“Can you make everybody happy all the time, Ben?”

I wrote almost 7,000 words yesterday on my self-perceived weaknesses. I think I finished it, but decided this morning that I am probably not going to post it. It’s not because it’s too negative because it’s not. Sometimes seeing your own weaknesses can be a good thing because it can give you a good indication of what you can improve on to increase the quality of your life.

After I finished posting that, a few days later, I was going to post something about all the strengths I have to kind of negate the negativity, though I don’t really see it as negativity.

Something interesting and sad about me is that I can be really hard on myself. I think this comes to the surface a lot on my web blog and on Twitter. I’ve been trying not to do it so much lately and really, I think that I’ve done a good job. In reality, I know that I’m not a bad person, but at the same time, I don’t think that I’m a great person.

Why would I say such things? I know that I could be better but, to me, that takes a lot of energy. What “great” means to me is that I can solve everybody’s problems. I can make everybody happy all the time. I can put the maximise the time and energy into my personal relationships. All these things, I feel like I either don’t do well or fail on. It comes from this nagging feeling that everything I do or try to do is inadequate. A lot of times this inadequacy stops me from attempting to do things in fear that the end product won’t be good enough. That would explain all the projects that I start but don’t finish because I know that the end result won’t be that impressive. Sounds like I’m a perfectionist and with some things, I am, but mostly I’m not. I am afraid, even upset, at disapproval from others but I am my own harshest critic. I feel like I have to make everybody happy all the time. (I think I posted about this before.)

It’s just one of those not-so-great qualities about me. I think that summed up what I was trying to say in my last unpublished post.

It’s incredibly frustrating that I don’t have more time in the day. It’s also frustrating that the time I do have is filled with inadequacy too. I work hard (usually) at what I do, but the end result is never what I want… then I take it out on myself.

What does make me great is that I’m usually a very nice, thoughtful person. I’m not bitchy. I’m not mean (most of the time). I’m not racist. I don’t intentionally want to hurt people or their feelings. I try to be a source of support, but this is probably what exhausts me most and I still need to manage this. It’s something I have to provide to a lot of people each day so at the end of the day, I’m just mentally tired.

I always end these things badly (and again, the reoccuring theme pops up of this POST not being good enough), but I guess that can give you a better explanation of why I have over 40 unposted web blog drafts sitting around or why I can barely get any project out the door. It explains why I don’t do podcasting anymore. It explains why I was going to quit this web blog. It just explains a lot. But at the end of the day, I don’t see myself as horrible. Not even bad. I think I’m okay, you know, hovering over that 50% mark somewhere.

Mac = Media Frenzy

Owning a new Mac gives me an uncontrolable urge to make things. I’ve tried podcasting a few times in the past and it went well the first time around. It was an exciting time of my life when I was moving from the USA to Australia, and I was in a relationship with someone who I probably needed to call it quits on. It was interesting. It was fun recording them with my friends in Texas.


Not gonna happen, still.

Then, all of a sudden something happened and I stopped. I think it was just a case of “Why bother?” And I stopped. Later, I decided to do another one under a new name, and my heart just wasn’t in it. I felt like they were forced and I’d go into them with not much to say. It made for some really boring listening material. So many people at the time did them and they did so much better than I did. (That’s okay and it’s not meant to be negative. It’s just true.)

Every so often I go back to considering whether I want to record again. The answer has been no every time. The answer is still no.

Something that I have learned from my university studies is video production. I’ve been wanting to do something with it, but haven’t done much yet. I will though. I made my partner’s last cooking video very quickly because he was thinking about making a cooking channel on YouTube. I recorded it with my phone, and fired up iMovie, to make a simple video. (No, I wasn’t trained to use iMovie. I am trained in Premiere Pro and After Effects.) Most of that was to see whether he could explain to people how to cook Indian food. He did an okay job though. It was an excellent first attempt for him. I’ve been trying to talk him into doing something, but he’s always got other pressing matters to tend to–pressing matters that he refuses to acknowledge so I am nagging him a lot lately.


I’m also thinking of making gameplay videos at some point, but I’m not really sure 100% about that. I don’t want to really become rich and famous or anything. I just want to be able to do something that I enjoy, I guess you could say, and then edit it into a beautiful-ish masterpiece. (We know a masterpiece won’t happen!)

