Just a quick one to let everybody know what’s going on. I’ll still incredibly busy and won’t have much breathing space for a while, but hey, I’ll come here when I can. Well, someone’s in the bathroom and I can’t accomplish much until they get out (I need to leave home soon). I have been in a rough spot for the last few days, but think I managed to pull myself out of it, mostly.
A few people have pointed out that I am really critical of myself, that I’ve been withdrawing, that it looks like I don’t have that many friends around, and that I am just looking sad and down. I guess it’s pretty bad when people are pointing this out to me.
I spend a lot of time worrying. I worry about what’s going to happen next week. I worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow. I worry about what’s going to happen for the rest of the day. At lunch time, I worry about what I am going to be eating for dinner. I spend a lot of time worrying and I spend a lot of time worrying about other people rather than myself. I’m always worrying about what people think about me (though they probably don’t care). I just worry a lot and I think that takes its toll on my health. It really does.
I had someone yesterday ask me what good worrying about everything is going to accomplish. Am I going to gain anything from being so stressed all the time? Am I going to lose anything from it? I’ve been seeing the effects from it now.
The same person also told me that I need to think more positively about myself, which is true. Probably in this post, I’ve said some pretty negative things. I need to get out of that habit and I guess probably make a better attempt to give myself more credit where credit is due. Deep down, I know I’m not an awful person. I really do but I’m always wanting to be that better person. I just have a hard time accepting that I am not perfect, don’t have all the answers, and can’t save the world. I need to just accept things how they are, do what I can, and move forward, and at the same time, give myself more love than I am giving myself now.
Pretty good advice, right? Now, I just need to follow it, I think. I guess I need to put his plan into action and just having the chat with the person yesterday, I’m feeling a bit better which is the reason why I’m here now writing this. I forget sometimes how important it is to talk things through, especially with someone I don’t know on a really personal level.
About the having friends part, I will admit that I don’t have many friends. I have some and that’s okay. I’m not the kind of person who will walk into work and make friends automatically or even try to attempt making new friends. I’d rather have a few close friendships than many distant friends. I wasn’t really aware that this is a problem though. I’ve been a loner most of the time anyway. I don’t think that it’s because I’m unlikable, but rather it’s because I only have so much friendship to go around. And sometimes, I even neglect the friends I do have! 😉