I have been a bit quiet on all fronts lately. I haven’t posted anything here. I haven’t recorded any new podcast episodes for a while. I haven’t done much of anything on my side projects for a while. I’ve been mentally preoccupied with work-related stuff and honestly, it’s not good.
There are times where I just think I should just stop doing things because I’m no good at it. My writing is horrible now. My podcast quality, to me, has never really been of great quality and it isn’t that interesting. The Complicated Noise website has been giving me headaches lately and I’m tired of working on it. That’s a bad thing because I’m supposed to move this journal over at some point. I thought about getting started, but it’s just not going well. I am having a really hard time getting started. I think I just don’t care. That’s not good.
I thought about streaming retro game play this month but didn’t do that. Again, no interest. I’m playing some games, but not live streaming it because it’s just hard to care enough.
There’s a lot that I’m neglecting and I think that all this self-isolation has a lot to do with it. Even my medications aren’t helping me cope as well anymore. I’m back to being really sick of my job and wanting a change. My studying is going nowhere because I’m finding that online study isn’t something that I’m finding doable. There’s just a ton of stuff happening and I’m struggling to cope with it all.
I’m sure I’ll get to a place where I can cope though. I’m not at the hopeless point. I doubt I’ll ever get to that point. I just need to rethink things. I would say that I need more socialisation but… it doesn’t change the fact that I can only handle small doses of chat and I don’t like talking on the phone.
Anyway, my whining session is almost over. I’m not quitting any of these things, but just taking it slow while I get my brain back into working order.
Everybody take care of yourselves! I’ll do my best to do the same.
Hello, all of you. I’m just dropping a note to let you know that yes, I am still breathing. Well. Getting fired up about my career, you know, that kind of thing. I haven’t really been able to update anybody about what’s going on, but I will say that I’m really enjoying my time away. I miss my partner though, but I’m back home for the weekend at least. Next week is my last week away from home before I return and I’m thrown head first back into work for a while.
While I’ve been away, I am really thinking about what direction I’d like to go as far as this website’s concerned and I’ve decided that this will be the last year of Idiologic. I’m going to put this site in a hole six feet deep and bury it. I’m not expecting a zombie-like resurrection of it either. I don’t know… maybe I’ll cremate it and throw the ashes into the Gulf of Mexico… anyway, I digress.
What I will do however, is move my weblog to Complicated Noise. It’s only natural. It makes sense to have everything there anyway. I know that I have said in the past that I don’t really care about numbers of visitors, but at the same time I love statistics. Those statistics for this weblog haven’t been impressive for a long time. A lot of it is that it has become very hard to open my life up like I did when I was 18, 19, or 20. As the years pass, I’m a lot more concerned about what information I put out into cyberspace (or whatever the young people call it these days). I’m also a bit isolated from the rest of Australia since I’ve moved. It prevents exciting things happening and well, I no longer struggle with my relationships and stuff and I’m married and all.
One of the things I wanted to chat more of (and never did), is what day-to-day life is like with my partner but he’s got a bigger need of privacy. I respect that and respect the needs of his family to keep things a little quiet. That’s life and it was part of the package deal.
I guess that means that Idiologic will eventually disappear into the void around this time next year and I’ll start customising a version of WordPress for Complicated Noise. If I get that done at before then, I’ll just redirect traffic.
Anyway, I’ll still post here every so often and my new podcast episodes will be posted here. I’ll just post a bit of a notice that I’ve moved.
As always, it’s nice to have you around. Thanks for your continued support.
Hello everybody! Something unexpected has come up and I’ll be away from home for three weeks starting in March. That means that I’ll have to take a break from podcasting for a while.
I have to travel about 200 km (124 miles) one-way, so going back and forth in one day isn’t an option. It would take me about 2 hours to drive there. 4 hours of driving after a full day isn’t something I want to do.
Optionally, grab yourself a KitKat. The green tea ones from Japan are really good.
I’ll be around though. If I need to vent, I’ll come back and post here.
Many of you already know that I am overseas at the moment, spending time with my family and friends. Well, after missing so many “deadlines” of new podcast updates, I’ve just thrown in the towel for the month and decided that I will continue when I get back to Australia. I’m just not in the zone right now to record or edit.
I will be back with a new episode the week that I return (hopefully) so I guess some of my exciting news will just have to wait until then.
You can always find out what my plans are for upcoming podcast episodes by visiting the guide at Complicated Noise.
I know a lot of my posts lately have been about me putting things off, but at some point I’ll be back at 100% speed. 🙂
You’re probably sick and tired of me posting updates about how I am pushing planned podcast episodes around. Well, this is another one of those.
I’ve explained how recording and editing has been a little challenging, and I’m not completely sure I can even meet my lax goals of podcast publishing. I’m going to try, but it looks like that I’m going to record short, straight-to-the-point episodes until I leave.