So it’s all about media. I am just thinking of what I want to do. If you have suggestions for me, you can comment here, leave me a message with Telegram, or send me an email.

PS: Amateur porn probaly isn’t going to happen.

They Put the Charging Port Where?

Not that I’ve had to recharge my Magic Mouse yet, but decided that I would do it anyway. My keyboard and mouse that I got with my iMac were about 90% charged when I got them, so I thought I’d just let them run out of juice before I charge them again. Impatient me wouldn’t let it happen.

The keyboard is a bit better. I wanted the full-sized keyboard, but didn’t want the 2 extra weeks it would take them to pack it in the box. Charging my keyboard is fine. No big problem there. Why? Because the charging port is in a logical place.

Apple Magic Keyboard

Probably the most logical place to put a charging port. Way to go, Apple!

With the Magic Mouse, the charging port isn’t really in a logical place. But, really, where could they have put it? (Hint: probably on the side)

Apple Magic Mouse 2

So what happens when this is a person’s ONLY mouse? Do they just have to wait until it charges? (I don’t really think that it takes very long to charge, but still, have to bitch about something.)

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of this mouse. I had another Magic Mouse but it was the first version of it. I didn’t really like that one either. It didn’t work very well with Monstro, my old Mac Pro. A friend of mine borrowed it and never bothered to return it, so yeah.

So what do I use? I use this old, worn out thing:

Beat-up, reliable optical Dell mouse

Trusty, reliable, old Dell mouse that I think I’ve had since I’ve first arrived in Australia. It doesn’t have a rubber ball or I wouldn’t be using it. I can’t go back to that!

The putting charging ports in stupid places isn’t only an Apple thing either. My Sony Xperia Z3 has it on the side. That’s not such a bad problem until you realize that the cover on it hinges on that side, so you can’t charge it with its cover closed. (I’m turning this phone into a home security camera, by the way.)

Usually Apple gets the design of their products right. The Magic Mouse is my only problem so far. This new computer has been awesome so far. I should be getting a delivery of memory in a few days to boost its performance. Right now, I have 8 GB of memory installed and have run into no problems so far. I’m going to put in another 32 GB of  memory into this thing, then later, replace the 8 GB with another 32 GB. Crazy! I haven’t owned a computer with more than 8 GB of memory. Even 8 GB in my laptop was starting to do a terrible job.

That’s all from me at the moment. I’m just working on some video-related stuff now, since I have a computer that won’t choke on video editing software.

My Stuff, Delivered. Or Not.

Let me preface this by saying that I hate having anything delivered in Australia. There’s so much I can complain and bitch about right now. Late last week, I ordered some office furniture because my iMac is sitting on something that resembles a little cart you’d put a microwave on. It has wheels. It’s quite convenient, but I am a little afraid that I’ll wheel it somewhere and BAM, it will fall to the ground. It’s not something I really want to happen.

So yes, I ordered 3 desks knowing that I would be away from home most of the next week. I thought my stuff would arrive on Friday. Well, over the weekend I got an email saying that it was being prepared for shipping, so I thought they’d get to it on Tuesday or something. Well, no, they sent it from the warehouse on Monday morning. The warehouse is really close too, so they tried delivering it on Monday. That was okay, the worst they can do is leave one of those cards that say “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?”. They tried again on Tuesday. I called them that day and said, that I wasn’t expecting it to be delivered so early and needed it delivered Friday. They said they made a note of it. Well, they tried to deliver it again on Wednesday so finally I said fuck it and came home to wait for them to drop it all off. So here I am.

During this process, I would check my orders with the company I bought it from online and discovered that my order wasn’t found in the system 90% of the time. My account said that I had no orders. I was worrying whether I’d ever see my furniture or not.

I am just pissed that these companies don’t really communicate with you. They tell you a week, and you expect a week, so you plan on leaving the area until then. I mean, if I were at home, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It would be nice to get your stuff early. Not this time. I get to sit around again waiting for it to show up.

So maybe tomorrow I’ll be assembling desks. Or maybe not. Who the hell knows what’s happening anymore?

Freedom and Openness

How much freedom do I give my partner and past partners and what are my thoughts on open relationships?

