Calm to Busy

There isn’t much to say today since I posted yesterday (but I feel like I need to post every Sunday).

What I do know is that this week is going to be crazy. I have a LOT to do, so I suspect my next post won’t be until next weekend.

The problem with this week is that I have a few important deadlines to meet and in a few weeks, I’m going off to do another few weeks of on-the-job training. I thought I should try to get a majority of my work done by then since I’ll basically be swamped with work-related junk the whole time.

So, until we meet again, or until either the US government or Australian government fuck up (for the billionth time), I’ll see you later.

Reshuffling This Wedding Kerfuffle

Since the US presidential election and the politicians of Texas’s need to protect the state from things that aren’t godly, I’ve done a lot of thinking about how I am going to handle my wedding plans. The main reason why I wanted it to happen in Texas is so that my relatives and friends could be there for it, assuming I made a firm plan to do the whole marriage ritual thing. I haven’t made up my mind whether I wanted to do the marriage ceremony thing, or a celebratory thing afterwards. I’ve said before that I usually don’t like being the centre of attention unless I’ve got a dangerously high blood alcohol level. I don’t want to be that drunk on the day.

Lately, there have been talk about a stupid, unnecessary opinion poll about whether two adults of the same sex can get married or not here in Australia. To save you time from reading it, I said I don’t like this poll, but if I actually happens, marriage equality has my full support, obviously.

Assuming that passes and the government in power start to do the job they’re elected to do (still bitter), and marriage equality happens, I’m thinking to do it here–the first chance we get. Then, next year, I’ll do a small celebratory thing in the USA. I probably will have to talk this over with my immediate family first. I probably should talk about this with my partner as well! Haha.

As I said, these are just thoughts floating around in my head. I still don’t have dates. In fact, the dates have been scattered even more than before. This isn’t really good when you’re a planner.

I was also looking for a reason to use the word kerfuffle too. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Who’s First?

I’m typing this from my partner’s brother’s place. I’m staying there tonight. It’s not such a big deal though because I do this every few weeks. Our place didn’t get flooded or burned down or anything. It’s just one of those things I try to do every so often. There’s usually quite a push from him to get it to happen. Today, it was actually one of the causes of our arguments.

Something that people who know me in real life know that I’m not the most social creature around. Some people know that I am happy being by myself 90-95% of the time. It’s not that I hate people, but I really like my solitude. I mean, I really like it.

He tends to think that it’s really easy to get me out and in front of people outside work. He thinks all my friends see me every time they ask. You can ask any of them whether I see them every time they ask or how many times I cancel on them. It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s just that I require a whole lot of “me” time and I like that time. I even need regular breaks from my partner so I usually send him over here by himself. If gives me that time I require.

I’m not so sure where it stems from. Maybe it’s that my parents didn’t really encourage me to go out and socialize. I know for a fact that my mom, sister, and me are the same way I am. My dad was a lot better. It’s not something I do well and have tried to be better at, but I’m not. I’d go months without seeing the key people in my life. That includes family when I am in Texas.

He reminds me that Indian families aren’t really like that and I need to change my mind frame in regards to seeing people who are family. It’s really difficult for me to do. What I don’t like is how he told me today that he’s just going to tell them that I don’t like them and I don’t like coming to their place which isn’t true. It’s really infuriating because that’s a lie. I did make a compromise today and came here to make him happy when otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered because the arguments we had earlier make me even less likely to want to do things for him. Things are fine now though. I’m about to head to bed but I’m definitely going to post this a few hours into the future.

Good night!

An Expensive, Unnecessary, Taxpayer-Funded Opinion Poll for Marriage Equality?

It looks like the Australian government’s same-sex marriage plebiscite thing has a chance of happening. In case you’re too lazy to click the link, basically it’s an opinion poll whether voters think that the law should be amended to allow same-sex couples to marry.

Is it a good way to gauge the enrolled voters’ opinion? Or should they just read any of the opinion polls that were done for the past ten years and realise that people want and have wanted this to happen and save the $122,000,000 (or more) it will cost to run this unnecessary opinion poll?

I have a few problems with this little proposition the government has put forward.

This opinion poll is non-binding meaning, if people in a certain electorate vote to amend the law (“YES”), but the representative thinks two people of the same-sex are icky and need a new, heavy Bible, then they can vote against it in Parliament. If it was binding, that would make me feel a lot better about it. It’s still an awful idea–unless they add something else to the “ballot” (or questionnaire, really) like euthanasia.

