August 2006 Archives

Time to say goodbye to August and "hello" to September! I've been away for a few days but I guess that's fine. Over the past few days...

Tuesday: Got a new job. The pay really sucks, but I guess it will have to do for now. I've decided not to do the home healthcare thing right now. Why, you ask? I thought about it and realized that I lack most of the training that I personally think people expect from healthcare workers. I wasn't comfortable doing some things that they expected me to do, you know, because of that thing called a lack of a degree. And it didn't make me uncomfortable because I'd have to bathe and feed patients, or even wipe their asses. I took a long while to realize, hey, would I want someone unqualified taking care of me? And the answer was no. I actually went into the job thinking that I had some really good training heading my way, but then I realized that was just something they put on their ad to get people. So they were going to send me to a person's house with absolutely NO training, etc. I don't want to be responsible for someone's death while I am there, you know?

Later that day, I had a job interview anyway, took it and the interview was awesome. I was really comfortable during the whole process until they started getting way into my business. They were afraid that I would leave because of the crappy pay and how much I was making at other jobs.

Then after all that, Brandi and I went to the ER. Great fun. I woke up at 3 am that morning and didn't get back home until midnight.

Wednesday: Woke up a few hours later so Brandi and I could go to Houston to a doctor's appointment (her's). I was in the dr's office and realized that I'm really interested in nutrition but oh well. :) We also went to Taco Cabana which rocked because there were so many handsome Mexicans in there. That made it all worth it.

Last night I also went through a lot of my school junk. I realized that I'm not in as much trouble as I think I am... I don't need the $12,000 up front like I thought... but I also still need the money to fill in the gaps where my student loans don't cover. I just have to declare that I have enough funds, which I will. So I am feeling a little bit better about that. My first semester should be paid for this week... of course I have Gilbert in charge of that so it probably won't be done this week.

Then Today: I feel like garbage and I'm really stressed out for some reason. I actually got some sleep for the first time in about a week though, which is good.

My grandparents told me about 2.5 hours ago that they'd be here, and they're not. How flaky is that? I'm sure they forgot or they'll want to 'hang out' tomorrow. My grandfather is hell-bent on buying an old car. Of course, I feel sorry for people who retire and have nothing better to do than look at stuff they don't really need. One day, when I'm about 85, I'll be able to retire and I'll be the exact same way.

I also bought Big Brain Academy for my Nintendo DS last week and it came in today. I was hoping maybe it would put my brain back where it needs to be because over the years, I've felt myself get more and more stupid - I mean, look around my journal and you'll see that I make more grammatical mistakes than someone from Arkansas with a sixth grade edumacaytion. You'll also notice the lack of sophisticated vocabulary. These kind of "a-few-times-and-it's-boring" games should do the trick. Maybe not for language skills, but maybe it'll induce some deep thinking before I head back into a scholastic system where you have to think between the lines. Oh yeah, and it cost me about $8 with shipping and taxes... that's because I had a gift card laying around somewhere that I forgot about.

In other news, my 'version 1' of my website is about to come down because 'version 2' is almost done and a majority of what's missing is just the stuff that already exists here... if that even makes sense. You might notice a day or two where you'll just see the journal only.

Anyway, when you people want to talk, talk. Talk to me or something - my instant messenger stays quite a bit bored due to the lack of use.

Well, as expected, this week is to a great start.

I have a job interview today for home healthcare which I'm really excited about. Then tomorrow, I will have a job interview for one of my other favorite things to do, retail. The thing with these jobs is that they're part-time, which is fine with me. I need money like you wouldn't believe!

But in the long-run, at least one will help me out when I work in Australia. I mean, what can be more fun than taking care of old people? I'll tell you, nothing! Even if they're grouchy and mean, I hope I can make at least a few of them smile a little bit.

Anyway, gotta get dressed. It's been fun for us both.

UPDATE: Yes, I work for the home healthcare people. And I start TOMORROW. I also have to go to the job interview tomorrow too - just for shits and giggles.

Over the past few days, things have happened and sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bad. But I do know this, things right now pretty much suck. I'm under an immense amount of stress.

But first I have to say that I'm not a happy person because apparently, I've had my day planned for me already. I hate that. But of course, what else would I be doing? Well, I could be planning how things are going to go for the next few months, but... why would I do that when I can be catering to everybody else's needs as usual?

