September 2006 Archives

Just letting you guys that the pictures are updated with some pictures of my partner and my friends.

I have been thinking about taking a break from this blogging stuff but I guess as long as I post about 3-5 days at a time. I'd actually post more if I knew people were reading this. But it's fine one way or another. :)

I am going to be leaving 26 January 2007 so set your calendars. It's very, very possible that I will not be back for about 2 years so schedule in your Ben time today!

This marks the 60th weblog entry for this website!

And yeah, I ended up having to work today but that's more cash in my pocket. I was actually looking forward to my 2 days off in a row, but I don't mind. It's not like I hate my job or hate going or anything like that... which, I don't. Still strange, isn't it?

I cancelled my WoW account yesterday. Hooray for me. No more nerding it up in front of the computer anymore.

I'm also waiting for Deakin to get back to me about my loans. This isn't fun at all. It looks like I will be leaving at the end of January on a Friday if I can help it. Air tickets are much less expensive than they were... and that is with me going there in summer. Everybody loves summer in Australia.

Oh, and since the last journal post, I've deleted some of those stupid profiles I had laying around on the web. I don't need them anyway I guess. Love for me is easy to find anyway - if I needed to find it.

Well, you remember when I said I ended up working today? Funny thing is that I haven't been yet - so I need to leave now. Enjoy your day.

I was thinking to myself that it is about time for me to trim some fat off my expenses.  And I know a lot of you are wondering what possible expenses I do have... yeah, I don't have as many as most people my age do, but that's okay because I'll be leaving again.

1.  Say goodbye to World of Warcraft to make a peon cry:  Hell, I don't play enough to warrant the $16.23 a month.  If I wanted to play games with a bunch of 13 year olds, I'd go hang out at the junior high school.  And if we think about that, it's pretty damn creepy isn't it?  Plus, if I cancel, it will be more inspiration for me to get off my rump.  Plus, Gilbert hates me playing it anyway.  So, amount saved is $16.23.

2.  Eat out a maximum of 2 times per week:  Though I do work at a place where food is very, very accessible, still it's no excuse.  It also runs me more broke about $20 a week from buying bubble tea and Americanized chinese food.  If I can cut that in about 1/2, then I'll save $10 a month.  With these things, I will save $26.23 all together.  If I want to live off ramen noodles, then that comes down some more!

3.  Don't drive around so aimlessly, get to point A from point B:  I have a bad tendency of driving around in circles when I'm bored or when I get to work early.  I need to stop doing that.  If I didn't drive around the block a few times, I'm sure I'd save a few gallons of gas, which is about $0.70 cheaper a gallon here than it was.  So I guess it would save me about $5 a week or so, you know, to be nice.  Amount saved, total is $31.23.

4.  To say goodbye to idiologic:  I've come to terms that no one comes to my site anymore.  A lot of people don't care what I go through on a day-to-day basis anymore.  And that's fine and dandy because I have to admit that personal websites aren't as personal as they used to be.  I still don't enjoy it much which would explain why it's not done yet.  If, by March 2007, beginning in January 2007, I don't get enough rewards cash, the thing's being put in the toilet.  It costs me $9.95/month.  That's $119.40 a year.

5.  Pay off the credit card:  It has a balance of $32.00 on it right now.  Funny, you ask, why is that here?  Paying off credit cards is a good thing.

So let's see, each month, until I leave, I will save around $80-90 a month this way.  That's probably enough to pay for a book!  Ooooh aaaah, but still, it's good for me.  I have been contemplating going back to the gym before I go.  I am not sure whether I will do it or not.

So that is my story and I hope you liked it.  I'm also going to go through a bit of a slight personal transformation that involves me wiping out any of these stupid personal ads that I make just for attention.  They don't cost me anything (I'm not that stupid to pay for the shit anymore).  So there we go!

technorati tags:save, money, world, of, warcraft, idiologic

Blogged with Flock

Wow, am I drunk... I haven't been this drunk in a while. Such a shame no one had a video camera ready for the occasion. :)

I am tired but thought i'd be OK. Yeeeeah right.