This is a topic that I’ve tried to write about several other times before but haven’t been successful yet. That’s mostly because I didn’t want to come across looking like a total wanker or someone who enjoys being walked all over or someone who just puts up with anything.

Before I continue, if gay people having sex bothers you or you don’t want to know details, stop reading and go do something else.

Whoever dates me or becomes my partner is lucky because I rarely get jealous. I haven’t ever been a jealous person because, to me, that takes too much energy and time. I already get anxious about something simple like what’s for dinner tonight and stuff, so this would just add to my anxiety. I usually have a lot of trust where I assume my partner knows what’s right and wrong. I have the talk with him about if he’s unsure, think about if I did the same thing, would he be upset? That’s what I do now, and that’s probably why I cherish the relationship I’m in now more.

What am I okay with?

As long as my partner tells people up-front that he’s in a relationship, mostly everything is good. If he tells someone he’s single, then I would understandably get upset. This is one of the few things that would make me mad. Basically, he shouldn’t lie about his relationship status.

My partner and I still have personal profiles on sites and we link to each other when possible. Again, as long as he doesn’t pretend like I don’t exist, I’m good. (I do the same.)

I don’t mind if my partner meets other gay guys for dinner, catching up, going to the movies, clubs, and stuff like that. I don’t mind if these guys are exes, old friends, or new guys.

A kiss or touch isn’t really a big deal to me. It’s not something that I’m going to spend too long thinking about.

Sexually, I’ve been in open relationships most of my adult life. This kind of thing doesn’t surprise me anymore because it’s really common. With my current relationship though, I’ve moved away from that and I like having this guy to myself right now. Even if it was an open relationship, I don’t think I’d want to be told about it or asked about it every time. Honestly, it’s a bit of a turn on for me. With my ex, I used to ask him what he’s done and he’d tell me and well, it would lead to us having sex. (That relationship was mostly sexual anyway and we both knew this, so yeah.)

On the subject of open relationships, they work for some people (almost half of gay men have had an open relationship). For most people, I’d like to think, they don’t. That’s okay. Couples that mutually agree to opening their relationship to other sex partners are fine. It’s just when one person of the couple doesn’t know about it that the problem starts. It’s also a problem when deep feelings start to develop for someone (and they do, but I learned to ignore it).

At the end of the day, it’s up to my partner to do the right thing. I trust that he will do the right thing at the right time, especially this guy I’m with now.

Happy Pride

I know half the month has already passed, but I wanted to say Happy Pride Month to you! I don’t hear much about a pride month here in Australia. I don’t know why and I could be wrong. There’s a lot of stuff that I don’t know. If you have read any of my previous posts, you’ll know that by now.

Anyway, I thought I would go into story-telling mode for this one.

The Background

I grew up in a town in Texas that has a population of around 10,000 people. A lot of, if not all of, the people living there are insanely religious. So basically, their way of life is superior to anybody else’s. It was basically a place where you didn’t want to be openly gay. You especially didn’t want to be caught in an interracial relationship. These two things, if I stayed there long-term, would have made my life miserable. I don’t think I would ever get to do the things that I’ve done if I stayed there. I just had to get out of there as soon as I could. It took me a little while, but I finally left.

Figuring Out Who I Was

I’m not one of those people where I can say that I realized that I liked other men when I was a kid. I know some people can say that they knew when they were gay when they were 8 or something like that. I don’t think that’s really possible, but okay. I think growing up, I just didn’t really care. Like, seriously. I didn’t care up until my final year of high school. I had girlfriends, but I only had them because all the other guys did. I didn’t put much effort into them. At the same time, I didn’t secretly lust over any guys either or have any guy crushes.

It kind of clicked for me when one of my friends who was on the football team used to show me his legs. He was really muscular and he’d shave his legs. After he shaved them, he’d tell me to feel how smooth they were. Of course, I did. That was probably my first crush. I realized that there was a possibility that I liked guys, but I largely ignored it. My friend would invite me over to hang out and stuff, but I didn’t do it because I was just a little afraid that this crush would make me fall in love with him (and in a way, I think I did).

