Ladies and gentlemen, it's been one of those days. Not really one where I'm going to cry and whine about everything though. Today was hard. I had to wake up, go to work, spend my lunch break at the bank and then go to my other job. I did get the whole money thing situated finally. So that's good.
I had some pretty bad news today but I honestly don't want to say what it is. It's not something that really needs to be aired out on a public blog. But I thought about it all day. I thought a lot about a lot of things. I don't think that person (who reads this) would appreciate it either.
I realized today, that bad things happen to good people. Sometimes these bad things can be devastating. I went through some really bad things myself with immigration. I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die. But I kind of like to think that there is always something to learn. Even from the bad things that happen, there is a lesson to be learned. And it's really up to the person that is having the "rotten luck" what to learn from it. Sure, it's easy to say "Learn from it" but do you really have a choice?
I learned a few things about myself too today. I'm a pretty decent guy. I'm mostly kind and genuinely care what happens to people. If I can make someone's day better or give them some hope, I am one happy camper. (Even if it's cold and raining and there are bugs in my tent.) But you know, still, shitty things happen. And shitty things will always happen... no one's life is 100% perfect.
I also realized that I might want children of my own a bit more than I thought. Maybe one or two. But even if I was 1000% straight, I still wouldn't want any until I am financially and emotionally secure. That is what is keeping me from that, oh and the fact that my partner doesn't have ovaries or a vagina. To be able to shape a human life to be a strong person who has the incredible will to help everybody, how great would that be? What I mean is that I think that I would be a great role model. I can sort of see that in my nephews sometimes. I try to be a good uncle.
My partner of several years has been telling me lately that he wants children. It's hard because, well, for obvious reasons. And I think he'd be a good parent... most likely the traditional "all study and no work" Asian parent though. But that's why his career can swallow up all of mine. I'd be the kind of parent that says, "You want to know how this clock works? Let's open it up and see." Or maybe, "Let's go out and do something new, something exciting." Life is like that - a learning process. It always is. I encourage creativity and adventure.
Sometimes I wish I could handle psychology. I bet it would be interesting.
I don't know if all of this means I am growing up or what. A lot of people don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who's there constantly and in a way I see what they mean. But I will have to manage that. I have been thinking about what Brandi and I were arguing about the other night... and though my feelings were hurt a bit... no hard feelings. No doubt her feelings are hurt too for me leaving. A lot of people make perfectly valid points about me leaving, but I will only know if I take the extra step. She says I do base it a lot on ethnicity but some of it is true. ;)
Anyway, I am just in a lot of thought. But goodness I'm tired. I worked for like 16 hours today. No fun. It's time for me to get some rest. Goodnight.
Ah yes, and here:
An updated photo of me from a few days ago after I got my haircut.
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