Supposed to go to Houston tomorrow but not sure if I will or not. I am tired and uh, drunk. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

G'night.

I thought it was time for an update since I have been pretty good at updating every three days or so. I haven't really posted much lately because well, I have been working my ass off. Physical work too. Not really how I want to be spending my day. Thank god it's all over for now. I have 2 days in a row off...

Which brings me back to the rant about me hating when people plan my days off. I am supposed to do what I want or need to do, and it just never happens like that. And I am pissed off about it. Tomorrow I get to spend the day with my grandparents. What would be so bad about that, you ask? Well, I get to install dial-up internet access on my grandfather's computer. So 'he' can look at cars and so I can answer the following questions over and over:

- How much is it? - Where is it? - What's the bid on it? - Can I see a bigger picture of it?

Okay, so maybe it's good that my grandfather is wanting something to do but he's really getting to the age where, um, he shouldn't be looking for things to do that involve fixing up a car. I mean, honestly, I don't mind helping him along, but I have to sit there the whole time... and have I ever told you how much I care about old 1920's cars? Oh that's right, because I don't... yeah.

And of course, Saturday was being planned for me and I didn't know it. Apparently, I was supposed to do yardwork all day. Instead, I'm going to go to Houston because that's what I've planned to begin with.

And now, website news. The login stuff sucks. If you haven't read the main page, you should. I'm not going to link it right now because my eyes are going to dry up in my head in a bit. I've been up for way too long - and I'm tired. Goodnight.

Hello everybody. I have actually blogged for the past few days but I didn't send it to be published. I've been attempting to make software post these things for me, but I guess I have to go through the web instead.

My weekend was pretty much full of interesting stuff though yeah, I spent about 85% of my day working. Yesterday, Brandi and I went to Nick's house and unfortunately, the group of people there just weren't my type. It splashed a reminder at me that I need to get a job that I actually like and never start any kind of drug habit. It was like these people were smoking pot the whole time I was there. I'm not going to lie and say I've never done it - but when you have to do it everyday at least 3 times a day (while I was there) then it's bad. It sucks when all your money's going into something retarded that might make things OK for the moment... but later, when you can't pay your phone bill or electricity bill - that's bad.

It also reminded me that I have some really great friends - sure, we'll get completely smashed from drinking (and that's legal), and that's OK. But they're great people. I got some pictures of Rowdy and Kate last night. Now that I think about it, I didn't get any of Brandi... and she's lookin' pretty good with her losing almost 60 pounds now! (That's about 27 kg for you out-of-towners). That's since June too (when I first got here). Awesome.

I am a bit concerned though over my health lately. My stomach has been hurting really badly for the past few days. And I really hate that. I need to go to the doctor for my nerves. It's getting to the point where I cannot operate normally anymore. It's really embarrassing too. I shake so bad that even filing papers is getting to be next to impossible. I have noticed it getting progressively worse in the past 2 or 3 years. I'm tired of people asking why I shake so bad and all I can really say is that I am a nervous person. But then... I feel like some sort of freak most of the time. But well, it might happen soon - after I get insurance.

Anyway, I really need to get some more pictures posted. I might add some pictures of my friends here in Texas. Anyway - I'm gonna go now. Everybody have fun.

...or is it destined to be that way?

I strive to keep my four readers happy! So that is why I'm going to post a little something right now.

A lot of you know that my mood has been a bit scattered lately and I haven't been able to pinpoint what exactly the issue is... maybe, if I'm lucky, I'm having a brush with mind craziness. Then, of course, since I don't have much of that stuff called 'luck', probably not. Maybe I'm just going to have to be subliminally depressed for the next several years. Who knows?