This opinion poll is a hotbed for disrespect on BOTH sides of the fence. There is going to be a lot of nastiness, disrespect, and hatred being spewed out from this. I can’t really see a respectful debate happening from a lot of people.

The law, when it was changed from neutral to a man + woman, wasn’t changed in the same process.ย No one asked the public what they thought. No money was spent for one person to make the decision for the rest of us. It was changed in one day (which COULD BE DONE TODAY IF ONLY THE LIBERALS WOULD ALLOW IT) by someone who is afraid of change.

This opinion poll (and I’m calling it that because that’s what it is–an expensive opinion poll, but I’ll get to that later) is not compulsory like other elections are. Since it’s not classified as a “real” election, people living overseas can’t just waltz into an embassy in another country and vote. That’s a big problem for those men and women who had to leave Australia to marry their partner because they couldn’t do it here.

It’s expensive. I’d much, much, MUCH rather see my tax money being spent on something else than an opinion poll. There are so many other things that money can be spent on:

  • Health care
  • Homelessness
  • Animal welfare
  • Domestic abuse
  • Drug/alcohol programs
  • Domestic violence programs
  • Training new medical staff
  • Funding aged care and senior pensioners
  • Renewable energy
  • Mental health services
  • Disability services
  • Child protection services
  • Better communication infrastructure
  • Better transportation infrastructure
  • …you get my point

This opinion poll will be rife with fraud. The Prime Minister said in the past that would be a big problem with it. So now, he’s okay with it? Is that right? Because he knows that if he goes along with a free vote, he’ll lose power since it’s the zealots who are keeping him in power and they’re the ones pulling the strings?

As a gay man myself, I feel very unhappy, upset, and angry because it came to this point. If the PM would allow a free vote, it could happen today, but as I said, he has to make the religious nut jobs who keep him in power happy. I guess what I’m saying is that he has no backbone, he’s weak, and doesn’t stand up for what he, himself, believes is right.

I really hope that the government party in power right now get voted out next time. I’m tired of them. I’m tired of this. I hope he loses his job and quits politics. Marriage equality should have happened a LONG TIME AGO in this country.

Though I don’t like it, I’ll still participate in this little poll. I still think it’s incredibly dumb, expensive, and a waste of money but if that’s what it takes to get marriage equality to happen in this country, then I’ll do it. To me, boycotting this stupid process isn’t worth it.

Gay Money

I posted a pretty interesting question on Twitter yesterday that said:

...does the USA or Texas deserve my gay foreign money?

gaymoneySomething that you probably already know is that I, like 64% of Americans, hate the current direction of US politics. We have an ineffective leader who is more interested in keeping his own interests afloat and making those with the inability to distinguish the difference between church and state happy. We have a man who is too busy making himself look good rather than making our country look good in control, something that I never thought would happen. We have a man who claims to be a LGBT+ ally, yet disrespects people in our community every chance he gets.

One of the things I am most afraid of is planning my wedding there and some religious nut job getting his way where it can’t happen. He’s already attacking trans people and trying to dismantle my right to marry the man I love.

I don’t like this feeling.ย 

I’m rethinking whether I want to get married in Texas or not because I don’t agree with our hateful politicians. The services and goods I purchase there (plus the taxes I pay) go back to paying this never-ending cycle of hate. I don’t really want to be a part of that. It’s a bit sad because I wanted to do it locally for my family, but I am not confident in the USA (or Texas) anymore. I just don’t.

Why should I give more of my money to them if I can avoid it completely? (As a US citizen, I’m still required to pay tax on foreign earned income.)

I don’t see things getting better. I see them getting worse–a lot worse. So I’m going to back away with caution for now and either wait for marriage equality here in Australia, or jump across to New Zealand and do it there. Maybe then, I can go to the USA with some Oreos from here (proudly made in China) and have a cookies and water party.

I’d much rather spend money in a country that has laws protecting the people of my community. Though I can’t get married here, I still have more legal protections here than I would in the USA, simply because of who I love.

Me vs Assertiveness

For a while, I forgot that I had a weblog! Oops. It’s a good thing because something’s been on my mind lately. And before I start, this isn’t targeting one person, or one situation, but it definitely seems to happen over and over.