This is what I am planning until I go back home:
The episodes above will be short (15 minutes at the most). Then, I think I will go to monthly podcast episodes for a while. I am starting to feel podcasting fatigue. It was bound to happen.
Two years ago, on this date… well, not really because I’m about 17 hours behind or something, marriage equality was made law in Australia. Time sure does fly. I thought I’d reflect on that a little bit and share a little bit of a story with you about my marriage.
One of the things that my partner and I made clear is that we didn’t want to end up in something that would run its course in a month or two, then fade away. I told him that I was still a little jaded by a certain previous relationship and I think it would take some time for me to come to the realisation that I would ultimately want something long term. I still have an aching feeling of mistrust sometimes and it’s not because of who he is, but what I’ve gone through in that particular relationship.
When we first got together, it was great and I found myself to be pretty happy and wanting to be with or around this person all the time. One of the things we realised is that we attended the same university and so we’d sneak in lunches and things together when we could. I also told him that he’s welcome to stay with me on his early days because he was living about an hour and a half away from the university, whereas I was about 2 or 3 suburbs over from the university.
I guess things were pretty solid. Then, while I was here in the USA, I got a video of him proposing to me (on Valentine’s Day–too predictable if you ask me). I watched it and thought about it for a few days. I told my closest family members and my friends and I had to explain that it was about 8 months after we met and I am a little weirded out about getting married so early.
I eventually said yes, but to buy myself time, I said that we probably should wait a while and test the water a bit before we dive in. That wait ended up being a few years. Because…
I finally realised that I was getting older and who knows if this opportunity of a lifetime would happen again. I think that my family members probably didn’t want to see me alone and well, I didn’t want to be alone. Being single has it perks, but sometimes I just crave someone to lay my head on at night. I also told him that we’d go to New Zealand, where, at the time, same-sex marriage was legal. I started thinking that I don’t have an emotional attachment to NZ, so if I didn’t have to, I wouldn’t do it there. Then, I said we would do it when we go to the USA together. (I time my visits every 3 years now, so it would have been a wait, but at least I could get people to attend.) I know my partner was starting to get a little impatient and I think he was thinking that I was just going to disappear one day. Then, I finally said, let’s do it in Australia if and when it becomes legal. When it does, and we haven’t done it yet, we’ll get married in Australia.
Well, the debates were getting hot and it looked like it was going to happen. I had to have other people surveyed to see whether my relationship was valid enough to get married or not. Well, the Australian people spoke and said ‘yes’. A few months later, we were taking our wedding photos and planning for a very small ceremony in Melbourne.
In July 2017, it happened. And it’s been great. I am so incredibly happy and proud of the man I married and even happier because I got to do it in the country I love. (I love the USA too in its own way, don’t get me wrong, but my life had almost entirely shifted to Australia.)
And so, we’re going on two years of marriage now and about 5 years of being a couple. It’s been a great few years. My mental health is a lot better being with this guy who, strangely is a mental health warrior. Every day I feel so lucky being with someone who I don’t fully ‘get’ all the time, but he’s been an adorable, wonderful guy regardless. I freakin’ love him to bits and can’t wait until he’s here on US soil.
So yes, two years of it being law. I hope anybody who reads this who fought for the right to marry someone of the same sex in Australia knows how extremely thankful I am for the opportunity and for working so incredibly hard to make it happen.
Be thankful that I still care enough to post these things. Right now, I’m not really sure how long I’m going to keep this up. Maybe my schedule that I made for myself was a bit too eager. Anyway, I said that I’d do them, but I need to shuffle a few of them around because I’m too lazy to record and I also must record them when I’m by myself which isn’t going to happen during this USA visit (and that’s not really a bad thing).
I know the quality on the last recording wasn’t that great so I’m going to try something different. I brought along my microphone, but it’s only so portable. So instead of using the Airpods this time, I’ll switch to the iPhone-included earbuds next time. We will see how that goes. Maybe I can get some volume to my voice without feeling like I’m screaming! (Actually, I’m not sure what was recording my voice… was it my watch or was it the Airpods?)
Right now, I’m moving the one that’s supposed to be published on the 6th to the 11th or 13th, and the one that is supposed to be published on the 20th to the 23rd or 24th. I’m going to try my best to get them done before then, because the 20th until the 31st will be incredibly busy for my husband and me.
Anyway, again, I hope you’re well. Everybody take care of yourselves!
I talk about my first few weeks of being back home, my journey to the USA, Thanksgiving plans, and losing things. Sorry this is so late and sorry in advance about the terrible audio quality. I learn from these mistakes, but I barely got this one done. See you soon!
Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart for those of you who listen. I know there aren’t many, but I really appreciate you sticking around and listening. 🙂
The website at Complicated Noise is up in its not-quite-finished form. Visit it at your own risk!