I stopped fighting it when I was around 17 and said to myself “It’s possible that I like guys.” In my last few weeks of high school, I started “dating” someone, again, who played football. He went around telling everybody that we were a “happy” couple. It was very brave for a football player in high school to admit that he liked guys, especially in a small town. Since I only had a few more weeks left of high school, I didn’t give a crap. I pretty much knew that I was getting the hell out of my hometown the first chance I got so I could live in peace.

Thankfully, I was never bullied that much. No one wanted to beat my ass and no one threatened me. No one said much, even after that “boyfriend” I had told everybody. Sure, some people would say things every so often because I was a tall, skinny guy. If you didn’t look like you were corn-fed and have a gut, that meant that you were probably into men. I just took care of myself, that’s all.

My Sexuality

I’ve never had any dislike or disgust with women or their parts. I just don’t see that happening. Even while I lived here, I talked to them and dated, but I didn’t push anything. I was a very gentlemanly guy to date.

I just don’t go out of my way to find women. I haven’t for a while. I just don’t think it would be fair for me to be with anybody, male or female, and have someone else on the side. An example: getting married to a woman, but having a relationship with a guy. It’s a pick one or the other kind of thing. My choice for a long time has been men. If that makes think I’m only gay, fine. If it makes me bisexual, whatever. I am who I am.

I’m basically not going to wake up tomorrow morning with an undying need to be with a woman. I’m okay with this. I’m not going to regret getting married to a man.

Why Pride?

Having pride is about spreading hope. It’s a way to celebrate things getting better and improving, but at the same time, remembering what people in the past have done and the lives that were lost to get to this point. I feel like a same-sex marriage rights are there because of gay pride. It’s about accepting myself as who I am and not feeling like a monster for it (of course, that depends where you are and how vocal people around you are).

It’s taken time to realize who I am and to be okay with it. I don’t think I could have done that in my small little hometown. I don’t think I would ever been able to come so far in my life like this. I basically just feel like it’s not my problem if someone doesn’t like me if I like other men and will marry one some day. Life is too short to be worrying about if someone’s going to marry someone of the same sex.


Yeah, I had to add this little section because a few seconds ago, I was thinking about what this post is about. I think I went all over the place. Oops. Well, it gives you a little more information about how I feel about being gay (or whatever). I hope one day people are treated equally and it becomes illegal in the USA, in all states, to discriminate against people just for who they love. (You can still get fired in Texas if your employer finds out your gay. Seriously. I don’t think it would happen often, but I’m sure it does… and that’s stupid.)

So Happy Pride Month, folks!

My Happy Place: New York

I figured that last post I made about all the useless crap would amuse people for a day or two. I went the safe route and decided to wait 5 days!

One of those questions asked me about when I felt happiest and I said that it was when I lived in New York. I have to say that these days, I am more happy than sad/upset/depressed. I have a lot going on in my head, but overall, I am pretty content. It doesn’t mean that I am unhappy now, it’s just that being in and living in New York was incredible. It was a great experience.

I met some really nice people there and was around a friend of mine who basically did a lot to make me happy. I moved in with him and his place was one of the dirtiest places I’ve been in, so I cleaned up his whole house for him and he was really grateful for that. He had come from a different country and grew up having people who did that stuff for him, so understandably, it was a mess. I helped him past that and once I cleaned it up, it never got messy again!

He was also the first person I ever met that was Muslim too. He was fairly religious and I gave up pork products and alcohol while I lived with him out of respect. He was just an incredibly friendly guy and was really supportive with me leaving Texas the way I did. (I moved to New York right after high school and I did it suddenly. I stuck around for about 2-3 years. I met my friend on AOL (I think) and one day decided to move. Yeah… not a smart thing to do for anybody these days.) That is exactly why I will never be anti-Muslim, plus I see it as a complete waste of time, energy, and IQ.

I remember going to NYC on the weekends which was really scary at first because I grew up in such a small place. I learned to start loving the city and haven’t really been interested in living in a small town since then.

It was New York where I learned what love was and what it was like to be in love with someone regardless of where he might have been on Earth.

It was the first place I had been where it actually snowed enough so that I can make real snowmen. I remember how excited I was when it snowed a few inches. Then, because I had to clean my apartment, I learned to hate when the snow melted or when people walked through snow. Dirt would get all over the floor.