I am pretty short on money at the moment. I say that it's not really bad, but I still need to manage to pull up about $5,000 USD more. If only the exchange rate between US dollars and Australian dollars was a good deal for me. Of course, it's still can be done. I am actually selling my iMac and Powerbook (possibly) so that will make things a little easier.

My partner and I had a long talk yesterday on how things are going to go and I've realized that I do have a problem with planning everything out. I 'assume' things are going to be fine when I am right on the edge of not even knowing. I'd love to know if things are going to be fine, but I can't say because my foundation is a little cracked and crumbly. I had suggested that I go ahead and put off another 6 months to go back, but Gilbert's not going for that. Neither am I really.

He's pretty frustrated that I let things get the way they are right now. I'm frustrated with myself too. To hear him sad and disappointed is one of the worst things for me ever. But I promised that I would take some action one way or another. If I have to work myself crazy until the end of January, that's what I will do. That's what needs to be done anyway, the more money I have the better.

I really want this goal to happen and for it to happen, I need to get off my ass and on my feet. I do have some job interviews lined up next week, but I am pretty much not telling anybody about it because I don't want to talk about it. One of them, I will have to work retail and the other, I will have to work in a nursing home.

The goal of me getting back in school with my partner at my side is the most important thing for me at the moment. He's a spectacular person, really. Sometimes he irritates me and I think he doesn't really care but he does. And I want to stay with him, and this is one of my last options to do that.

So anyway, that's what's going on now. I'm not posting very much lately because... well, I have no real motivation to do so. I'm also working little by little on a new layout but right now I'm a bit pissed at it. Apparently, something's not Opera compatible and... if you look at my site, I put that Opera goes best with my website. For the most part, it does except for the live chat. It's Flash based, so I'm confused why it has issues with Opera. Maybe it's just Macs in general. I'll see.

I thought I'd take some time to write something in here since I just updated my LiveJournal for the first time in months. I'm really bad about that. I usually just assume people already know to come here and catch up on me.

I've run into a problem with funding to go to school in the Fall 2007 (Spring 2007 for the USA) semester but I think I can still manage. I have decided that if things fall apart there, I can always retry to go to school here. I will no doubt miss my boyfriend but at least I am not sitting back watching the world pass me by. At any rate, I'm going to try and I will have the first semester at Deakin University paid for, but just barely. And even if that's the deal, I still have to pay these things:

Overseas Student Health Coverage: $250 USD per year
Student Visa: $375 USD
Airline Ticket from Houston to LA: $250 USD
Medical Exams for Student Visa: $300 USD

So I suggest that if anybody wants to help me out, they can. How, you ask? Sign up with Dreamhost and pay a little less than $43 for a year of hosting plus a domain registration. Yeah, I'll even link you and give you a username and password. Just use the promotional code PROMOFORJOSE when you sign up here. (Suggested only for USA residents.)

Of course, if you're in Australia and want to help me out a tiny bit, you can sign up with Emailcash Australia if you haven't already. Seriously, and honestly, I have received a few checks totaling about $120 and donated about $60 to Red Cross Australia. You can go here to sign up. And it's free.

And when you sign up for things through my website, you usually get rewarded by me in one form or another. I just need a little help and I hope that doesn't sound too much like begging - either way, you get some value for your time or money.

Oh, and just so you know, the proceeds from the above things will only be used to fund my education... no new electronics or anything, just books and stuff. :)

My begging is over. You may all resume your worry-free lives while I have a stomach ache every day.

Ah, good old Alice in Wonderland. I love that Disney cartoon. I read the book over the weekend which I'm pretty proud of myself for doing. Of course, Brandi said it was a children's book... but I don't think so. This upcoming weekend I'll read "Through the Looking Glass" because I think Disney combined the two in the cartoon. I was a bit disappointed when I didn't read anything about The Walrus and The Carpenter.

But of course, a character in that book made me think... of course I'm talking about The Duchess. Poor Duchess. She's so ugly. But you know, she was one of the nicest and um, strangely most sensible characters too. She always got something out of anything - "the moral of that story is..."