The whole 'gay' lifestyle or whatever is really bumming me out and I grow tired of people who just want to chat for the sole purpose of having sex.  I'm over that and I guess it's going to take a good clubbing in the head with an iron mallet to make people understand that.  Of course, they might just be stupid or maybe they're just lacking any moral code whatsoever.  Whatever the issue is, it is severely pissing me off.

I'm tired of people asking me if I have my cam set up.  I could have the damned thing connected in 20 seconds, but I don't feel like it.  Watching some stupid get his rocks off is probably the last thing I want to see right now.  And if I wanted to do that, I could watch porn or something.  Same effect, but a lot less work on my side.  And I hope to god that people from my MSN (Windows Live, whatever) account come and read this.  Of course, if I don't have the word 'hot' or 'sex' in my name, I must be uninteresting.

Again, I'm to the point again where I just want to isolate myself from people who are all about having sex all the time.  People who respect me, and who know that I have a partner, should not be asking me to do this shit.  People who want to get to know me for friendship-sake shouldn't want to see me naked.  People who want to genuinely meet new people shouldn't be interested in what I do in bed.  But of course, this is talking about gay and bisexual men so it's a bit out of their league.  It's like asking a janitor to perform brain surgery.  And god damn it, I'm just tired of it!

Did I mention that I hate people right now?  I'm sure in about 11 minutes I'm going to feel at least 9 times better.  You know, when I can distance myself from some of these fucktards.  (I really need a bad language filter...)

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking right now.  That and I want some chocolate.  And I have to work in the morning... great fun.  So I'm gonna head out of here now and get on with my life.

technorati tags:sex

Blogged with Flock

I thought I'd post a little more today with a few things that were swirling around inside my head.

Right now, I am laying in bed and thinking about wintergreen mints. And also thinking that I need to drink some of my green tea.

Since I've been sleeping better, I'm in a lot better mood. What's sad is that I don't really hate my crappy job. I actually like my job, but it's so low-level. I had another offer from someone today... probably making more but well, I have to do what is making me happy because I need it.

I am not really too depressed at the moment. I did need to sit down today and have a good cry or something but I just haven't. I am missing my boyfriend a lot but it's not taking over my life or anything like that. I keep thinking what it's going to be like when I get back. I do miss Melbourne a lot and I miss my boyfriend too, but then again, I'm going to miss it a lot here. I have some pretty awesome people around me. I have the most awesome best friend in the world and family I wouldn't trade in for all the Apple computers in the world.

My boyfriend, well, I'd trade him in for a bowl of phở and maybe some chocolate covered raisins. Nah, he's a decent guy. I haven't heard from him in a while - it seems like forever. I think I talked to him on Tuesday and he told me he'd call me early this week, so here I am waiting. He has company in from either Sydney or Hong Kong so I don't want to bother too much. I do know that someone needs to get some papers turned in for me. They were sent 3 weeks ago. So I guess in a way I'm a bit pissed over that.

BUT no, I'm in a decent mood.

Oh and ironically, it's my sister's anniversary today. I forgot that. And I know that she reads this, so at least you know I am thinking about you.

And for some reason, I am bored in the middle of writing this so I'm going to leave. Bye for now and have a nice time.

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of 9/11. Yeah, I was in Sydney, Australia when it happened and a bit freaked out when I finally came to terms of what really happened. When my sister called, I brushed it aside as something minor - oh if I would have only known. I spent that day and the next trying to contact people over there... and thank goodness that they were OK. (I lived in NYC before I went to Australia.) It's kind of weird because you never really expect something like that to happen in your lifetime and when it does, wow.

The most important thing to remember is that there are a handful of shitty people in the world. Not everybody from a certain race or background is bad. I wish I could get people here to understand that, but it's like teaching a cat to do something else except eat and sleep.

Treat people with respect is all I have to say. Don't be quick to judge.

And if you don't, that's great. People are people, and some people ruin it for everybody else - I mean, look at our retarded president for example.