When I moved, it was the first time I had flown in a commercial aircraft for hours. I was so nervous and told the people checking me in that. They were really nice about it.

During the winter, the tree leaves would change colors and it was beautiful. I lived a little upstate, so I did have trees around. I had always heard stories about how beautiful autumn was in the northeast.

It was a calming time for me and it gave me time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and it also allowed me to be somewhat independent. I don’t know whether I used that independence wisely, though.

New York in general was a really great experience. I loved it. I experienced a lot of firsts there. I’d consider moving back there if I could, but I haven’t made a decision yet where I’m going to go and even when. I still have time to decide. I think being older would make everything very very different now, but I think I’d enjoy it.

The List of Useless Crap

Have you ever wanted to know what makes me tick? Well, here’s one of those long-ass questionnaire things for you to learn a little more about me. 🙂

You can always ask me real questions here.

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?
I wish I was shorter and more muscular. 🙂

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)
A chicken.

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?
I don’t. 🙂

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?
Zelda. And Metroid.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:
a. Food
b. Exercise (which I don’t do)
c. The general public

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?
Unstable contents.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?
All the millions of genders people think exist? It’s total bullshit. And stupid.

8: What is your Greek personality type?
Phlegmatic – relaxed and quiet. Shy. Observant.

9: Are you ticklish?
Not really.

10: Are you allergic to anything?
Dust. Mildew. Mold. Cats. Grass. Pollen. Basically air.

11: What’s your sexuality?
I’m incredibly gay. Mostly.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?
Hot chocolate. I go on binges.

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?
Vampire, though being allergic to sunlight would suck.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?
Not really.

16: How tall are you?
I’m 6 feet tall, or 1.83m.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?
I like my name. I used to hate it.

18: How much do you weigh?
Around 80 kg. That’s 176 pounds.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?
Ocean? Because that’s the only one I can go to?

21: Are you religious?
No. I am agnostic. I’m not an asshole about it, usually.

22: Pet peeves?

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal?
Dinural. Having to work at night and sleeping during the day sucks.

24: Favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper. I can’t see it from here though.

25: Favorite star?
I don’t know!

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?
That’s some creepy ass shit. No.

27: Any phobias or fears?
Worms. Caterpillars. Maggots. Slugs… you get it.

28: Do you think global warming is real?

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

30: Favorite movie?
Do I have one? It’s hard to get me to sit down and watch one.

31: Do you get scared easily?

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?
Maybe 5?

33: Blog rate?
Of mine, a 3/10. It’s not that great. And that’s okay.

34: What is a color that calms you?

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

36: Where were you born?

37: What is your eye color?
A mix between green and brown.

38: Introvert or extrovert?

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

40: Hugs or kisses?
A little of each.

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

43: Any piercings you want?
Not interested anymore.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?
I do.

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?
Smoking kills.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!
J is the guy. You hear enough about him.

47: What is a sound you really hate?

48: A sound you really love?
Dachshund barking.

49: Can you do a backflip?

50: Can you do the splits?

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?
Not a movie kind of guy.

52: Favorite movie?
Same as #30. (None.)

53: How are you feeling right now?

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

55: When did you feel happiest?
When I lived in New York. 🙂 [Blog post about why]

56: Something that calms you down?

57: Have any mental disorders?
Blogs aren’t good places to post your medical history.

58: What does your URL mean?

59: What three words describe you the most?
Friendly, nice, and helpful!

60: Do you believe in evolution?

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?
Lack of updates.

62: What makes you follow a blog?
Writing about shit I care about and recent updates.

63: Favorite kind of person:

64: Favorite animal(s):

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.
Errr… look on the list on the left side. Pick 3.

66: Favorite emoticon:

67: Favorite meme:
Too many. Too lazy to get it.

68: What is your MBTI personality type?
Introverted – Sensing – Thinking – Judging (ISTJ).

69: What is your star sign?

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?
I didn’t teach him that but he’s a smart cookie.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?
Haha… me? Outfit? I pick whatever is closest to me.

72: Post a selfie or two?
Selfies are for the week.

73: Do you have platform shoes?
Um, no.

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?
I’m both-handed.

75: Can you do a front flip?

76: Do you like birds?
Yes. Pico happens to be one.