Well, the point of that is that it was probably my first book to really read. That's an accomplishment right there, don't you think? It's sad but true. I really need to broaden my vocabulary. And what better way to broaden one's vocabulary than reading stuff by Lewis Carroll?

Oh, Brandi has lost 50 pounds (or about um, 23 kg). Good for her. :)

Need a job. Need to grow the fuck up. Need to mail some papers overseas. Need more money. Need a TV that actually works. Need to be more constructive.

Thoughts to myself is all. Goodnight to you.

The weekend was kinda 'blah' for me if you know what I mean, and I think a lot of you know what I mean. I've been quite a bit depressed for the past few days. Of course, I talked to Gilbert about helping me out (and paying my first semester fees soon so I can get the rest of my stuff together) and he said that he would - yeah, short answer...

I also got lectured up one wall and down another. I was called lazy for one thing, then it went to me being a procrastinator. Well, of course I *am* lazy and I *am* a procrastinator... I should have a master's degree in both. It all boiled down to the fact that he doesn't think I can handle it. I was hoping for a little more support (aka encouragement) from him, but well, do I deserve it?

Friday night is when my feelings were hurt. I let that bother me all day Saturday, and today I told him that he hurt my feelings. And yeah, basically above is what he said the 2nd time around. The first time around he just said that he doesn't think I can do it, and I won't because my mind isn't in a study mode like it should be. Of course, I think this guy's brain is always in study mode... or is it bossy mode??? Oh well.

I do feel better now, but I realize that I need to change, and I need to change quickly!

GOALS TO ACCOMPLISH FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR:
My World of Warcraft account will get cancelled next month.
I am going to give up doing any kind of music until I go crazy.
I will spend more time to get myself together, reorganize.
Cut costs and expenses (again).
Get a fucking job now instead of waiting for it to be delivered to me.

I have a lot of work to do... don't I?

And speaking of wasting time, I have been working on a site. Go to idio.idiologic.com to view it. Tell me what you think, please?

I have NOT been sleeping well lately - so I'm going to attempt to get some rest tonight. Goodnight to you all.

The whole "getting into a foreign university" thing sucks. I've been talking and emailing with Deakin to get everything together. Next, I get to mail them a check or whatever to formally accept my offer. But you know what's a bit humorous? I don't have the money it costs to go for a semester just lying around. Neither does my family. So next in line to ask for money is my partner but... riddle me this... why should it be his responsibility? It shouldn't be, actually. I really wanted to do something myself, you know? But I guess it's fine as long as I pay him back. I also noticed that I have to BE in Australia about 3 weeks earlier than I thought. That's not going to screw with my plans though because I am planning to be there about a month and a half early.

I spent time with family and friends yesterday which was long overdue. I spent a few hours over my sister's house, then went out to eat with Michael then went to Brandi's to swim and play with Travis's Nintendo DS Lite. Of course, I didn't go to sleep until 4 this morning and woke up at 9 because of stress. It's all about the uni thing and the costs... and having to tell my bf that I need money. I will probably talk to him tomorrow about it instead of today.

And of course, my dog is fine now. He's a bit drugged up everyday on pain medications, but he'll be fine. I just shared some of my pizza with him and he wants me to make him one now.

And oh yes, the redesign is coming along. Slowly though.

Also, today's my 40th weblog post... I hope it's been as interesting for you as it has been a borefest for me.

This has to be the worst week on record for my dog. Tonight, my dog was hit by a car, of course supervised by my mother while I ate dinner. She brought him in with blood dripping from his mouth and he was really stiff as a board. His eyes were huge and I was afraid he was going to die. After a while, he got better but instead of taking any chances, I took him to the ER for animals. I did get a lot of good news like how none of his bones were broken and his organs were still in good shape. He's just a bit shaken and his muscles are sore. The bad news though is that he's developing arthritis in his shoulders. My last dog, who lived for about 20 years, had a really bad problem with it. Of course, he was run over about three times himself.

I'm sad that my dog will have problems when he's older. I'm going to actually call his regular vet and see what can be done, if anything.

I'm supposed to go to my grandparents' house tomorrow to de-weed the flower beds again, but I am too damned tired and I just took some Indonesian medicine to help me sleep. And I have stuff to do tomorrow. It's been one helluva night. I need some rest. Goodnight.