So if you've lost someone special five years ago, I am really sorry. Take this time to center yourself on the positive things of your life.

Of course I got a lot of pictures of cell phones... crazy Brits and Aussies... I was actually expecting to run into some redneck car alterations that have gone bad... like this one.

But this is the most interesting picture I found:

"Sit in front of my windshield baby, and I'll take you for a ride. Fuck this reading stuff, I give great oral sex," says the creepy bus.
"But, then I can't read if I do that," exclaimed the little girl who had a head shaped like a potato.
"No, but you can read where my ex husband scratched the word bitch on my hood."
"Your ex husband?"
"Yeah, he's in prison now for killing a few prostitutes... no wait, they let him out for good behavior today... and here he comes... you better climb inside my back door. Mmmm hmmm."

Moral of this story: The Retard Mobile also functions as a school bus full of erotic literature.

I'm awake. I'll give myself that. But barely. I think I woke up about 20 times last night. This not sleeping very well for the past year thing is really getting to me. I'm not going to just go crazy one day or anything like that, so you don't have to be scared or anything.

Right now, I wish I could just go back to sleep and pretend like nothing ever happened but of course I have that thing called work today... and I guess it really wouldn't matter because I probably wouldn't sleep very well anyway.

I think a lot of it has to deal with the uncertainty that surrounds my life. I don't know what's going to happen and it bugs the hell out of me. But then again, time after time, people say that I analyze too much and think too much about what hasn't happened yet. I think it's called planning they think it's obsessive. And I can see that I think entirely too much. I need to learn to relax but I just can't. Not with so much going on and so much that needs done.

Today I'm supposed to go get a haircut and I really should. I also need to do some shopping for clothes. And I need to go to the bank. And oh yeah, before any of that I get to go to work. Hooray. I'm not sure how people do this... heh heh.

But anyway, I'm just tired today. I think I'll take some things off my 'to-do' list at some point so I won't be too busy. With all this complaining about lack of sleep, I'm outta here. Good day to you.

It's a new kind of weblog entry!

I take a random word or phrase, put it into a search engine (for images) and find the most unordinary picture I can and VOILA!

What ARE these people thinking? Ben tells all... because Ben can read minds - just not very well.

This weblog's word: PIZZA

What can be cooler than every person's 2nd most favorite food?

This is how the conversation goes:
HIM: OMG, OMFG, WTF This pizza is so big!!!!111!1!eleven!1!!one
THE PERSON ON THE RIGHT: You're eating the whole thing. I am currently anorexic.
HIM: WTF Your not anerexic todya! Ill kil u if u dont.
THE PERSON ON THE RIGHT: Hmmm, I'm too depressed to eat. You're just way too cool for me. We can't eat pizza together... sorry man.
HIM: OMFG!???!!!//!?one I wil hit u after i get this retartd smile of my face.

And there you have it. The moral of this story is... don't get more pizza than you can handle or you're gonna get heartburn.

If I had to show you a picture of what I felt like, it would be a cross between this and this.

Yeah, not good. I am just feeling like shit lately with having a sucky job and all. To me, it doesn't suck too bad but the pay sure doesn't make it worthwhile. So, here I go again on another hunt for a job, I guess. But I'm not about to quit the one I have now... honestly, I don't want to. I am just mad because the shit I want to do doesn't pay much. Of course, I don't want to be in retail for the rest of my life or I wouldn't be striving towards a goal of being a nurse.

I feel like I'm letting myself down quite a lot lately. I feel like I'm letting my partner down a lot too. I feel like I am a disappointment to my parents and family. And no, it's not good. Until I get this degree, I'll be feeling this crappy - or at least until I get a start.

I'm also not feeling very attractive at all. I do find it amazing that some people still view me as being attractive, but I don't want to listen to it. I would actually love to hear it right from Gilbert but I guess that's not going to happen anytime soon.

