Isn’t it frustrating when someone says they’re going away, but ends up not actually going away? Or maybe it’s a pleasant surprise?
Well there are a few reasons why I’m back:
I need to vent and I need to vent in a place where I am in control of the content. I know that I can post anything I want here (and really, I don’t have the problem of wanting to say things that are illegal). You see, I am the ultimate moderator of what gets published and kept here. I have no “boss”. I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing and have someone report it. It’s free speech really, and thankfully my web host really likes free speech.
As I’ve said before, I use my weblog as a “free” type of therapy. By nature, I’m not outgoing and I don’t like to open up to people about the problems that I have. For some reason, I see that as weak. I’ve really tried to change my mindset but it’s difficult. I don’t write for attention. Well, okay, a little bit of attention is fine, but I don’t expect a ton of sympathy for anything. I see it as maybe the things that I post will help people think about their own situation. That’s why I would post things about my mental state and things, so hopefully people will see it and say “You know what? I feel the same way. I’m not alone.” Mental health is something very close and important to me.
My domain registration was about to expire and I knew I wasn’t going to let it expire, so why have a domain name if I’m not going to use it, right? All of my usernames match this domain name. Why let them go to waste. I hope this makes sense. 😉
I feel a bit stupid because I said “Goodbye” only to come back a few days later. Apparently, I didn’t think things over very well. I do know that my partner told me a week or two again that he’s going to stop reading what I type here because the sweet stuff isn’t any good if I don’t act. He’s right about that. It was one of the reasons why I wanted to stop, so I can communicate with him a little more. Do you remember what I wrote up there about having a hard time to open up to people how I feel? Yeah, I thought by quitting this weblog, I might be able to talk to him more and share my feelings. For the last 20 years, people have been wanting me to do that and it hasn’t happened yet.
I didn’t say that I was leaving for attention or to mislead anybody. I really had intentions of stopping and just going to Twitter or something. I can’t limit my online chatter to 140 letters. I also really hate when people post 8 Twitter updates in a row.
So here I am again. No more threats. I promise. Maybe a few more breaks from posting though when I’m super busy. I’ve lived my life in blog form too long. It’s harder to say goodbye than I thought (or think) it is.