Ah, the great outdoors... uh, yeah, whatever.

With it hovering around 100 F (38 C) around here, life is getting more and more unbearable. How could I handle these temperatures while growing up? Sure, I'd walk through the forests with no shoes on, no shirt on, etc... but still, how could I bear the heat?! It makes me completely miserable now...

And of course, my miserableness came through in another way... my poor weenie dog doesn't know when to stop I guess. I knew this morning that my mother had him in the swimming pool for what seemed like 2 hours. You see, my dog has a fetish. A ball fetish where all he thinks about is his ball. You say the word, and he gets way too excited. Apparently, my dad decided to throw his ball for him for several more minutes, probably an hour and my dog's muscles just cramp up.

And I have TOLD them not to do that from the day they adopted him - to make sure he doesn't overdo it.

Well, he was just basically shaking raally bad, panting really hard and I tried and tried to make him drink something. As time went by, it was getting worse and worse. I finally tried to put him in the bathtub and of course our bathtub fills at like a thimble-full a minute. He couldn't stand up in there so I took him out. I put him on the floor where it's cold and he went into a seizure it seemed... a really bad one. So I went outside and asked my mother what she did to my dog and that I was not very happy at all. My immediate thought was that I don't know how I would live it down if my dog died...

Well, he's not dead but doing well. He's sleeping in my bed with me (and I know some of you think that's gross but it's OK right now). He's sorta like my child, though I don't spend as near enough time with him doing daddy things like I should be. He's a good dog... a bit spoiled to death but still good. I think those who still read this who knew when I got my dog to begin with, you'd know how happy he made me.

So with that said, I guess I should sleep. I'm just happy that things turned out to be OK after all.

Time for me to sleep assuming I can.

This entry deals with my life... my life growing up with my family. Of course, if you are a family member and don't want your feelings hurt, I don't suggest you read any further...

No, really.

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OK... you asked for it...

Today Brandi and I went to the school that she's going to attend. I guess it sorta ends the week from hell she was going through. She's going to be doing nursing, just like me. Such a shame we're not going to be studying at the same time or in the same country, but hey, I'm sure we'll work together at some point (lord forbid!).

So congratulations to you, Brandi. See, things aren't ALWAYS shitty.

Also, did you know that your brain is 90% liquid? Did you also know that you should drink a lot more water when you study? It helps you retain more - so grab a giant bottle of water and study! That's interesting, I thought. Now if I can get focused on studying stuff, I'll be doing well.

My birthday is coming up and I need Apple gift cards for Apple Australia. :) Okay, it's not soon or anything but I was thinking that's what I'm going to ask for or just money... cuz I'm gonna need it!

I'm still pretty sick and shouldn't have gone out in public. I look like an orphan. I am sneezing constantly and my nose is dripping all over the place. BUT I did have a Frosty from Wendy's, so I'm in good shape.

And oh yes, I dreamt I slept with Richie. (And I do know him in real life.) Isn't life wonderful?

Bye for now!

Bye for now... I mean it this time.

Hi everybody, I'm currently not feeling well but I wanted to say that things are progressing very nicely with my transition back to Australia.

I also wanted to thank those who actually read this. It's nice to hear that people are actually reading this and know what's going on with what's happening to me. :)

I need to sleep early tonight (for real) so I can feel OK in the morning - plus the medicine's getting to me. I think I just have a cold so I should be OK in a day or two.

I promised myself that I would actually go to sleep before midnight tonight and what didn't I do? It's almost 1 am and here I am, laying in bed typing another weblog entry... well I guess it's good that I'm in bed, right?

After the news of getting into the school I wanted to get into, I am a little more upbeat, but now comes the time when I am under a ton of pressure to rustle up some money. Hell, I am going to be in a lot of trouble, I suspect.

I keep thinking that I feel... old. Too old to go back to school. But then again, I can't see myself for the next twenty five to thirty years sitting around on my butt doing nothing. And I don't think that I would let myself do that. I really don't think Gilbert would either.

Old, or not old, I have to do this. I'm a bit tired of putting in half-assed efforts in life. I don't want to be one of those people who actually have a brain, yet work somewhere making $8.00 an hour for the rest of his life. It really seems like if I want to get anywhere, I need to have a degree - one that I actually WANT to use.

