June 2006 Archives

Oooooh I am very tired. I woke up this morning to take a test for a job that I really don't want but I need some money! Doesn't everybody? I can't sit around on my bum for the next 6 months and do nothing. We can't have any of that, can we?

Going back to Australia seems a lot more ideal at this point because I am not driving or employed right now. I will be doing both, more or less, soon anyway. But what has me down is that I am still studying and I don't have a house in Texas like I feel I should. I do in Melbourne... I have a house, car and job/school. Then there is the pain and suffering (aka lack of sex) that I get to deal with when I'm there - and it's a damned shame when you sleep with someone every night just... to um sleep.

I think there needs to be some kind of attraction towards the two people and a lot of the time I don't feel it. I don't feel like I make a difference, you know? I don't feel attractive towards him anymore. And that's what drives a lot of couples to divorce.

Though that is a problem in itself, I feel it can be corrected if I would express myself better. I have expressed this to him and we've talked about it - but it also started with me saying, "hey, if you can find someone who satisfies you in every way, why bother with me?" And that, ladies and gents is another bad thing!

Well, as I said before, I am tired. I gotta get up and help my parents move. I don't mind because they have helped me through all these years of moving back and forth from place to place so I want to take care of that as much as I can myself.

I am not feeling well tonight. And it's feeling like I'm getting a sinus headache with all the grass cutting that's going on. Maybe it's the fact there was a cat sitting on my chest earlier. I don't know - I am tired and in a bit of pain.

My talk of crazy things? I think I've pretty much given up hope on going back to work for the US Postal Service. They take too damn long to do anything - but that's the government for you. So, I have been recertified for CPR and will hopefully go to work with a company that handles emergency medical services... with Rowdy. That would be awesome and I hope that's what I get pretty soon. This lack of paycheck stuff at 'home' sucks and besides, I think the experience will do me well.

I walked 2 miles today with Brandi and her family. I am a bit tired.

Oh yes, and I have also updated a few things on my website. More will be coming soon - but I'm not sure when. At any rate, I have to sleep now. So goodnight to you all.

Wow, I drank a lot last night. But what was different was the fact that I got drunk around family. It was great fun but I had to be a little reserved, so no getting naked. And damn it, I love getting naked when I'm drunk! It's better than um, scrambled eggs and cheese with bacon mixed in! I drank probably about 7 shots of rum and Apple Pucker then a few Grape Smirnoffs. Those things are good. I love all the pussy liquor.

I'm a bit sad because I miss Gilbert a lot. I know that I go on and on about it. I talked to him last night (while I was getting drunk) and he really has a genuine interest on helping me plan our lives together. It's sad because I came back to the USA so I could think things through. And I basically already know that I'll be going back to Melbourne early, early next year. I'm working hard on getting back in school. I just feel a bit bad for myself because I know there will be 'kids' going to school when I'm so old. I mean damn, I'm almost 27 years old. I hate that. I am not anywhere near where I wanted to be at this age. My social awkwardness is getting the best out of me. I wish my parents didn't raise me to be so shy and quiet. This is tough and it's why I haven't gotten much done. I really, really should go to the doctor for this... something to calm my social anxiety. I hate to classify myself as being abnormal... in quite a few ways I just feel like that's something I can get over on my own... but it hasn't happened yet.

I look at myself in the mirror and I've changed so much. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. The good thing is that I'm starting to look mature... but with maturity, I am losing hair. It doesn't start bothering me until my hair gets a little longer. Then everybody and their grandmother can tell - but then again, I don't care. I would like to get to the gym - but with going to the gym, you run into perverts. As much as I love being naked, I don't want to be eye candy for pervs. I still have a nice body though, a little too hairy, but oh well, that's life. I can always get that shit taken care of.

Oh yes, I also wanted to say that my website has seen a few updates. I have added a new promotional code (in honor of Jose) and think I've changed things to reflect that Opera 9 was released. Good deal. Today is beach day and I'm going to drag my camera with me. Hopefully we'll see some pictures later.

I feel pretty crappy so I'm gonna go. Hope the weekend went well for you all.

I'm watching Alice in Wonderland so I'm about 90% sure that this entry will be a bit all over the place. That is my favorite Disney cartoon ever. I read most of the book too... and it was awesome.

Anyway, I am missing both Australia and my boyfriend. I miss sleeping with him a lot... and even if there wasn't much sex, I miss hearing his snoring and the morning kisses. But I guess that will come later. I thought that I would come back to the USA to think about my relationship with him and I have thought about it. I really want to go back. Despite of all the nasty things I say (because yes, I focus on the negatives on just about anything), I really love him.

Aned what makes me miss him so much? Because I saw he was playing with my camera and took a picture of himself. And of course what kind of guy would I be if I didn't show everybody? :)

Isn't he the cutest? Yes, he is... heh heh.

About the site, I am getting another one made. It's taking me a while to do though. Hopefully that'll be done by the end of the summer. I was thinking about using iWeb or RapidWeaver instead (they use themes and templates) but they're not as flexible as what I need to do.

Brandi and I are about to go out and I stink - so time to bathe.

Here I go again with my jealousy fits...

