Sensing Fear and Homesickness

It’s a Sunday post that I am actually writing on a Sunday! Wow!

I’m just going to talk about something real quick that my partner told me today. He said he read somewhere on my blog that I need regular breaks from him. Recently, I also befriended an international student who’s here studying. I am not sure how that came about, but he’s young, and extremely homesick. He’s also a bit of a loner by choice, is really new to the area, doesn’t have much confidence in his English skills, and is really struggling to accept the way he is (aka gay but it’s a huge issue where he’s from). I’ve been trying to make him feel a bit better so that he’s not lonely and not afraid to go out there and socialize with people who speak English. In so many ways, I understand how he’s feeling because I’ve been through all of that (except I didn’t struggle with English. Australian English, yes). I just think sometimes people need some support. Homesickness is a horrible, horrible feeling when you feel like you don’t know anybody around. So, I am acting as a bit of support so he can become more confident in himself. I really don’t want him to turn into me!

Feeling homesick is awful, so if I can help someone else overcome this feeling, then I will.

My partner knows that I’ve been talking to him and I think that he’s starting to feel a bit uneasy that I am putting a lot of time into making this person I don’t know very well feel better. I had to explain that I am not interested in other guys (I’m not) and especially not this guy because he’s 15 years younger than me and even if I was single, that age wouldn’t and doesn’t interest me. (Fun fact: The age range I would seriously date is about 5 years younger to 10 years older.)

I just had to remind my partner that everything’s okay between us and I’m still as interested as I was from the beginning. I’m not looking to do any replacing because I am looked after really well and feel really loved. I struggle to show that love or return it, but it’s there. The international student also knows that I have a partner and I am sure they’ll meet one day.

This little situation makes me think that I must be doing some really annoying things so that J feels like I am trying to distance myself. Yes, I enjoy my time by myself (and I always have) and have a bit of a soft spot for people who get homesick. It doesn’t mean I am no longer interested. I’m still thinking about when our wedding will be. I haven’t been planning well lately!

That’s all for now. Still feeling a big heartache for the people near my hometown.

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