So, that's life, yeah?

I looked at Brandi's YIM message (that's Yahoo Messenger) and it says that her friends are douchebags. Well, mine are turd sandwiches! Nah, I know what she means. But I never know if I'm a douche-filled Ziploc bag or not. ;)

So there was some good news in today. Bad news is now that I am not doing much of anything, people (not saying who but they definitely do not read this weblog) are planning my week for me. And tomorrow, if all goes according to plan, I'll be pulling weeds out of my grandfather's garden! And if you have seen this garden of weeds, you'll wish you were dead. My voluntary planner has even asked me everyday if I've done it yet. I'm all for spending time with my family before I leave, but pulling weeds and listening to how I am making the wrong choices by wanting to study nursing in Australia - no. I am about 143.9624% sure I'll be asked if I have checked on that there homefront security program at the local university. And of course, for the juneteenth time, say, no because I have already made my plans on what I'm going to do. Then I'll get to listen how it's a 2 year program and about how much money I'll make doing something I have absolutely no interest or confidence in. Then of course I will totally ruin my chances of living in Australia because I worked for the military/government. So no thanks - for like the 823,498,289,289,498,711,904,820th time.

So yes, a few frustrations there - that and my sister's addicted to World of Warcraft. I haven't seen her or heard from her in a few weeks. I'm just about to ditch my Wow account. I'm a bit bored with it. Too bad I never cared enough to get addicted.

ANYWAY! I'm outta here. I'll leave you with this fotographia.

(I had crusty white stains on my shirt too... deodorant I think.)

GOODNIGHT!

Just a quickie...

The good news is that I got an offer from the university that I wanted to go to (Deakin University) and it's a lot cheaper and closer than the last one I got an offer from. From a general standpoint, it appears that this is going to be the best option for me.

The bad news is that obviously means that I can't stay in the USA.

What was creepy is that I was having dreams about Gilbert moving to Houston and I told him that I was so happy for him and he seemed happy too. And nothing makes me happier than to make the happy smiling man happy. Of course he's going to be very excited to know that I did get an offer. I am curious to know why it's so cheap though...

Anyway, hope you all are well. Sorry about the rant last night. :)

Hello everybody, yeah it's not really the 6th anymore, but well, it passed in the last hour so that's okay.

Not a lot to really update you about except that I am working on a cleaner website... less graphics and more content. If I was confident enough to show you a screenshot, I would.

Anyway, to move on... I am back at being frustrated over the super-mega douchebags online.

I have some serious issues with some gay men. Why, oh, why is that? Because of the crappy craptastic crap that I have to deal with on a daily basis from logging into Yahoo! Messenger. A few minutes after I log in (not on invisible) I get a message from... a guy who's full of himself telling me that he's horny, he's hard, and he's drugged up on pills that make you horny and hard... uh, alright. I don't care and I'm sure he got that impression. Life, ladies and gentlemen, isn't about sex. It's not about love. It's nothing like that. Life is... hmmm, about waking up in the mornings, working like a mindless zombie, buying stuff you can't afford so you can keep waking up in the morning in a daze to make more money. People like me aren't happy at the point where they are at life and want to make things better for him and the world around him. And... how can sex make things better? It's temporary better - and to people like me, it makes me want more - so... yeah, throw in the towel, yeah?

Oh and let's ignore the fact that the guy stated above knows that I have a lover. And that just makes him more shitty. That is always the thing: I do let people know that I have a partner. I don't lie about it - I am with someone and have been for years. Why in the hell can't people understand that?

It doesn't fucking MATTER if anybody comes along that's so-called better, by looks or by a self-professed statement. It doesn't matter that my partner isn't as a quarter sexual as I am - it's no excuse to go slutting myself around. Are people that fucking dense here in Texas that they can't comprehend that? Well, it seems like that is the case with the people here. I am not throwing ANYBODY in the gauntlet here, mmmkay? It's just what I've been experiencing.

Nothing makes me want to tear off my head and pee in my neck than guys who call themselves hot. (This is actually attached to the statement above about being a self-professed God's gift to the gay world.) Nothing makes me want to swallow a glass-full of salt and rusty nails than someone who brags CONSTANTLY about themselves. Nothing makes me want to tear off my skin and jump in a vat of lemon juice than people like that stupid dumb jerk...

