I know half the month has already passed, but I wanted to say Happy Pride Month to you! I don’t hear much about a pride month here in Australia. I don’t know why and I could be wrong. There’s a lot of stuff that I don’t know. If you have read any of my previous posts, you’ll know that by now.
Anyway, I thought I would go into story-telling mode for this one.
I grew up in a town in Texas that has a population of around 10,000 people. A lot of, if not all of, the people living there are insanely religious. So basically, their way of life is superior to anybody else’s. It was basically a place where you didn’t want to be openly gay. You especially didn’t want to be caught in an interracial relationship. These two things, if I stayed there long-term, would have made my life miserable. I don’t think I would ever get to do the things that I’ve done if I stayed there. I just had to get out of there as soon as I could. It took me a little while, but I finally left.
Figuring Out Who I Was
I’m not one of those people where I can say that I realized that I liked other men when I was a kid. I know some people can say that they knew when they were gay when they were 8 or something like that. I don’t think that’s really possible, but okay. I think growing up, I just didn’t really care. Like, seriously. I didn’t care up until my final year of high school. I had girlfriends, but I only had them because all the other guys did. I didn’t put much effort into them. At the same time, I didn’t secretly lust over any guys either or have any guy crushes.
It kind of clicked for me when one of my friends who was on the football team used to show me his legs. He was really muscular and he’d shave his legs. After he shaved them, he’d tell me to feel how smooth they were. Of course, I did. That was probably my first crush. I realized that there was a possibility that I liked guys, but I largely ignored it. My friend would invite me over to hang out and stuff, but I didn’t do it because I was just a little afraid that this crush would make me fall in love with him (and in a way, I think I did).
I stopped fighting it when I was around 17 and said to myself “It’s possible that I like guys.” In my last few weeks of high school, I started “dating” someone, again, who played football. He went around telling everybody that we were a “happy” couple. It was very brave for a football player in high school to admit that he liked guys, especially in a small town. Since I only had a few more weeks left of high school, I didn’t give a crap. I pretty much knew that I was getting the hell out of my hometown the first chance I got so I could live in peace.
Thankfully, I was never bullied that much. No one wanted to beat my ass and no one threatened me. No one said much, even after that “boyfriend” I had told everybody. Sure, some people would say things every so often because I was a tall, skinny guy. If you didn’t look like you were corn-fed and have a gut, that meant that you were probably into men. I just took care of myself, that’s all.
I’ve never had any dislike or disgust with women or their parts. I just don’t see that happening. Even while I lived here, I talked to them and dated, but I didn’t push anything. I was a very gentlemanly guy to date.
I just don’t go out of my way to find women. I haven’t for a while. I just don’t think it would be fair for me to be with anybody, male or female, and have someone else on the side. An example: getting married to a woman, but having a relationship with a guy. It’s a pick one or the other kind of thing. My choice for a long time has been men. If that makes think I’m only gay, fine. If it makes me bisexual, whatever. I am who I am.
I’m basically not going to wake up tomorrow morning with an undying need to be with a woman. I’m okay with this. I’m not going to regret getting married to a man.
Having pride is about spreading hope. It’s a way to celebrate things getting better and improving, but at the same time, remembering what people in the past have done and the lives that were lost to get to this point. I feel like a same-sex marriage rights are there because of gay pride. It’s about accepting myself as who I am and not feeling like a monster for it (of course, that depends where you are and how vocal people around you are).
It’s taken time to realize who I am and to be okay with it. I don’t think I could have done that in my small little hometown. I don’t think I would ever been able to come so far in my life like this. I basically just feel like it’s not my problem if someone doesn’t like me if I like other men and will marry one some day. Life is too short to be worrying about if someone’s going to marry someone of the same sex.
Yeah, I had to add this little section because a few seconds ago, I was thinking about what this post is about. I think I went all over the place. Oops. Well, it gives you a little more information about how I feel about being gay (or whatever). I hope one day people are treated equally and it becomes illegal in the USA, in all states, to discriminate against people just for who they love. (You can still get fired in Texas if your employer finds out your gay. Seriously. I don’t think it would happen often, but I’m sure it does… and that’s stupid.)
So Happy Pride Month, folks!