Over and out, space dog. The past week has been incredible in so many ways and I am still reeling from it. Last Friday, I had an announcement for my family and I took to Facebook to do it. Why Facebook, you ask? Before I tell you what I announced, I'll have to tell you that most of my family is on Facebook which can be a blessing or a curse however you look at it. I tend to keep a lot of the personal details (like drinking binges) quiet there for that reason. Most of my family, including my mother, had never been told officially.
Well, unfortunately, my aunt couldn't mind her own business. There was a post that my university made about same-sex marriages and I said I fully accepted it because I believe the love between a male-female couple is no more special, magical or important than anybody else's. Then someone else said something about how gays need rehabilitation and another person said if it happened, that would mean the end of the human race. I promptly said something about it. About 10-15 minutes later, my aunt posted something saying how it spells out in the Bible that homosexuality is worse than killing someone and eventually said that two people of the same sex being together "grosses her out". So I launched a small assault and so did my sister. (I have to say that I really love my sister for continuously sticking up for me.)
About a day after, she posted something about her being tired of being so nice, helpful and everything good and people not appreciating it. I told her, nicely, that she might be trying to do that but it's not working and I do know how to read. My interpretation of the Bible differs from hers (but mine is wrong, yeah?). I was the more mature person that said that we don't always see things on the same level but I love her anyway. She didn't acknowledge that but she acknowledged the people who said "Oh you poor thing". So yeah, she was being an attention whore.
I was tired of it so I wrote a little something that said that I was, in fact, gay. I do like men. I do like women too but just not in the same capacity. I don't think it's fair to pull one or the other in a certain direction and cheat. At the end of the day, I understand that I like men more and probably always will. I won't have kids. I won't be married right away. That's life but I can't live a lie. (By the way, it's like 80/20.)
In the past, this woman (my aunt) has said some really stupid, inconsiderate, rude and bigoted things towards gay men and women. I was sick of it. Over the years of me not saying a damn thing, members on that side of the family have grown a lot more distant and I figured this was the reason anyway. At the end of the day, I realize that it's their choice whether they want to speak to me again or be around me but as I've said before, it's pretty stupid not to talk to a family member because of who they love or don't love. No one can force me to be with women. I'm sorry, but I probably won't do it. Women can be sexy but really, I don't know if it would ever work out.
She had really hurt my feelings too and I said that. Of course, no answer about that. She doesn't care because she's right.
HOWEVER... the rest of my family... I'm sorry to use this word but they're fucking awesome. They really are. I made that announcement and I received so much support from them and some of the people who I thought it would upset them. My mother took it very well (but again, she already knew!). I'm so fortunate to have an understanding family like that. I... am just absolutely floored that they think of me the same even after I came out officially. My sister made it possible though. I had a chat about it with her. I love how she has my back. I love how she unconditionally loves me for who I am. She is my huge boulder of support.
And now I miss them like crazy. I want to go back to Texas to see them. I may have to fudge some numbers but I am hoping that I get to go.
So yes, I haven't really changed but the whole announcement thing makes me feel a bit better and though it was made through Facebook... I am happy. I'm happy that I don't have to hide the fact that there was a man who I loved for 12 years. I should have done it better.
(I'm also trying NOT to put two spaces after sentences. No need anymore, I'm told.)
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