77: Do you like to swim?
I do, but I’m not good at it.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:
Dumb people with kids.

80: Some thing you wish did exist:
A test people have to take to be able to use the computer.

81: Piercings you have?
None anymore. My ears and nipples were done though.

82: Something you really enjoy doing:
83: Favorite person to talk to:
Myself. 🙂

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?
Bunch of attention whores.

85: How many followers do you have?
Probably 0.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

87: Do your socks always match?
99% of the time.

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

89: What are your birthstones?
Turquoise, topaz, tanzanite, zircon. Mostly blue stuff.

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?
A chicken the size of a house.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

92: A store you hate?
Clothing stores.

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?
0-2. Any more than that would send me to the toilet.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

95: Do you like to wear camo?
Lolz. No. That’s so redneck.

96: Winter or summer?

97: How long can you hold your breath for?
Less than 1 minute.

98: Least favorite person?
Too many to name.

99: Someone you look up to:
Good medical professionals.

100: A store you love?
I hate shopping. I’m the kind of person who knows what they want, goes to get it, then leaves.

101: Favorite type of shoes
I don’t have one.

102: Where do you live?
SE Australia.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?
Neither but can and have been vegetarian. I grew up in a place with a really big meat dependence.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?
See the blue gems on #89? That’s probably one of them.

105: Do you drink milk?
If I have to, yes.

106: Do you like bugs?
I don’t necessarily “like” them. I just deal with them.

107: Do you like spiders?

108: Something you get paranoid about?
All of life’s what-ifs.

109: Can you draw?
Not that good anymore.

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?
When you’re gay and whether you’re single or not, you get asked some really disgusting things. I’ll leave it at that.

111: A question you hate being asked?
Why am I with an Indian and all the stereotypical questions.

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?
Yes. A lot. I’m a spider magnet in this country.

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?
I hate the sun.

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

116: Favorite cloud type:

117: What color do you wish the sky was?
I like the blue.

118: Do you have freckles?
Not really. Just a lot of moles.

119: Favorite thing about a person:

120: Fruits or vegetables?
Both. They’re good for your colon.

121: Something you want to do right now:
Dream. I wish I could just turn on a switch where I can dream. For the most part, I love dreaming.

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?
It depends whether you’re in a polluted area or not. “Blue” oceans are nice though.

123: Sweet or sour foods?
Sweet overrules sour.

124: Bright or dim lights?
Dim. I’d live in darkness all the time if I could.

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:
Attention whores. Seems really unorganized.

127: Something you love about Tumblr:
Fun to find certain topics. I feel like I can find anything.

128: What do you think about the least?
More is even better.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?
I’m not interested in having a tombstone. Throw me in the ocean or something.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?
Donald Trump and everybody who thought he’d be a good president.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?
I don’t like to make people upset so end up doing a lot that to make other people happy, even if it negatively affects myself.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

133: Computer or TV?
I get really terrible TV reception, so I use my computer for the main source of entertainment.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?
I do. On my first long haul flight from the USA to Australia, I got really sick.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?
I have ear lobes. I like ear lobes.

137: Do you believe in karma?
Oh yes.

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?
Probably 6? I am not ugly, but I’m not gorgeous either. I’m okay wiwth that. 🙂

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?
Usually just shortened versions of my name or a combination with my middle name.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?
Oh yes.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?
I have, yes. I’m perfectly fine to admit that too.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?
Good – 85% of the time, bad 15% of the time.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?
I feel like I tend to take more than I give.

144: What makes you angry
When people are treated differently because of how they look, what they believe in.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?
English and Spanish (less than fluent now)

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?
Haha, non-binaries. I’m pretty gay, so I like guys. (Not boys.)

147: Are you androgynous?
I am not.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:
I like my nose. I also like my calves after working out for a while.

149: Favorite thing about your personality:
I like how I am thoughtful. 🙂

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.
I would love to see my partner here right now. My mom and my best friend.

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?
To me, the 90s were pretty fun but they could have been a lot more productive.

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner?
I met him through OKCupid. The first time we met, we met at a train station then went to Hungry Jack’s (the Australian equivalent of Burger King).

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?
Not really.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?
Not really.

