and not worth making a huge deal about.) But, of course, and yet again,  I am drifting to some other topic…

Partner has become habit. People who know me totally get it and it allows me to talk really openly in front of groups of people who get their feelings hurt by marriage equality. But, there’s only so much shielding from their feelings I’ll do too. People change. Society changes. If you’re not ready to adapt to a changing society, then you need to lock yourself up in a room and watch The Andy Griffith Show reruns or something and keep voting for people who are scared of happy people.

Um, hopefully, that explains it. It’s just habit now. It doesn’t really emphasise that my relationship is unequal or inadequate in any way because it’s not. I’d like to think that people, as a whole, will come to accept that gay people exist and they can lead happy lives together, one day. Or my preference is that they just don’t really care. That’s my favorite. 🙂 (It’s what I wanted when I came out to my family.)

Self-realisation

me

“Can you make everybody happy all the time, Ben?”

I wrote almost 7,000 words yesterday on my self-perceived weaknesses. I think I finished it, but decided this morning that I am probably not going to post it. It’s not because it’s too negative because it’s not. Sometimes seeing your own weaknesses can be a good thing because it can give you a good indication of what you can improve on to increase the quality of your life.

After I finished posting that, a few days later, I was going to post something about all the strengths I have to kind of negate the negativity, though I don’t really see it as negativity.

Something interesting and sad about me is that I can be really hard on myself. I think this comes to the surface a lot on my web blog and on Twitter. I’ve been trying not to do it so much lately and really, I think that I’ve done a good job. In reality, I know that I’m not a bad person, but at the same time, I don’t think that I’m a great person.

Why would I say such things? I know that I could be better but, to me, that takes a lot of energy. What “great” means to me is that I can solve everybody’s problems. I can make everybody happy all the time. I can put the maximise the time and energy into my personal relationships. All these things, I feel like I either don’t do well or fail on. It comes from this nagging feeling that everything I do or try to do is inadequate. A lot of times this inadequacy stops me from attempting to do things in fear that the end product won’t be good enough. That would explain all the projects that I start but don’t finish because I know that the end result won’t be that impressive. Sounds like I’m a perfectionist and with some things, I am, but mostly I’m not. I am afraid, even upset, at disapproval from others but I am my own harshest critic. I feel like I have to make everybody happy all the time. (I think I posted about this before.)

It’s just one of those not-so-great qualities about me. I think that summed up what I was trying to say in my last unpublished post.

It’s incredibly frustrating that I don’t have more time in the day. It’s also frustrating that the time I do have is filled with inadequacy too. I work hard (usually) at what I do, but the end result is never what I want… then I take it out on myself.

What does make me great is that I’m usually a very nice, thoughtful person. I’m not bitchy. I’m not mean (most of the time). I’m not racist. I don’t intentionally want to hurt people or their feelings. I try to be a source of support, but this is probably what exhausts me most and I still need to manage this. It’s something I have to provide to a lot of people each day so at the end of the day, I’m just mentally tired.

I always end these things badly (and again, the reoccuring theme pops up of this POST not being good enough), but I guess that can give you a better explanation of why I have over 40 unposted web blog drafts sitting around or why I can barely get any project out the door. It explains why I don’t do podcasting anymore. It explains why I was going to quit this web blog. It just explains a lot. But at the end of the day, I don’t see myself as horrible. Not even bad. I think I’m okay, you know, hovering over that 50% mark somewhere.

Mac = Media Frenzy

Owning a new Mac gives me an uncontrolable urge to make things. I’ve tried podcasting a few times in the past and it went well the first time around. It was an exciting time of my life when I was moving from the USA to Australia, and I was in a relationship with someone who I probably needed to call it quits on. It was interesting. It was fun recording them with my friends in Texas.

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Not gonna happen, still.

Then, all of a sudden something happened and I stopped. I think it was just a case of “Why bother?” And I stopped. Later, I decided to do another one under a new name, and my heart just wasn’t in it. I felt like they were forced and I’d go into them with not much to say. It made for some really boring listening material. So many people at the time did them and they did so much better than I did. (That’s okay and it’s not meant to be negative. It’s just true.)

Every so often I go back to considering whether I want to record again. The answer has been no every time. The answer is still no.

Something that I have learned from my university studies is video production. I’ve been wanting to do something with it, but haven’t done much yet. I will though. I made my partner’s last cooking video very quickly because he was thinking about making a cooking channel on YouTube. I recorded it with my phone, and fired up iMovie, to make a simple video. (No, I wasn’t trained to use iMovie. I am trained in Premiere Pro and After Effects.) Most of that was to see whether he could explain to people how to cook Indian food. He did an okay job though. It was an excellent first attempt for him. I’ve been trying to talk him into doing something, but he’s always got other pressing matters to tend to–pressing matters that he refuses to acknowledge so I am nagging him a lot lately.

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I’m also thinking of making gameplay videos at some point, but I’m not really sure 100% about that. I don’t want to really become rich and famous or anything. I just want to be able to do something that I enjoy, I guess you could say, and then edit it into a beautiful-ish masterpiece. (We know a masterpiece won’t happen!)

So it’s all about media. I am just thinking of what I want to do. If you have suggestions for me, you can comment here, leave me a message with Telegram, or send me an email.

PS: Amateur porn probaly isn’t going to happen.