Basically, I have a really difficult time being assertive. I think that’s one of those traits that I got from my “sheltered” childhood and my mother’s personality.

When I have to say “no”, this is how it feels.

I have a really hard time telling people things that I know will potentially upset them. So, I end up sacrificing a lot of myself to make other people happy. When I decide to make a decision that goes against what other people want, I end up feeling like shit and it starts to preoccupy my mind in a really bad way.

For example, I’ve known for several months that I will have to do training from Monday to Friday this month for at least 8.5 hours a day. I’m also doing it about 3 km/1.9 miles from my place, so I don’t have to do my usual 160 km/ 100 mile traveling every day. Right now, I am working/studying about 20 hours a week, not including the 10 hours a week (or more) that I spend traveling. What I’ll be doing this month will be quite laborious. A lot of physical work so by the time the weekend comes around, I will, understandably, want to relax and do absolutely nothing.

I know that sounds awful, but I really require some time alone or I’ll go insane. Due to the nature of this training and being in the public, I’m not going to get very much of that.

My partner is also still in India and coming back in less than 10 days (and I haven’t seen him for months), so I need to get my place clean and ready for him. I have to do that over the weekend because it’s my only “free” time. So things are pretty full-on for a while.

So for past week or so, I’ve been re-emphasizing that I’m super busy. I can’t say that it’s easy and I still feel like crap that I can’t do things with and for people this month, but it is what it is. Like yesterday, I had to argue with my friend (for 2 hours) that I can’t help him move more than 1 day this week and why next weekend is off-limits. It was very painful and exhausting.

And see what I’ve done here? I feel like I’ve had to explain my reasons why I’m too busy for the next month!ย And even when I explain, no one believes me! This is what happens constantly. I end up feeling like a shit head because I am busy or need to look after myself during a time that is going to take me some time to adapt to. All I want is to do really well with my training, and to be able to spend time with my partner who I haven’t seen in a really long time. And this is temporary. It’s just a month-long craziness that I need to concentrate on and not have all this needless guilt in my head.

It’s so much easier said than done. I just lack assertiveness and I’m not sure how to get it without coming across as a total douche.

Freedom and Openness

How much freedom do I give my partner and past partners and what are my thoughts on open relationships?

This is a topic that I’ve tried to write about several other times before but haven’t been successful yet. That’s mostly because I didn’t want to come across looking like a total wanker or someone who enjoys being walked all over or someone who just puts up with anything.

Before I continue, if gay people having sex bothers you or you don’t want to know details, stop reading and go do something else.

Whoever dates me or becomes my partner is lucky because I rarely get jealous. I haven’t ever been a jealous person because, to me, that takes too much energy and time. I already get anxious about something simple like what’s for dinner tonight and stuff, so this would just add to my anxiety. I usually have a lot of trust where I assume my partner knows what’s right and wrong. I have the talk with him about if he’s unsure, think about if I did the same thing, would he be upset? That’s what I do now, and that’s probably why I cherish the relationship I’m in now more.

What am I okay with?

As long as my partner tells people up-front that he’s in a relationship, mostly everything is good. If he tells someone he’s single, then I would understandably get upset. This is one of the few things that would make me mad. Basically, he shouldn’t lie about his relationship status.

My partner and I still have personal profiles on sites and we link to each other when possible. Again, as long as he doesn’t pretend like I don’t exist, I’m good. (I do the same.)

I don’t mind if my partner meets other gay guys for dinner, catching up, going to the movies, clubs, and stuff like that. I don’t mind if these guys are exes, old friends, or new guys.

A kiss or touch isn’t really a big deal to me. It’s not something that I’m going to spend too long thinking about.

Sexually, I’ve been in open relationships most of my adult life. This kind of thing doesn’t surprise me anymore because it’s really common. With my current relationship though, I’ve moved away from that and I like having this guy to myself right now. Even if it was an open relationship, I don’t think I’d want to be told about it or asked about it every time. Honestly, it’s a bit of a turn on for me. With my ex, I used to ask him what he’s done and he’d tell me and well, it would lead to us having sex. (That relationship was mostly sexual anyway and we both knew this, so yeah.)