I still find myself getting terribly upset when I see happy couples. I thought that it would actually go away when I relocated to Australia, but since I have been back to Texas, I find that it's as bad as it ever was.

I remember that it was mostly straight asian couples who made me mad in Australia. I was envious of the fact that they could happily be together, but not me... and what do I mean about that? Well, it's really unfair that I have to keep my relationship on the down-low. Really, I could flaunt it all I want to, but might get a few bashings in the process - plus I don't think my partner would go for that anyway.

I get jealous over couples that have been together for years (though we are approaching 7 years, about 15 times longer than the average male, same-sex relationship) and they are happy. Gilbert and I still struggle on who takes what role, who handles this and/or that, and we barely do anything together. We don't belong to the same circle of friends which causes some problems.

(And at this point, ladies and gentlemen, I know I am rambling!)

I have always wanted the perfect relationship and I know now that I will never have it... plus I'd grow tired of perfection. My boyfriend (or whatever I might call him) is a wonderful guy but anybody who has talked to me lately know that we have some issues that need to be worked out through professional help.

Well hopefully time will tell what happens. I do look forward to more years, but only if I can get my shit together at a final attempt!

Right now I'm feeling pretty bad about myself. The fact that I am struggling with school and such really, really bothers me.

But, as a reminder of what I do have, here's another photo:

NOTE: The perspective IS messed up in this photo, his head isn't that big.

Alright, so more site updates:

You'll notice that I haven't updated my site very much lately because it's not on par to my expectations. Of course I could sit back, bring the whole site down and start from square one but I'm not going to do that. I am, however, making a newer, simpler design. Because I want to brainstorm in public, this is what I have planned:

Site Changes

Better list of latest weblog entries (the latest 3 doesn't cut it for me).
Better, simpler viewing experience (a LOT less blocks/rectangles).
Better, easier to use menu system (takes up a lot less room).
Better, more efficient contact options.

Login System Changes

Better, easier sign up.
More ways to get a login.

It's incredible that I haven't had time to work on my site but I thought I should start before I head back to Australia. New pictures are going to be available soon from Australia - somewhere. :)

That's it - I have been staying awake until 4-5 am lately and I really shouldn't. So goodnight to you.

I'm back from Melbourne, of course. I have taken some pictures, resized them and here we go. I'd post a bit more if I could but I'm about to go surprise my dad. He doesn't know I'm here. And we're about to leave... yes?

This was at a Bed & Breakfast that turned out to be nice. I didn't stay.

On the Australian coast (Great Ocean Road).

What happens when you're the strongest man in the world.

And I'm gonna have to redesign this site because I've realized it's ugly... and some people have told me that. I can probably just change some images here and there to make it more visually exciting.

This marks my first "real" weblog post for the website. So a big landmark this is! I should give out some BUY ONE GET ONE FREE COUPONS for McDonald's Big Macs, shouldn't I? I'll let you all know when I create them - I'm sure most of McDonald's wouldn't take them anyway. But it's still worth a try right?

When I was younger, I remember making coupons for my mother to go shopping with and I would get pretty upset when she wouldn't use them. Especially when I tried so hard to draw the guy on the Quaker's Oatmeal canister. If life were that easy, right?

What coupons would I make for life, you ask? These would be some of my favorites:

- Get a free Mac with the purchase of a bag of M&Ms. (Because nothing beats chocolate & computers.)
- Free car of your choice with all-you-can-steal gas gift card.
- Get a free degree in biochemistry when you study for a week. (How Dr. Laura got hers, no doubt.)
- Get a million dollar salaried job delivered to your door with no trying, interviewing or crappy bosses.
- Get a no fee bank account with an unlimited amount of money to go inside.

Ooooh the coupons I would make! I could cross so much off of my to-do list!

Just a thought, and a nice one right?

In a few days I head back to Texas for a while... I'm not really sure for how long though. Anyway, keep readin'. Be sane and oh yeah, tell me you love me. Or don't. :)

I know this is pretty much going to be a double post, but welcome. Welcome to my website and all the insanity associated with it.

Today is 1 June here in Australia and... the 31st of May in the USA but I thought, what the hell. I won't be finished tomorrow anyway. So in the next few weeks, I suggest you come back because I will be putting the finishing touches on just about everything, including the password system. (And I still need some testers for it too... so contact me.)

So why the move, you ask? (Or maybe you're not!) Well, there is only so much I can do with MyRemixWeb.com which I admit, I wanted to turn into a commercial, underground music website like MacJams.com, but it never happened. Plus, I don't have the coding experience to do anything really neat with websites anymore. Technology keeps changing on me. So, back to what I was talking about... MRW made me want to do music and I just didn't have the time to put into that project. And I was tired of disappointing people when they'd come to my site and found absolutely no music there.

Idiologic was the next thing. Idiologic isn't even a real word. But separate the two and they sorta make sense: idio- means self or selfish. You can add it to a lot of words like dialect to make idiolect (a person's dialect) and such. Logic... well, I hope to god that most of you know what logic is. So idiologic is what I came out with. The name sounds like a tech company though, but that's okay because I'm a techie.

But anyway, welcome. I'll be heading back to Texas soon and should be able to get some stuff taken care of while I'm there on here. My website promises to be more amusing, interesting and sticky than it used to be. Just look to the future.