I'm tired. I'm not going to cry myself to sleep or anything like that - don't get me wrong people. I just sorta wish that I didn't fuck around so much and I did something I had a genuine interest in many years ago so I'd have a good job now... one that pays well and I could already be IN Australia for good.

So yes, I'll sleep now. BUT before I do, I wanted to warn you that I did have to take out the login stuff for now. I'll sort through it tomorrow. Anyway, lots o' love and junk.

Hooray for national holidays! Today is Labor Day. I admit I don't really know what it's about or even care, all I know is that a lot of businesses are closed today. Unfortunate people, like Brandi, have to work today.

In other news, the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin is dead. He died by playing with dangerous animals. Now people can stop asking me to punch the guy in the face when I go to Australia. But still, it's sad. But that's not news because I'm sure everybody knows by now.

And now, what's going on in my personal life? Well, yesterday Brandi and I spent the day together swimming and playing Big Brain Academy. I sat on my computer most of the time, flirting with people. Around 10 or so, I realized that I didn't have my house keys with me. Then around 2 am, I realized that I DID have them with me. As late as it was, I went to visit one of my friends and got home around 3:30 am. I slept until 12:30 this afternoon.

I had some really weird dreams last night. I dreamt I kept telling people that I was going to The University of Melbourne because I couldn't remember what school I was actually going to. I was actually in school then in College Station and working on a psychology project. My groupmates, well two of them, had a thing for me. They didn't want the other to know which was fun. My professor pretty much did the whole project for me... which was pretty much handing out these pieces of paper that had a survey. Instead of going through the trouble to do that, I said (in quotes) "Why even bother doing this when we can just make up our own results?" Of course, one of the guys didn't like that idea very much. Then, somehow, I ended up at the mall where Brandi finally told me that she had a surgery done on me to make me fat, that is, after we went to McDonald's to buy me 4 Big Macs (2240 calories, 120 grams of fat, 320 mg of cholestrol and 4040 mg of sodium = bad stuff, and this is US information). She said she didn't want to hurt my feelings - then I remembered I forgot something at McD's and she told me to hurry up because she had to go to work.

So that's my dream sequence. I don't know what it all means.

I do want and need some green tea. And a Big Mac (just one) sounds good too.

Um, hope you all are enjoying my website... I know it's not finished yet. Maybe I'll work on it tonight and tomorrow. Who knows.

We've noticed that I've begun work on the update, right? If you haven't, then... well, I feel sorry for you. I am working hard putting on the finishing touches and getting it at least presentable - but well, it's past midnight and I am bored/tired.

Today was interesting... I went out to eat with Brandi today and saw my first bf ever. Let me tell you right off that I am very happy to be with who I am with now... and I am happy that my current bf has a good set of ethics about him... well, yeah, improved ethics over my first bf and ex.

He told Brandi he remembered her from high school and I looked up and I was like - oh fuck, I'm gonna get a big spitball in my food or drink today. I was like - wow, this guy turned out to be really scary. He was pretty scary looking - and of course, I had every reason to be scared. He finally figured out who I was and told me... he has been in jail for almost a year for aggravated assault. Wow, man... wow.

I'm not even sure if the guy is still gay or bi. I don't even care. I have a feeling that he was just bi or whatever in high school because it was the cool thing to do back then.

Of course, even back then, the guy had a drinking/drug problem. He had to go to the meetings for it. I like him because well, he's a big guy. I used to like the big men. He's about 6'5 or so... I was like SHIT when I saw him. He was sweet, but then again, a bit strange.

It's nice to know that I made a pretty good pick with my partner after him... waaay after him. That was so like 10 years ago.

I guess my point of posting this is that... oh, my how people do change... sometimes for the worse. I'm thankful and also grateful that I never resorted to doing drugs, drinking like a fish, beating people up, stealing, and stuff. I turned out alright. I guess I'm around the people who set a good example. I never wanted to get into a bad crowd because that sort of thing will rip your life to shreds.

So thank you to everybody who's set a good example. It's much appreciated.