No, I'm sorry - I have to say this... I did meet that guy. In about 10 minutes, he was on me like me on a newly released iMac at the Apple Store. And I was like, dude... chill out. Then I got to hear about his life story and how much more awesome he is because he can sleep with 20 different people a week. I know at one point I asked him how can he not get sick and tired of sex like that... of course I probably got a retarded answer. You know, one that I can't remember. And of course, it was getting late and I had to go - that's when the real 'fun' began. He was like - man, if you did crystal meth, you'd want to have sex all night... my jaws dropped to the floor because what the fuck was this?! Ben is completely, 100% drug-free. I don't mind saying that. I also don't want to start something that will totally screw up my world and get me completely dependent on that SHIT so I can't function at all in everyday life. God, I need all the brains I have now! I said no nicely a few times... and he was being persistent. He was also snorting a lot... or sniffing a lot. Then I had to get mean and I left. Fuck it.

How is being so disconnected from the real world a... um, treat? Or hell, for him, a way of life? I don't understand that. Maybe it was my upbringing. Maybe it's just that I have common sense. Maybe I'm just not that much of a freakin' retard.

Sooooooo, the guy tried to talk to me again?!?! OMG, WTF?!?!!11!eleven What balls he has! (Or doesn't have because he wasn't all that like he led me to believe he was.)

Lesson learned: Don't do things because other people do it. Don't believe everything you hear. And good god don't think that online pictures will do someone justice! Drugs are bad, for me at least.

Okay, got that out... again. (I didn't blog about this before.) And if you ARE this person I am talking about, get fucked. And I know you can because the quality of people in this area are exactly on your level.

Smiles, Ben. All smiles. You can sleep now!

For one of the first times since I've been back to the USA, I drank some good ol' Smirnoff Ices. They usually get me crazy drunk but this time they didn't really. Maybe it was that I was in the pool the whole time. I was getting pretty sick all at once so I started sticking my head outside the pool and barfing my brains out. Where's your friends with a camera when you need them???

Ooooh they were around - but without a camera! Ha ha ha ha ha! Next time I projectile vomit, people need to be standin' around with film ready to go! Heh heh.

Travis did get a little toasted... okay, way toasted.

What was weird is that if I was drunk... I really, really didn't notice. Is this ex-Mormon finally losing the ability to get super-mega-ultra drunk after a few drinks?! Oh good lord I hope not!

All in all, I had a good day. I have a really good best friend... I've come to realize that. We're too damned alike if you ask me. Nothing like the two of us ordering fried fish then one of us barfing it up later... good times, good times.

Today's the 30th post - and such a shame that I've gotten 1 comment (from Elissa). But I won't complain because I am NOT going to beg for comments...

First, did you guys and girls know that AOL is pretty much free now? Of course, AOL on the Mac really, really sucks. I don't even want to use it when it's free either. The stupid chat rooms don't even work with it. Brandi and I made accounts and if you want to rot your mind with AOL, let one of us know and we'll be your best AOL friend ever. You can go here for the official site.

AOL is now free...
go ruin your minds now.

I went to a mexican restaurant... and I can't really spell it so I'm not even going to try - but the food wasn't spectacular. The waiters weren't hot enough and the beans tasted like bacon. How can that be bad? Because it tasted like faux bacon - like bacon flavoring. (You know how some things are watermelon flavored, but it's not really how a watermelon tastes? Same thing.) It didn't even taste authentic enough. I hope to god that Taquiera Arandas opens here soon. I need some of that good stuff - the place where real Mexicans eat - not that Tex-Mex garbage.

Did any of you notice that I added some cool widgets? You do have to have the Opera web browser to use them though but they're pretty neat. They make viewing my site and pictures a lot easier. I also updated/added a half-assed music page (which you can get to by clicking the music link on my main page).

That is pretty much a technology post, but then again, it's also a life post. Bad Mexican food overpowers technology. So yeah, I am tired, really. Brandi wants me to reconfigure my router and play Animal Crossing which I'm not in the mood to do - but I will because I'm a good friend.

Good day everybody. Pretty much, this blog is going to be about a lot of whining and bitching - so I will spare you that and let you continue at your own risk...

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