On the subject of open relationships, they work for some people (almost half of gay men have had an open relationship). For most people, I’d like to think, they don’t. That’s okay. Couples that mutually agree to opening their relationship to other sex partners are fine. It’s just when one person of the couple doesn’t know about it that the problem starts. It’s also a problem when deep feelings start to develop for someone (and they do, but I learned to ignore it).

At the end of the day, it’s up to my partner to do the right thing. I trust that he will do the right thing at the right time, especially this guy I’m with now.

Meeting Nice, Gay Couples Isn’t Easy

I have a bit of downtime so I thought that I would write a little something here. Before we go any further, I have to say happy birthday to the queen because if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be having a day off. So thanks for existing, queen.

One of the things, as a couple, my relationship lacks is good friendly people who are also in relationships. That’s always been a weak spot of my relationships. I think it’s a good idea to build friendships with other couples. It just never really happens for some reason. I jump on gay dating websites looking for couples who are just looking for friendships, but as you can imagine, that’s not as easy to do as you’d think. You have to really ask yourself why they’re on there. Hell, I could ask myself why exactly I’m on there.

I find other couples, but it seems like one of them isn’t very happy with each other or one complains a lot about a boring sex life. That’s when I usually disengage from talking to them. The focus, on the other side, goes from making friends with a gay couple to one guy acting like he hasn’t had sex in 15 years. It’s like they’re super desperate or something.

Every so often, you find a genuine, happy couple who just want to get to know other couples and I think that’s great. I have been talking to a couple who lives about an hour away from us who are in a similar relationship as us: one guy is Caucasian, and one is South Asian. We’ve been chatting about what life’s like for all of us, travel, and stuff. It’s actually really nice. I’m hoping that we can meet up sometimes and do something outdoorsy. I love outdoorsy stuff.

I guess it is possible to meet nice couples and thinking back, I do have some friends who are couples but my partner and I haven’t met them. Our schedules are just too out of whack and we live in the middle of nowhere now. Hopefully that changes, but I don’t have a good idea of when anymore. I am just required to travel 3 hours a day, 3-4 times a week for the next year. I think I can handle that.

Until then, it’ll be nice to meet some guys who similar to us. I just hope it doesn’t get crazy, but I’m sure it won’t. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hospital Anxiety When I’m Not the Patient

I’m a little bit anxious right now because my partner’s in the hospital.ย In another country. He’s already been admitted and stayed last night. He sent me some pictures of the room he’s in and it’s pretty nice. He seems to be doing okay mentally though. I think he’s just ready to get it done. I don’t blame him.

I know he’s safe and all, but I hate not being able to be there for him when I think he needs me. I’m just happy that he’s getting it done so he won’t have to deal with the pain.

I don’t want to detail the specific details because, well, it’s not nice. I’ll say that affects his ability to move around without being in pain. Nothing sucks more than being in pain when you move around. (It also affects our sex life, but that’s secondary. I’d much rather him be able to move around than the whole sex bit.)

So best wishes, sweet guy. I miss you and love you! ๐Ÿ™‚

Origins: How I Met My Partner

Our anniversary is coming up so I thought that I’d talk about how I met my partner. I probably made a post about meeting my partner a long time ago, but there’s no trace of it now since my database was deleted. I thought I’d write again.

We are one of the success stories from OkCupid. I sent him a message knowing that he lived about 70 km / 44 miles away. I didn’t really think, at the time, that he’d respond because I was so far away but we started chatting and hit it off quite well. I remember how excited I was when he’d send me a message or when he’d respond to the messages I sent him.

He wanted to meet up, but I was reluctant to meet up with new people. I finally said that I would meet him. When it came to the day to meet up for the first time, I was sick. I was sneezing and coughing everywhere and had a sore throat. But still, I wanted to meet him.

We met at Southern Cross for the first time. It was actually at the entrance of Spencer Outlet Centre. We decided to go to Hungry Jack’s for lunch and we ate there. It was a really nice connection. We like to laugh about meeting up at a cheap fast food place. (It’s nice to meet someone who likes junk like Hungry Jack’s and KFC as much as I do!)

I soon discovered that he went to the same university that I did, so that gave me a lot of opportunities to see him.

I have the feeling that I had chatted with him before the “first” time I met him. I don’t remember, but I am glad I met him, even if I felt like crap that day. If someone can accept me when I am sick and looking gross, then he’s worth keeping! I’m lucky to have such a really great guy. ๐Ÿ™‚