Disillusionment

It’s not a good day for me. I have a sore throat and feel like I’ve got 4 gallons of snot (18 liters of mucus) in my head and none of it will come out. I didn’t sleep very well last night too. I think that I can put it down to all the stressful crap I’m having to deal with lately. I just feel really run down.

I might as well order this cake for my wedding.

The photo shoot we’re doing in few weeks is driving me insane. Something that I expected to cost a certain amount is going to end up costing about 3.5-4x more than I originally thought. The locations I choose aren’t good enough, so I just stopped thinking about where to do it. I have a nice relationship with nature. Of course, nature to me isn’t really 100% beach. I need forests and mountains. Even fields would be okay. Wedding pictures at beaches are way too overdone, but I guess this is what happens when I lose all creative control over something I was initially so excited about.

My wedding plans also keep getting watered down and downgraded as well. I’ve moved the dates around so often to suit my partner’s needs that I lost a lot of planning time. I’m’ not impressed yet. I need more time but he’s not going to agree with that, so here I am, almost 140 days away from when it’s supposed to happen and I am so unexcited, so exhausted, and unimpressed with the whole thing. I don’t think that’s a good thing.

The whole thing feels rushed, but the engagement has been floating over my head for the past two years and I really feel as if I’ve “overstayed my welcome”, so it’s probably my own fault for not being so proactive. Who knows.

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