If you haven’t looked at my “About Ben” page yet or in a long time, there’s something new on there. If you don’t want to go check it out, then that’s really fine. No problem because I’m going to have a little chat about that now. Basically, I’ve been holding a secret for a long time and I’m ready to write something about it here. (Of course, if you prefer the tl;dr approach, just read my profile page.)
The tl;dr version of it is that I am engaged and have been for over a year.
It happened while I was in the USA and it was on Valentine’s Day in the USA (so it was 15 Feb 2016 here). It was also 9 months after we started dating. To me, at the time, that was a bit quick and I was also quite scared at the prospect that I would be a married man eventually. I believe that once it happens, it’s final. I don’t want to be one of those people who gets married and then divorces four times over the course of my life if it’s not really that necessary. So it was a major thing and I had to think about it for a day or so. (We had talked about it from the beginning saying that it was something we both were looking for in a partner.)
Eventually, I said “yes” and we moved in together permanently. I met his family here in Australia and I met his mother when she came to Australia. They’re all really nice to me and from what I gather, they like me. J and I have some rough spots sometimes and I know he talks to them, but hopefully it’s not all bad.
Since same-sex marriage here isn’t legal yet, we talked about going to New Zealand to do it, where it is legal. Then I said “Hey, let’s go to Hawaii instead.” From there, I asked myself why I would go to the USA like that and not go closer to my hometown where my friends and family could go. So, I decided that’s what I would do. I planned to do that at the end of this year, but then started another course of study. Then, I settled at the end of next year, 2018.
To me, that’s kind of putting a bit of a buffer period between engagement and marriage, something I think, psychologically, I need. That would give my partner some time to run away screaming at some point if he wanted to. Indirectly, that applied to me too! It also gives me time to plan something nice when I go there. Also, I’d love for my family to be involved too.
I don’t expect and never expected something extravagant because I feel like that money can be put to better use. I’m not a huge fan of big weddings. My idea is just to do it, get it done, and then have fun with everybody afterwards. Obviously, I’m not interested in going into a church of any kind to do it because religion doesn’t play an important part of my life and I wouldn’t want anybody to catch the gay. I’m just kidding about that. There are religious people out there who are kind and who don’t self-destruct over two people of the same sex getting married.
I see those nice marriage ceremonies with people dressed up in traditional Indian clothes and I’d love to do that, but I will have my chance! Ha ha.
Yes, it was a very quick engagement which I think a lot of people didn’t understand. The way that I think about it is that if other people in other cultures can meet and be married in a month (then have totally happy lives together), then I think I can do this. I am happy with this guy. Sure, I bitch and complain about him sometimes and getting used to his culture is taking time, but all in all, I am happy and I’m happy being with him.
And so with that, my secret is out. Now, I just have to hope that Trump doesn’t fuck everybody over. Here’s hoping for the best! 🙂