156: What embarrasses you?
My overpowering nervousness.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:
Pretty much everything. Like someone just came to the door wanting to tell me about God (which I told him that I’m happy being nonreligious and he left). I’m still shaky because someone knocked on my door!

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:
I fake a lot of sicknesses but to get an extension on a project, I said that someone I know died.

159: How many people are you following?
I don’t know the number, but it’s very low. I don’t want to overfill my feed.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?
Around 70?

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?
About 30?

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

163: Last time you cried and why:
I was on the train and listening to music. It wasn’t much though. I think sometimes it’s good to invoke those feelings on purpose.

164: Do you have long or short hair?
I have very, very, very short hair. Bald if I can pull it off.

165: Longest your hair has ever been:
When I was younger, I used to grow it out. My parents never really took me to get a hair cut though. It was always my grandparents.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?
As I told the guy a few minutes ago, I am neutral about religion. I’m not mean about it (usually… I can be).

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?
I just know it’s here.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?I haven’t tried lately.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?
Sure I did.

That’s it. You can ask me questions here, if you’d like!

Why So Angry?

Lately, I’ve been watching videos of people being angry in public. Yeah, I know, exciting stuff, right?

What I don’t understand is why people get so upset over certain things. I think that being anger is too energy-intensive and a lot of the time, it’s not worth it. But then again, I am really big into conflict avoidance. It’s one of those things about me that can be good or bad, depending how you look at it.

For example, I am one of those people who will go to a restaurant and order something and if it’s not what I ordered, I’d probably eat it anyway (unless it’s seafood). I know sometimes people here don’t “get” my accent sometimes. I really need to work on my Aussie accent or lose a little more of my Texan accent.

I’m also one of those people who won’t say anything if I go to a store and buy something, then discover that I didn’t get the sale price and not say anything about it if it’s only a few dollars.

I’m one of those people who will put up with annoying public behavior from other people (unless someone is being a dick, racist, or something similar). I just like to remove myself from the annoying behavior if I can.

Watching some of these videos, I can’t see why people get so angry over the smallest things. Why would someone waste their time being loud, noisy, and irritating over the fact that an iced coffee costs $1 more than a hot coffee? Why would someone be so pissed off with their day that they feel like they have to be mean to everybody else? (Okay, I’m guilty of this one sometimes. It’s usually because I didn’t sleep well.) Why are some people so miserable that they have to complain about the most insignificant things?

I can see how speaking up sometimes is a good thing and I probably should do it more often, but I don’t see a point if it’s going to cause a lot of arguments. Right?

It’s so funny because I start writing these things and midway through them, I start understanding things from both sides, you know, speaking up and being quiet. I just don’t think that anger is the best way to handle things most of the time.

And those videos? They’re everywhere. Just Google “angry crazy people”.  Or here, watch these:

Gum in the Urinals? Seriously?

It does. Really.

You’d think that I have some kind of sick fixation on stuff in restrooms and bathrooms, and I guess, in a way, I do because I really don’t like going into them unless I have to.

In the closest men’s restroom at the place where I spend my weekdays (aka work and study), it seems like the men like to spit their gum into the urinals. There are three of them and today, one was blocked and almost running over with piss (because for some reason, that doesn’t stop a guy from pissing somewhere and everywhere.) So, that wasn’t very fun for someone who hates walking in there. There were about 10 pieces of gum floating around in it, and the other two urinals had about 5 pieces of gum in each.

I don’t really understand why guys feel like they have to spit their gum in there. What happened to putting it on some paper and throwing it in the rubbish bin?

“Chewing gum is gross; chewing gum I hate the most.” Looking at this makes me want to puke.

In case you’re wondering, the thought of gum makes me sick too. Chewing it so that it just gathers spit and all the gunk from your teeth. I don’t like it and never have. I was a chronic gum swallower when I was a kid, and I still am to a much lesser extent. That might explain why my gut is so messed up now, now that I think about it.

Men’s restrooms are just gross. No one can aim–most of the piss is on the floor or wall. No one can flush the toilets after taking a dump. No one can find a better place for their chewed up gum. If you’re a woman and ever wanted to just see what it’s like, don’t. It smells disgusting. That’s because it IS disgusting. Men are disgusting creatures with terrible aim.

That picture of the gum is disgusting. I can’t even look at it.